Am I doing too much

Does anyone else get those sort of comments from your friends. It seems that everyone has some sort of commentary about our relationship and that Daniel doesn't do enough for himself, and that I am controlling, not intentionally of course (whatever that means). Jesus it drives me in sane--not only am I a nervous wreck most of the times trying to convince myself that all of this is going to be over soon, not only do I sometimes feel lonely and that I am in this all by myself, not only do I sometimes really hate that hospital for how they abuse him, but now I have to listen to other people tell me how unhealthy our relationship is for Daniel. What the hell is that all about?



Maybe I do alot around the house. Maybe I clean and grocery shop and do laundry and pay the bills and deal with the apartment manager when need be, amybe I do all of that but Daniel tries as well. He does what he can when he can.



More scarier then all of this is that now I wonder what the hell Daniel is saying to his friends that he is not saying to me. We promised ourselves that we would be honest with each other and tell each other how we felt. However with as tired as he is it is often times difficult for him to do so. My friends tell me I am admirable for helping out and that Daniel is lucky to have me, and it seems his friends feel completely the opposite.

Does anyone else get those sort of comments from your friends. It seems that everyone has some sort of commentary about our relationship and that Daniel doesn't do enough for himself, and that I am controlling, not intentionally of course (whatever that means). Jesus it drives me in sane--not only am I a nervous wreck most of the times trying to convince myself that all of this is going to be over soon, not only do I sometimes feel lonely and that I am in this all by myself, not only do I sometimes really hate that hospital for how they abuse him, but now I have to listen to other people tell me how unhealthy our relationship is for Daniel. What the hell is that all about?



Maybe I do alot around the house. Maybe I clean and grocery shop and do laundry and pay the bills and deal with the apartment manager when need be, amybe I do all of that but Daniel tries as well. He does what he can when he can.



More scarier then all of this is that now I wonder what the hell Daniel is saying to his friends that he is not saying to me. We promised ourselves that we would be honest with each other and tell each other how we felt. However with as tired as he is it is often times difficult for him to do so. My friends tell me I am admirable for helping out and that Daniel is lucky to have me, and it seems his friends feel completely the opposite.

Does anyone else get those sort of comments from your friends. It seems that everyone has some sort of commentary about our relationship and that Daniel doesn't do enough for himself, and that I am controlling, not intentionally of course (whatever that means). Jesus it drives me in sane--not only am I a nervous wreck most of the times trying to convince myself that all of this is going to be over soon, not only do I sometimes feel lonely and that I am in this all by myself, not only do I sometimes really hate that hospital for how they abuse him, but now I have to listen to other people tell me how unhealthy our relationship is for Daniel. What the hell is that all about?



Maybe I do alot around the house. Maybe I clean and grocery shop and do laundry and pay the bills and deal with the apartment manager when need be, amybe I do all of that but Daniel tries as well. He does what he can when he can.



More scarier then all of this is that now I wonder what the hell Daniel is saying to his friends that he is not saying to me. We promised ourselves that we would be honest with each other and tell each other how we felt. However with as tired as he is it is often times difficult for him to do so. My friends tell me I am admirable for helping out and that Daniel is lucky to have me, and it seems his friends feel completely the opposite.

Jason,



I got the "you do too much for Andrew" from EVERYONE in my family and from many of my friends. They just don't understand what it's like to live with someone who's "running on fumes" (Andrew's term he started using in residency--likened to a car out of gas).



There was a post a while back by someone (Dave, I think) asking if anybody on the message board also found that friends didn't understand the stresses of medical spouses and medical relationships.



I think what you say echoes many of my thoughts. You are not making this up, blowing it up, or imagining any of it. You are doing it! You are being a huge help to Daniel. If he appreciates it, then that is all that matters. Just tell everyone else they can't possibly imagine your position. I wish I had a great answer to put them in their place, but I don't...



Janet

Jason,



I got the "you do too much for Andrew" from EVERYONE in my family and from many of my friends. They just don't understand what it's like to live with someone who's "running on fumes" (Andrew's term he started using in residency--likened to a car out of gas).



There was a post a while back by someone (Dave, I think) asking if anybody on the message board also found that friends didn't understand the stresses of medical spouses and medical relationships.



I think what you say echoes many of my thoughts. You are not making this up, blowing it up, or imagining any of it. You are doing it! You are being a huge help to Daniel. If he appreciates it, then that is all that matters. Just tell everyone else they can't possibly imagine your position. I wish I had a great answer to put them in their place, but I don't...



Janet

Jason,



I got the "you do too much for Andrew" from EVERYONE in my family and from many of my friends. They just don't understand what it's like to live with someone who's "running on fumes" (Andrew's term he started using in residency--likened to a car out of gas).



There was a post a while back by someone (Dave, I think) asking if anybody on the message board also found that friends didn't understand the stresses of medical spouses and medical relationships.



I think what you say echoes many of my thoughts. You are not making this up, blowing it up, or imagining any of it. You are doing it! You are being a huge help to Daniel. If he appreciates it, then that is all that matters. Just tell everyone else they can't possibly imagine your position. I wish I had a great answer to put them in their place, but I don't...



Janet

You know, I remember David once bringing up a similar issue...about how non-medical spouses and friends don't really understand the role of the medical spouse...and I think that there is a lot of validity to that....



During Residency, I think that they are much less able to do for themselves because they are emotionally and physically drained....so we do often fall into the role of caretaker for this time. I would be really careful about how I interpreted other people's opinions...friends, counselors, whatever.....What is it that they find to be so "unhealthy" for Daniel...that you do more than your share of the laundry, cooking and cleaning while he is working 80+ hours/week? Please! That you spouse is for the first time being exposed to young people dying and facing them and their families...and you are not helping him by doing too much of the emotional "work" in the household?



Look Jason, If I don't mow the lawn, it doesnt get done (thank god for our lawnman..that I arranged and pay and deal with). If I don't call the plumber, build our bookcases or other buildable furniture, do the grocery shopping, fix the kitchen pipes do all of the lawnwork in our enclosed backyard(not covered by our lawnman)...hey, it doesn't get done....and so I do it...without resentment(most of the time ) When we lived in Northern Ireland and I was pregnant with my second I did the lawn throughout my pregnancy on my OWN. I was 8.5 months pregnant out with the mower.



Now, here is the funny part. Thomas does not get the kids up and dressed and fed in the morning....the only thing he has to take care of is himself as I prepare them for the day, make their lunches and get them all in the car...while he waltzes in and insists on being dropped off first. On one morning last spring, Thomas got the kids dressed...then went to his lab....One of the girls in the lab came to me because we are friends and said "Thomas is complaining that he has to do EVERYTHING" and all I could do is laugh out loud. Her response "That's what I thought"



I am a busy person with 3 kids etc...and I am exhausted at the end of a long day....sometimes I just don't have the energy to iron...and if my husband is being rude I will refuse to do so...and show him the ironing board...which he won't touch. I have literally begged him to let me take some of his things to the cleaners to make things easier on me but he sees no point in spending 1.00 on a shirt to make my life easier....



A few days ago, the Nurse Practitioner in his office asked him about his wrinkly shirt and he just told her that I was busy....and she went off about what a bad spouse I am....and you know what...forget her...she has no clue....and forget about Daniel's friends.....



If you think that Daniel is saying something about you then gently and honestly confront him about it and tell him your concerns.



Don't continue to let this eat at you, Jason. Residency years aren't like "normal" relationship years...they aren't....it is like living in war time or something...and anyone that expects your relationship to not be different when your spouse is working 80+ hours and confronting death and dying ...well, they are off...and if they don't understand the affect it has on you...forget about them!



(Can you tell I am feeling ticked off about some of the same things myself ?)



Thanks for giving me the opportunity to rant...



Kris

You know, I remember David once bringing up a similar issue...about how non-medical spouses and friends don't really understand the role of the medical spouse...and I think that there is a lot of validity to that....



During Residency, I think that they are much less able to do for themselves because they are emotionally and physically drained....so we do often fall into the role of caretaker for this time. I would be really careful about how I interpreted other people's opinions...friends, counselors, whatever.....What is it that they find to be so "unhealthy" for Daniel...that you do more than your share of the laundry, cooking and cleaning while he is working 80+ hours/week? Please! That you spouse is for the first time being exposed to young people dying and facing them and their families...and you are not helping him by doing too much of the emotional "work" in the household?



Look Jason, If I don't mow the lawn, it doesnt get done (thank god for our lawnman..that I arranged and pay and deal with). If I don't call the plumber, build our bookcases or other buildable furniture, do the grocery shopping, fix the kitchen pipes do all of the lawnwork in our enclosed backyard(not covered by our lawnman)...hey, it doesn't get done....and so I do it...without resentment(most of the time ) When we lived in Northern Ireland and I was pregnant with my second I did the lawn throughout my pregnancy on my OWN. I was 8.5 months pregnant out with the mower.



Now, here is the funny part. Thomas does not get the kids up and dressed and fed in the morning....the only thing he has to take care of is himself as I prepare them for the day, make their lunches and get them all in the car...while he waltzes in and insists on being dropped off first. On one morning last spring, Thomas got the kids dressed...then went to his lab....One of the girls in the lab came to me because we are friends and said "Thomas is complaining that he has to do EVERYTHING" and all I could do is laugh out loud. Her response "That's what I thought"



I am a busy person with 3 kids etc...and I am exhausted at the end of a long day....sometimes I just don't have the energy to iron...and if my husband is being rude I will refuse to do so...and show him the ironing board...which he won't touch. I have literally begged him to let me take some of his things to the cleaners to make things easier on me but he sees no point in spending 1.00 on a shirt to make my life easier....



A few days ago, the Nurse Practitioner in his office asked him about his wrinkly shirt and he just told her that I was busy....and she went off about what a bad spouse I am....and you know what...forget her...she has no clue....and forget about Daniel's friends.....



If you think that Daniel is saying something about you then gently and honestly confront him about it and tell him your concerns.



Don't continue to let this eat at you, Jason. Residency years aren't like "normal" relationship years...they aren't....it is like living in war time or something...and anyone that expects your relationship to not be different when your spouse is working 80+ hours and confronting death and dying ...well, they are off...and if they don't understand the affect it has on you...forget about them!



(Can you tell I am feeling ticked off about some of the same things myself ?)



Thanks for giving me the opportunity to rant...



Kris

You know, I remember David once bringing up a similar issue...about how non-medical spouses and friends don't really understand the role of the medical spouse...and I think that there is a lot of validity to that....



During Residency, I think that they are much less able to do for themselves because they are emotionally and physically drained....so we do often fall into the role of caretaker for this time. I would be really careful about how I interpreted other people's opinions...friends, counselors, whatever.....What is it that they find to be so "unhealthy" for Daniel...that you do more than your share of the laundry, cooking and cleaning while he is working 80+ hours/week? Please! That you spouse is for the first time being exposed to young people dying and facing them and their families...and you are not helping him by doing too much of the emotional "work" in the household?



Look Jason, If I don't mow the lawn, it doesnt get done (thank god for our lawnman..that I arranged and pay and deal with). If I don't call the plumber, build our bookcases or other buildable furniture, do the grocery shopping, fix the kitchen pipes do all of the lawnwork in our enclosed backyard(not covered by our lawnman)...hey, it doesn't get done....and so I do it...without resentment(most of the time ) When we lived in Northern Ireland and I was pregnant with my second I did the lawn throughout my pregnancy on my OWN. I was 8.5 months pregnant out with the mower.



Now, here is the funny part. Thomas does not get the kids up and dressed and fed in the morning....the only thing he has to take care of is himself as I prepare them for the day, make their lunches and get them all in the car...while he waltzes in and insists on being dropped off first. On one morning last spring, Thomas got the kids dressed...then went to his lab....One of the girls in the lab came to me because we are friends and said "Thomas is complaining that he has to do EVERYTHING" and all I could do is laugh out loud. Her response "That's what I thought"



I am a busy person with 3 kids etc...and I am exhausted at the end of a long day....sometimes I just don't have the energy to iron...and if my husband is being rude I will refuse to do so...and show him the ironing board...which he won't touch. I have literally begged him to let me take some of his things to the cleaners to make things easier on me but he sees no point in spending 1.00 on a shirt to make my life easier....



A few days ago, the Nurse Practitioner in his office asked him about his wrinkly shirt and he just told her that I was busy....and she went off about what a bad spouse I am....and you know what...forget her...she has no clue....and forget about Daniel's friends.....



If you think that Daniel is saying something about you then gently and honestly confront him about it and tell him your concerns.



Don't continue to let this eat at you, Jason. Residency years aren't like "normal" relationship years...they aren't....it is like living in war time or something...and anyone that expects your relationship to not be different when your spouse is working 80+ hours and confronting death and dying ...well, they are off...and if they don't understand the affect it has on you...forget about them!



(Can you tell I am feeling ticked off about some of the same things myself ?)



Thanks for giving me the opportunity to rant...



Kris

[Lisa]

When my husband was a resident, I counted up the hours he was working, on average, each week. It was over 130!



This subject of how we handle the household responsibilities is kind of interesting to me and I like to hear how other people do things (I guess because I like to know that I'm not the only one). When my husband was a resident, our yard looked HORRIBLE. It was a high-maintenance yard and we couldn't keep up with it. I hired a regular yard man the last couple of months that we lived there so that it would look decent in order to sell it. We now have a regular yard man that does everything and without him, it just would not get done. My husband literally cannot do it because of his work load and for some reason I cannot pull the cord on that lawnmower hard enough in order to get it cranked (I have spaghetti arms). It is impossible for Chad to help with housework and taking care of the kids and I do everything as far as that goes and he is at work late most nights. But, I don't do his ironing because I simply do not have the time. Like him, I also cannot possibly do everything and he is forced to iron his own clothes (on an as-needed basis). He gets up every morning and gets out the ironing board and quickly irons his pants (grudgingly, mind you). He wears short-sleeved knit shirts to work and they usually don't need ironing (unless they sat in the dryer for a long time before I got a chance to get them out). It's funny because the other day, I was in the office and one of Chad's partners had on a dress shirt that was extremely wrinkled (as if it had been washed & dried and left in the dryer for a while) and I made the comment to Chad, "It looks like Dr. Shaieb's wife doesn't iron either."



Over the years, I have learned to do more and more handyman type work around the house as I know it would take an act of congress for Chad to ever get around to it. When it comes to working on the cars, though, he has to do that and every once in a while he hints around that I should learn how to change the oil. My response always is, "When you start doing the laundry and the cleaning, I'll start changing the oil." or since I've heard a few men over the years say that cooking & cleaning is "woman's work", when my husband suggests that I learn to change the oil, I'll say facetiously, "That's man's work. A man belongs under a car or behind a lawn mower." Hey, if a man can be a chauvinist pig, then why can't I? He has taken our cars a couple of times to oil change places, but he always decides that he'd rather do it himself -- oh well, that's his decision.



All in all, I think it's fair. Raising two kids and running a household is MORE than a full-time job; it's hard work and being a doctor is also very hard work. I really don't mind that Chad doesn't (can't) help out around the house and I'm happy to do it all seeing as he's working his little fanny off every day. And I've discovered that I can find outlets for myself to make my life a little easier (such as enrolling Savannah in preschool 2 days a week or hiring that yard man). Chad isn't always able to do that with his job. There have been times over the years that I've gotten overwhelmed with everything and from that I've learned to "take control" and GIVE MYSELF those outlets. Chad has always encouraged me to do those types of things if I need to and I've always appreciated that from him. He's a smart guy, he knows that if I remain sane, that makes life all the better for him.



I find, though, that people give me a lot of credit (and I accept it!) for what I do. Chad's Grandmother, for instance, compliments me on the good job I've done with the kids "all by myself, way out there in Shreveport with no help" and Chad's family members all say that I'm a good mother and wife to Chad (even though they've heard me have to put my foot down to him a few times). We don't get much criticism from people about how we do things (unless it's behind our back and we don't hear that anyway).

[Lisa]

When my husband was a resident, I counted up the hours he was working, on average, each week. It was over 130!



This subject of how we handle the household responsibilities is kind of interesting to me and I like to hear how other people do things (I guess because I like to know that I'm not the only one). When my husband was a resident, our yard looked HORRIBLE. It was a high-maintenance yard and we couldn't keep up with it. I hired a regular yard man the last couple of months that we lived there so that it would look decent in order to sell it. We now have a regular yard man that does everything and without him, it just would not get done. My husband literally cannot do it because of his work load and for some reason I cannot pull the cord on that lawnmower hard enough in order to get it cranked (I have spaghetti arms). It is impossible for Chad to help with housework and taking care of the kids and I do everything as far as that goes and he is at work late most nights. But, I don't do his ironing because I simply do not have the time. Like him, I also cannot possibly do everything and he is forced to iron his own clothes (on an as-needed basis). He gets up every morning and gets out the ironing board and quickly irons his pants (grudgingly, mind you). He wears short-sleeved knit shirts to work and they usually don't need ironing (unless they sat in the dryer for a long time before I got a chance to get them out). It's funny because the other day, I was in the office and one of Chad's partners had on a dress shirt that was extremely wrinkled (as if it had been washed & dried and left in the dryer for a while) and I made the comment to Chad, "It looks like Dr. Shaieb's wife doesn't iron either."



Over the years, I have learned to do more and more handyman type work around the house as I know it would take an act of congress for Chad to ever get around to it. When it comes to working on the cars, though, he has to do that and every once in a while he hints around that I should learn how to change the oil. My response always is, "When you start doing the laundry and the cleaning, I'll start changing the oil." or since I've heard a few men over the years say that cooking & cleaning is "woman's work", when my husband suggests that I learn to change the oil, I'll say facetiously, "That's man's work. A man belongs under a car or behind a lawn mower." Hey, if a man can be a chauvinist pig, then why can't I? He has taken our cars a couple of times to oil change places, but he always decides that he'd rather do it himself -- oh well, that's his decision.



All in all, I think it's fair. Raising two kids and running a household is MORE than a full-time job; it's hard work and being a doctor is also very hard work. I really don't mind that Chad doesn't (can't) help out around the house and I'm happy to do it all seeing as he's working his little fanny off every day. And I've discovered that I can find outlets for myself to make my life a little easier (such as enrolling Savannah in preschool 2 days a week or hiring that yard man). Chad isn't always able to do that with his job. There have been times over the years that I've gotten overwhelmed with everything and from that I've learned to "take control" and GIVE MYSELF those outlets. Chad has always encouraged me to do those types of things if I need to and I've always appreciated that from him. He's a smart guy, he knows that if I remain sane, that makes life all the better for him.



I find, though, that people give me a lot of credit (and I accept it!) for what I do. Chad's Grandmother, for instance, compliments me on the good job I've done with the kids "all by myself, way out there in Shreveport with no help" and Chad's family members all say that I'm a good mother and wife to Chad (even though they've heard me have to put my foot down to him a few times). We don't get much criticism from people about how we do things (unless it's behind our back and we don't hear that anyway).

[Lisa]

When my husband was a resident, I counted up the hours he was working, on average, each week. It was over 130!



This subject of how we handle the household responsibilities is kind of interesting to me and I like to hear how other people do things (I guess because I like to know that I'm not the only one). When my husband was a resident, our yard looked HORRIBLE. It was a high-maintenance yard and we couldn't keep up with it. I hired a regular yard man the last couple of months that we lived there so that it would look decent in order to sell it. We now have a regular yard man that does everything and without him, it just would not get done. My husband literally cannot do it because of his work load and for some reason I cannot pull the cord on that lawnmower hard enough in order to get it cranked (I have spaghetti arms). It is impossible for Chad to help with housework and taking care of the kids and I do everything as far as that goes and he is at work late most nights. But, I don't do his ironing because I simply do not have the time. Like him, I also cannot possibly do everything and he is forced to iron his own clothes (on an as-needed basis). He gets up every morning and gets out the ironing board and quickly irons his pants (grudgingly, mind you). He wears short-sleeved knit shirts to work and they usually don't need ironing (unless they sat in the dryer for a long time before I got a chance to get them out). It's funny because the other day, I was in the office and one of Chad's partners had on a dress shirt that was extremely wrinkled (as if it had been washed & dried and left in the dryer for a while) and I made the comment to Chad, "It looks like Dr. Shaieb's wife doesn't iron either."



Over the years, I have learned to do more and more handyman type work around the house as I know it would take an act of congress for Chad to ever get around to it. When it comes to working on the cars, though, he has to do that and every once in a while he hints around that I should learn how to change the oil. My response always is, "When you start doing the laundry and the cleaning, I'll start changing the oil." or since I've heard a few men over the years say that cooking & cleaning is "woman's work", when my husband suggests that I learn to change the oil, I'll say facetiously, "That's man's work. A man belongs under a car or behind a lawn mower." Hey, if a man can be a chauvinist pig, then why can't I? He has taken our cars a couple of times to oil change places, but he always decides that he'd rather do it himself -- oh well, that's his decision.



All in all, I think it's fair. Raising two kids and running a household is MORE than a full-time job; it's hard work and being a doctor is also very hard work. I really don't mind that Chad doesn't (can't) help out around the house and I'm happy to do it all seeing as he's working his little fanny off every day. And I've discovered that I can find outlets for myself to make my life a little easier (such as enrolling Savannah in preschool 2 days a week or hiring that yard man). Chad isn't always able to do that with his job. There have been times over the years that I've gotten overwhelmed with everything and from that I've learned to "take control" and GIVE MYSELF those outlets. Chad has always encouraged me to do those types of things if I need to and I've always appreciated that from him. He's a smart guy, he knows that if I remain sane, that makes life all the better for him.



I find, though, that people give me a lot of credit (and I accept it!) for what I do. Chad's Grandmother, for instance, compliments me on the good job I've done with the kids "all by myself, way out there in Shreveport with no help" and Chad's family members all say that I'm a good mother and wife to Chad (even though they've heard me have to put my foot down to him a few times). We don't get much criticism from people about how we do things (unless it's behind our back and we don't hear that anyway).

Thanks guys however I have had quite a remarkable week and am feeling pretty good about myself right now. i do what I need to do however this weekend I actually allowed myself to have an enjoyable one. Daniel actually did the laundry on Saturday--OK well 2 loads but hey it was something. I would normally spend the day and night that he is on call cleaning and all but this weekend I did very little-straightened up around the house but that was about it.



I actually had a very relaxing weekend. We were supposed to go to a movie this weekend and he was too tired so I went by myself. I missed him because it was kind of one of the romantic comedy deals, but hey I went and it was fun, and when I got back Daniel was disappointed that I had gone with out him and told me that I should have nudged him a little more. Kind of funny, but I really have gotten beyond that whole nudging thing. If he wants to go next time he will, but I am not going to coerce him to go with me. That isn't fair to either of us. He knows what is best for him and I am OK with that. He still wants to see the movie so maybe we will go see it another time--I would actually enjoy seeing the movie again it was great, and hopefully he will like it also.



Funny but I think I have hit that space guys. You know the one you all have been telling me about as far as "you will eventually find your groove and your comfort level", and I tell you it feels incredible.



I love Daniel very much and now understand after this last week of talk and silence and negotiating that he truly is doing the best he can. And I am thankful for what he can provide. Next year will get better I hear and that adds additional promise.



WOW I mean to tell you I really feel incredible--I know there will be other ups and downs, but I think finally making it to this point--It took 6 months, but I am here--I will be better prepared. He has been incredibly patient with all of my emotional crap.



Hope all is well with everyone

Thanks guys however I have had quite a remarkable week and am feeling pretty good about myself right now. i do what I need to do however this weekend I actually allowed myself to have an enjoyable one. Daniel actually did the laundry on Saturday--OK well 2 loads but hey it was something. I would normally spend the day and night that he is on call cleaning and all but this weekend I did very little-straightened up around the house but that was about it.



I actually had a very relaxing weekend. We were supposed to go to a movie this weekend and he was too tired so I went by myself. I missed him because it was kind of one of the romantic comedy deals, but hey I went and it was fun, and when I got back Daniel was disappointed that I had gone with out him and told me that I should have nudged him a little more. Kind of funny, but I really have gotten beyond that whole nudging thing. If he wants to go next time he will, but I am not going to coerce him to go with me. That isn't fair to either of us. He knows what is best for him and I am OK with that. He still wants to see the movie so maybe we will go see it another time--I would actually enjoy seeing the movie again it was great, and hopefully he will like it also.



Funny but I think I have hit that space guys. You know the one you all have been telling me about as far as "you will eventually find your groove and your comfort level", and I tell you it feels incredible.



I love Daniel very much and now understand after this last week of talk and silence and negotiating that he truly is doing the best he can. And I am thankful for what he can provide. Next year will get better I hear and that adds additional promise.



WOW I mean to tell you I really feel incredible--I know there will be other ups and downs, but I think finally making it to this point--It took 6 months, but I am here--I will be better prepared. He has been incredibly patient with all of my emotional crap.



Hope all is well with everyone

Thanks guys however I have had quite a remarkable week and am feeling pretty good about myself right now. i do what I need to do however this weekend I actually allowed myself to have an enjoyable one. Daniel actually did the laundry on Saturday--OK well 2 loads but hey it was something. I would normally spend the day and night that he is on call cleaning and all but this weekend I did very little-straightened up around the house but that was about it.



I actually had a very relaxing weekend. We were supposed to go to a movie this weekend and he was too tired so I went by myself. I missed him because it was kind of one of the romantic comedy deals, but hey I went and it was fun, and when I got back Daniel was disappointed that I had gone with out him and told me that I should have nudged him a little more. Kind of funny, but I really have gotten beyond that whole nudging thing. If he wants to go next time he will, but I am not going to coerce him to go with me. That isn't fair to either of us. He knows what is best for him and I am OK with that. He still wants to see the movie so maybe we will go see it another time--I would actually enjoy seeing the movie again it was great, and hopefully he will like it also.



Funny but I think I have hit that space guys. You know the one you all have been telling me about as far as "you will eventually find your groove and your comfort level", and I tell you it feels incredible.



I love Daniel very much and now understand after this last week of talk and silence and negotiating that he truly is doing the best he can. And I am thankful for what he can provide. Next year will get better I hear and that adds additional promise.



WOW I mean to tell you I really feel incredible--I know there will be other ups and downs, but I think finally making it to this point--It took 6 months, but I am here--I will be better prepared. He has been incredibly patient with all of my emotional crap.



Hope all is well with everyone