when's the best time to have kids??

[houseelf]

My .02, for what it is worth--



Great advice Jenn, I couldn't agree more. Kids are incredible and somehow they tend to arrive exactly when they are supposed to. Family planning is a completely individual decision that must come from within the individual.



By the way, I too, am having to exercise enormous restraint to not give into the second baby bug ...yet.



Right now, you have the opportunity to put your needs first. This is a unique position that will never again be available to you after kids come. Sure, kids become more independent, but YOU will be the one who changes. You will find no merit in burnign the midnight oil for a project. You will be amazed at how much your priorities change and maybe, just maybe, that career and education will not be as important.



Education, especially advanced degrees and the related testing, take a lot of time and discipline that would be quit difficult to juggle with little ones. Besides, having an education before the kids comes means that you stand a better chance of being able to take care of them should life through you an unexpected curve ball. But if you get your degrees and licensing before you have children, you will always have had the experience and credentials.



Your best bet is to spoil any nieces, nephews, or friends' kids absolutely rotten and enjoy the peace and quiet of a family of two for awhile.



With all of this being said, you have to make your life fit your dreams. Many people stronger and more capable than I have juggled career and family exceedingly well.



Tee Hee....(Not much help am I?)



Kelly

[houseelf]

My .02, for what it is worth--



Great advice Jenn, I couldn't agree more. Kids are incredible and somehow they tend to arrive exactly when they are supposed to. Family planning is a completely individual decision that must come from within the individual.



By the way, I too, am having to exercise enormous restraint to not give into the second baby bug ...yet.



Right now, you have the opportunity to put your needs first. This is a unique position that will never again be available to you after kids come. Sure, kids become more independent, but YOU will be the one who changes. You will find no merit in burnign the midnight oil for a project. You will be amazed at how much your priorities change and maybe, just maybe, that career and education will not be as important.



Education, especially advanced degrees and the related testing, take a lot of time and discipline that would be quit difficult to juggle with little ones. Besides, having an education before the kids comes means that you stand a better chance of being able to take care of them should life through you an unexpected curve ball. But if you get your degrees and licensing before you have children, you will always have had the experience and credentials.



Your best bet is to spoil any nieces, nephews, or friends' kids absolutely rotten and enjoy the peace and quiet of a family of two for awhile.



With all of this being said, you have to make your life fit your dreams. Many people stronger and more capable than I have juggled career and family exceedingly well.



Tee Hee....(Not much help am I?)



Kelly

[houseelf]

My .02, for what it is worth--



Great advice Jenn, I couldn't agree more. Kids are incredible and somehow they tend to arrive exactly when they are supposed to. Family planning is a completely individual decision that must come from within the individual.



By the way, I too, am having to exercise enormous restraint to not give into the second baby bug ...yet.



Right now, you have the opportunity to put your needs first. This is a unique position that will never again be available to you after kids come. Sure, kids become more independent, but YOU will be the one who changes. You will find no merit in burnign the midnight oil for a project. You will be amazed at how much your priorities change and maybe, just maybe, that career and education will not be as important.



Education, especially advanced degrees and the related testing, take a lot of time and discipline that would be quit difficult to juggle with little ones. Besides, having an education before the kids comes means that you stand a better chance of being able to take care of them should life through you an unexpected curve ball. But if you get your degrees and licensing before you have children, you will always have had the experience and credentials.



Your best bet is to spoil any nieces, nephews, or friends' kids absolutely rotten and enjoy the peace and quiet of a family of two for awhile.



With all of this being said, you have to make your life fit your dreams. Many people stronger and more capable than I have juggled career and family exceedingly well.



Tee Hee....(Not much help am I?)



Kelly

[houseelf]

Claudia,



I'll respond to your question in "the call room"....



Kelly

[houseelf]

Claudia,



I'll respond to your question in "the call room"....



Kelly

[houseelf]

Claudia,



I'll respond to your question in "the call room"....



Kelly

My best insight into the original post is that everyone is different. Yeah, I'll bet saying THAT really helped. But seriously, being newly married is a huge stressor, being in school is another huge stressor, as well as being economically unstable (fancy way to say POOR), as well as having your first child. Just two of these huge life changes taken together can cause serious problems for a person, let alone a relationship. So, my advice is to really, really, REALLY think hard about all of these factors before you and your husband make a decision. For us having children was a stress on the relationship but in a highly positive way. We both improved ourselves and our relationship greatly through the process of having and raising our children. The stress of school wasn't that big a deal for us - we don't seem to have problems with allocating time when there's not much of it. The biggest issue for us was the financial aspect. It IS difficult, but we will survive! It takes a great deal of creativity - especially since the first child in particular is very expensive (subsequent children are much cheaper because they use the same crib, car seat, diaper bag, swing, etc. and becuase you've already accumulated maternity clothes, nursing bras, etc. from the first round). So, now that is the major negative for us. Let me tell you the positives: 1)our children will be grown when we hit our mid-40s (and believe me, we have PLANS - traveling, building our own house in the middle of nowhere, etc.), 2)our energy levels are very, very high at this point in our lives and we bounce back very quickly from emotional and physical difficulties, 3)we have developed a tight bond due to our shared struggles, 4)we have been forced to see each other in the worst possible situations very early in our marriage and have decided we still like each other, 5)our children have given us the greatest joy we have ever had in life (yep, we both feel that way - my husband decidedly puts his children over his career), 6)we have a shared sense of pride and love for one another because we share our children (who are our greatest joy, see number 5), 7)our personalities have been greatly shaped by being married and having our children so young - I can't think of a more responsible, kind, mature, nurturing (and in touch with his "feminine side") young man ( he's 26yrs old) that I have ever met than my husband, and I'll bet money this is due to his experiences since becoming a father. we are more dependent on one another for emotional support (which we consider a good thing) and we are each other's best friend, 9)we are more INDEPENDENT from outside influences (call it our little "kingdom" - we both tend to view our family as a refuge from everything else), 10)we have the privilege of knowing the wonderful people that we have shared in creating. So, those are my views on the issue in a nutshell (although this seems to be a pretty large nutshell ).



Jennifer

My best insight into the original post is that everyone is different. Yeah, I'll bet saying THAT really helped. But seriously, being newly married is a huge stressor, being in school is another huge stressor, as well as being economically unstable (fancy way to say POOR), as well as having your first child. Just two of these huge life changes taken together can cause serious problems for a person, let alone a relationship. So, my advice is to really, really, REALLY think hard about all of these factors before you and your husband make a decision. For us having children was a stress on the relationship but in a highly positive way. We both improved ourselves and our relationship greatly through the process of having and raising our children. The stress of school wasn't that big a deal for us - we don't seem to have problems with allocating time when there's not much of it. The biggest issue for us was the financial aspect. It IS difficult, but we will survive! It takes a great deal of creativity - especially since the first child in particular is very expensive (subsequent children are much cheaper because they use the same crib, car seat, diaper bag, swing, etc. and becuase you've already accumulated maternity clothes, nursing bras, etc. from the first round). So, now that is the major negative for us. Let me tell you the positives: 1)our children will be grown when we hit our mid-40s (and believe me, we have PLANS - traveling, building our own house in the middle of nowhere, etc.), 2)our energy levels are very, very high at this point in our lives and we bounce back very quickly from emotional and physical difficulties, 3)we have developed a tight bond due to our shared struggles, 4)we have been forced to see each other in the worst possible situations very early in our marriage and have decided we still like each other, 5)our children have given us the greatest joy we have ever had in life (yep, we both feel that way - my husband decidedly puts his children over his career), 6)we have a shared sense of pride and love for one another because we share our children (who are our greatest joy, see number 5), 7)our personalities have been greatly shaped by being married and having our children so young - I can't think of a more responsible, kind, mature, nurturing (and in touch with his "feminine side") young man ( he's 26yrs old) that I have ever met than my husband, and I'll bet money this is due to his experiences since becoming a father. we are more dependent on one another for emotional support (which we consider a good thing) and we are each other's best friend, 9)we are more INDEPENDENT from outside influences (call it our little "kingdom" - we both tend to view our family as a refuge from everything else), 10)we have the privilege of knowing the wonderful people that we have shared in creating. So, those are my views on the issue in a nutshell (although this seems to be a pretty large nutshell ).



Jennifer

My best insight into the original post is that everyone is different. Yeah, I'll bet saying THAT really helped. But seriously, being newly married is a huge stressor, being in school is another huge stressor, as well as being economically unstable (fancy way to say POOR), as well as having your first child. Just two of these huge life changes taken together can cause serious problems for a person, let alone a relationship. So, my advice is to really, really, REALLY think hard about all of these factors before you and your husband make a decision. For us having children was a stress on the relationship but in a highly positive way. We both improved ourselves and our relationship greatly through the process of having and raising our children. The stress of school wasn't that big a deal for us - we don't seem to have problems with allocating time when there's not much of it. The biggest issue for us was the financial aspect. It IS difficult, but we will survive! It takes a great deal of creativity - especially since the first child in particular is very expensive (subsequent children are much cheaper because they use the same crib, car seat, diaper bag, swing, etc. and becuase you've already accumulated maternity clothes, nursing bras, etc. from the first round). So, now that is the major negative for us. Let me tell you the positives: 1)our children will be grown when we hit our mid-40s (and believe me, we have PLANS - traveling, building our own house in the middle of nowhere, etc.), 2)our energy levels are very, very high at this point in our lives and we bounce back very quickly from emotional and physical difficulties, 3)we have developed a tight bond due to our shared struggles, 4)we have been forced to see each other in the worst possible situations very early in our marriage and have decided we still like each other, 5)our children have given us the greatest joy we have ever had in life (yep, we both feel that way - my husband decidedly puts his children over his career), 6)we have a shared sense of pride and love for one another because we share our children (who are our greatest joy, see number 5), 7)our personalities have been greatly shaped by being married and having our children so young - I can't think of a more responsible, kind, mature, nurturing (and in touch with his "feminine side") young man ( he's 26yrs old) that I have ever met than my husband, and I'll bet money this is due to his experiences since becoming a father. we are more dependent on one another for emotional support (which we consider a good thing) and we are each other's best friend, 9)we are more INDEPENDENT from outside influences (call it our little "kingdom" - we both tend to view our family as a refuge from everything else), 10)we have the privilege of knowing the wonderful people that we have shared in creating. So, those are my views on the issue in a nutshell (although this seems to be a pretty large nutshell ).



Jennifer

Wow! Thanks for all the insight ladies! It's nice to hear from people who've followed both of my current choices of paths!



Jennifer: how old were you when you decided to have kids? What was the deciding factor for you and your husband that made you go for it? Where were you and your husband in your education at that point? I'm just curious to see how similar our situations are



My husband and I had a good talk last night, and I think my sudden baby fever is calming down slightly.. I *know* that we'll do our best to be wonderful parents, but we definitely need to be more financially stable before that happens.



One of my main worries is the fact that by the time I'm done med school we're going to have a pile of debts! But if my husband and I are both working full time during my residency (which we should be) then I guess it won't take *too* long to pay them off. I'm glad we're Canadian though, there's no way I could pay for some of the American med schools!!!



When I know which residency I want to go into, and have more insight into how difficult they will be, we can make a decision on when to plan children. If I do a pediatrics residency it's 5 years, so I'll be 30 when that's done, and if I do a family practice residency that's only 2 years, so then I'll be 27. However, I'm *not* going to choose my future career based solely on how fast I can be done school. There's also a possibility that I'll be in a 3 year undergraduate medicine program (depending where I get accepted), so I could theoretically be done school at 26. I guess we'll see what happens



It's just this conflict between the maternal/family oriented side of my personality, and the driven/career oriented side that's driving me nuts!! Honestly, I think every day how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband, and how a few years ago I would never have guessed where I'd be in life today. But my husband has always supported my career goals, and if I can just hold off on this maternal instinct for a few years, then we'll be very well set up for the rest of our lives!



Anyways, sorry to make this so long again I *really* appreciate all of input you gave me into all of this. I'm going to concentrate more on my house-hunting obsession (which we're definitely going to buy in a year and a bit ) and once we're not in an apartment anymore we can at least get a cat!! That's what my parents use as their replacement children now that we've all left home, so I figure it'll work for me too (Don't worry, I absolutely LOVE cats, and we were planning on getting one anyways, it's not JUST as a child substitute )

Wow! Thanks for all the insight ladies! It's nice to hear from people who've followed both of my current choices of paths!



Jennifer: how old were you when you decided to have kids? What was the deciding factor for you and your husband that made you go for it? Where were you and your husband in your education at that point? I'm just curious to see how similar our situations are



My husband and I had a good talk last night, and I think my sudden baby fever is calming down slightly.. I *know* that we'll do our best to be wonderful parents, but we definitely need to be more financially stable before that happens.



One of my main worries is the fact that by the time I'm done med school we're going to have a pile of debts! But if my husband and I are both working full time during my residency (which we should be) then I guess it won't take *too* long to pay them off. I'm glad we're Canadian though, there's no way I could pay for some of the American med schools!!!



When I know which residency I want to go into, and have more insight into how difficult they will be, we can make a decision on when to plan children. If I do a pediatrics residency it's 5 years, so I'll be 30 when that's done, and if I do a family practice residency that's only 2 years, so then I'll be 27. However, I'm *not* going to choose my future career based solely on how fast I can be done school. There's also a possibility that I'll be in a 3 year undergraduate medicine program (depending where I get accepted), so I could theoretically be done school at 26. I guess we'll see what happens



It's just this conflict between the maternal/family oriented side of my personality, and the driven/career oriented side that's driving me nuts!! Honestly, I think every day how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband, and how a few years ago I would never have guessed where I'd be in life today. But my husband has always supported my career goals, and if I can just hold off on this maternal instinct for a few years, then we'll be very well set up for the rest of our lives!



Anyways, sorry to make this so long again I *really* appreciate all of input you gave me into all of this. I'm going to concentrate more on my house-hunting obsession (which we're definitely going to buy in a year and a bit ) and once we're not in an apartment anymore we can at least get a cat!! That's what my parents use as their replacement children now that we've all left home, so I figure it'll work for me too (Don't worry, I absolutely LOVE cats, and we were planning on getting one anyways, it's not JUST as a child substitute )

Wow! Thanks for all the insight ladies! It's nice to hear from people who've followed both of my current choices of paths!



Jennifer: how old were you when you decided to have kids? What was the deciding factor for you and your husband that made you go for it? Where were you and your husband in your education at that point? I'm just curious to see how similar our situations are



My husband and I had a good talk last night, and I think my sudden baby fever is calming down slightly.. I *know* that we'll do our best to be wonderful parents, but we definitely need to be more financially stable before that happens.



One of my main worries is the fact that by the time I'm done med school we're going to have a pile of debts! But if my husband and I are both working full time during my residency (which we should be) then I guess it won't take *too* long to pay them off. I'm glad we're Canadian though, there's no way I could pay for some of the American med schools!!!



When I know which residency I want to go into, and have more insight into how difficult they will be, we can make a decision on when to plan children. If I do a pediatrics residency it's 5 years, so I'll be 30 when that's done, and if I do a family practice residency that's only 2 years, so then I'll be 27. However, I'm *not* going to choose my future career based solely on how fast I can be done school. There's also a possibility that I'll be in a 3 year undergraduate medicine program (depending where I get accepted), so I could theoretically be done school at 26. I guess we'll see what happens



It's just this conflict between the maternal/family oriented side of my personality, and the driven/career oriented side that's driving me nuts!! Honestly, I think every day how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband, and how a few years ago I would never have guessed where I'd be in life today. But my husband has always supported my career goals, and if I can just hold off on this maternal instinct for a few years, then we'll be very well set up for the rest of our lives!



Anyways, sorry to make this so long again I *really* appreciate all of input you gave me into all of this. I'm going to concentrate more on my house-hunting obsession (which we're definitely going to buy in a year and a bit ) and once we're not in an apartment anymore we can at least get a cat!! That's what my parents use as their replacement children now that we've all left home, so I figure it'll work for me too (Don't worry, I absolutely LOVE cats, and we were planning on getting one anyways, it's not JUST as a child substitute )