Here we go again...

[DCJenn]

I ordered some paint samples and now I think I may order some more because I just can't get orange out of my head. The actual first priority is to prime the front proch though- They replaced the boards (the people we bought from) and primed most but the weather here has turned wet over the last three weeks. There are a few exposed wood boards that will need to be covered ASAP. Not today though, as we got a ton of rain last night.

(rain on a metal roof sounds awesome by the way)

We moved around the furniture in our room yesterday and that's finally feeling like it's 'done'. We also unpacked our record albums (hows that for dating ourselves) and had a good laugh at the solid early 80s selection we have. Yes, you can find Scritti Politti, Animotion, The English Beat, Charlie Sexton, and oh so many more. Plus we also have all of the Rock albums required of our generation- Springsteen, U2, Billy Joel, the Who, etc. We must have 200 record albums. and I know we have 1000+ cds because we have 450 cd players and we ran out of room and decided to cull the collection rather than buy another 450 cd player. and of course, all that was BEFORE the itunes phenomenom so now we need to burn some cds from all the new stuff OR run the computer through the stereo system. All things in due time, I suppose.

Our mutual interest in music was one of the attractions to each other I suppose. We love live shows and as soon as we get a sitter lined up here, I'm sure we'll be off again. I'd like to take Nikolai to some, of course, especially classical music because he loves it. (He's the only kid I know who runs around 'singing' Mozart and Beethoven.)

In other news, my boss and I talked about my job and agreed that I'll stay to see how things play out. He's a very sick man- end stage renal disease, heart problems and diabetes. (and he blew a vein in his eye which is really disconcerting when talking to him) He's trying to ties up loose ends and most of his staff are in serious denial about what is going on. I hope he is able to stick around because he's run the Substance Abuse program for 35 years. I have a lot of respect for him because one of the many things he has done is had an early realization that some treatment is better than no treatment at all and that punishing non-compliant clients is not effective. Better keep them in services and work on what you can. I swear, I learn more driving him to lunch than I have in the last 10 years.

I also decided that we deserve a vacation. a real vacation. I'm going to save my checks and once we have enough energency money again, I'm going to divert the rest to a vacation fund. (we should do pretty well with the tax return this year, too)

I'm thinking Oktoberfest because it's right after my husband's 40th birthday.

I'd still like to go to Croatia but that may have to wait until '08. and of course I'd like to go back to Russia but that may wait until Nikolai is old enough to come with us.

The attending lifestyle. it doesnt suck.

Happy '07!

[DCJenn]

This will be WAY too much TMI for our male spouses but...

The cause of the infertility on my part was never actually determined, mostly because I didn't care. I wasn't about to inject myself, take pills, have scheduled sex (the unscheduled kind is rare enough during fellowship!) or otherwise give my life over to the dictates of the fertility gods. (Little did I know that I was about to give my life over to the whims of the Russian government!)

That said, I have totally blocked fallopian tubes- and more than likely that cause was endometriosis OR chlamydia OR a nasty combination of both. I honestly don't know, have no reason to try to find out or to bother to fix anything with the notable exception of the cramps and other joys of endometriosis. The cramps et al have been a problem since I was 15 years old. I think 25 years of this idiocy is long enough.

The only way to get through it is with 800mg Ibuprofin topped off with at least two PMS pills, a huge glass of water and wine. (not enough to make me get a headache but enough to take the edge off) I have no need to ever give birth if the pain is anything close to this. What is the point? I can't even fathom on purpose wanting to have this kind of pain. I have been prescribed serious painkillers but I don't like to take them because I pretty much fall over dead asleep which is never good with a toddler. and if I take them at night I wake up like I've had my head slammed in a vise. OTC and vino it is.

and the worst part? It's not the pain, it's having to get up twice a night to deal with the 'flow' part of "aunt flo". Cripes. I know there's a downside to menopause. I can't wait to find out what it is. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll happen before I'm fifty. I'll take two boot camp classes a day and shave my chin if it means that this nightmare gets to stop.

I have an appointment on the 8th and I'm going to beg them to yank out the unuseable parts. Who needs a uterus if it's never going to do the baby-making dance? Not me, that's for flippin' sure. Take it, take the tubes, take about an inch around my waist while you're in there...take the gall bladder and spleen just for kicks. I don't care. this HAS to stop. I can't tell you how many times I've just laid in bed in a ball and done deep yogic breathing. and waited for hours for the paint to go away.

I'm fully medicated at the moment so while I'm relatively painfree I'm going to quick try to fall asleep.

Sorry for the TMI. I'm miserable. What a way to start 2007. and on a Monday no less.

[DCJenn]

So, I bought the entire deck of paint colors from Behr.

I'm having quite a fun time. I'm waiting for inspiration. I thought I had a direction so I also ordered paint samples. We'll see. I'm not as in love as I need to be.

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up some stuff I had framed and hopefully I'll find my inspiration in some of our paintings. (I had some water colors that we bought in Italy framed (finally!) and I love the colors in them.)

Jenn

[DCJenn]

Why is it that I feel guilty for taking this company's money? (besides the obvious fact that I'm surfing at work)

The reality is that they think they need me, they're paying me to complete my hurry up and wait projects and my boss seems to think there will be a lot more to do in the future. I told him that in about three weeks I'm going to have nothing to do. (I mean, I have lots to do but most of my big projects are in the planning stages which means that three days out of the month I'm slammed and the rest of the time I'm waiting.)

UGH

Jenn

[DCJenn]

So, funny how things can change in a day or two!

The initial shock of the deployment has worn off and we're pretty much back to life as we know it- although we're spending more time together (except he's watching poker and I just don't care to at the moment!)

There's a lot that has to happen when someone deploys but most of it has to happen closer to the main event. He has to give me power of attorney for basically everything- money, property, Nikolai, etc. He has to update his will (not a great thought but let's be real here). He's going to plan to take the boards in '08 rather than stress about trying to study/get back here/go back to Iraq. He doesn't have a list of what he needs to take vs. what he's allowed to take. He'd like to take the laptop but we haven't heard yet if that's OK.

He has the desert uniform but needs the winter/cold weather gear.

We also don't know how the guys from here are going to hook up with the people at Ft. Bliss. We are assuming that the February 23rd date is the leave the country date which means he'll probably leave for El Paso on the 21 or 22nd. He doesn't have his orders yet (no, they're coming. No such luck) so we don't have all of the details.

I'm usually a glass is half full person so we've trying to talk up the positive sides- 1) more money to pay off the rest of the consumer debt and to put into savings 2) increases the likelihood that promotions down the road will be granted sooner rather than later. Of course the biggest downer is that he's going to miss a huge part of Nikolai's life and I'm going to be a single parent for over a year. But I remind myself that I've been essentially a single parent while he studied for the boards AND plenty of other people have done and are doing it will no ill effect. I have a very strong support network here and at home so I know I can put out a distress call if necessary and my peeps will do what they can. We have super nice neighbors, too.

We are concerned about Nikolai- the little dude has had nothing but a life of upheaval- four months in a Russian NICU, 9 months in an orphanage, a little over a year in DC, 6 months in the tiny rental, another move to the house and now daddy leaves. Hopefully all of this will help him turn into a resilient adult! Of course, my cousins who moved every two years due to their father's jobs have not left their respective homes since they became adults.

Oh well, it sucks but I love my husband and he's going to do just fine. I'll be just fine, and hopefully Nikolai will be just fine, too. Kids are pretty flexible.

He's seen horrible casualties from Iraq both at Walter Reed and here so I don't think that will bother him significantly more than it bothers him now. I can hope anyway.

Well, he's watching a Bond flick now so I will go join him while I've got him.

[DCJenn]

So, we kept Nikolai in school today and are about to head out for Mommy and Daddy day. We're going to the movies and then are going to go do some shopping. Hopefully we'll find a treadmill or ellipitcal machine.

I'm selfish, I admit it- I want a day with my husband.

Jenn

[DCJenn]

After MLK Day we had two "Ice Days" which was nice (except the heater is barely functioning but a little fancy repair-work by the dawkter and at least it got over 50 degrees in the dining room.)

I set up another account on sittercity and I have a couple live ones that we're interviewing this weekend. One sounds perfect- early 30s, speaks Russian and Polish, and is a vet tech. Heck, I should ask her to move in w/ us.

I have a few others, mostly college students, to interview as well. I had 15 responses so I eliminated all under 18 years old. Just not entirely sure that I trust them- I remember smoking cigarettes and hanging out on the phone all night when I would sit. One of the moms (a surgery spouse) would let me have a pack of her cigarettes...

I have to get people lined up because I know there will be times over the next few months that I'll want to go to a yoga class, out with friends or maybe even the grocery store. My mother said that she's making us her job over the next 14 months- as in when we need her she'll be there but I can't expect her to come in even once a month. Our realtor/friends have all committed to helping me out which is great. One of them lives two doors over and his wife is a IM doc. We went out with them on Friday night. (I think it went well- isn't it funny how it'sjust like dating one person except that you're dating two? Even now my friend Jeannette and I refer to our first dinner out with the couples as "our first date- at the sushi place".)

As for the actual deployment- there's no new news. We're just waiting for the orders to be cut and in the meantime, they're sending him to Ft.Bliss for a few days next week. Then, my parents are coming in for a week, then it's major countdown to the Big Send Off. I'm planning on having a send-off party while my parents are in town. Why not? Might as well make the best of it. I'm not really a mope around and feel sorry for myself kind of person. We already know that it's going to suck- it sucked while we were dating.

Jeannette's husband gets back in three more months so once he's back, we decided that Mike can watch Nikolai while she and I go to yoga class.

I have received the most incredible emails and PMs from here and from friends and family IRL. My cousins and I decided to go ahead and plan the Family Reunion- we usually go to the beach for a week.

All in all- things are stable as we plan the next big adventure in the Hussey household.

[DCJenn]

I can't focus to save my life. I'll start doing something at work only to remember stuff that I need to do for home. I'll be doing something at home and remember something for work. I have lists upon lists and then can't find any of them.

I read some stuff last night online about the mental cycles of deployment- very similar to the ones related to death and divorce. The good news is that as predicted, the anecdotal evidence and the research all support that children bounce back quickly from the deployments. They said that the first six-eight weeks out from the deployment are the adjustment times before the routine is established. and of course all of the research says that the longer the soldier is gone, the longer it takes for the recovery when they get back. (relationship recovery)

I certainly don't doubt my marriage or our resolve to get through this, obviously lots of people have been through this and come out stronger. It just sucks because it's those every day things that go away- the human part of human beings- dirty socks, messy dishes, a quick feel in the kitchen...

and I have to say that I actually like my husband. as a person. I find him incredibly funny and interesting. He's a good person with a big heart. People think he's a tough guy because of his looks and how he carries himself but he's not- he's a marshmellow.

It's so surreal.

He's in a bad place right now out at Ft. Bliss. He's there seeing patients because they haven't had their child neurologist since he deployed. (They can see civilians if the civilian docs take Tricare- most don't) They've scheduled him to see 20 patients in two and a half days. This is insane! He normally sees 5 patients a day because the appointments take so long. Factor in reading eegs and looking at CTs and MRIs and all of that other crap- he's slammed. He was in a horrible mood last night but I know that it was because he's feeling overwhelmed and really just wants to be home.

He did take some leave- from the 9th of February until he leaves. My parents are coming in from the 1st-6th and his best friend is coming in from California sometime after the 9th. Another friend from home lives in Houston so Dave and Alan are coming in and I'm sure it will be insanity at my house for a few days. Now, did my MIL get off her ass to get down here? Of course not. Is the fact that her only son is deploying for 14 months enough to get her out of that podunk town? No. If we don't come to her, we don't see her. I hope she realizes how much she's hurt his feelings but I'm not sure she could see her way out of the "oh, poor pitiful me" routine to figure it out. I'm half tempted to call the normal sister (the nurse) and see what Cindy thinks. But then again, not my family, I'm not sure I should meddle.

(all I know is that if it were MY son, I'd move heaven and earth to be there)

I was thinking about going home in March but I don't know if that'll be too much right after Rick leaves. I'd love to but our little boat is going to be pretty rocky for a while. My entire family is coming down for Fiesta in late April which will be great- and I'm thinking of going home over Memorial day and Labor Day.

Rick said before he left that he knew that everything was going to be a big rush over the next month and then poof- he'll be gone. and he's right. We have so much that we need to do that it's overwhelming. Oh well, right now he's gone until late tomorrow night, then I have an 8:30am meeting on Saturday (!!!) and then we can start plowing through the lists. If I can find them.

[DCJenn]

Maybe a sniglet of good(?) news. Apparently, once Rick reports on the 23rd, there's a class that they're supposed to take back here in San Antonio the first week of March. He thinks it'll be some sort of combat arms class out at Camp Bullis but at least he'll be HERE.

Of course there's all those other little details like can we see him, etc but heck, every day he's not in Iraq is a good one as far as I'm concerned.

I found a source to order the Blue Star flag for while he's gone. I'm half-tempted to send on to my MIL and my mom, too. and of course we have to do the whole yellow ribbon thing, too. (won't my house be decorative- you all should see what happens to downtown San Antonio during Fiesta- paper cutouts and huge paper flowers and cascarones (eggs filled with confetti that you crack on top of each other!).

I can't wait to see my parents. It's been since Thanksgiving which is a long time when you're used to seeing each other at least once a week. We wigned up for the cable company long distance telephone service which is a flat rate. Otherwise we'd be bankrupt because I call home at least once a day.

Oh well, back to work- it's freezing in my office because I'm right next to where they store the methadone in the back. I'm literally next to an open refrigerator and all of the cold air seeps out from the walls. It's horrible. In the summer it's so cold in here that I have to go outside to warm up. Our receptionist laughs at me because I get so cold that my nose turns red. You know it's bad when in South Texas I have to wear wool socks to keep my feet warm (with my Birkenstock clogs, of course)

[DCJenn]

Well, apparently my husband is going to be working with prisoners. either in Iraq or Kuwait.

So, no possibility for humanitarian work, with people who may or may not be actually trying to kill him. From everything that I've read and heard, there's a pretty good likelihood that a vast number of these prisoners are merely trying to get by and don't have any actual political stance against Americans. I'm just worried about the ones that do.

It's ridiculous.

Last night he finally said, "I'm not mad about going. I'm not mad about leaving you. I just want my dude to miss me." like he wouldn't...

but the good news is that apparently the report date is 2/23 but the date in-country remains unknown- they may have as much as a month for training. Yay!

Jenn

[DCJenn]

So back to me.

I've been doing the demographics on our ladies who were pregnant in 2006. It's not that they're surprising as much as they are depressing. and when you think of the billions of dollars spent in the "War on Drugs" and how ineffective criminalizing it is...if we put that money in to treatment dollars instead- maybe I wouldn't have FOUR generations from the same family all getting methadone. (no lie- great-grandma is only in her late 50s.)

So, it's essentially what you would expect of a primarily female first generation population- most are high school dropouts, most are living with men who are users and abusers themselves, most have lost more than one child to the foster care system.

IF we can get them into treatment before they get pregnant or early on in the pregnancy then they usually stay in treatment and eventually either stay on lose doses of methadone or they're able to detox of methadone entirely. Methadone doesn't give you a high if you're a heroin addict- it stabilizes your messed up brain so that you can function. If the general population takes it- yup it's an opiod after all. There's such a negative stereotype about Methadone- I wish more people would think about it like insulin for a diabetic rather than 'drugs'.

We're trying to figure out what kinds of services we need and it's so easy to get overwhelmed and give up. We're going to need some sort of residential component but we're going to have to figure in the cultural aspects of making sure the daddies (boyfriends/husbands) are involved but in a way that doesn't feel demeaning or effeminate to them.

It's been a long two days of reading medical records and for the first time since we started this project I'm feeling like there are so many issues that there's no way to get a handle on even a few of them.

But then again, that's what everyone else has said and that's why there AREN'T any programs in Texas for this group of people. We can't give up- there are way too many babies languishing in the NICU with parents who just aren't together enough to take care of them. If we can think outside of the box imagine the cultural impact we can have- healthy moms, healthier babies, less use of the foster care system, etc.

Big meeting tomorrow so hopefully I'll be refocused and re-energized by then.

I can hope anyway.

[DCJenn]

So- after the SuperBowl/Sendoff/Housewarming it's time to start making piles of stuff to go:

Here are the lists:

1 set ACUs
1 ea Towel, Bath
1 ea Wash Cloth
1 ea T-Shirts, Tan
1 pair Gloves, Nomex -Intermediate Cold
2 ea Drawers, Cotton
2 pair Socks, Cushion sole
1 ea Bag, Waterproof
1 ea Parka, Wet Weather
1 ea Shirt, Short Sleeve, PFU
1 ea Shorts, PFU
1 pair Running Shoes
2 pair Socks, White
1 pair Black Leather Gloves w/ Inserts
1 ea Goggles / Ballistic Eye Wear
1 ea Poncho Liner
1 ea Bag, Laundry
1 ea Camel Back
1 ea Reflective Belt (Yellow)
1 ea Weapon Cleaning Kit
7 ea M16 Magazines (30 Rounds)
(4 ea for 9mm)
1 ea Shower Shoes
1 ea Duffle Bag
1 ea Bag, Laundry
1 ea Bag, Waterproof
4 ea T-Shirt, Tan
2 ea Drawers, Cotton
4 pair Socks, Cushion Sole
1 pair Boots, Desert Tan
2 sets ACUs
1 set Overall, Cold Weather, Synthetic Fleece (Blk)
1 ea Fleece Cap (Black)
1 pair Gloves, Weather Intermediate (Black)
1 ea Towel, Bath
1 ea Washcloth
1 set JSLIST (NBC Gear)
1 pair Over boots
1 sets Drawer, Cold Weather (Polypro)
1 sets SAPI Plates
3 pairs Socks, White
1 set Silk Weight Undergarments
1 ea Sleeping Bag (all components)
1 ea Lock
1 ea Sewing Kit
1 ea Neck Gator
1 set Gortex Jacket / Pants
1 set PFU Jacket / Pants
1 ea Shirt, Long Sleeve, PFU
1 ea Shorts, PFU
1 pr Trousers, Wet Weather
1 ea Protective Mask
1 ea Belt, Web Tan
D Drawer, Cold Weather (Polypro)
1 set Silk Weight Undergarments
1 ea Lock
2 ea Drawers, Cotton
2 ea Shirt, Short Sleeve, PFU
2 ea Shorts, PFU
1 ea PT Cap, Black
3 pair Socks, Cushion Sole
3 pair Drawers, Cotton
1 ea ACU Hat (Boonie)
1 ea Bag, Duffle
2 set Civilian Clothes (complete set long sleeve shirt, Dockers type
pants, nothing bright yellow)
1 ea Poncho
1 ea Entrenching Tool and Cover
2 ea Canteen, 1 QT
1 ea Scarf, Neck Wool
Personal Items
No Alcohol / Drugs
No Pornography
Nothing Flammable
Additional Uniforms, T-Shirts,
Underwear, Socks, sheets, etc
1 pair Running Shoes
Mosquito Nets w/poles
Knee and Elbow Pads
Additional RFI/CIF Items
Professional Items
1 ea Cup, Canteen
1 ea Sweater Wool
1 set ACUs Complete
1 ea ACH/Ballistic Helmet *5
1 ea ACU Cap
1 ea T-Shirt, Tan
1 ea Belt, Web Tan
1 pair Socks, Wool
1 ea Notebook / Index Cards
1 set ID Tags w/ Medical Warning Tags (if needed)
1 ea ID Card
1 pair Ear Plugs w/case, Worn
1 ea Individual Weapon
1ea RFI Sun Glasses
1ea Body Armor w/o SAPI Plates w/magazines
1 pair Boots, Desert Tan
1 pair OP
1ea Watch
1 ea RFI First Aid Kit



Carry On Bag (Military Color Pattern)

1ea Shaving kit
60 days Supply of personal prescription/medications
1 ea Flashlight
Personal Hygiene Items
1 set ID Tags w/ Medical Warning Tags (if needed)
1 ea T-Shirts, Tan


They'll take a rucksack, a duffle and they get a 'trunk' plus a carry-on.

Jenn

[DCJenn]

My parents are in the air on their way here. My house is not nearly as clean as I'd like it to be. However, I have grand plans to post this, take a shower, drop off more stuff at the Salvation Army, mail a huge box of boys clothes to my friend in DC and get to the airport intime to stop off at the American Airlines counter with Rick's orders ans get our 700 bucks back from the trip we had to cancel.

I was really, really depressed last night- mosly because I sat and watched my husband obsess about a patient that he then has to hand off to one of his colleagues. There he was pulling out manuals and looking up stuff online and trying to figure out how to manage this girl. I'm sure it's avoidance in him, as much as we've been carefully stepping around the elephant in the living room.

Part of me wants to scream and rant and rave and the other part of me is like, "eh, why bother, there's nothing anyone can do anyway- why waste the energy."

My friend was complaining to me that her husband had to work late three days last week. I know it's tough- she's a working mom with two little kids and it's not fun to do alone. but ya know, I might not be the person in the best place to hear about your husband who got home at 10pm. But I sucked it up and poo-pooed along with her. (I mean I DO totally get why it sucked for her after all)

I watched my husband get dressed in his uniform this morning- I gotta say that he's still hot after all these years. He's off to do more stuff for the deployment- like get his bonus contracts ready so when it's time they can email him the contracts for his signature. I'm so glad we aren't living on post because as of the 23rd of February, he's no longer attached to Ft. Sam Houston but is assigned to Ft. Bliss instead. I'm not sure that they would want us to move but you never know. Doesn't matter- we're happily ensconced in the neighborhood we love.

Oh well, time to take that shower.

[DCJenn]

The good news- I have to change the ticker because he's going to be in Ft. Bliss for about a month before leaving for Iraq.

The bad- he's definitely been assigned to Camp Cropper- in the Green Zone in Baghdad. I'll post the links to the 31st Combat Support Hospital so everyone can see exactly what they'll be doing.

I have to order the yellow ribbons (if anyone wants one, let me know- these have "31st Combat Support Hospital" on them)

But mom and dad are still here and I should go play.

[DCJenn]

Last night we heated up the hot tub (and the learning curve suggests that 106 is too hot) and sat outside while my parents watched TV and listened for the dude.

It was nice- we haven't had a chance to talk uninterrupted for a long time-like the night we found out about the deployment. We prioritized the "to do" list and talked about some of the details. I'm going to have a ton to do over the next few weeks. I'm very happy that I'm only a PT pool person at the moment- they can fire me and there would be no hard feelings on anyone's part!

On Sunday we had the SuperBowl/Send-off party which was pretty fun. Of course there were the drunk guys who wouldn't leave but everyone was finally gone by 10pm. I'm glad we did it because I think it helped my parents to see that we really do have people who care about us down here and it helped Rick to see that people really do care about him, too.

We've had lots of happy news from his colleagues as well. One friend from residency (Army- she was in Mosul for a year) just had a baby boy. She'll be getting out of the Army this summer and has accepted a fellowship in neonatalogy. Her husband is former AF and is a psychiatrist. Another friend who is AF has accepted a fab job as a general pediatrician two days a week and her husband (AF Reserve) has accepted a position as a County prosecutor the next town over from where they'll be living. Another friend (Army) is getting out and will be heading home to Tennesee where her husband (Civilian/GI) has accepted a great job and she's going to do the SAHM thing for a while. Basically, almost everyone we know who did HPSP is at the end of their payback and most are getting out. Of course the ROTC/HPSP, Academies/USUHS, Academies/HPSP, ROTC/USUHS and whomever else with the various times owed are still in. Most of them are career military at this point. (The academy/USUHS grads owe 12 years of payback after training so why not!)

The best part is that the friends from residency, most of whom have already done the Iraq thing, totally get it. and it's helpful to get the insider information about the amount of money we'll be getting and the fact that the moment he deploys we stop paying income tax. Not that I want my husband in a place where they're kidnapping and killing service members and shooting down helicopters but it's good to know that at least when he gets back we will be in a much different place financially.

I also got a great deal on plane tickets to Baltimore for the weekend of Nikolai's birthday. We fly in on Saturday the 17th of March and fly out on the 20th. My family will then come in for Fiesta. I'm going to have to take him to the MILs at some point, too. Not looking forward to stuffing into the trailer with the MIL, the SIL and the SILs two obnoxious kids. Oh well, I'll worry about that later.

and on and on we trudge to the 23rd. It looks like they're going to arrive in Iraq on the 22/23 of March.