Here we go again...

[DCJenn]

79 more days.

So, the house is falling apart- at least all the appliances are. Eh, it's only money at this point.

Rick called today to let me know that he sent back the laptop. Wasn't thrilled later to read about the massive mortar attacks in the green zone that killed one soldier.

(OK- gallows humor here, but they only come to tell people that their loved ones have died between 6am and 10pm so every night at 10 pm I do a little dance)

I'm so used to doing everything on my own that it will probably be a huge (um, understatement) adjustment once he gets back. I mean I've BEEN doing everything on my own for the last 7 years but this is Super Duper on my own with Power of Attorney and everything.

and I claim that I'm ready to let someone else take over for a while but that's total BS. I'm a control freak, I've always been a control freak and I'll always BE a control freak. I'm going to have to relearn how to let stuff go and to let him do things his way. (which we all know is not as smart, fast, correct, etc. as my way)

and worst of all? I love sleeping in the bed by myself. Sure I miss him and sure I miss the other stuff that can happen in bed...but sleeping? I much prefer my own self and my own dog and my cat on my pillow and my other cat on my left foot and my other cat on the right corner of the bed (glaring at cat on my left foot). But, of course, I'll adjust again. I'd rather have a lifetime of moving him and everyone else out of my way than not.

and let me apologize in advance for my craziness as the weeks get closer. by the time we're down to single digits- just stick me in a looney bin and have him come get me.

ah, well. At least the sun is shining again and the dog and I have been able to get out for some super long walks after I drop the dude off at school. I can see that as the days get closer, the aerobic exercise is going to increase exponentially.

J.

[DCJenn]

I'm sick again. or maybe I haven't ever recovered from the 4th of July bug. (It was going to my MILs, I'm convinced)

I just want to feel better. and by better I mean 1) no headache 2) no random fevery condition 3) no cough. It's been two weeks already. I've had a few days where I thought I was turning the corner but no- I get slammed again.

Yesterday I woke up, threw some clothes on (I think I brushed my teeth) and took Nikolai to school. I then went to the gym where poor Jenn put me through Day 8 of "the sick person's workout". I came home from the gym and decided to lay down until I needed to get ready to go to work- and woke up at 1:30. Needless to say, I called in. and I went back to bed where I watched "The Holiday" until it was time to go get Nikolai. Last night I went to bed at 9:30 and slept like a rock until 7. I'm still exhausted though.

Rick called me today and I told him that I needed him to come home so that I could sleep. He said he'd love to oblige but was otherwise spoken for.

My mom and my aunt are coming August 1 and I can't wait. I plan on having at least one day of the five to myself! They can go do their thing and I'm going to not worry about babysitting them or Nikolai.

My aunt is recovering from DCIS. My asshole 17 year old cousin was bitching to her mother about something and when my aunt said, "Well, Kerry, I've had kind of a difficult year", she had the BALLS to say, "mom, don't even play the cancer card."

OMG, I would have backhanded her across the room. In fact, she's quite lucky I didn't call her and let her have it. Unfortunately, she's a vicious example of what happens when divorced parents play their kid against each other. She has never been told no and is due for quite a rude awakening once she goes to college this year.

This will be interesting.

In the meantime, I'm going to get back to work. I'm about to throw a request to the obs again.

Jenn

[DCJenn]

72 more days. and they seem to be taking forever.

The theme of the week seems to be "don't tell Rick." Everyone is telling me stuff and then saying, "but don't tell Rick." or "Don't tell Rick ______." It's funny. I tell Rick everything! (except for the bathroom thing but he'll get the whole story once he gets home.)

I'm not supposed to tell him about his crazy family members. (We don't want him to worry.) except really? He's not going to worry. He may be annoyed but he's not going to expend mental energy on things that he can do nothing about and people he rarely sees.

I'm not supposed to tell him how I'm feeling. (You don't want to stress him out) I mean COME ON! I'm not falling all over myself hysterical that he's gone. But I do miss the guy. I cried. Once. Then I pulled myself together and got on w/ life. But I think it's fine to let him know that I would much prefer that he be home.

I'm not supposed to tell him the fun things other people are doing. (We don't want to depress him.) Um, he's doing medicine he's not trained to do with people he's not trained to do it for. He's depressed. He's run 300 miles so far. He figures that mentally he's almost in Kuwait at the moment. He LIKES to hear that my parents saw Diana Krall and our friends are going to Sonoma and our other friends had fun at the beach and basically that life goes on. He knows we'll get our chance!

UGH.

at least I get my new washer and dryer Thursday. I put the old ones on Craigs list and a single mom took the washing machine last night and some guy who fixes up appliances and then sells them at cost is coming tomorrow to get the dryer. I didn't charge anything for them- that's just bad karma as far as I'm concerned. I don't need some single mom's last 20 bucks.

The rest of the week we're going to be busting our arses at work because the city just put out a RFP that's due on MONDAY for a grant that we want. Yay. Grantwriting 101 aka cut and paste from the other city grants we have until something kinda sorta makes sense. Oh well. I'm not entirely sure why they need me but- it's nice to be needed.

and my boss is retiring- totally sucks because the man is brilliant. His bloodsugar is out of control though because he's on dialysis which uses a sugar based fluid. and he has a heart condition. I learn more from him in a day that I've learned from my previous three bosses combined.

Oh well. Keeps me busy and earning the safety net. (all of my income goes to the emergency fund which has been drained time and again since buying the Money Pit.) We're going to have to pay property tax in December though and I'm not going to get stung and be unprepared.

Most importantly- we're almost at two months left. This is going to be the longest two months of my life, I think. Possibly longer than when we were waiting to go back and get Nikolai.

Netflix, wine, friends and the internet- that's what is going to get me through!

[DCJenn]

MAKE IT STOP!

Ok, so now that the washer and dryer have been removed and the new w/d are on their way, the HVAC has been replaced, the fridge had been repaired, the bathroom has been done, Nikolai's bathroom and bedroom have been done, and we're applying for the grant for the front of the house, what could go wrong?

THE DC HOUSE, of course.

Phuck.

Got an email from the world's greatest renter (and I mean that sincerely- he is fab) that they have no electricity on the top floor of the house. yes, just the top floor of the house AND it blew up one of the guys TVs which started to smoke AND didn't throw any breakers. odd? well yes.

They called the world's worst property management company (and I mean that sincerely, too) and was told to call me. Now, why am I paying my Homeowner's association fees on top of the monthly fee I'm paying them to be my property manager? not sure at this point. So, I called them and became the Giant Pain in The Arse until they called me back. They thought they'd send over dude who lives there to 'see' but lo and behold no one was home.

Duh? people have to work, asshats.

So, she thought they'd send out an electrician tomorrow. and then proceeds to tell me about how on Thanksgiving am one of the houses nearly burned to a crisp with a renter in it thanks to faulty wiring which shorted out at a TV. OK, I think... are you beyond stupid? GET AN ELECTRICIAN THERE- TONIGHT.

Fab renter calls to tell me that the electrician showed up (an hour and a half late) and that the wiring apparently is sending out 220 amps (volts? whatever) and they're only supposed to be sending out 120. Why is this happening? no one knows.

and no, they weren't allowed to plug anything back in and the electricity is still off and they're bringing in the big guns tomorrow.

the only saving grace of this is that it's a co-op. We don't own the wires. We aren't responsible for the wires. Asshat and co. are.

We'll see how this all plays out. I'm sure they'll try to ding us for it.

Great. fun times in the big city.

and I still fully expect both the A/C and the water heater to blow in DC, too.

[DCJenn]

and in the never-ending saga of crap that goes wrong-

apparently there was nothing wrong with the old dryer- because the new dryer isn't blowing hot air, either...which means a problem with the gas. Yay. So I called the emergency number and they're sending someone out.

Haven't heard from the DC guys so I'm assuming all is well at the moment.

until the next thing happens.

Jenn

ETA: 9:00 pm- no gas guys. I ended up leaving and going out for dinner figuring that they'd show then but there was no hang tag so... and my contractor stopped by (he's sort of like the older brother I never had) and confirmed that indeed the gas company has locked the gas gauge.

ETA: Gas guys showed up at 9:30 pm. I had just turned out my light and next thing I know Petey is barking like a mad-dog. Guess he didn't like the fact that someone was flashing a flashlight into the house...good puppy! Upside? Everything is working!

[DCJenn]

and in the never ending saga of crap that goes wrong, Part 87645- we have had so much rain that the porch boards have popped up in two spots. As in buckled right up and now they look like skateboard moguls.

My beloved husband better get home soon because we cannot afford any more stuff going wrong!

I had Matt the Stoner Yard guy come today and trim back the jungle that is my yard. We discussed which are the trash trees and which ones to keep- those won't come down until fall though. It looks so much better! And I feel much better being able to see all of the nooks and crannies of my yard. Not that anyone would necessarily hide there but it seems safer if I can see the neighbors and they can see me.

I put the ticker back up- it's getting close enough that it doesn't depress me anymore.

and even better, September 1 they're upping my hours to 30 hours a week which will be great because that gives us more $ coming in (we have determined that this is the year to make strides on the consumer debt- beginning when he gets home- although by then I'll have a bunch of other stuff paid off- like the Lowe's account from the bathroom tiles!)

But in the meantime, the house continues to fall apart, it rains every single day and I'm bored out of my mind at night.

I'm starting to think about the welcome home party though.

[DCJenn]

Rick called me today- he calls whenever he can especially since he doesn't have his computer...

I asked how he was doing and he said it was 130 degrees in Baghdad today. He said if anyone wants to know what it feels like, we should take our blowdryers and put them on the hot setting, aim them at our faces and add sand.

No wonder people are grouchy in the Middle East. I'd be all about blowing other people up- except that it would just make it hotter...

[DCJenn]

Oh- funny story from the 'hood-

Today I was driving out to the grocery store and I drove down the street to the main drag (Durango for those in the know). As I was heading past my friend Julie's house (which is a shell of a coliche stone 1840s house at the moment) I paused to see what new constuction had happened. and there was a man in a thong in her front yard.

Now, Julie is a popular figure here in the hood but it's a well known fact that her life partner is a girl.

I called her and said, "hey Jules, did you know that there's a man in a thong in your front yard?"

and she burst out loud laughing and said, "I never told you about Speedo Dave?" Apparently Speedo Dave is yet another neighborhood eccentric AND a talented construction guy. She said that he usually starts out in a shirt and a Speedo but loses clothes as the day goes on and if you're lucky he'll stop at the end o' the day thong.

Ya gotta love a neighborhood like mine. Where else do men in tutus participate in the local community parade, where every the first Friday of every month is a gallery opening/happy hour/musical celebration and where the construction workers wear thongs.

[DCJenn]

Ok- before I go off and sound all kinds of dramatic, let me just say that there are far more spouses dealing with 15 month deployments than those of us dealing with six month deployments. I expect that if we were facing a 15 month long deployment, we'd get through it the same way we are dealing with this one. I mean really, what else can you do? I'm just VERY glad that the powers that be realized that keeping a child neurologist not doing neurology and not treating children might not be the best use of resources.

The first CN who left did get extended to 15 months- he got screwed because he was attached to a different kind of military unit. and now a third child neurologist will be in theater any minute now. So, of the nine (maybe 10 now) CNs in the Army- three are in Iraq. But hey- medical school was paid for and we've got a pretty sweet deal- he can retire with 21 years in 6 years. He'll have 15 years in September.

but enough of the rah-rah bullshit. I'm extremely tired of having zero adult conversation in the evenings. I'm extremely tired of having a three-year old as my dinner companion. I'm extremely tired of being responsible for everything and everyone in this house. I'm REALLY tired of being the family fucking cheerleader for his asshat siblings. NONE of whom have sent him so much as a card. Hell, my cousins and my second cousins have sent him stuff. Pathetic. Seriously- his mom sent him a letter. Period. Whoo hoo, way to support the supposed golden child. What he's realized is that he's the golden child when he's helping them fix their problems but let him need some kind of support- and well, I guess they're all too busy.

My mother and my aunt arrive tomorrow and I am very much looking forward to not having to be on duty 100% of the time. We'll see. They just put out a study that says that child abuse increases while a parent is deployed. I can see that. I have a master's degree in counseling and 20 years in human services and it gets TOUGH to deal with the foibles of childhood day in and day out. Thankfully we do our respective own things during the day because we'd be seriously on each others nerves otherwise. (and why do we think that because they make us nuts, they don't feel the same way about us?)

A long two months loom.

I upped the exercise though- mostly for my own sanity but also to give it one final push. I can't focus for shit most days. The good part about my job is that it requires multi-tasking and changing directions several times a day. This is good because if I had to work on ONE project for days on end I'd jump off the roof.

My legs are sore, my back muscles are sore, my poor dog is worn out. (one day last week he just stopped and looked at me like "come ON, it's 90 degrees, it's 99% humidity, we've walked 3 miles. I'm done. We can go home or you can carry me." and he kept looking back at me as we headed home as if to tell me not to tempt him.)

Oh well, one day at a time. 58 more days. (ish)

[DCJenn]

Well, they're gone. It was a great five days for a number of reasons- my aunt is relaxed and rested and ready to kick the last fledgling out of the nest in three weeks. My mom was a rock star and totally took over EVERYTHING for five days. She did laundry, the dishes, took care of Nikolai (actually, that was Nikolai's decision- "No, not YOU mommy.")

It was so nice to be "off the clock". I drank wine, I ate bad food, I even dragged my aunt and my mom to the gym with me.

My parents come back in three weeks. (20 days, not that I'm counting) which is great because the closer it gets to rick coming home, the nuttier I'm getting.

tonight, I spoke to my infamous "Room-mate from college" which is so stupid that we call each other that- BECAUSE... our 20th college reunion is in May. Phuck. How in the hell did that happen? So, we're going to figure out something, even if it means just hanging out together for that weekend. Man, time flies.

and my very dear friend (and FYI- extremely conservative Republican friend whom I love like a sister) is finally getting divorced. It was quite painful for her to get to this point but seriously - the stories are mind-blowing. starting- no not starting but the point at which I lost all respect for her husband- while she was driving herself to the hospital to give birth to their third child, he was in jail for drunk driving. yeah.

So, I'm thrilled for her that she's starting anew. She finished her Master's that she started at Hopkins but got pregnant with their 1st and never finished and she's teaching special ed in Mass. She's lost all of her three kids worth of weight and then some and is now doing long distance running. She's smart, she's funny and she's one of those people that it doesn't matter how long it goes between emails and conversations (MONTHS!!) we can always pick up where we left off.

and finally, my BFF called today just to check on me. She's another amazing person.

I guess I surround myself with strong, strong women. They're all fighters in their own way. They've all battled seriously crappy stuff and I know that if I needed them, they'd be there. They were the only three people that I invited to my (second) wedding (although two were at my first, too) and the only three people that I invited to my baby shower. (non-relatives) and the funniest part is that they are all totally and completely different. liberal Jew, conservative Christian, middle-of-the-road Catholic. (except that they all have their Master's degrees- Mass Communications, Special Education, Business Administration. For whatever that's worth)

Love them all.

[DCJenn]

oh, and I realized that I didn't include my mom or my aunt in the strong women category and they should be there-

Mom because my dad travelled M-F for most of my early childhood, he was a complete jackass for my middle years and now, he's turning into my grandfather and she hasn't yet tossed him off the balcony. and because she was a Vietnamese translator with White House level clearances at NSA and she left that job that she loved to stay home with me, the cranky colicky baby.

My aunt because although she has the worst taste in men EVER...she's managed to overcome both former uncles and raise my cousins into pretty normal people despite having to declare bankruptcy, getting fired from her dream job, having breast cancer and bariatric surgery. She's pretty funny, yet.

J.

[DCJenn]

My baby is growing up:



He looks like he's 12 to me. Except for the cute chubby baby hands he still has. and he has the cutest square toes.

I think being away from him is causing Rick physical symptoms of stress. It is making him nuts. I sent copies of about 50 pictures so he can hang them on his wall.

of course, the bizarre world of mine continues with more in the way of dead things- last week I was walking through the dining room getting ready to leave for work and there is Darla proudly sitting by a dead bird. So, the kicker is that none of them had been out which means that the dead bird and probably dead bird #1 came in the house somehow. great.

and tonight, Nikolai is walking through the same dining room, now to be called "the room of death" and said, "look Mommy, a lizard." Yup, a dead tiny baby lizard. When will it end?

So my solution is to go on to Petfinders and find Petey a friend so he can play outside without looking at me like, "what, you're not coming?" We'll see. The doggie I found is currently being fostered so I'm hoping they can keep her until after my mom the Dog Hater comes to visit.

Of course, I probably ought to discuss this with Rick but...he'll say no so I may have to do the apologize later way of spouse management.

Oh well. Time to scrub off the sheen of bug spray from blowing bubbles outside with Nikolai tonight. If you don't lube up you'll end up being eaten alive after all of the rain we've had.

[DCJenn]

this is the latest picture- from what's called a "coining". It's a hooha military thing where a high-ranking individual (in this case, the 1-star in the middle of the picture) gives military "coins" to commemorate or recognize the work of a group of people (or a person). In this case, the General wanted to recognize them for the care they provided to a group of his guys.

My ever shrinking husband is the one kneeling in the front.

Jenn

[DCJenn]

Well- I'm at the end, all projects are nearly complete, Nikolai is enrolled in his new school, I've managed to stay employed.

and now? I'm very ready to hand off the General Contractor hat to His Dawkterness. As much as he may be ready to sit poolside, frosty malt beverage in hand...that means I'm still the responsible adult.

As much as he wants to go nowhere and do nothing...I've got to get out of Dodge- and not to my parents or his mother's or any place where we know people.

and he knows this and feels badly that at this point our 'short-term' goals are polar opposite.

Nikolai pushed every button I had today- he has a cold, he's been waking up throughout the night the last two nights. I get up to check on him bunches of times. (I guess last night was one time too many. "No mommy, you go now." as I started rubbing his back. I swear he couldn't be more like me if I had given birth to him. #1 annoyance of married life- you're comfortably asleep and your spouse decides (finally) to come to bed. I lie there and think: don'ttouchmedon'ttouchmedon'ttouchme. and wouldn't you know he has to go and kiss me or something. and then I can't even get all that mad about it. I mean it's not like he hopped into bed and bashed me in the nose. Personally? The rich Victorians had it right- give me adjoining rooms. Please?) Bottom line- we're both tired.

on the upside though- he finally figured out how to blow his nose today. (that would be Nikolai- I'm pretty sure Rick has it figured out)

So- I had yet another glam dinner of cereal and wine.

Less than 40 days according to the man in the know. At least until he leaves. Once he's on American soil- I get to breathe (and sleep) again.

J.

[DCJenn]

I'm tired and I'm sick. and I'm sick and tired of being both all the time.

I'm going to bed. I've been drinking herbal tea by the gallon over the last few days. I'm taking some pain meds/fever reducers and crawling into my bed.

I used to have an elderly client with MR who made me laugh because when she got tired or disgusted with anyone she'd say, "I wash my hands AND my feet of you."

so, iMSN world, tonight, I wash my hands and my feet of you.

Until tomorrow.