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February 15, 2006
There I am. On television, in books, and in people's minds, I am stereotyped in a very weird way. Look at Bree Van de Camp. She is the perfect picture (with a little extra soap drama thrown in) of what a doctor's wife should be: beautiful, graceful, pearl wearing, articulate, pillar of strength in society, who can whip up a perfect seven-course dinner party for 20 guests at a moments notice. We are supposed to be independent, strong, and satisfied with the oodles of money that is rolling like a river into our bank accounts.
In truth, as I have met many dawkter's wives, we are a very strong and independent bunch. We have to be. Most of us, though do not spend our days shopping at high-end boutiques while leaving the care of our children to high-priced nannies while we hit the gym. While there are perks to that lifestyle, it just isn't plausible. I don't know where these particular dawkter's wives are, but I haven't met them. The doctor's wives I know juggle enormous responsibilities. Most face several moves for different aspects of training away from their families and all that they know. They are single parents in many respects. They lose their husbands for nearly all holidays and family events (weddings and funerals not excluded). They lead a very lonely life.
My children go to public school, we drive well-used cars, I shop at Wal-Mart. I work. I have a four-year degree and a job doing medical transcription from my home to make ends meet. Together, my husband and I have well over a quarter of a million dollars of debt NOT including our home. I have to budget very carefully to make sure that we have the money for food and heat just like a lot of people do. We have debt not only from degrees, but from having to pay rent with credit cards while living as students. As soon as my husband can get his "real job" we can begin paying off these debts. We were able to consolidate the student loans at a very low interest rate which dropped our monthly payment considerably, but we will still have to pay over $1000 per month for 30 years to pay off that piece of paper.
The sacrifices that doctors make are very real. They sacrifice their time, their families, and their finances. Trust me when I say that there are far more lucrative professions out there. People do tend to forget about the families behind those doctors. Those doctors are just people, people who have needs, families, and who make mistakes. Behind these doctor's are women like me, women who are a far cry from Bree Van de Camp.
So if you see me in blue jeans and a ponytail, shopping at Wal-Mart, don't be so shocked. Yes, it has been two days since I have seen my husband, a week since we had time together to sit and talk, and a month since we made love. You'll see my daughter still wearing her pajamas and my son asking if Dad is going to be home tonight. My answer will be one of two things, "Not tonight, hon" or "Maybe." I can never count on him to be there. He is saving people from dying, healing people so they can walk again, everyday, and I am just trying to hold my family together. I am trying not to be bitter about the fact that we need him too. We are lonely, we are tired, and we miss him.
If you have a great doctor, write them a thank you note, and maybe include a note to their spouse who likes to know that they are giving up their dawkter spouse for a good reason.
There I am. On television, in books, and in people's minds, I am stereotyped in a very weird way. Look at Bree Van de Camp. She is the perfect picture (with a little extra soap drama thrown in) of what a doctor's wife should be: beautiful, graceful, pearl wearing, articulate, pillar of strength in society, who can whip up a perfect seven-course dinner party for 20 guests at a moments notice. We are supposed to be independent, strong, and satisfied with the oodles of money that is rolling like a river into our bank accounts.
In truth, as I have met many dawkter's wives, we are a very strong and independent bunch. We have to be. Most of us, though do not spend our days shopping at high-end boutiques while leaving the care of our children to high-priced nannies while we hit the gym. While there are perks to that lifestyle, it just isn't plausible. I don't know where these particular dawkter's wives are, but I haven't met them. The doctor's wives I know juggle enormous responsibilities. Most face several moves for different aspects of training away from their families and all that they know. They are single parents in many respects. They lose their husbands for nearly all holidays and family events (weddings and funerals not excluded). They lead a very lonely life.
My children go to public school, we drive well-used cars, I shop at Wal-Mart. I work. I have a four-year degree and a job doing medical transcription from my home to make ends meet. Together, my husband and I have well over a quarter of a million dollars of debt NOT including our home. I have to budget very carefully to make sure that we have the money for food and heat just like a lot of people do. We have debt not only from degrees, but from having to pay rent with credit cards while living as students. As soon as my husband can get his "real job" we can begin paying off these debts. We were able to consolidate the student loans at a very low interest rate which dropped our monthly payment considerably, but we will still have to pay over $1000 per month for 30 years to pay off that piece of paper.
The sacrifices that doctors make are very real. They sacrifice their time, their families, and their finances. Trust me when I say that there are far more lucrative professions out there. People do tend to forget about the families behind those doctors. Those doctors are just people, people who have needs, families, and who make mistakes. Behind these doctor's are women like me, women who are a far cry from Bree Van de Camp.
So if you see me in blue jeans and a ponytail, shopping at Wal-Mart, don't be so shocked. Yes, it has been two days since I have seen my husband, a week since we had time together to sit and talk, and a month since we made love. You'll see my daughter still wearing her pajamas and my son asking if Dad is going to be home tonight. My answer will be one of two things, "Not tonight, hon" or "Maybe." I can never count on him to be there. He is saving people from dying, healing people so they can walk again, everyday, and I am just trying to hold my family together. I am trying not to be bitter about the fact that we need him too. We are lonely, we are tired, and we miss him.
If you have a great doctor, write them a thank you note, and maybe include a note to their spouse who likes to know that they are giving up their dawkter spouse for a good reason.
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