Heidi's musings

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September 20, 2007

Random rambling rants.

I am pissed at my husband. I am pissed at him, and I'm having a hard time getting over it. Little annoying things that he is doing so aren't helping his cause right now. I have a cold, and I wanted to take a nice long soak in a hot bath today, wash my hair, and relax and let the steam envelop me. So, I run the tub, get in, and saok for a minute. I wash my hair, and then look around for the conditioner. In dh's shower. I call it dh's shower, because I prefer to bathe. Jackass stole my conditioner and didn't put it back. So, I forgo the conditioner, because I don't want to get out to get the damn stuff. Then, I go to get my body wash. IT's IN DH'S SHOWER!! Jackass. Keep your grubby mitts off my shit, especially when you know I'm pissed at you. So, I washed my body with shampoo, maoning in bed with the lame ass cold that he gave me that he professed up and down was "allergies."

Last night he was supposed to do some nice things for me, like cleaning up a bit because I am sick and because he knows he is in the shit house. I asked him what he managed to get done last night this morning. He sheepishly answers, "I fell asleep."

Jackass! That's what happens when you sit on your ass on the couch instead of doing what you are supposed to be doing to remind me why I am married to you AND still here.

No really. I love him. Really. I swear. Dick head.

Fellowship or not? Fellowship or not? I don't know!!!! Fawk. If we even make it that far.

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80!!!!

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October 17, 2003

Whew. Thanks everyone for asking about me and thinking about me while we were gone. This is part one. A short tale of the very beginning of our trip. I can't seem to get anything posted. I am so behind. Please forgive me.

On this lovely excursion to Mickey, we have MIL, FIL, my family (Chad, me, Ryan, Lexi), BIL, SIL, and their 4 kids ages 10, 8, 6, and 2. FIL and MIL paid for the whole trip, including food, souvenir money, gas, everything. That was fantastic for us!

Early Saturday morning we left on our trek to Orlando. It was, all in all, a good ride down. I missed stopping at the Le Creuset outlet (I know!!!), and I was bummed about that, but I did manage to stop at some other outlets to buy a few items on clearance. I love that I can shop everywhere now. I can find shirts for $4 that fit me! Holy Hallelujer! If I had managed the Le Creuset outlet, I wonder how much a 7.25 round oven would set me back. I about choked on how much they cost at William Sonoma. Maybe that needs to wait for the glory days of attendinghood. $230 for one freaking pot?

We arrived at the Orlando airport at 4:30, just in time to wait for a couple hours for delayed flights, a rental van that was supposed to be there, luggage, and my SIL. This is a recurring theme, waiting, waiting, and more waiting for my SIL. Bless her heart (if you say that, it makes all nastiness after it come off better in the South), the woman can not get anywhere!!! Seriously, I'd take a slug, a turtle, and paint drying in a race against her any day of the week. When we finally left the Orlando airport, we took all the luggage to the rental houses and went out to dinner at a crappy little place called Perkins (not my choice). Whatever, I go with the flow on vacations that I am not paying for. Service was horrible, everyone was pissy and tired. Fun all around. After that back to the houses to sleep.

Here are some pics that we had taken while we were in Orlando. More about that saga to come later, but for now, enjoy!

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October 23, 2007

Orlando Vacation - Part 2

On Sunday morning, we woke up, ate breakfast, and got ready to start our first day at Disney. I had been appointed Cruise Director for the duration of our trip to try to manage where we would be going and when. I tried the best I could to consider crowds, historical busy days, extra magic hours, etc., all in an effort to maximize our time spent at Disney. It is a damn good thing I did! We needed every precious second. The recurring theme of SIL and her slowness is the reason.

So, on Sunday I decided we would be going to MGM Studios. The 3 older boys had a really great time at MGM, and MGM does have some of the best rides. We had a great time on the Tower of Terror and the Aerosmith Rock 'n Roller Coaster. Alexia really enjoyed the Playhouse Disney stage show, Beauty and the Beast, and Voyage of the Little Mermaid, but there wasn't a lot of stuff for the little girls.

On this first day, my SIL already started to get on the nerves of many of us, and mostly my FIL. She wanted to stop in every gift shop and look at every small detail for what seemed like an eternity. It was really, really difficult to get the 12 of us anywhere. Upon arriving at the parks each day, BIL and SIL took an extra 30 minutes applying sunscreen on all of their children (something we had already done before leaving the house). Also, by the time we got to the parks every day, which ranged in time from, at the earliest, 10:30 to at the latest, 1:00 p.m. , that is a little ridiculous. When we got into the park each day, they also took several minutes upon entering the gates to sit at the entryway and try to figure out what the hell they were going to do, whereas I just wanted to go. I tried desperately to get people to follow me and keep up with my, what I thought, was a VERY slow pace, but I would have to look back every 50 feet and stop and wait for more than a few seconds at a time. Many times when we got to the parks, we would immediately go find a place to eat lunch, because that's how late we were. While we found a place to eat lunch, I would take everyone's park passes and head to an attraction to get FastPasses. I could usually do this and meet everyone back at lunch before they were even considering which line to get in to buy food. All in all, I still managed to get the kids on most of the rides, and some more than once, with creative FastPass usage. I did a lot of walking and trekking around the parks. I gained weight on this vacation, which is complete bullshit considering the amount of walking that I did.

After we were finished with MGM the first day, we headed back to the rental houses, which had pools. I did get in the pool on the first day for a minute, but got out to help with dinner. We ate dinner and went to bed. Chad, Ryan, Alexia, and I stayed in the same house with MIL and FIL. SIL and BIL stayed next door with their four kids. The kids generally had a great time on the first day, and loved the pool. Here are some pictures from MGM and the pool.



















I will try to do part 3 tomorrow.
Good night for now!

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November 5, 2007

My son is the most awesome kid in the universe. He can't keep his room clean, and he sometimes forgets details about school assignments that would have been helpful to know. He broke his glasses last night too. He likes to look up naughty words in the dictionary, and his bathroom is the grossest thing I have ever seen.

But, he has been leaving me notes in the morning on my computer screen. Today's said:

Hi I hope today will be a good day for you and me. My fall break is wed-sun (21-25). Tell Alexia that I will be home at 3:00. I love you

Your Son,
Ryan

Last week he wrote one that said we were the best parents in the world. Gush. Love that kid.

His report card:

Lang Arts 99
Math 99
Soc Stud 99
Science 95
Reading 96

Phy Ed 1
Spanish 1

1= best grade (Above Average - Mastered Objectives)

A= 93-100

He has never, not once, gotten a grade below an A.

His gifted class he got all 3's (which is top marks). His teacher said he is amazing to have in class and a pleasure to teach, truly gifted.

His PACT (state testing) came back and he got advanced in all three categories tested: Math, English Language Arts, and Social Studies. In Math he scored a 339. The score range for the entire state was 260-343. In English he scored a 347. The score range for the entire state was 253-352.

He is popular and well-liked by all. He is easy.

Wow. I am so lucky to be the parent of this child. He truly amazes me, and I wish I could say that it was my awesome parenting, but it isn't. Enter Alexia.

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November 5, 2007

Fellowship applications are in. Holy crap.

1. OrthoCarolina (Charlotte) - $45,000
2. Duke - $53,292
3. Tampa - $55,000
4. Baylor (Dallas) -$49,378
5. Houston - $52,000
6. Mayo Scottsdale (not participating in the match, not aofas accredited, but is mayo) $55,626
7. Boise - ??
8. University of Utah - $52,950
9. Phoenix - $50,000

Every Single one of these will be a paycut and higher cost of living than what we are doing now.

Some aren't a big paycut, less than 1,000/year on a few of them, but still. Sucks!

Mayo Scottsdale looks like a huge pssibility. Because it is outside the match, if offered the position, we may just take it. It's only a year, so whatever.

Last year's match stats:

Certified Programs 37
Programs Filled 19 51%
Programs Unfilled 18 49%

Certified Positions 60
Positions Filled 41 68%
Positions Unfilled 19 32%

So, I am not thinking he will have trouble matching, but who knows.

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November 6, 2007

Disney Vacation - Part 3.

On Monday it was decided that we would head to the Epcot Center. I was so excited to go to Epcot because of the World Showcase, which I love, and is the closest I have ever been to traveling in Europe or Asia. Also, the Food and Wine Festival was going on, and throughout the World Showcase they have kiosks with small samples of different cuisines from around the world. My heaven. I just love the sheer idea of it. It makes me giddy.

When we got to the park, we spent the usual hour or so in the front of the park putting on sunscreen and deciding what to do. :banghead:

We spent some time in Future world in some of the pavilions in the beginning. I did the usual run to get fast passes thing, and scored some for Mission Space. Note to self. Don't ever go on Mission Space again! Even the "green" weenie version makes me sick. This is the second time I have made this mistake. Last time we were at Disney, they didn't have the separate versions, and I went full-throttle with the ride. I love rides, and I can take a little space simulator. No, not so much. I was motion sick for hours after it. So, when I saw they had a "green" version, I thought, what the hell. Wrong. Still got sick, but I have to say that I did get over it much more quickly this time.

Test track was a lot of fun too, and I rode it twice with my neice. I often got to ride the thrill rides twice with one or more of the kids because we would get fast passes with all of our passes for rides, even though Alexia and the ILs, and sometimes Chad (huge weenie) and SIL (strapped to toddler) wouldn't go on the rides, leaving extra fast pass availability. This made our lack of being able to get anywhere in a timely fashion more bearable for the kids. Being able to go on the rides more than once even with our slow pace was great. The crowds weren't too bad either, which was good.

Lunch time again, and I was thrilled at the prospect of heading aroudn the world to sample all the delectables. FIL, however, had different plans. He wanted to "sit down and have an actual meal." So, I got full on Mexican food that wasn't all that great instead of sampling like I really wanted. Again, I don't want to rock the boat. We weren't paying, so I went with the flow.

When I say we weren't paying, I mean, we paid for nothing. ILs sent us gas money and money for food on our drive down, they paid for the tickets to the parks, the houses, and they gave us money for souvenirs and things at the park. They told us our money was "no good in Orlando." My IL's really piss me off from time to time. I mean really, I do hate them to their very cores most of the time, but they CAN be generous when they put their minds to it, and I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. They do like to hold their "gifts" over our heads sometimes, but whatever, I got to go to Disney, when otherwise we couldn't have possibly afforded it.

After lunch, we made it around the world showcase to China. In China, the group wanted to do circlevision. I don't do circlevision. Makes me a little motion sick. I get motion sick quite easily, unfortunately. I knew that after circlevision was over, everyone wanted to head back to Future World and skip the rest of the World Showcase because "the kids were bored." Not my kids, THEIR KIDS. Seriously, they were the hugest brats. If we weren't doing something that they wanted to do at the exact moment they wanted to do it, whine, moan, whine. Ugh. Uncool. I just looked at my nephews and said glaringly, "You could be in math class right now." Ugh. It's frickin' Disney World, and if you aren't having a good time because you are not on a roller coaster, I just don't feel bad for you, you little snot.

I took my eldest nephew and Ryan and continued around the World Showcase while everyone else was in circlevision. After circlevision, we all met back in Future World to do The Living Seas with Nemo and Turtle Talk with Crush.

On our way in to Turtle Talk with Crush, my MIL fell...hard. MIL is stick thin, nearly 60, but a fiesty chick. Anyway, she has had two open-heart surgeries, and has an artificial mitral valve. She is on Coumadin. Luckily, her INR wasn't as high as it sometimes is, and we didn't have a huge issue with her clotting, but she took chunks of flesh out of her elbow.

Chad was kicking himself for not packing his suture kit. We really debated about it. I guess we are never going anywhere without it again. MIL and Chad ended up going to the clinic at Epcot and they were shuttled to an urgent care off property. They wouldn't even let Chad be in the room with MIL while she was being stitched up, and they wouldn't let him do it, even though MIL would have preferred it. It took 6 hours.

While Chad and MIL were away getting stitches, the rest of us spent time at Epcot, had dinner, went on Soarin'. When the park closed, BIL took SIL, their kids, and Ryan to the houses. Chad had the keys to our van with him, as we didn't realize they would be gone as long as they were. FIL, Lexi (she was such a trooper), and I waited at Epcot for BIL to take the rest of the crew home, get my keys out of the house, and drive them back to us. After he did that, I took Lexi home, and BIL and FIL went to the clinic and picked up (finally finished) MIL and Chad. They then spent hours driving around Orlando trying to find a 24-hour pharmacy to fill the narcotics prescription for MIL. They finally did, and that was the end of that day.

Here's the pics!

















These pics are after many days of healing. Some bruises, huh?

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Tomorrow is my hysterectomy. Today, I am cleaning, shopping for a few weeks worth of very easy to prepare food, and picking my mom up from the airport. I am hopeful to lose a pound or two while recovering.

Wow, how far I have come in two years. I just found these shots of me at Ryan's 8th birthday in 2006. I can't believe I was THAT big.






I can't believe it has really taken me nearly 85 pounds and a year and a half to see the difference, I mean really see it.

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Having a hysterectomy is NOT for sissies...being a woman for that matter.

Yesterday was spent in a puddle of tears. WTF with my hormones? Today I am a ball of pain. My mom is gone. I need someone to take care of me. This blows.

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Christmas pics and video:

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Last night I asked my husband to please talk to his parents and tell them that I had major surgery and I would not be cooking or cleaning or anything like that. Yes, I felt it needed to be spelled out for them.

So, today, while he is at work, what do I get? Lectures about being up and moving "as much as possible." Excuse me? I didn't realize that you went to medical school. Clearly, I am just a lazy ass and milking this whole surgery thing. She just treats me like I am good for nothing and lazy.

She's a witch. I hate her. She literally is the coldest, most unfeeling, bitch of an ice queen woman I have ever met. Robot. Dead inside.

She has had open heart surgery twice and has an artificial mitral valve, and so clearly nothing anyone else goes through matters a whit to her, because she's had it worse and almost died. I'm sorry I can't compete with your tragic health scare.

Oh, but to dh, "You need to get more sleep. You have a man cold and ear infection, you poor, poor baby. Let me cut the crusts off your toast." Okay, so she didn't say the toast part, and I sarcasticked (nice word, eh?) it up a bit.

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January 1, 2008

I did it. I just typed 2007, and I had to backspace.

As I sit here in the morning hours of a new year, I will do what so many of us do in the beginning of a new year. I will look back on 2007 and reflect, and I will look forward to what might be of 2008.

In this same projecting position last year, I believe I was full of hope. I was ever-shrinking, of course, and I was looking forward to more of the same. Chad would be beginning his senior residency phase, he could begin moonlighting, and we would be able to breathe amidst the ever-pressing boulder of our debt. Ryan would get to see his father more because of Chad's shift in schedule, and Alexia would leave the terrible two's behind, potty trained, and entering an inquisitve and quick-tongued stage of verbal delights.

Some of it, of course, came to fruition. Ryan did get to spend a bit more time with his father, and Alexia does crack me up every day. I did shrink some more too. I went from 212.5 pounds to 178 pounds - 34.5 pounds lost in 2007. Not a ton, but not too shabby either. Chad's schedule did get a lot lighter, and we saw him a lot more at the end of 2007.

Other things, of course, did not turn out as expected, hoped, planned, or dreamed. This was not the year I would learn to love residency in it's new schedule glory. This was not the year that I would embrace my husband in a deeper, more loving embrace for his return to our family, his shift in priorities, and my new golden position as his #1 in life. This was not the year that our financial struggles would start to wane, and we would begin to chip away slowly at the beast of burden.

Instead, 2007 brought even more resentment and hatred at residency and, yes, at my husband for allowing us and choosing for us to be here. It brought more tears and more agony, more worry and pain and an even deeper chasm of separation in our marriage. This year, for the first time, it sometimes became hard to look at my husband, and I wondered if we truly did have the same goals for our family. I mean, I really questioned it.

In the middle of the year - July, the tipping point occurred. July was to be the "great transition" into senior residency, but it was almost the end of a career and of a marriage. Chad was nearly fired from is soul-stripping residency. We lost our moonlighting money and so much more. I soldiered on through tears and anguish to stand by his side, but I wanted to shoot him. Literally, I wanted to grab a bazooka and point it at his face and fire it right up his nose. How could this happen? How could he let this happen?

And so it was in 2007 that I lost my faith in people, in goodness, and in decency. I learned that there are certain people that I wish I could slowly cook in pots of salty lemon juice with a dash of battery acid until their skins melted off and their bones, oh their captivating bones would be stripped slowly of their fleshy muscles, and I could take those bones and let a pack of wild animals feed on them, and then burn the bones and dance naked around the bonfire and smell of their burning embers.

I gained empathy for anyone in residency, moron or not, who may take a snapshot of a penis and send it to Time Magazine with his own name and photo attached shouting, "look what I did!" For residency is a grueling bog of eternal stench, and those that find their way out of it intact and unscathed, marriages blissfuly churning, are truly the lucky ones. I know that I will not leave residency intact, unscathed, or with a happy marriage. That really sucks. It really, really sucks. No fancy metaphors or similies here. It just sucks.

So, as I look ahead into 2008, I do not do it with a lot of hope. Chad will be in Greenville for the first four months. Two hours away. After that, we will match in a fellowship for another leg of training. Woo hoo? How could it be? How could my reaction to that be anything but frightfilled and devestated? Then, we will still have another year of residency to plow through. So, at the end of 2008, I'll still be here, waiting for residency to end. Maybe then I can have more hope.

To end this on a slightly up note, I am looking forward to hitting my goal weight this year. I am looking forward to recovering from my surgery and never having a period again! I am looking forward to the delcious recipes I will make and my quest to make something once a month from The French Laundry cookbook. I am looking forward to moments of joy with my children, squishy hugs from Alexia, and reports that I have the best son in the world from all who meet Ryan. I am looking forward to baseball games and building sandcastles at the beach, reading a good book, and good posts on this website, cooking and eating good food, and all the joyous times that sneak their way into my life. Come and find me more often, k?

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Jan 12, 2008

For sale:

One orthopaedic surgeon who will be free as of July, 2009. Will move anywhere. Will take the job of the highest bidder.

Considerations include:

salary
benefits package
tuition reimbursement
perks
schedule
cushiness factor

Positions that include any trauma call need not inquire. Practice call should be less than 1 in 5.

Please send recruitment DVDs and financial packages including last year's tax statements to heidi@pimpingoutmybonedoc.com. Gifts and bribes are welcome.

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January 29, 2008

There are so many things that I want to catch up on and write about. I still need to finish the Disney World trip story. I need to write about Ryan's birthday. I need to write about my mood transformation. I can't find the time!

I am currently watching two babies in my house for extra money. While I do a good job at watching them, let's just say that I am glad I am having no more children. Plus, other people's kids really don't do it for me. I am so over wiping butts.

We are still whether to do or not to do a fellowship limbo. I think I am persuading him not to do one. Go me!!! I will support him in doing one if he truly thinks it is the best decision, but I'd rather not. He is currently looking for jobs as a general orthopaedist. We are testing the waters, but the clock is ticking on a decision, and I hope he makes a decision soon (the right one!).

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Life is supremely crazy right now. I haven't had time to do anything. I've been running and running and running. I am more thankful than ever for what I have, and I am beginning to see all that is ahead of me. Yesterday, my sweet, darling baby girl turned 4 years old.

http://picasaweb.google.com/heidilamore ... iSBirthday



I cannot believe that my children are 10 and 4. How did that happen?

Chad has several job opportunities that we are looking at, mostly in Florida. I am excited to see what there is on the horizon. His time in Greenville has been very hard on us. I am emotionally eating again, and it has not been good for my weight or health. Because money is tight, I am watching children in our house, and I have had very little time to myself. Between plane flights, car crashes, interviews, and everything else, I am worn out, but it's good too. Things don't seem to be slowing down any time soon, but I am hopeful that the next 16 months will not kill me, and the end of residency will, in fact, come.