Crazy Days

[cylverdust]

Well.. Life has been so interesting lately with my ups and downs. I am in an up moment, and I wish I could trust myself to know I will be staying that way... But...
I went to my therapist and she said to try to start wearing makeup and dressing a little nicer, writing positives down.
So I went shopping with a friend on Friday, it was some serious Retail Therapy. I spent to much money but.... I am not gonna feel guilty cause I have used everything I got.
I bought some new makeup which I adore that looks so good on, new shoes, some stuff for my hair, and a new purse. I made sure to fix my hair, put on my make up, wear nicer clothes that look right on me with my new shoes and purse. I felt so much better today!
My hubby is hoping that I stay this way. Me too! I feel better than I have felt in a long time.
My NP put me on zoloft which I will start tomorrow, lets hope that helps to. and I have been posting my positives!!!

[cylverdust]

Re: Crazy Days

Wow It has been a while since I posted. I had no idea it was so long. So much has happened since I last posted to my blog here. Where do I even start. Hubby is now in 2nd year and boards are coming up next year. I can hardly believe it has been that long. I am mentally doing okay for the most part. The Fibromyalgia gets me down sometimes. I am currently off work for 2 weeks to try to get a handle on things. It is helping I think. I think I am getting better sometimes and then a fresh attach hits me. I will beat it I know it with Gods help.

[cylverdust]

Long Time, No Share!

Wow, I was re-reading some of my posts. They are depressing. I was in a bad way. I hope I am never in that place again. We have lived in Martinez now for over 3 years. Hubby will be starting his 2nd year in August. He is working for the summer in the Clinical Rotations Dept at his school. He finds it interesting and it will help him in the long run when it is time for his rotations.
We did fertility treatment in Feb 2008 and got pregnant immediately. We now have a beautiful 7 month old daughter named Lauren. She is such an amazing addition to our family. I cannot imagine life without her now.
Hubby and I have been struggling a lot though. His family-well they suck- as far as I am concerned. They have not been there for us at all. They have (well by they I should say his mother specifically) have been harmful than helpful.
I will post more later!

[cylverdust]

This Sucks

I don't even know where to start. My husband and I have decided that for medical school and him to get the best grades (as many of you know he is a repeater, so this is the last chance). We will live apart for the year(he is a 2nd yr). He will live about 30 minutes away and I will see him only on the weekends. I will be renting some rooms from a friend and he will be renting a room with another student near the campus where he attends.
I can't even express how much I HATE this. I know we have to do it. I do know that. I am sure he will do much better in school without the daily need to deal with wife and child. I know that for his career we must do this because we don't get another chance. But. I hate it. I feel like I am inside a tunnel just far enough to no longer see the light but not far enough to see the light on the other side. I feel like it is a never ending pain. We have been struggling for money and now this.! At least when we were struggling for money, we had each other. I am beginning to hate this life. They say this is the worst it gets, hmpt. Really. I am not so sure. Everytime someone says that crap.. it gets worse. hmpt. I love him but I hate this life. I hate what is doing to us. He will come out a doctor, but will he come out a married doctor? Will this destroy our marriage? Will it change us completely? What will it do? Did I mention I am not feeling very positive at this precise moment. The crazy thing is I love him enough that even if I KNEW I still would have married him.