somewhere between hysterical laughter and hysterical tears

[Momo]

What is it my mom/ our moms said ?? "Never air dirty laundry in public places!"

I will use this to say whatever I need to say...
thanks for the user name change
I need to go and take care of the babes...I'll write more later ...that is if DH isn't on here all day!

Well DH is napping, the kiddos are watching "baby beethoven DVD" ...there are a million and 1 things that MUST get done that will go undone because DH isn't in the mood...like getting the piss poor breaks on the mini van fixed... god if I only had a babysitter I'd drive to walmart/sears drop it off and then shop while it's getting fixed*...but lugging all three kids around isn't worth the headache. maybe I am a big wuss for not dragging them out and about...it's just that the valley is sooo darn hot in the summer!

I need to call back home and see how dad is doing. I can't believe that when a father is so close to death he doesn't want to see his daughter...I wish I knew if it were my brother that was playing a role in my dad not seeing me. Oh well maybe he is ashamed, feels too guilty, maybe he still lives in his "fairytale land where he was nothing but the perfect dad that never inappropraitely laid a hand on his girls."
i always tell DH that if only he had been a drunk, a drug addict or some unemployed loser, anti social freak then it would have been so much easier to have written him off all these years...but instead the dad that decided to damage the "apple of his eye" was a successful business man, devout church goer, the type that made sure you saw him in the stands whether you were playing vollyball, basketball, or cheerleading. He would make amazing homemade toys for us, we would go on nature walks on our farm and in our woods., go on extended bike rides he would take us on picnics @ the local state park...he was soooo amazing at many things a father is supposed to do , yet he had to fuck it all up by touching us...
Now here he is a shell of a man, whom I haven't spoken w/ in 15 year. When my family started telling me about my dad's condition, I would in turn relay what they said to DH. it was Dh that said I bet it's an "esophegeal tumor" ...Dh was right, a few weeks later, after the test, he was given the news that he had stage 4 esophegeal cancer...you have know idea how painful it is...I tried to reconcile w/ him a few years ago, but he never responded to my letter. When I went home recently to visit family, he still expressed no desire to see me...

Funny how the Ivan Albright painting I was so drawn to in college seems to be haunting me lately....
That Which I Should Have Done I Did Not Do (The Door)


*was never forced to do this...luckily found a local business to pick it up & drop it off.

[Momo]

:horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror::horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror: :horror:




Nothing like watching Animal Planet and discovering that the state you have chosen to move to and the city are known for the Arizona Bark Scorpion...except for finding more in your home than you saw while watching the Animal Planet show!!


Scorpions 43 & counting

I have discovered 19:
in garage crawling near the door that enters into the house
up on ceiling in the family room
in the outings/snack-bag for the babies, (while unpacking it)
up stairs crawling near the thermostat
crawling on carpet near base board in dining room
on ceiling in the entryway
on wall above stove and under the mounted microwave
on ceiling near the sliding glass patio door
on wall near kitchen window & counter top
under the bath-mat towel folded over the side of the downstairs tub
near base board outside of DH's office
on my bedroom floor crawling away from my newborn DD # 2's bassinet
on ceiling near sliding patio door, almost directly above DD#2 who was sitting in her highchair!! (9/2)
crawling on the garage floor about 3 feet infront of my friend's 2 year old son... this was the biggest one to date that I had to kill!!!(9/22)
On the ceiling in my living room
Trying to scurry away as my bare foot almost stepped on it in the entry way from the garage! (11/27)
on the wall near my hand when I was reaching to adjust my kitchen curtain
above the kitchen curtains
on the floor, in the upstairs hallway, right after both daughters ran past it bare foot!!

DH has discovered 10:
3 @ various times on his office walls , one was near the light switch that he had just turned on
in his bathroom sink while brushing his teeth in the dark b4 bed
scurried across the hardwood floor in kitchen when he startled it
on stairway wall
on bathroom floor near where he stands to wash hands and brush teeth
in bathroom sink
on dining room floor
kitchen ceiling

DS has discovered 7:
1 kitchen ceiling
1 crawling on carpet in living room
1 at the top of the stairs on carpet
1 on stairway wall
1 crawling into the master bedroom
1 hiding betwen the base board & curtain in the dinning room curtain
1crawling on the hallway wall
1on kitchen floor


DD#1 has discovered 2:
1 on dining room ceiling
1 on the tracks to the sliding glass door

MIL found 1:
1 on the guest bedroom ceiling

cleaning lady 2:
behind the toilet
on kitchen floor

DD#2 1:
on office wall DEF the largest yet!

DH never believes me that the # is this high until I recount for him where they all have been found...

We don't live on or next to any of the mountains... we have had a bug guy and they were worse then... the former owner's said they had the house sealed, because of their babies, they only lived here a couple of years...anyway we just happen to be the "lucky ones", as soooo many people we have spoken to say that in all the years they have lived here, they have never seen one. I'm afraid that if we go through w/ our plans for major outdoor landscaping/ renovations it will stir up more!!!

[Momo]

What is one to do and be prepared for when the estrangement between them and a loved one will go to the grave??!!
It is appearing more and more like I will not be speaking to my father before he passes. I just can't pick up the phone and call I couldn't even begin to list the myriad of emotions that paralyze me from doing so. My total dysfunctional family. for whatever reasons, don't seem to want to intervene. Everytime I speak to one of them, that recently visited or spoke to him, I ask "so did you bring my name up , did he?"
Every time it's the same thing "nope"...

[Momo]

Tuesday will be DS 1st full day of preK w/out mom.
We went and had our visiting day last Fri. The 1st 30 min or so he was not too sure and asked if we could leave a couple of times. Then once he realized that his teacher was a friend of mine & that the other teacher knew his grandma, he was happier! I am so thrilled for him he is super excited , and a little anxious about my not staying w/ him...God willing he'll be fine. Yesterday when the girls were napping, we had some
1 on 1 hang out time. We sat w/ our feet in the pool and talked about his life. He said "I'm glad I'm a school boy now!" I smiled and got a little teary eyed.

[Momo]

Wow! On Fri when we visited the school to see if it was the one I wanted to send DS to, I couldn't sign him up and pay for his tuition fast enough! Just the idea of decreasing the the troop size of my daily life was thrilling enough! However all weekend long it set in : OMG I'm sending my first born, little love of my life, out into the world. I fought back tears and stayed cheery & positive for him.

Today @ drop off I was totally amazed @ how he didn't freak out when I said goodbye! I was super proud of him. A friend watched my double stroller w/ the girls in it while I went to the office to complete some paper work. The secretary came in & said she had just been to the pre-K & daycare area. She said my little guy was sad and a little teary eyed asking for his mommy ...ohh how I wanted to pop back in to reassure him...but I knew better!

Now here I am at home and hallelujah both girls are napping & I am enjoying my first peaceful cup of joe in a long long time. My big goal next week is to focus on DD#1 & completing her potty training...once she's poo trained I'll consider sending her as well. I was surprised @ how well she took to being away from her #1 playmate !! DD#2 started walking Sun night so I imagine the 2 of them will be running around & giggling soon...they played together so nicely this AM.

[Momo]

Well were back to life as I new it...the school was but a fleeting moment, for DS.

I am really feeling confused ,sad and scared. As I have stated before, my dad, who fondled me when I was a child & whom I haven't spoken to in over 15 years is really on his death bed. My mom asked him a couple weeks ago if he'd be receptive to a phone call from me...according to her (a woman who always tries to sugar coat things) he said in a very flat, indifferent tone of voice " She can do whatever she wants...she started it"...oh how those words just hit me so hard...
I foolishly had a fantasy that he would say something like "alright" , or "that would be fine."
I may have estranged myself from him, but he was the abuser and I am the survivor. I understand he had to re-arrange the truth just so he could live w/ himself...but c'mon to blame me??

I have have always longed for a fantasy reconciliation &relationship w/him. With his death, any remote possibility of it happening will die...and that is why I shed tears...

My DH thinks I should just try to call him. I for some reasons just can't get past my fear and anxiety of calling him the man that nearly ruined my life ,denied my existence and never responded to any of my attempts to reestablish some form of communication.He is totally deaf in one ear and very hard of hearing in another, and he is now blind. He is in his eighties.

This is a very sad time for me...

[Momo]

Well there I was going to podiatry appointments , researching Ortho surgeons, and considering lap band surgery when lo and be hold it will all have to wait @ least 9 mos (God willing). I realized a few days shy of the end of Sept that I hadn't gotten my period yet ...so I took a test and it was positive. I am happy about the fact that my dream of having a big family seems to be well on it's way, I'm just bummed that it's now. I desperately needed to get my legs & feet fixed. I desperately needed to loose weight.Now I will be high risk because of my age, weight, and the fact that this will be my 4Th c-sec!

I am really concerned about my feet. I developed Plantar Fasciitis shortly after the birth of DD#2. Everyone & everything I read said that it was common and that after a few months it generally goes away! Guess what DD#2 is almost 13 mos and I still have horrid pain. Yes folks I am the "lucky one" that isn't getting over it. My weight, a heal spur, and a bone spur on the outer-side of my heel are all factors that just aggravate my condition all the more. I was told by my podiatrist that she believes that once I have my knees straightened out that my severe over -pronation condition & the plantar Fasciitis will probably clear on their own!

Can I just tell you that the EXTREME EXHAUSTION symptom seems to be 1000x worse than it was w/ the others...I am soooooooooooooo zombie like it's scary. I'd give anything for a day nanny to just come in & take over the kids until I get through this 1st trimester. I'm usually much more alert then. DH was happy...probably happier. I just realized that I have been either pregnant, nursing or both since Dec 2001!!! To paraphrase Kris "Holy cow that sounds exhausting!"

I have a lot on my mind, but after talking to one of my sister's the other night I have made decisions that will make life easier when it comes to the whole mess w/ my father. Thank God!

[Momo]

OK so last night DH REALLY scared me!!! We were talking that if all goes well, we will be having a June-ish baby.He then paused for a momment then said "Oh my poor parents this means they are gonna have to visit during the summer months!!!!!" :horror:
They stayed 6 mos when DD#2 was born. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAY WILL I DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!

[Momo]

Well I have posted a few casual responses here & there over the past month...honestly soooo much has been going on it's just been hard to find my thoughts / voice on most matters. The kids & I have been sick, we are better now.


My dad passed away Thur morning. My mom called DH @ work to tell him because we all agreed that it was best to hear it from someone who could physically be there for me. DH agonized throughout the day. He so desperately wanted to tell the various cath labs @ his hospitals to clear his cases from the boards, but Thur was not your run of the mill diagnostic caths they were primarily for interventions, therefore not something you can just "reschedule" IE sick patients. He came home and was in the nicest of moods we gave our nanny the evening free to run her errands, so we both enjoyed getting the kiddos down to sleep DH was a great help and it was such a pleasant evening followed by a surprisingly pleasant day! Once all 3 munchkins were in snooozy land DH asked me to join him out side . He turned on the pool & H2O fall lights. There was sooooooo much moonlight the air had a slight nip. We sat close to each other and he just started telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me for over coming my past. Then out of no where he said he had some bad news for me? I honestly thought it was gonna be one of his jokes. It didn't even register that he was going to say anything about my father. That's when he said " I am really sorry to tell you this, but your dad passed away today." The words didn't register @ all...it really took a few seconds before I realized what he said ...this was it ...the moment that I thought I was prepared for the moment I naively imagined would put a close to the painful, confusing, complex and pitiful part of my life. All of it came rushing back like a tsunami...everything the good, the bad, the ugly, the whys, what ifs , how, and the pain... the pain...
There will be a mass and a funeral supper @ the church.Apparently he didn't want a showing, and he made arrangements to be cremated, then to have his ashes buried @ the family plot.


I was supposed to go for my first OB visit to have an ultra sound to confirm my due date, but I was just too numb & tired to get in the car and drive to the my Dr's office. I told them I'd call back on Mon to reschedule.


Oh you may have noticed my reference to our nanny...yes I have reached what I call better than the champagne& caviar days... it's official I have a housekeeper (M&F 2to3 hrs ) and we have a new nanny. This is her 1st week of a 1 month trial, at the end we will assess our comfort & satisfaction levels, and decide if we are fine w/ the live in situation or switch her to live out day nanny. So far so good...I pray it works out!

[Momo]

"Veggiefriends" post about interesting facts about ourselves, has had me contemplating whether or not to post the one thing about me that might be a surprise to some and to others maybe not... I have avoided posting something about me because of all the "baggage" it brings from the outside world. I know I should not care about what others think of me, and I am fairly confident that those of us in this forum aren't the type of people I worry about, thus my finally choosing to post this fact. But the truth is I worry more about my little angels than for me. My DH isn't as effected by it or @ least doesn't let it effect him...what I am referring to is that I am an American Muslim.

I minored in near eastern languages and cultures in college w/a focus on Islamic studies. I became Muslim in 1992. In the beginning it wasn't that bad. But as you can imagine since the terrorist attacks on Sept 11 it has been different.

One of the things that I thought of, was if people read my post about DH & verbal tirades, and knew I was Muslim, that they would automatically think of the negative stereotypes of Muslim men??!! Well one thing is for sure I have discovered through PMs and other people's blogs and various posts that many of us have been the subject of, and givers of verbal abuse...I have read it described as "fighting dirty, low blows , cruel comments", etc. I think our lifestyle (physician families) can easily foster an environment where the worst, can & does comes out of us at times...

The other interesting fact is that I wear a head scarf when outside of my home. My DH was floored when I put it on , because he fell in love w/ a Muslim woman that did not cover, and worked in retail and cosmetic management. He was supportive of MY decision but a little dismayed ... he got over it. I was so happy to finally do something that I had longed to do, but never had the courage or support to do until I met him. Once I put on the scarf I was no longer the subject of leering men. I wasn't hit on and actually got more respect from the outside world for my intellect, as that is what was more obvious when I spoke and met with people, not my looks. Of course after 9/11 it was not so great, but that was to be expected. I did not compromise my choice to wear hijab by removing it, as so many did and so many requested me to consider doing.

I am gonna stop here...there are so many things other than me being Muslim that I could blog away about today...but another time

[Momo]

Well finally some great news in my life! We made it to the OB today...had to reschedule due to death in the family. We (DH & I) went together. We were thrilled to see we are expecting DS #2! I need to go and try and take a nap w/ my older 2. I'll post more later...just wanted to officially let you all know!

[Momo]

Well here I am sans nanny...somehow I just knew it was too good to be true! Honestly, it was for the best. I so wanted to can her a few times, but DH kept telling me "let's wait out the one month trial."
Well she of course flaked this week and decided not to work the last 5 day week...whatever!

I have to say now that the life sucking tiredness is waning it's not so bad caring for all 3 little ones! I actually got all 3 up, /changed diapers, put on undies, got them dressed, fed and in the van and made it to the pediatrician on time...call Ripley's Believe It or Not!
The Dr. commented on how happy I looked...I told her I was in as good mood, because I managed to have a smooth morning w/ the kiddos...trust me it is rare w/ me, that all goes according to plan! Even when the simplest of tasks go off w/out a glitch, I am almost gleeful!

DH has decided I deserve a new ring!!! My wedding band was quite lovely, but a stone fell out and the one attempt at replacing the stone failed , so I just kept it in the jewelry drawer. People tend to be shocked when I tell them that I haven't worn a ring in the past say 6 years. Now it doesn't fit and it still looks like a gleaming smile w/ a missing tooth. He is trying to figure out how much to spend...I said just buy me what I want...needless to say the 2 that I saw and really liked were 40 to 60 Gs I wasn't even trying to go all dawkter wifey on my choice... it appears that I just have an eye for a really nice quality diamond... He did show me one that I really liked ...I think he's going to look into it!
BTW, I remember during the internet pre bubble bursting days, that I used to see ads saying something about spending a certain amount of your income on a ring...what was it???

The nanny thing going bust makes me apprehensive about posting my latest possible joy...it appears that DD#1 is on the verge of finally getting the whole going to the potty thing!!! I am hoping and praying that w/in a few weeks it will be "bye bye huggies trainers!" and "hello big girl panties!"

I was so excited to hear that DH's folk's visas expire in March...the baby is due ,god willing, in May ,which means they can't invade me when I don't want them here!!! Their chances of getting a new one appears to be slim to none ,seeing as how things w/ Syria aren't so hunky dory right now. They'll just have to wait for our visit...whenever that may be. My sister is planning on coming out this time to help...she is fan-friggin'-tastic w/ the kids and taking care of my home...so I will be able to relax!!!!

I managed to give the kids a decent enough explanation about when the baby is due. I told them " when it's time to start swimming in the pool again it will be time for the baby to come"...they actually get it...so now I don't have to deal w/ the "When will the baby be here questions".
DS actually said to my tummy the other day " Hello little baby, I know you're stuck in there, but don't worry, you can come out when it's time to go swimming!"

Yesterday it finally got cold here...(PHX cold that is). There was a freeze warning for most of the state which is common for the north & high country but not so common for us here in the valley. We finally fired up the furnace. DD#1 and I went out and picked our grapefruit and trimmed the roses and the azaelias that were in new bloom or budding. We have 13 huge pink grapefriut and last night DH & I shared one before went to bed. He had to leave after dinner for an accute MI. He has practically lost his voice. The 2 of us have been battling bronchitis...the kids seem to be escaping this bug!!

Do I dare say it...DH and I seem to be doing well on the marriage front. I am wondering, if now that the nanny is gone and I will be having to focus more on the kids in the evening, instead of spending what littletime we get(due to his crazy long days), if things will backsldie into bickering & fighting...I pray not.

I received a few family heir looms from my dad's estate. I now need to shop long distance for a antique restoration/ refinnishing business in central IN. Then I need to figure out how to get the pieces out here??! Turns out my dad gave the house to my younger brother. The contents were divided between us. My brother that got the house is beiing very devious about dad's shares of stocks, and other assets. I really don't give a flying fart anymore...I just see my brother & father as being such sad, similar, pathetic, pitiful type of people.

Well I need tp go feed the babes and start in on my HUGE amt of laundry!!!

[Momo]

Well my dawkter's wife days of having a nanny may be over...as I stated the nanny came & left b4 I could enjoy it ...oh well!
I have been blessed w/ an answer to my prayers of needing (forget wanting) I stress needing some reprieve from the little ones...a friend of mine said she wanted to make some extra $$ from home so she asked if I wanted to arrange for her to watch my kids. I chose Tues & Thur 11-3! This was our 1st week and it was wonderful on many levels! The best thing is it literally forces me out of the house. I drop them off then I am FREE I said FREE to do what I need and gasp WANT to do!!! I took care of getting my blood drawn for my lab work the OB ordered. I made it to Target, the dry cleaners, the post office and the grocery with such ease! My kids have a blast, because they know the sitter & her family well.
She has a daughter and son,they are in pre school/kindergarten for all but an hour of when my kids are @ her home. The last hour of their time w/ her is when they get to play w/ their buddies...her older 2 really like having playmates there when they come home! Her older 2 are a year older than my older 2 ;she also has a little boy that is the same age as my littlest and a 6 mos old! I'm now officially 1/2 way to being where she is...God willing all will go well and I will have a new peanut come the middle of May. It's soooo nice to return to her home and have my little rascals thrilled to see me...let's face it when you stay home day in and day out the kiddos tend to view you as a loving piece of utilitarian furniture! Just to have DD2 squeal w/ delight when she see me walk in is sooooo worth it! DD1 usually is having too much fun and doesn't wish to leave!

Oh can I say rain rain hallelujah rain! Yesterday was absolutely lovely in that it was cold ,gray and VERY wet!! Yes folks it is soooo darn sunny and dry here, that the days I used to hate in MI are now the days I long for here!! I opened windows and doors to help the humidity build up in the house...it was chilly, but worth it! As of now there is pea soup fog outside. I can't even see the mountains!! It's in the high 30s right now...should be warming up into the 60s this week.

DH is on call for the holiday weekend...one of the partners will take over Mon morn. Needless to say he didn't arrive home until almost 10:00. Usually every other Fri night we have pizza night...so the kids & I enjoyed that, then it was off to bed for them.

Well one of the 2 major holidays in my faith begins /falls on Dec 31 this year! For all the other Muslim(s) that may read this, " Eid Moubarak!" InshAllah you'll have a blessed Eid Al Adah! I think I recall some on here being married to individuals who come from (or whose families once lived in) predominantly Muslim countries...anyway if your spouses are Muslim practicing or not, please pass along my Happy Eid wishes to them!
The kids are excited because it lasts for 3 days! We will make decorations w/ construction paper , crayons, glue , markers, and then tape them to the narrow windows on either side of the front door. We will be buying them new outfits for the community prayer service, as well as what they really look forward to, the toys!! I may even have a small party for the children and some of their friends.

[Momo]

Thank God that's over! "What's over?" you may ask...DH's stay at home vacation. I am an emotional ball of hurt...our marriage SUCKS...he's mean...I'm pregnant and tired...so tired.

The week of the 20Th of Dec...he verbally blasted at me...saying shitty things ...just being a total jerk...I tried so hard to not show that it bothered me.I didn't allow myself to sink into the pits of verbally fighting back. Things are so bad between us that I had to e-mail him w/ how I was feeling, because he refuses to talk about it. I pretty much told him that he has hurt me more than all the men from my life...including my dad & ex-SOs combined! To him he would only see this as a low blow...instead of a wake up call that speaks truth!!!

In his mind I am a spoiled queen...I don't have to work outside the home(we all know having 3 babies ages 4, 2& 1 are a total piece of cake because @ this age they are soooo self sufficient ), we own a nice home, he INSISTS on grocery shopping for 70% of what we have & occasionally cooks (his hobby) and I have a cleaning lady(I DO ALL OF the picking up/ de-cluttering & laundry... for those of you w/ 3 or more kids you know that this 90% of the problem, not the actual kitchen, bathroom cleaning that the house keeper does)... but hey screw all this & ALL OF THE OTHER THINGS I DO, BECAUSE THOSE THINGS, IN HIS LIMITED MIND, ARE NOTHING...so I am, as you can see, a queen!!

Sure he'll give me lip service once in a blue moon about how he's glad I'm his kid's mom and all...but I take his compliments w/ a grain of salt...that's the price jerks pay when they are cruel and careless w/ their words from time to time...they devalue anything good that may come from their mouths @ other times.

I have an OB appt tomorrow...I am gonna see who she suggest for a therapist in my area...I was gonna call a woman near here...but thought I'd wait until after I see my OB & who she recommends. I also will ask her to evaluate me for an antidepressant. The idea of taking one while pregnant bothers me...but the idea of hurting as much as I do is worse...I have 3 kids and my self I need to take care of as well...so many on here have told me they took them during pregnancy, and my OB told me last pregnancy that there are ones that are used for pregnant women, so like I said I'll ask her to evaluate me tomorrow for meds. Hopefully she'll have a good recommendation for a therapist, if not I'll call the gal that's near by!

[Momo]

I wasn't sure what type of mood DH would be in after having to go back to work. Honestly a part of me was hoping he'd stay in his pseudo bad mood , so I would still be fueled up to tell my OB what a jerk he has been. Gosh that' sounds stupid & awful, but honestly I am the type that if someone apologizes and or behaves more pleasantly I pretty much forget the bad...I truly don't hold grudges. Anyway, DH comes home relatively early and is all hugs/kisses and "I love yous"... oh and he brought dinner for the 2 of us since the kids were already fed!?! Honestly you guys , I was thinking "Who are you and where is the guy who has been a moody bear the past 2 weeks??" I even asked "what's gotten into you?", and he acted surprised . Anyway I went w/ it...I am so cynical that I even thought he's probably being nice because I have to see my OB tomorrow.


The next morning I got the kids up , fed ,ready and off to the sitters. I am just sooooooooooo thrilled that my girlfriend is able to watch them. It is truly a win/win for all. She gets some extra cash , I get freedom, the kids get a change of scenery and get to play w/ her little guy that is not in school! Everyone comes away happy! I did notice runny noses starting that morning and naievely hoped it wasn't going to be anything too bad!

Arrived at the OB's office before my scheduled appt time (call Ripley's)!! The little guy inside is doing great, thank God! When she asked how I was doing, I didn't hold back. Luckily I was her last appt before the lunch break. She wrote me a script for a med, and the names of some therapists. The only problem is that the ones she listed are so far away from where I live...I have the name of a lady in my area that I will call and hopefully see by weeks-end.

My cleaning lady is MIA ...I guess all those great references I provided for her back fired on me!! She just stopped coming, she at least had the decency to call the Fri b4 last to say she couldn't make it...I said OK and I see her the usual Mon AM ... Mon turned out to be a no show, no call and no returning my calls. Then This past Fri, it was the same as the previous Mon. Well, I'm just gonna have the sitter watch the kids for 5 hours every other Fri in addition to their weekly Tue & Thur 4 hours. I will use those Fri for the deep cleaning . I must make this work, so DH doesn't bring MIL ...I must show him that I don't need her!!

The runny noses on Tuesday rapidly progressed into an awful illness amongst the kiddos. By Tues night they all sounded like they were hacking up a lung!! What a beautiful night it turned out to be. DD1 coughed so hard @ bedtime that I had to rush her to the bathroom, because it was apparent that puking :: was immanent !! Unfortunately 30% of it hit the hall carpet and me b4 I got her to the toilet !! Poor little things, it's so pathetic when they are this sick. I got her cleaned up & back in bed, then cleaned the carpet and changed my clothes. The Delysum cough syrup didn't seem to work; I heard them all hacking throughout the night . Around 1:00 I got out of bed and decided to check on them and make sure they were covered. When I got to the end of the hall I smelled vomit ...was this just my hyper sensitive pregnancy nose or did I miss a few drops on the carpet?? I looked and all was clean. I figured it was probably from the dirty laundry I put in the tub until AM.

I covered both girls then heard a moaning coming from DS room. I went and found the the poor thing passed out on the floor near the doorway of his room ...his bed and his PJs were covered in massive amts of vomit :thud: !!! The poor guy was too sick and exhausted to make it to our room. I went and awoke DH and said this was a job where I needed him...he sprung into action...He took DS in to the bathroom stripped him down washed him off rinsed his hair w/ a wash cloth and got him dressed in fresh warm jammies. He made a bed for DS on the floor of our room, got him a waste basket and a sippy cup of H2O.
In the meantime, I was stripping his bed clothes , cleaning carpet and trying to suppress my own puke, because after all, I am so fortunate to have pregnancy super olfactory senses... as well as a hypersensitive gag reflex !!!

The next few days the kids did not improve ..DH actually said I should take them to the pediatrician Fri morning...I was hoping to go in have her hear the cough and then & get a scrip for a good cough medicine to help them/us,sleep through the night!! Ha! No such luck. When she heard we were in the previous week, for flu vaccines, she became concerned because they have had a lot of RSV showing up in their patients. So she ordered breathing treatments for 2 of the three.
I convinced DS that it was a Thomas machine and he was gonna be a steam engine...he loved it !!He kept breathing in out each time, trilled by the "puff of steam"...the nurse was so impressed that she told the others that this was going to be her new way to convince little ones that it's fun and not scary! We used a mask for DD2... she of course wasn't happy at all !I think I got most of it, as I felt like I used to, when I would step out into the frigid,winter air in MI.

After the post treatment exam she said she wanted DS & DD2 to have chest x-rays...great! So off to have those done. She said after the results of the x-rays she'd electronically send in prescriptions for the kids' meds. I said that would be great because I would go through the drive through on the way home to get them. The radiologist said DD2 was clear and that DS had a small area on the right that might be pneumonia...umm hmm . Anyway I went & picked up some food for dinner and then headed towards the pharmacy to get the medicine, only to find that she hadn't gotten them called in ...oh well... I picked up mine and the medicine for the nebulizer she sent home w/ us for DS& DD2. What a sucky Fri!

DH is on long call which sucks because he's covering for the group and doing acute MIs. Yesterday he left @ 6:30 am and got home @ 10:45pm!!It sucks being the only parent taking care of 3 sickies!

I sat w/ DH while he ate. I made him a big batch of tabbouleh(middle eastern salad) and some soup! While he was eating, I started telling him about my day and I just burst into tears... the stress of everything has just taken it's toll . He told me to "hang in there", and that hopefully he'd have a PA/ NP by Feb. I didn't tell him about the Wellbutrin I began taking Fri night nor did I mention that I will start seeing a therapist. I want to wait until I have been on the meds 2 or 3 weeks and until after a couple sessions. It feels weird waiting to tell him...but I need to do this my way ...he will know when I decide...I just want to see/feel improvement, before I tell him...that way, he will hopefully see the benefits and have less of an inclination to talk me out of it (I am assuming this is what he may try...who knows may be he won't!)

Yowza, was this a long blog entry or what?... at least rambling on feels somewhat therapeutic.