What is it my mom/ our moms said ?? "Never air dirty laundry in public places!"
I will use this to say whatever I need to say...
thanks for the user name change
I need to go and take care of the babes...I'll write more later ...that is if DH isn't on here all day!
Well DH is napping, the kiddos are watching "baby beethoven DVD" ...there are a million and 1 things that MUST get done that will go undone because DH isn't in the mood...like getting the piss poor breaks on the mini van fixed... god if I only had a babysitter I'd drive to walmart/sears drop it off and then shop while it's getting fixed*...but lugging all three kids around isn't worth the headache. maybe I am a big wuss for not dragging them out and about...it's just that the valley is sooo darn hot in the summer!
I need to call back home and see how dad is doing. I can't believe that when a father is so close to death he doesn't want to see his daughter...I wish I knew if it were my brother that was playing a role in my dad not seeing me. Oh well maybe he is ashamed, feels too guilty, maybe he still lives in his "fairytale land where he was nothing but the perfect dad that never inappropraitely laid a hand on his girls."
i always tell DH that if only he had been a drunk, a drug addict or some unemployed loser, anti social freak then it would have been so much easier to have written him off all these years...but instead the dad that decided to damage the "apple of his eye" was a successful business man, devout church goer, the type that made sure you saw him in the stands whether you were playing vollyball, basketball, or cheerleading. He would make amazing homemade toys for us, we would go on nature walks on our farm and in our woods., go on extended bike rides he would take us on picnics @ the local state park...he was soooo amazing at many things a father is supposed to do , yet he had to fuck it all up by touching us...
Now here he is a shell of a man, whom I haven't spoken w/ in 15 year. When my family started telling me about my dad's condition, I would in turn relay what they said to DH. it was Dh that said I bet it's an "esophegeal tumor" ...Dh was right, a few weeks later, after the test, he was given the news that he had stage 4 esophegeal cancer...you have know idea how painful it is...I tried to reconcile w/ him a few years ago, but he never responded to my letter. When I went home recently to visit family, he still expressed no desire to see me...
Funny how the Ivan Albright painting I was so drawn to in college seems to be haunting me lately....
That Which I Should Have Done I Did Not Do (The Door)
*was never forced to do this...luckily found a local business to pick it up & drop it off.
I will use this to say whatever I need to say...
thanks for the user name change
I need to go and take care of the babes...I'll write more later ...that is if DH isn't on here all day!
Well DH is napping, the kiddos are watching "baby beethoven DVD" ...there are a million and 1 things that MUST get done that will go undone because DH isn't in the mood...like getting the piss poor breaks on the mini van fixed... god if I only had a babysitter I'd drive to walmart/sears drop it off and then shop while it's getting fixed*...but lugging all three kids around isn't worth the headache. maybe I am a big wuss for not dragging them out and about...it's just that the valley is sooo darn hot in the summer!
I need to call back home and see how dad is doing. I can't believe that when a father is so close to death he doesn't want to see his daughter...I wish I knew if it were my brother that was playing a role in my dad not seeing me. Oh well maybe he is ashamed, feels too guilty, maybe he still lives in his "fairytale land where he was nothing but the perfect dad that never inappropraitely laid a hand on his girls."
i always tell DH that if only he had been a drunk, a drug addict or some unemployed loser, anti social freak then it would have been so much easier to have written him off all these years...but instead the dad that decided to damage the "apple of his eye" was a successful business man, devout church goer, the type that made sure you saw him in the stands whether you were playing vollyball, basketball, or cheerleading. He would make amazing homemade toys for us, we would go on nature walks on our farm and in our woods., go on extended bike rides he would take us on picnics @ the local state park...he was soooo amazing at many things a father is supposed to do , yet he had to fuck it all up by touching us...
Now here he is a shell of a man, whom I haven't spoken w/ in 15 year. When my family started telling me about my dad's condition, I would in turn relay what they said to DH. it was Dh that said I bet it's an "esophegeal tumor" ...Dh was right, a few weeks later, after the test, he was given the news that he had stage 4 esophegeal cancer...you have know idea how painful it is...I tried to reconcile w/ him a few years ago, but he never responded to my letter. When I went home recently to visit family, he still expressed no desire to see me...
Funny how the Ivan Albright painting I was so drawn to in college seems to be haunting me lately....
That Which I Should Have Done I Did Not Do (The Door)
*was never forced to do this...luckily found a local business to pick it up & drop it off.
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