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Before I delve right into my rant, let me give a little background.
I have one sister (5 years older). We were the epitome of sibling rivalry growing up. There was even bloodshed at one point. There is so much history between us, its surprising we even speak to each other today. There are three reasons we do...Jeremiah (3), Cassie (2) & Piper (4 months). My sister has the three most adorable children. Jeremiah is my godson and the joy of my heart. Cassie just turned two and we had her party today, which is the source of my frustration and despair.
You see, my sister is...different. She and her husband both are. They don't care about what anyone else thinks, they don't bathe on a regular basis, their house is disgusting and hardly fit for children, they spend most of their time in front of the computer (not like us here at medspouse) involved in some strange fantasy world called UO. I have no idea what it is and I do not care to find out. All I know is it keeps them occupied while my niece and nephew are busy getting into the hall closet and dumping toothpaste, shampoo, baby powder, lotion, etc. all over themselves and the floor and coloring on the walls with markers. I understand kids do this type of thing, but they should have never been given that much time to do all these things without her checking on them. They live in a one-story, three bedroom house for crying out loud. Now, before anyone gets defensive, I completely understand the hardships she must face having three little ones at home with a husband who does little to help. I have the utmost respect for those of you who are doing this. Just keeping two of them for 6 hours is exhausting for me. But as tired as I am, I still put their needs before mine. I still have the "maternal instinct" that I feel my sister lacks. What pisses me off the most is how she feels that because these kids popped out of her she automatically thinks she was bestowed with this all knowing knowledge and won't listen to what anyone else has to say. Not having children of my own, I will give her some of that, but she doesn't have a clue when it comes to most things.
Through the lives of these three kids my family and I have observed them smelling like urine, no sheets in the crib, my nephew sleeping on a bare queen-size matress in his room when his toddler bed was in pieces in the closet, earwax built up so much that it made me gag to clean it out with a baby wipe, uncontrolable eczema on the middle child's legs that is actually pussing and scabbing, significant developmental and speech delays with nothing but denial from my sister (keep in mind, DH is 8 months from being a pediatrician) and the list just goes on. Their house reeks of garbage, the 4 month-old is still sleeping in the bassanette even though she has a crib in the same room that is filled with stuffed animals! How lazy can you be! I swear, she is the most clueless, lazy, selfish, procrastinating so-called mom I have ever met.
Okay, so I've given a little background, here's how today panned out. I had gotten a call from her last night asking if I and DH could pick the kids up and take them to church with us because, "if I have to miss church they shouldn't have to." I said, "They're 2 and 3 years-old. They don't get anything out of church and there is no one in the nursery in early, so that means one of us has to skip church to watch them." She said, "well, it would also help me out so I could get some stuff done around here befor the party." I sucked it up and said we would be there at 7:30 AM to pick them up, meaning we had to wake up 1/2 earlier and drive all the way up to there house, get the kids, and keep them occupied while we warmed up for choir. Fast forward to breakfast, my mom, DH, the kids and I went to IHOP and then back to my mom's. There we played and watched Cinderella and Dumbo. I had laundry to do also, so I had to squeeze that in. Then my mom and I took the kids to get new shoes. Jeremiah's were wearing shoes 1 1/2 sizes to small and Cassie's were one size too small.
Around 3 we headed back over to their house, where I bathed all 3 kids, changed them, got them dressed, and fed the baby her bottle. Meanwhile, my sister's house STILL looked like a disaster area. The living room was cluttered with junk, not only kid toys, but all kinds of things. The vacuum was sitting amidst it all, even though the floor was obviously not clean. There were piles of clothes and other crap stored in every corner and there was stiil shit on the couches...oh and I failed to mention before how they don't have a dining room table in their dining room....well, they do, but it's shoved against the wall with two computers on it (one for her and one for my bil). So we're looking at about 6 places to sit for the guests that were to be showing up in 20 minutes. As they start arriving, she worries more about the kitchen and the crappy food she's preparing than moving things so they have somewhere to sit. So I moved a box of the chair, the play mat that was sprawled on the couch, and other odds and ends, but the vacuum still sat in the middle of the room. So as her in-laws arrive, some friends, and my aunt, uncle and cousins filter in as well, there is no room for everyone. We all exchange looks because we are all thinking the same thing. And saying things to my sister or her husband is like talking to a wall. We should really know better by now, and just accept it, but I can't. I cannot stand to watch my nieces and nephew grow up in that kind of environment. Everything I did all day was for Cassie (the birthday girl). I didn't do it for my sister. If I had the choice I would say screw you and let her wallow in her own filth, but that is not fair to the kids. I put a lot of stock in the fact that your childhood shapes who you are as an adult (thanks to my sister and some other factors, I have been in therapy for almost 10 years now). She, of course, has some REAL issues but will never admit them.
Anyway, I'm getting tired so I'm getting sidetracked. So after all the stuff I did for these kids today, do I get a single thank you? No! I get yelled at and berated because I have enough balls to stand up to her when she was standing there, holding a Twinkie with 3 burning candles in it while Cassie fussing and almost crying, everyone is standing around waiting for by bil to come into the kitchen so we could sing Happy Birthday. He had just gotten off work (no, they don't schedule parties around his schedule. He doesn't seem to care. He wasn't even present at his Cassie's baptism) So, when he's not coming in the room I said, "Does he even care to be in here? Did he ask you to wait this whole time?" All she said was, "Shut up, Susan. This isn't the time to do this with all these people here. I know YOU don't care about that." All this in her evil demon tone. What she didn't know is everyone standing there was thinking the same thing, but I'm the only one who ever stands up to her. It took everything I had to bite my tongue and not bite back. (I failed to do that once when I threatened to call child services and we had a HUGE blowout...unfortunatley that was Christmas night at my moms'.) It would be different if she hadn't asked me to take the kids all day, or if she hadn't asked me to bring tortilla chips, salsa, cups, and plates, and if she hadn't asked me to bathe her children...but she DID! Not one thank you. I do this for the kids and that is it!!! But in doing so, I feel like I'm the floor mat. The only good that comes out of it are the hugs and kisses I get from them. I only hope they know someday how much I care about them and how much effort I and DH have put into helping suppliment some of their childhood happiness. DH was even so pissed that we had to leave immediately after the cake so he didn't tell her off.
So, this begs the question, "Do I continue being the floor mat?" I'm so afraid that if we didn't help, these kids would not have "normal" childhoods. This birthday party would have been worse than it was, or may not have happened at all.
If anyone is actually still reading this, I commend you for your stamina. I apologize if I have offended anyone, but I assure you there is justification behind all of my actions/thoughts. I'm just completely at my wits end. I love these kids so much, but I can not stand their mom!!!!
I have one sister (5 years older). We were the epitome of sibling rivalry growing up. There was even bloodshed at one point. There is so much history between us, its surprising we even speak to each other today. There are three reasons we do...Jeremiah (3), Cassie (2) & Piper (4 months). My sister has the three most adorable children. Jeremiah is my godson and the joy of my heart. Cassie just turned two and we had her party today, which is the source of my frustration and despair.
You see, my sister is...different. She and her husband both are. They don't care about what anyone else thinks, they don't bathe on a regular basis, their house is disgusting and hardly fit for children, they spend most of their time in front of the computer (not like us here at medspouse) involved in some strange fantasy world called UO. I have no idea what it is and I do not care to find out. All I know is it keeps them occupied while my niece and nephew are busy getting into the hall closet and dumping toothpaste, shampoo, baby powder, lotion, etc. all over themselves and the floor and coloring on the walls with markers. I understand kids do this type of thing, but they should have never been given that much time to do all these things without her checking on them. They live in a one-story, three bedroom house for crying out loud. Now, before anyone gets defensive, I completely understand the hardships she must face having three little ones at home with a husband who does little to help. I have the utmost respect for those of you who are doing this. Just keeping two of them for 6 hours is exhausting for me. But as tired as I am, I still put their needs before mine. I still have the "maternal instinct" that I feel my sister lacks. What pisses me off the most is how she feels that because these kids popped out of her she automatically thinks she was bestowed with this all knowing knowledge and won't listen to what anyone else has to say. Not having children of my own, I will give her some of that, but she doesn't have a clue when it comes to most things.
Through the lives of these three kids my family and I have observed them smelling like urine, no sheets in the crib, my nephew sleeping on a bare queen-size matress in his room when his toddler bed was in pieces in the closet, earwax built up so much that it made me gag to clean it out with a baby wipe, uncontrolable eczema on the middle child's legs that is actually pussing and scabbing, significant developmental and speech delays with nothing but denial from my sister (keep in mind, DH is 8 months from being a pediatrician) and the list just goes on. Their house reeks of garbage, the 4 month-old is still sleeping in the bassanette even though she has a crib in the same room that is filled with stuffed animals! How lazy can you be! I swear, she is the most clueless, lazy, selfish, procrastinating so-called mom I have ever met.
Okay, so I've given a little background, here's how today panned out. I had gotten a call from her last night asking if I and DH could pick the kids up and take them to church with us because, "if I have to miss church they shouldn't have to." I said, "They're 2 and 3 years-old. They don't get anything out of church and there is no one in the nursery in early, so that means one of us has to skip church to watch them." She said, "well, it would also help me out so I could get some stuff done around here befor the party." I sucked it up and said we would be there at 7:30 AM to pick them up, meaning we had to wake up 1/2 earlier and drive all the way up to there house, get the kids, and keep them occupied while we warmed up for choir. Fast forward to breakfast, my mom, DH, the kids and I went to IHOP and then back to my mom's. There we played and watched Cinderella and Dumbo. I had laundry to do also, so I had to squeeze that in. Then my mom and I took the kids to get new shoes. Jeremiah's were wearing shoes 1 1/2 sizes to small and Cassie's were one size too small.
Around 3 we headed back over to their house, where I bathed all 3 kids, changed them, got them dressed, and fed the baby her bottle. Meanwhile, my sister's house STILL looked like a disaster area. The living room was cluttered with junk, not only kid toys, but all kinds of things. The vacuum was sitting amidst it all, even though the floor was obviously not clean. There were piles of clothes and other crap stored in every corner and there was stiil shit on the couches...oh and I failed to mention before how they don't have a dining room table in their dining room....well, they do, but it's shoved against the wall with two computers on it (one for her and one for my bil). So we're looking at about 6 places to sit for the guests that were to be showing up in 20 minutes. As they start arriving, she worries more about the kitchen and the crappy food she's preparing than moving things so they have somewhere to sit. So I moved a box of the chair, the play mat that was sprawled on the couch, and other odds and ends, but the vacuum still sat in the middle of the room. So as her in-laws arrive, some friends, and my aunt, uncle and cousins filter in as well, there is no room for everyone. We all exchange looks because we are all thinking the same thing. And saying things to my sister or her husband is like talking to a wall. We should really know better by now, and just accept it, but I can't. I cannot stand to watch my nieces and nephew grow up in that kind of environment. Everything I did all day was for Cassie (the birthday girl). I didn't do it for my sister. If I had the choice I would say screw you and let her wallow in her own filth, but that is not fair to the kids. I put a lot of stock in the fact that your childhood shapes who you are as an adult (thanks to my sister and some other factors, I have been in therapy for almost 10 years now). She, of course, has some REAL issues but will never admit them.
Anyway, I'm getting tired so I'm getting sidetracked. So after all the stuff I did for these kids today, do I get a single thank you? No! I get yelled at and berated because I have enough balls to stand up to her when she was standing there, holding a Twinkie with 3 burning candles in it while Cassie fussing and almost crying, everyone is standing around waiting for by bil to come into the kitchen so we could sing Happy Birthday. He had just gotten off work (no, they don't schedule parties around his schedule. He doesn't seem to care. He wasn't even present at his Cassie's baptism) So, when he's not coming in the room I said, "Does he even care to be in here? Did he ask you to wait this whole time?" All she said was, "Shut up, Susan. This isn't the time to do this with all these people here. I know YOU don't care about that." All this in her evil demon tone. What she didn't know is everyone standing there was thinking the same thing, but I'm the only one who ever stands up to her. It took everything I had to bite my tongue and not bite back. (I failed to do that once when I threatened to call child services and we had a HUGE blowout...unfortunatley that was Christmas night at my moms'.) It would be different if she hadn't asked me to take the kids all day, or if she hadn't asked me to bring tortilla chips, salsa, cups, and plates, and if she hadn't asked me to bathe her children...but she DID! Not one thank you. I do this for the kids and that is it!!! But in doing so, I feel like I'm the floor mat. The only good that comes out of it are the hugs and kisses I get from them. I only hope they know someday how much I care about them and how much effort I and DH have put into helping suppliment some of their childhood happiness. DH was even so pissed that we had to leave immediately after the cake so he didn't tell her off.
So, this begs the question, "Do I continue being the floor mat?" I'm so afraid that if we didn't help, these kids would not have "normal" childhoods. This birthday party would have been worse than it was, or may not have happened at all.
If anyone is actually still reading this, I commend you for your stamina. I apologize if I have offended anyone, but I assure you there is justification behind all of my actions/thoughts. I'm just completely at my wits end. I love these kids so much, but I can not stand their mom!!!!
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