What do you do all day?

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It has been a MONTH since my last post! Sadly, not too much has happened that is worth reporting, but since Kris' recent post in *her* blog has inspired me, I will do the best I can here.

First of all, some long overdue pics from our spring break trip to San Antonio.....

Bluebonnets in Waco on the way down

DH and I on a Ferris Wheel at Fiesta Texas

the boys on the Riverwalk

Nellie, have you been holding out on us?

and finally, a bee-you-tee-full picture of DCJenn and I....


Our visit was not long enough, and I am bummed that I didn't get to meet Nikolai, but it was GREAT to see her.

DS #1 turned 12 right after we got back, and I was so busy that I barely took the time to acknowledge it, besides going through the motions. So, in a lame effort to make up for it......meet Luke
4-13-95

about a year later....
Kindergarten
Third grade
and now

Happy birthday to the kid who made me a Mom! (and who will be taller than me by the end of the summer!)

He is a blessing in our lives and is really becoming a young man as opposed to a "boy". It all goes so fast! It really does seem like those early pictures were just taken a year or two ago.

Well, that is all I have time for now......hopefully I will find another chance to post soon.

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The year is winding down.....10 more school days left! Along with the end of school comes lots of extras, though.....between now and May 23, I have two recitals and three concerts to attend/direct. It will be busy, but it will feel so good when it is all done!

I am taking two one-week intensive classes this summer, the second and fourth weeks of June. I plan on relaxing the first week of June (and maybe cleaning out some closets) while DS #1 is at camp and DSs #2 and #3 split the week at my mom's. With only one kid at home during the week, I should get to chill out a little. DH is taking the 3rd week of June off, and we plan on doing *something* as a family the first half of the week, before taking the boys to my in-laws....we usually meet them halfway between our house and theirs, but that place is tbd at this point. The boys will be living the good life with grandma and grandpa while I take my second week long class, and then the in-laws will bring them all the way back here at the beginning of July, and will stay here with us until my sister's wedding on July 7th.

I am hoping July will be blessedly uneventful, although I think DH's brother and family are planning a visit....which I look forward to! I will need to get in my classroom and work....the more I do this summer, the less stressed/crazy I will be next year. Hopefully that will motivate me.

DH is taking some more time off in August, and we hope to get away for some couple time around our anniversary on the 11th. School starts about a week after that, but at least this year I know I will be teaching! Sometimes I can't believe I have survived this year.

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Well, I am sick in bed. Never happens! I had been fighting a sore throat for about two weeks. At first, in a moment of panic, I was SURE it was strep throat, and had DH do a rapid strep test, which was negative. So I took lots of ibuprofen and kept going. Eventually I figured out that my sinuses were congested and the throat thing was being caused by drainage. Finally, on Thursday, my initial dose of ibuprofen wore off, and my throat wasn't sore. WOO-HOO! But on Friday, I started the day hoarse and my voice was gone by the end of the morning. Yesterday, I just felt horrible all day. My voice students were giving a recital, so I had to get myself together and go to that. I had a coughing fit about halfway through, and had to leave......I coughed so hard in the bathroom that I almost threw up! Today, I am going to take it easy, although my two oldest boys have a piano recital this afternoon. I feel better today than I did yesterday, which is good. Tomorrow, my middle school kids have their spring concert, so obviously, I am going to need my voice! Eight more days of school......

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There is a family I have gotten to know, through giving two of their daughters voice lessons this year. Visiting their house once a week for the past nine months has given me some insight into their lives and caused me to question some of my initial impressions about people who live like they do.

These girls (14 and 19) have been homeschooled their entire lives. The older one has spent the past year working in her Dad's office (he is a surgeon) as did her three older siblings (one girl, two boys) for a year before they went to college. They all go to Bob Jones University, a place that carries extremely negative connotations for me, which are based on experiences from my growing up years, not just what I have heard in the media. The family lives in a clearing in the middle of a woods. Their house looks like a log cabin from the outside, but the inside is completely modern looking, with hardwood floors, etc. It is nice, but not fancy by any stretch.

I agreed to teach these girls (and a friend of theirs) before I was hired to teach school. I knew that the girls were really looking forward to having voice lessons, so even though I really wanted to forget the whole thing once I got my other job, I decided to keep that committment and teach them. My attitude going in was that they CLEARLY didn't live in the real world, but that I would be the bigger person and overlook their head-in-the-sand mentality and give them voice lessons, so that they would have at least a little of the music education that they had been denied since they were homeschooled.

These girls were the sweetest, most unaffected girls I have ever been around. They were not fake at all, and not shy about stating their opinions, either. They loved being outside and were pretty tough (more than I am!) about bugs and snakes, etc. They usually wore dresses or skirts, although the older one would sometimes have scrubs on if she had come from work. Neither girl wore make-up, and truthfully, they didn't need it. Contrary to what I thought would be the case, these girls were musically WAY ahead of any student I had ever taught, due to the piano and violin lessons they had taken in years prior. As I got to know the girls better, I found that they each had a wonderful sense of humor, and a great appreciation for history and language, both of which come into play when intrepreting songs. I would come straight to their house after teaching my middle school students, and the contrast between these girls and the kids I taught at school could not have been much greater, honestly.

I didn't get to know the girls' mom as quickly, since I didn't see her as much, but there were a couple of times when the girls were fighting colds, and couldn't really sing, so they would just invite me to lunch instead. They would ask me about my life, and really wanted to know what I had to say, which is (in my experience, at least) so rare today. Mrs. X got to the point where she would notice if I looked tired, and would fix me some hot chocolate (remembering that I didn't drink coffee) and if she and the girls had baked cookies, they would fix a plate for me to take home. If I would run over on lesson time (which I pretty much expect to do, since I am a talker) she would INSIST on paying me extra, even though I told her repeatedly that she didn't need to.

In short, they are a delightful family, and the thing that I envy the most about them is that they are almost completely "off the grid", with none of the hurrying and scurrying that seems to define my life and the lives of most of the parents I know. Yet, their kids are well-rounded and very intelligent. Of the older siblings, one is in med school, one is getting ready to start med school, and the oldest daughter just finished her master's degree in English, and will be teaching in the satellite school program offered through Bob Jones.

I don't agree with all of their choices, but I can't fault them on the results...I have met the whole family at this point, and frankly, I am happy that there are people like them in the world. It is comforting for me to know they exist, especially juxtaposed with the kids I teach. As I explained to my group of boys why it is inappropriate to tell someone they are making an "###### face" during class time.....and some of them honestly can't see why this is inappropriate.....I am glad to know that there are kids that are being raised differently.

I am not ready to homeschool my boys, or start throwing Victorian tea parties, (which these girls are WAY into) but I have certainly re-thought my initial impression of this family. They may be on to something, and I know I will keep thinking about them, even though I am not going to be teaching the girls anymore. I am ashamed of how patronizing and snotty I was internally in the beginning.....and in the vast continuum of world views, although they are definitely further right than I, we are actually not that far apart. So I guess it is to be expected that those who consider themselves as part of the left would feel at least as strongly, if not more, towards someone like myself. I think I experienced, in microcosm with this family, what would help to end the polarization that is so rampant in this country.....if we could just get to know each other as people and stop being so self-righteous and judgemental (on both sides) and could give others the benefit of the doubt at least long enough to get to know them, well, maybe we could actually get some things done, instead of fighting about the same old stuff year after year.

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YAY! I am officially done teaching for the year! I have to supervise for two more days of "fun", (quiz bowl and talent show) and spend the day at school wrapping things up on Friday, but I said goodbye to my classes today.

Also today, DS #2 turned 9! I will post some pics of him (like I did for his older brother) when I am at our other computer, but for now I just wanted to recognize his special day. He took cupcakes (store-bought ) to school today, and we went to Chuck E. Cheese tonight for dinner at his request. A new one just opened here in our 'burb, and it was actually clean and relatively uncrowded, so I could deal with it.

I watched part of a Memorial Day concert on PBS this weekend, and teared up thinking of all of the families separated right now. My heart goes out to all of them.

DH worked about 35 hours of the three day weekend, and 16 of those hours were on Monday. I know call weekends will have some, ummm, *call* involved, but they usually don't suck quite as bad as that! Consequently, I got about half of the stuff done that I had hoped to accomplish and was frantically shopping for bday presents, baking a cake, trying to clean, visiting with my Dad (who is in town), and working on stuff for renewing my license during the 2.5 hours I had free t his afternoon.

Something I did get done over the weekend was so much fun! The boys and I went to a local nursery and I bought a bunch of annuals to plant in beds around the house and in various containers. I planted most of the stuff when I got home, and today I have the sore muscles to prove it! But the flowers sure look pretty.

My sweet aunt that I help take care of, who will be 89 in a couple of weeks, started dialysis today. And tomorrow she starts chemo for a metastisis of kidney cancer. I talked to her for a while this evening, and she really is a trooper, but I so wish she weren't having to go through this. They are going to do two rounds of chemo (2 weeks on, 1 week off) and then re-scan and see how things stand. She told me tonight that this is pretty hard, but she just tries to imagine people who have gone through things that are so much worse, and that makes it easier to take. I certainly wish that I will be able to have that kind of attitude if I live to be her age. Of course, given my squeamishness, (I can barely think of dialysis or look at the place in her arm that they prepared for it without getting light-headed) I would probably not handle it as well as she is.

I need to sign off and get ready for bed. DH got home last night around midnight and got paged so many times after that that neither of us got much sleep. He is really dragging today, which isn't usual for him.....but he had quite a weekend....five babies!

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Well, about 7 hours after my last post, I was puking up my guts in the middle of the night. Niiice. I woke up that night at about 1:00, all sweaty and worrying for some reason about American Idol, (wth? I don't even watch that show) which quickly morphed into an obsession about everything I have been worrying about lately. After two hours of this, without being able to fall back asleep, I got so worked up that I started crying and finally woke up DH (who was getting his first night's sleep since the horrible call weekend) to tell him that I was having an anxiety attack and it was all because I had gone back to work, that it was the worst decision I had ever made, blah blah blah. He told me to roll over and he would rub my back, and as soon as I did, I realized I was going to puke. And as I puked, I realized that my "anxiety attack" was nothing but an upset stomach.

I still tried to get up at 5:15 to go to work, but after almost passing out in the shower, I called in sick and went back to bed. I wasn't really able to sleep, because the school kept calling me about stuff that I should have been there to do (exporting my grades, etc.) but finally at about noon, I was able to sleep for a long stretch. A friend brought the kids home from school, and they were good as gold for the rest of the afternoon, and DH finally got home around 7:10. I slept well last night and went to school for the final day of festivities today, moving slow, but moving none the less. I even went to a bar downtown in the little town where I teach (it is just a few doors down from the "Mayberry Cafe", I kid you not!) with most of my fellow teachers after school got out at 3:30 (I had to stay all day today because of the special stuff that was going on). It was a hoot to be with all of them, but I played it safe and just sipped on a Sprite.

So, after suffering through three viruses in the past two weeks, as well as some event every night, either at my school or the kids', for those same two weeks.......SCHOOL IS OUT! Teacher work day tomorrow, and then summer is here. Hallelujah!

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I am officially done for the year!

I really hope next year is easier, but all I care about right now is that I AM DONE! There is *nothing* hanging over my head right now. Life is good.

Sally

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Summer update!

Week one was great. DS #1 was at camp all week, and the younger two boys split the week at my mom's, so we only had one kid home the whole week. We got to spend some one-on-one time with the younger boys, and it was really nice.

Week two (this week) was okay. I was in class from 8 to 5 M-Th, and my boys were here with a sitter. I had high hopes for the class. I decided to pay for tuition at my alma mater and get graduate credit in my area of teaching (instead of just a general education class) since I was home for so long before this year. Well, the class was a bust and full of "affinity groups" and touchy-feely crap that made me nuts. (Example: draw a picture of the way you have grown through the workshops you have attended. ) Basically, the class was a series of workshops designed to help classroom teachers use the arts to teach in their classrooms, and for that purpose, it was great. But since it was in offered for graduate music ed credit, I thought that surely there would be some workshops that would help me deepen the experiences I give my students as an arts educator. I assumed wrong. BUT....I can use movement to show the four levels of the rain forest, I can make a pop-up book showing the life cycle of a frog, and I learned to make a tambourine out of saran wrap, an embroidery hoop, bells strung on pipe cleaners, and LOTS of tape. *Totally* worth the money. To get the credit, I have to turn in a reflective journal and two lesson plans based on what I heard in the workshops. The journal is done, but I am digging in my heels about the lesson plans because I am so irritated by the experience I had.

We are headed to Hannibal, MO on Monday morning for a short family vacation. The ILs will meet us there Wednesday, and the boys will go back to KS with them on Thursday. DH and I are going to enjoy the rest of the week together and come home Saturday sometime. The next week I take another class, about music technology, which hopefully will be more useful than the one I just finished. The boys arrive home (along with the ILs) on July 3, one bil + family arrives on the 4th, and the other on the 5th.....all leading up to my sister's wedding on the 7th. (DH and I grew up together, so his brothers know my sisters very well.....that's why they are all coming to this wedding.)

I am sad that I will be away from the boys for two weeks when all is said and done. On the one hand, it is really the only time they see my in-laws all year, and they LOVE being with them, but on the other hand, I really only wanted them gone during the week that I had class. But beggers can't be choosers, and I am SO blessed that I have in-laws that will take all three of them at once. My mom won't even do that. Summers just seem so precious to me now that I am back at work, and also now that the boys are getting older.

Anyway, after the wedding on the 7th, our summer should settle into a more predictable (relaxed ) pattern. DH is taking a little more time off in mid-August, and we are thinking about going up to Michigan then. Otherwise, no big plans, beyond some occasional work in my classroom to get ready for next year.

There was a girl in my class (in my "affinity group" ) that was proudly telling someone else that her husband had just graduated from med school two weeks ago. I asked her what his residency was and she proudly and happily said "general surgery". :thud: I tried not to betray anything, but I gave her my phone number and wrote down this website and handed it to her. She'll need it. Turns out that she lives about 5 minutes from me, her husband is an alum of the same school as DH (they graduated ten years apart), and they both are from the town where I first taught, during DH's med school years. They are close to their families here and hopefully things will go just fine for them. 6 years from now, when they are done with residency, this girl will probably vaguely remember some weird middle-aged woman jotting down a website address on a piece of paper and handing it to her upon hearing what her husband was going to do, and will wonder what that was all about.

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My kids are coming home tomorrow! :rah: I have missed them so much! It is a good thing they were gone during my class last week....it was intense and I had homework every night, so it would have been miserable for them and for me if they had been at home. I am SO ready to see them, though! DH and I have not known what to do with ourselves (besides the obvious ) with no kids around. We have eaten out a TON and seen lots of movies, but the house just feels so empty when we get home.

I am glad to have last week's class behind me. It was a good class (Intro to Music Technology) but everything was on a Mac and it is all PCs where I teach. Still, it was fun. Now that I am done with that class, I have taken the six hours required to renew my license. I got all my paperwork together and submitted it, but I know that the State of Indiana will take their own sweet time about actually processing it. The superintendent in the system where I teach has been breathing down my neck about getting my new license ever since he hired me, and I am sure he will not back off until the new license is in his hands. So my sense of relief at getting these classes over with is tempered by the fact that he will still not be satisfied. :huh:

My sister's wedding is this Saturday, and starting tomorrow, I will have a houseful of guests. Since the kids have been gone, our house is as clean as it has ever been, the laundry is caught up, I have planted lots of flowers, etc. so I guess I am as ready as I'll ever be. I hope all goes smoothly.

I am headed to the doctor this afternoon for my first exam in almost three years. I definitely have white coat anxiety and will be glad when it is over!

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My sister's wedding went beautifully! Here are some pics:







and the bride and groom!



It was a great day, and aside from being completely wiped out afterwards, everything was wonderful. I had a house full of DH's family, since they were all in town for the wedding, but everyone stayed pretty laid back and we all had a great time visiting. I really love my in-laws.

Sadly, a close friend of ours from church died of lung cancer and the funeral was the day after the wedding. Kind of the circle of life, you know? He was 62 and was a professor at IU Medical School, and was diagnosed in January. He was a very articulate guy, and kept his church family updated about what was going on via email. He was active right up until the end, sending out the last email just two days before his death, articulate as ever. DH had a class with him years ago during med school, before we knew him personally. He was also the president of the school board for the system where I teach. His wife is an OB/Gyn here who was very kind to DH when we first got here.....asked DH to scrub in with her during the early weeks when he was antsy about not having many surgical cases. This man had 7 children....three from his first marriage, and four from his current marriage. The youngest two (twin boys) are just entering high school. Such a big loss to his family and to the community. It really has emphasized to me the need to make every moment, big or small, count. This couple had 28 years together.....DH and I have had (almost) 17. What if we only have 11 left? What if it is less than that? I don't want to take anything for granted.

The aunt that I visit regularly and help out turned 89 in June, and started chemo and dialysis the same week. The dialysis has helped her, but the chemo (and it was a weak dose) was very hard for her to tolerate. She was worried that she wouldn't make it to my sister's wedding, but she was there, looking fabulous as always.



She got the news last week that the chemo has not changed anything and the tumor has enlarged slightly. This tumor has been slow-growing over the past 2+ years (it is on the ureter leading to her remaining kidney.....the other kidney was removed due to cancer) and has not given her any trouble, so she is relieved to be free of the chemo for now. The oncologist told her that there are some stronger drugs he could use, but he isn't sure she would be able to tolerate them. She is fine with just continuing dialysis for now. I love and admire her so much, and I just want to support her through however much time she has left.

My "baby" lost a tooth and learned to ride a two-wheeler, all in one weekend! He has also become nuts about reading this summer, and is devouring the Junie B. Jones series. He is really excited about starting kindergarten next month! The other two boys are much less excited about starting school, and I am right there with them! This summer has passed much too quickly, but ever since the wedding, we have been able to keep things very low-key, which I think we all needed. I have gotten quite a bit of work done in my classroom, and although there is still plenty to do, I already feel much more ready to teach than I did last fall.

We have been having beautiful weather this summer, although it has been a bit dry. There have been several stretches of days when we have turned the air conditioner off and have just had the windows open, which I *love*. We're in the middle of one of those stretches right now, but I think the humidity is going to climb this week, so the air will be coming back on.

We are about to get a new roof on our house, new gutters, new screens on our screened in porch, and a new mailbox. We will also be getting some interior painting done due to water stains on our ceiling from a roof leak. I know Jenn Hussey is always raving about USAA's insurance, and I have to agree......we have never been anything but satisfied with their service.

DH is going through an interesting time at work. All of the income guarantees and subsidies that were part of his package when he was hired have expired. He and his partner hired a firm to do an audit of their practice and were mostly pleased about the results, but now that he is strictly revenue minus expenses, he is feeling a little more pressure. He has signed up to do three in-house shifts (on nights that he was already on call) next month, just in case he needs to shore up his income. There are a lot of unknowns right now, but no real reason to worry either. Just uncertainties. DH is not comfortable scheduling any time off for the next six months or so, just in case, which bums me out a little. He is also not really interested in shopping for any big-ticket items, including a replacement for our six year old computer and our digital camera, which is dying a slow death. Maybe he will feel more secure by Christmas time!

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School starts in less than 3 weeks! I bought all of the school supplies last week....what an ordeal. The school the boys go to sends out a supply list in a spreadsheet format, separated by grade, but for some reason, it is excruciating for me to trace down the column for each grade, figure out if a value pack of whatever (glue sticks for example) will yield enough idividual sticks to meet everyone's needs.....maybe I am just taking it all WAY too seriously, but it is always a stressful shopping trip for me!

I have done a lot of work in my classroom, and I have even been able to go through the files and pick out some music for the upcoming year. It feels like such a luxury to have this time to prepare compared with how it was last year. I will have one less "prep" this year....instead of three different choirs singing three different sets of music, I will have an 8th grade choir singing one set of songs, and two sections of 7th grade choir (there are 77 signed up) singing another set. So it *should* mean that I will spend less time preparing for each day....I hope so!

DH has gotten some good financial news from work regarding a bonus....trouble is, he doesn't know when his company will be disbursing the money. He is working his first in-house shift this weekend, and is hoping I will bring the kids to have dinner with him....which I will, unless he is busy. I am kind of looking forward to having the evening to myself after the kids go to bed, without being interrupted all night long by the pager and phone calls, etc.

One good thing about the start of school is that my children start before I do, so I will be able to pick up DS#3 after his first day of kindergarten and hear all about it! I can't believe he is starting school.

Well, I have meat loaf "muffins" (my kids love it when I put bake meat loaf in a muffin pan) in the oven and they are about to be done....I need to get the rest of dinner ready! As usual, DH isn't home yet and the "togetherness" of being at home all day with my kids is beginning to wear thin!

Sally

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The first day back

The kids went back to school on Wednesday, and my youngest started kindergarten! (sniff, sniff) I started today (I get kids tomorrow) so I was able to take my time with him at the beginning of the day yesterday, and I got to pick him up at the end of the morning, too. Starting school has barely been a blip on his radar screen so far, and things are going well for him as far as I can tell. I know the kindergarten teacher and her aide pretty well already, so I think I will hear if there are any problems. The other two boys have had a smooth start to the year as well, so far anyway. Let's hope it continues!

I had a day of meetings today at school, and found out that due to a mistake by my superintendent, I will be getting paid for a prep period, which will make my paycheck a little higher. I only teach three periods out of seven, and the policy used to be you had to teach four periods in order to also get paid for a prep period. So although I spent HOURS at school last year, I only got paid for the three periods I was actually teaching. Last year I had three different classes to prepare for, and this year, I only have two, (because 7th grade choir is split into two sections) so hopefully I will have an easier year AND get paid more. Gotta love that! My little school corporation has always had about 200 kids/grade, and as of last May, it looked like that trend would continue. However, as of today, there are 235 7th graders enrolled for this fall. That is quite an increase, percentage-wise.....in fact, we are 15 lockers short in our building! I have 86 kids signed up for 7th grade choir. Luckily, they are split into two sections, but the concerts (when they are together) will be interesting. I am anxious to meet all my kids tomorrow (I will know most of the 8th graders from last year) but it will be a long day. Today, during our meetings, the "chillers" on the air conditioning units in our building quit working. It stayed cool in the building at first, but immediately became humid, so it felt clammy. Then it gradually got warmer....yuck. I hope they were able to get it fixed or else tomorrow will be miserable.

DH and I are planning to go out tomorrow night for our anniversary, which was last Saturday. I am looking forward to it....we haven't had much time alone since June. His job and the kids keep us busy enough that it is hard to spend much time on our relationship these days, although obviously residency was harder. I guess the difference is now that we are BOTH busy, not just him. And I have always been the one to plan dates, etc., and now I don't have time to do it, either. It's time for DH to step up!

Sally

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One of my best friends from residency died of inflammatory breast cancer this morning. She was diagnosed in March of 2005 and was treated very aggressively, which led to her having a very good year and a half after her diagnosis before things started to go downhill. During her treatment, her family was displaced due to Katrina (her husband is a Gyn-Onc guy with the Army and they were stationed at Keesler AFB in Biloxi at the time Katrina hit) and she and the kids actually lived with friends in St. Louis (her husband had done his fellowship there) while she continued radiation and chemo.....her husband was sent to Ft. Leonard Wood in MO to do general OB while the military powers decided what to do with all of the medical personnel who had been at Keesler. They eventually relocated to Hawaii, where she died. She and her husband were able to renew their wedding vows on the beach last June, with their two kids standing by.

I met Mary when we moved to San Antonio to start residency. Her husband was a third year in the same program as DH, and our sons were 8 days apart in age. She hosted a party at her apartment for all of the incoming and current spouses in the program, and I went, knowing no one and more than a little nervous. I got there and met a *beautiful* lady who was dressed to the nines, listening to salsa music, and cooking up a storm in her tiny kitchen. Her kids (she also had a daughter) were 2 and 1 and were running around like maniacs. I ended up spending most of the evening laughing (in a nice way!) at the way this woman was having a party while her kids were running amok, and it will probably surprise no one here that I ended up watching the kids. At the end of the night, as I was saying goodbye, she said, "Did you seriously take care of my kids the whole night?" as if she had no idea, and then we both just busted out laughing. We were friends from that point on. She was always the one in our residency program to throw parties, for any reason or no reason at all. She threw me a baby shower when I had my second son. She started a spouses' program for us. She was committed to finding fun, no matter what her circumstances. At the end of the year banquet each year, she would wear a formal gown and go all out.....and she looked like a princess. Sometimes people would look at her (if they didn't know her well) and say she was fake because of that, but her motto was that it was a night out with her husband (who was quite the workaholic at the time, let me tell you) and she was going to make the most of it.

When her husband finished residency, he was sent to Ft. Campbell to do general OB while he waited for a gyn-onc fellowship slot to open up. I visited them there in their new house.....they went from a tiny apartment to a great big house. They were still in the process of moving in when I saw them, but as soon as Mary saw my car in the driveway, she came running out of her house with tears in her eyes, so glad to see me and my two little boys. I will never forget the next morning....I had to get on the road pretty early, and they were still asleep when I went in their room to say goodbye. Her kids were still freaked out by the "big house", and in the night, they had both ended up in bed with their parents. So when I went in there, there they all were, all four of them, wrapped up together on a mattress in the middle of the floor, sleeping peacefully. It was such a sweet picture, and I will never forget it.

My family stayed with Mary again when they were living in St. Louis for her DH's fellowship, and she was her usual self, cooking a huge delicious dinner for us as several neighborhood children she had befriended ran through her house. We also attended a military medical meeting in Hawaii, and their family was there, too. We spent a ton of time with them, and even rented a convertible and toured the island together on one of the days. Mary was in her element there, and I am so glad she was able to spend her final days in a place where she was so happy.

She was always one to live in the moment, and she didn't waste too much time thinking things through, which she sometimes regretted. However, she lived life to the fullest and did her best to make sure that whenever she left this earth, she would have no regrets. She and I talked just after her diagnosis, and it was clear from the beginning that she would not survive. We talked just like we always had, a mile a minute with lots of laughter, and all of the sudden she said "So, do you know?" and I said "Yeah, I heard." She said "Are you okay?" (which makes me cry to type....) and I said "Are you?" She said it was hard, but she was going to fight as hard as she could for as much time as she could get. And she did. She had so much chemo and radiation following her surgeries that at one point, her doctors thought the cancer had gone to her brain, because she was confused, but it was just the effects of the treatment. I talked to her once more, right before they moved to Hawaii. This was when she was still having issues due to the treatment, and the conversation was more disjointed, but at the end of the conversation she said, "Chica, you know I love you, right?" I told her I knew, and that I loved her too. I think we both knew that we were having our last conversation. She spent the rest of her life getting her family settled in Hawaii. She made memories with her husband and kids, and cashed in her life insurance and bought them a house so that they would have a "home" where they could remember her.....a novel thing for a military family. The Army has promised her DH that he can stay at Tripler, where he is stationed, for as long as he wants in order to provide stability for the kids.

If you have taken the time to read this far, thank you. She was a very special person to me and it means a lot to me to be able to share my memories of her with all of you. She was the eptiome of a medical spouse to me.

Go in peace, sweet Mary.

[mommax3]

I want to thank all of you for your posts and PMs regarding Mary's death. It was very helpful for me to have a place to share about Mary, with people I "know", since I didn't have the opportunity to attend her funeral and get some measure of closure that way. Her death has caused me to realize anew that the deferral that goes with the medical lifestyle during the training years is NOT a good thing. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow, you know? I don't advocate throwing caution to the wind and getting yourself into tons of debt, either, but it is important to find a happy medium, I think.

Tonight was "meet the teacher night" at my school. What that means for me is that I talk really fast for seven minutes to the parents who show up in my classroom, a bell rings, they leave, new parents come in, and I do the same thing again, etc. I feel like an auctioneer! The stuff we are supposed to cover will NOT fit into the amount of time they give us. I never get to meet the parents who attend, and that is really my only chance to meet them.....at concerts I am WAY too distracted and stressed out. Oh well. I had a much better turn out tonight than I did last year, especially with my 7th grade parents, and involved parents tend to mean a nice group of kids.

School in general seems to be going well. My 8th graders are doing well....I have a few new students, but most I had last year. They are pretty sweet (most of them....) and enjoy singing, but they are not the smartest bunch (collectively) and are a little immature. The 7th graders already are showing more responsibility in some areas, and they are definitely more together (again, collectively) then last year's 7th graders were. I am feeling SO much better about everything now that I am not the *new* teacher. It is a nice place to work.

The boys' school had their "meet the teacher" night last week. DH and I scrambled in order to get through all three of the boys' teachers presentations. We have high hopes for this year....we'll see how it all pans out. DS#2 has struggled in school. He is not as quick to get things as his brothers, nor is he as verbal. Moving after 1st grade was really hard for him, and then he was in a class with a first year teacher for 2nd grade. He just shut down for a while, and got behind. I was confident that 3rd grade for him would be better...he had settled in and the teacher was older and had several years experience, and was a very nice lady. Oh, was I wrong! Last year was SOOOO frustrating! His teacher was gone ALL THE TIME! Training to be a mentor teacher (what-EVER!) followed by foot surgery followed by jury duty followed by the premature birth of a grandchild......it went on and on! NO consistency for the kids, and DS#2 really needs that. The last straw was that during the 3rd trimester (btw I hate trimesters for early elementary....) she took ONE grade in reading, and counted it twice. That was IT! And it was over a book report, the first one they had ever done, and they did it in class. :huh: I couldn't get away with only taking 2 grades in a choir class....and reading is a core subject! I was livid and saw the principal about it as well as being very clear about my thoughts on the end-of-the-year survey that they give us every year. I shared the experience (in general terms) with the 4th grade teacher and told her I was expecting consistency, a schedule, and *regular grading* this year. And I had better get it! The gangsta is coming out. You don't want to see her when she is angry! Honestly, she already seems more organized, but it is early yet and I will remain vigilant! Ds#'s k-garten teacher is scary-organized. I already knew this because she lives on our cul-de-sac and I have gotten to know her, but it is almost to OCD levels, seriously. Great for the kids! He is loving kindergarten. He lost another tooth over the weekend, so he got to bring home the "tooth fairy bag" that she keeps for these occasions....he got a little certificate about having lost a tooth, he got to borrow an Arthur book to read to us about losing teeth, and he had (got) to do a journal page answering the question "What does the tooth fairy do with the teeth?" He said that she smashes them and uses them for sand and shells on beaches, and he drew a picture. He is really thriving in there. DS#3 has the same teachers as last year, so nothing new there, other than the attitude he is sporting this year. Not all the time, but enough so that DH and I have been doing some venting about him after he goes to bed! Other times, though, he is very responsible and helpful and very pleasant to be around. Just another part of the roller coaster of parenting, right? ("Parenthood", anyone? I love that movie!)

DH ended up sleeping at the hospital both Saturday and Sunday nights this weekend. Saturday night I was prepared for....he had signed up for an in-house shift. I had BIG plans....painted my toenails, read my stash of magazines, and watched Saturday Night Live until I fell asleep. Slept like a baby. Last night....totally unexpected that he was out all night. I didn't sleep well at ALL. He had this afternoon off, and wanted me to try to get home by 2:00 so we could plan his weekends off for the next two months. (Yes, we really do this. His weekends off are precious enough that I can't stand having one "unplanned".....I feel like it is wasted. If we "plan" to do nothing, I am okay with it. Control issues, maybe? Hmmmm.) I was running late and hurried to get home by 2:15. I rushed in the house to find him SOUND ASLEEP. I was disappointed but didn't have the heart to wake him up. He got up in time to go with me to get the kids from school, and of course he was with the boys this evening for homework and piano practice while I was out at school. Finding time for each other is such a struggle at this point in our lives.

I am looking forward to the upcoming three day weekend, and hopefully some cooler weather, too! But in general, life is good right now.

[mommax3]

We had a wonderful Labor Day weekend. DH was on call Monday, but no clinic and they didn't have anyone in-house, so it was not bad at all. On Friday night, we went out as a family and had a good time. On Saturday, we worked around the house in the morning, and then our sitter came over and DH and I headed out for some shopping, dinner, and a movie...."The Bourne" whatever. It was good! We had a nice time. Sunday after church we headed down to spend the afternoon with our best friends, who live about an hour south. They have three kids about the ages of ours, and for whatever reason (maybe it is because they have known each other since birth?) they can all play together for hours with very little parent involvement. We grilled steaks and had a great, relaxing afternoon and evening. The only thing was that I was coming down with a cold the whole day. Monday, my mom and grandma came down here for lunch, and then my (half-) sister and her husband came over for pizza later. I was kind of out of it, but it was still fun to see everyone. I was sorry to see the weekend end!

DH is working an in-house shift tonight. He signed up for three last month and four this month. He hasn't signed up for October yet, but I have been very clear that I do NOT prefer the in-house shifts during the week. Weekends are fine, as long as he picks nights that he is already on call. The money is good, and chances are he would spend a good part of the night at the hospital anyway. During the week, it is just too stressful.

My older two sons are both on the soccer team at their school, and yesterday was their first game. DS #1 plays goalie, and the game didn't go well....they lost, 5 to nothing. DS blocked far more shots than he missed, but still.....it was a LOOOONG ride home. DS #2 got right in there and didn't seem to be intimidated by the ball or any of the older (bigger) players. Good for him! Besides being long, the ride home was also very smelly due to the game being played in 95+ degree temps, and the fact that both boys chose to take their shoes off in the car. :thud: So gross!

I have been tired today and the afternoon/evening have been full of one stupid thing after another. For one thing, I don't understand it, but I can't seem to get away from school until 2:00 or after, even though I am done teaching at 12:45. I have got to get out of there sooner! Today it was 2:30 when I left, which gave me time to drive home, pee, and then get back in the car to pick up my youngest (the older two had practice until 5:00). I came right back home because I was supposed to give a voice lesson to my sitter (we are bartering lessons for babysitting). She didn't show....whatever. Turns out she forgot. Back to school to get the boys. DS #1 asks if I can take his friend to the airport....he lives with his grandparents, grandmother is out of town, coming home tonight, and grandfather works for Continental Airlines. The airport is a good 25 minutes out of my way, but this is a nice kid with nice grandparents who took him out of a horrible family situation. I don't mind helping them out....so off to the airport (during rush hour) we go. I felt weird just dropping this kid off at the Continental ticketing area, but I spoke to his grandfather, and apparently that is what I needed to do. Homeward bound, at last. DH calls, and asks if we want to have dinner at the hospital cafeteria with him. Well, I have no better plans, so to the hospital we go. Imagine the hell of going through a cafeteria line with three boys. Enough said. Moving on.....we are eating and talking, when suddenly DS #1 kicks the bottom of DS #2's cup as DS #2 is drinking from a straw. The top of the straw goes up between his top lip and top gum and causes copious bleeding. I furiously rip DS #1 a new one as DH consoles DS #2. Two nurses walk by that know DH. We all smile and fake like we are a happy well-adjusted family until they walk on. We go into the courtyard at the hospital and the boys decide to play hide and seek, proceeding to trample all through the landscaping. DH and I make feeble efforts to stop them. Finally we leave. We go home and I give clear instructions about who is to do what, in what order when we walk in the door. Things seem to be going well.....piano gets practiced, the dog gets taken out, etc. Then I find out that instead of doing homework, DS #1 is reading a damn videogame magazine. I take it away, and things progress. I finally catch up on this website, and as I am reading/typing, out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of a HUGE black spider crawling across my bed. I beat it to death with the videogame magazine and hope it doesn't have friends in the area. I am ready for this day to be over!

Some good news......#1 I have lost 8 pounds since school started, with very little conscious effort. Here's hoping it continues. #2 DH went through our debts and added things up. We have paid off a third of our debtload (not including our mortgage) in the past 27 months.....$42,000.00! That is really encouraging to both of us, and we hope that the rest of it will be gone in about three years. But I still want a new computer!

Sally