bad pg ultrasound.

[DCJenn]

Willow-

I'm so sorry. You will get lots of good advice from our group.

Jenn

[rainbabies]

im very sorry. having a m/c is very painful. i never had to have the d&c, but had the painful (physical and emotional) experince of passing the tissue myself.

i know many here have had this unfortunate event happen, so know you're not alone.

[Cumberland]

I had a very similar experience- we found out on my second prenatal visit. I was so excited to go for the visit and the news was just devastating. I did take a week off of work and hibernated in my house.

It was so sad, and its only since I have two beautiful girls that I am able to think about it without tearing up. I am very sorry for your loss.

[ides]

A friend of mine had this happen to her two years ago with twins at 5 months. It was awful. She took two weeks off (to the dismay of her boss, who was a bit^&) and went through a painful d&c. The only thing that helped her was knowing she had support from her family and friends and taking time off to mourn and rest. I'm really sorry for your loss.

[Cumberland]

If you read through the Call Room and the Blogs, you will find a lot more discussion on this as well.

[houseelf]

My deepest condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Don't worry about how you "should" be feeling, there is no right way. It is a weird phenomenon all the way around. This is a time in your life when its not only o.k. to say its all about you, it really should be all about you. I don't know if this suggestion will help or hurt, but there are thousands of websites devoted to this sort of loss. I must warn you, these places are not for the faint of heart.

Had you announced your pregnancy IRL or are you enduring this silently? I'm not sure either way is easier.

I have no real advice to give, because this is such a personal experience. You need to do what you need to do. If I could go back and make decisions differently in my life, I would have had the D & C quicker rather than waiting it out. It brings closure and I immediately felt physically better.

You are in my thoughts.

Kelly

[Auspicious]

That is truly hard. I'm sorry.

LOTS of people have been through this. Lots and lots. Roughly 1 in 4 identified pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and with most women having multiple pregnancies in their lifetimes, that adds up to a huge sisterhood. You're anything but alone.

And for me women I hadn't previously known about kind of came out of the woodwork to tell me they were sorry and they knew how much it hurt because they'd been there. Awkward sometimes, but still really touching. Maybe a lot of people won't know about your m/c if you haven't told many about your pregnancy, but know that all those women are still out there pulling for you.

I was pregnant, 10 weeks. I just found out on Wednesday that we lost the baby at 9 weeks. I am not spotting or anything, no cramping that I can tell. The only bad sign was the still, still ultrasound picture with no heartbeat.

Mine wasn't a 9-weeker, it was a blighted ovum (sac growing but no embryo), but like you everything seemed fine from the outside, and the eerily quiet ultrasound at 9 1/2 weeks was my first clue. I always think mine looked like an empty fishtank.

I think I worked through it just by talking about it and giving it time. It does get better (and then maybe a little bit worse again and then continues to get better, etc.)

Don't feel guilty about scheduling around holiday travel or whatever, and don't feel bad about not being into going to work. You shouldn't be expected to either drop everything and have a breakdown or to go on like nothing at all has happened--whatever in between works for you is really okay. I think it was Jesher who said "Whatever you're feeling is what you're supposed to be feeling."

Hang in there. Keep us posted.

[SuzySunshine]

[migirl]

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. We also suffered a pregnancy loss before having our son and it was devastating. I took a week off from work, enough time to have the D&C and recover (physically). Even then I didn't really want to go back, but I think getting out of the house and getting back into my old routine helped me heal. I understand what you mean about it being weird to think that the world around you continues to go on while your own world feels like it's crumbling.

I didn't talk that much to family or friends, I guess I'm kinda private that way. I talked and cried to DH a lot, came here for support (honestly), and read books and looked at internet sites that dealt with pregnancy loss. In a weird way it was comforting to read about how things like this have happened to so many other women. Over time the enormity of the pain will fade and you'll start to feel better, but I think you'll always feel a twinge of grief when you think about it. I know I do.

Take care of yourself, and let us know how you're doing.

[Meenah]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have also been through it and it is a loss. Thinking of you.

[samssugarmomma]

Willow,

I am so, so sorry for your loss. We've had two losses recently and both of them occured naturally.

I wasn't working during the first and I took 2 days off with the second. I just couldn't go in. I work in a children's hospital and I still sometimes have to take a timeout.



Kate

[Vanquisher]

I am so sorry.

[Stella]

So sorry, big HUGS!!! I hope you get lots of support during this hard time.

[Michele]