Best time to have kids?

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Best time to have kids?

ETA: You get a lot of vacation time in 4th year. Or at least so I've heard.

You do get time but it is meant for away rotations, studying and taking Step 2 CK and CS, and going on interviews. At DH's school they were only alloted a certain amount of "vacation" time as well as "elective/away rotation" time. If your interviews are spread out, that time adds up. DH did his aways in July and September and took off Jan and Feb for interviews. He had to make arrangements with the service he was on to travel and take Step 2 CS. Some services are nicer than others but some get annoyed if you take too many days off during their service because they feel that you should have alloted that time off for interviews instead of signing up for a rotation. Some make students make up the missed time or give them lower grades since attendance on services are a requirement. Clincals grades may not matter for some people but I know for DH he tried to Honor every single one.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Ditto on the vacation, DH did have more time off his 4th year but it was all spent interviewing.

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Oh geez, this post is starting to depress me. Maybe it would make sense to wait until residency to have kids, but DH and I both really want children, and the prospect of waiting 6 yrs is very, very disheartening.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Peony - I think that is everyone's point - there is NO BEST TIME. You just have to decide to try and when it happens, it happens and you work through it.

ETA: We're just trying to give you a heads up on what you'll experience when in the journey that is medicine.

[Flynn]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Oh geez, this post is starting to depress me. Maybe it would make sense to wait until residency to have kids, but DH and I both really want children, and the prospect of waiting 6 yrs is very, very disheartening.

Do what your gut tells you.
Nobody can decide what is right for you.

Medicine is not nearly as family friendly as other careers but it can be done. (Hey, is that ME being positive?) The bottom line is if you start a family during med school or residency a significant amount of childcare will be needed. I'm not saying this is a good or bad thing -- merely a reality of a two doc relationship.

[Flynn]

Re: Best time to have kids?

ETA: We're just trying to give you a heads up on what you'll experience when in the journey that is medicine.

Getting as much info as you can NOW is a good thing. C'mon, you knew it wouldn't be a cakewalk right? There is no right time. Medicine makes sure of that.

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Cheri, I totally appreciate it! Even the idea of being a working mom in any field scares me because my mom was a SAHM from the day I was born so I have no role model in that area. I think for my personality it will be better to have a career--especially when my kids go to school--but it just seems so hard. I hate that the field I'm so passionate about isn't the most family friendly.

At this point it almost seems like the idea of getting pregnant now is very appealing because I would give birth before med school interviews and could have almost a year at home with the baby. Childcare while I'm at interviews could be rough, but it would be short-term and probably doable.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Have you thought about becoming an NP or a PA instead of an MD? Just a thought.

I think my first concern would be getting into a medical school in the same city where my DH matched for residency.

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Hi Cheri. I have thought about that, but the fields I'm most interested in aren't primary-care and I've been told that an MD would be the best choice for me. Plus, I really think I would like the autonomy.

I'm also concerned about the dual-matching thing, but my husband is an MD/PhD with some great pubs and basically everyone in his program matches at their first choice. Of course this is NO guarantee, but as long as I hear from the places I interview at before he has to match, I think we have a good chance of it working out.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Well the match is a whole other thread - You can only try to do the best you can, good luck. When you get your post count up here you'll get access to a lot more information/threads. A introduction in the Introduction thread might be a good start and place for all of us to get to know you.

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

I just posted an intro on the other board (title: Introducing Peony!). If there is anything else I should add, I'd be happy to.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Sorry, I wasn't meaning to depress you. I strongly believe that anything can be accomplished if you set your mind to it. Are there struggles and sacrifices along the way? Yes, but anything within reason is doable. I think it's always nice to hear that there's a possibility that it's not all roses so that if you go down that road and things aren't all wonderful, you're not in complete shock and at a loss as to what to do next. The fact is, a life in medicine is hard when you have one parent at home, I can't imagine what it would be like with two. Obviously dual doctor, dual working working families exist. They make it work. And I strongly believe that families of all types fail and flourish for various reasons. In life all you can do is your best and the chips will fall where they fall.

Re: Best time to have kids?

I don't really have any great advice to add. I know this must be really hard for you trying to balance a career you are passionate about pursuing and a deep desire in your heart to be a mommy. You did mention that your DH's parents would be available for help with a kiddo, so that would make a big difference. Maybe you could get started with med school and then talk to some older students that have had kids and also some staff that can tell you what your vacation/maternity options are. Each school works so differently and it may be hard to tell some of these things before you begin.
I wish I could tell you the perfect time to have a child and that things will be easy. But the truth is medicine is a hard field and these tough decisions you are trying to make right now are part of this crazy lifestyle. May you and your DH have patience and peace as you figure out what is best for your family.

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Hi again girls! I forgot to ask--do you think med schools would hold it against me if I was pregnant during interviews? DH and I have been discussing a plan where I could give birth right after med school interviews and then have about 4 months at home before school starts. Thanks!

[DCJenn]

Re: Best time to have kids?

My only piece of advice is to let go of the assumptions that you actually get to plan anything in medicine.

Nope. You can't be sure he's going to match where you think he's going to (we have eons of posts going back to 2000 about that very subject). You can't be sure that you're going to be accepted into a medical school where he matches. You can't be sure you're going to get pregnant at the precise time for planning purposes.

If you want to have a baby, have one. Things will work out because there's no other way but to make it work. It may not be all tied up in a pretty bow on the other side but trust me when I say that none of us here on this board have had things go exactly as planned.

You make the appropriate sacrifices (and by you I mean BOTH of you) to get to where you both decide you want to be. It takes a sick amount of work and exceptional communication skills to get through relatively unscathed (which is why most of us DON'T get through this unscathed)

It's hard. It's insanely hard at times. and every person you add to the mix increases the difficulty at some level.

So, to make my point- if you want a baby, start trying. You cannot EVER plan your way through the medical lifestyle.

Jenn