Adult Only Receptions

[Rapunzel]

Well, I was correct, I DO come from a radically different cultural perspective where children are not a bother - they are people for whom I have deep respect and should not be excluded from wholesome activities because of their age. I also come from a culture where small children and babies are an acquired taste only for those who do not appreciate the beauty of pure innocence.

[mommax3]

In MY culture (meaning my experience) babies and small children are innocent and sweet and all of that Hallmark-type stuff, but they are also (at times and at different ages) messy, loud, smelly, inappropriately behaved, and a heck of a lot of work..... which is just part of being a baby/child, and of course worth getting through in order to have the privilege of parenting, but not an experience that I expect to drag the rest of the world through with me. The longer I parent, the more I realize that it is okay not to love every part of the experience or want to spend 24 hours a day with my kids. My life will go on after they leave home and I think it is healthy (has been for me, anyway) to remember who I was before I had them and that I am still that person if you look behind the snot stains on my shoulder! It has taken a lot of stress away from my life to think that it is okay that parenting is not the be-all, end-all experience that I used to think it was before I had kids.

Sally

[fluffhead]

Well, I was correct, I DO come from a radically different cultural perspective where children are not a bother - they are people for whom I have deep respect and should not be excluded from wholesome activities because of their age.

Oh come on. Just because people want a certain kind of reception doesn't mean that they're ogres who eat little children for dessert.
And yes I saw the smiley, but that's your third post in that vein on this thread, so I figured I'd say something. I love kids, babies, infants, I respect children of all shapes and ages, but I also respect some couples' desires to have a formal affair, an adult party, or a drunken brawl.

[PrincessFiona]

Adult ONLY?

When we first started residency in PA, the hospital invited us (in the first 2-3 weeks) to about 5 different 'adult-only' engagements. At the time, I remember being very upset because we knew no one and had, of course, no childcare lined up. I ended up staying at home with the children and Thomas ended up going out and attending the various events without me. I felt left out and angry becuase I knew that many of the residents had families that were in the same situation. I felt that residency was a 'family affair' and that they should have organized events that people could take their children to.

Fast forward about 7 years..... 3 1/2 children later:

I love my kids dearly...enjoy going to the movies with them and even to restaurants...BUT, I cherish my nights out without them now. It doesn't mean I find them any less precious or cherish them any less...but I LIKE going to restaurants now where there are no children and I sometimes even find myself annoyed 8O when it is Thomas and I's night out and we are seated next to a family with 3 active kids 8O I guess the joke's on me!!!! If I were invited to a wedding, I would choose to hire a babysitter for an evening affair whether my children were invited or not. Unless, the people hosting the event already have children or many children are being invited and there will be children's activities, I don't think I would have a good time...I'd end up entertaining the kids all night while the grown-ups got to do grown-up things like dance, have a glass of wine or mingle and talk with grown-up friends. If I were invited to an afternoon wedding where the hosts had children or were inviting a lot of family and friends with small children and there would be activities for the kids, then I wouldn't hesitate to bring them with me.


There is a time and a place to have our children with us. Events like receptions can be family affairs if a lot of the extended family has small children and the event is catered towards families. If, however, there are few young children it can be a real hassle bringing children with you. It is hard to enjoy something like a weddding when your own child is squirming in the pew, has a dirty diaper and starts crying (this happened to me at my highschool boyfriend's wedding ). I had to leave in the middle of the ceremony, and Andrew's crying could be heard on the videotape until we left . At the reception, I was not free to mingle with old friends, dance etc. I was taking care of the little guy. This doesn't mean that I cherished Andrew any less, but in retrospect I wish that I had had a babysitter so that I could talk with old friends from school and enjoy adult time. I was one of the few people in the party that brought a child with them...we were all still too young to have big families at the time.

When we got married, I didn't give child/no child invitations any thought, but not one person brought a young child with them to the reception....though we at no time indicated that they couldn't. We had two 12 year olds and a couple of older teens, but the rest were full-fledged adults. Many of the guests that had young children simply wanted to be able to go out and have a good time without their children. We didn't have children, so it wouldn't have even occurred to me to arrange any kind of activities for youngsters...in hindsight, it's probably better that the littlest guys were left with sitters. I can't imagine now as a mom having to juggle a formal reception, formal glassware, etc with my 3 little ones. I have no doubt that they would have spilled their milk and would pronounce themselves bored after the first 45 minutes of 'mushy-gushy' dancing.

How 'child friendly' an event is really depends on many factors: whether or not many of the guests have children and the event could be tailored to include children, and the 'theme' of the event. An evening wedding, for example that is a formal event can be beautiful and a lot of fun...we all love getting dressed up and going out for a romantic evening event...something like this just is not suited to having children with you.

kris

[Auspicious]

but they are also (at times and at different ages) messy, loud, smelly, inappropriately behaved, and a heck of a lot of work.....

And sticky. You forgot sticky. 8) (sooo cute though!)

Since there are no Jewish weddings on the Sabbath (Friday sundown to Saturday sundown) our wedding was on a Sunday at 4:00 PM, and being a Sunday, the reception pretty much broke up by nine. Jewish tradition is very family-oriented, with a huge emphasis on a wedding being the start of a new family, so I wanted to make sure that everyone was included. We had about 10 small children there with their parents, and I created a separate buffet table (chicken fingers and french fries) and little goodie bags (with crayons and coloring books and stickers) in the wedding colors for them. None of them was any trouble, their parents were very appreciative, and the kids made for some of my favorite wedding pictures. I know it's a matter of personal preference, but I couldn't imagine a wedding without everyone involved.

There are lots of other things that ought to be "adults-only", though. Gallery openings, cocktail receptions, wine tastings, benefit auctions and awards ceremonies, and R-rated movies all come to mind; and I've seen kids at every one--mostly bored and cranky. What gives?

[Meenah]

Elizabeth,
It is so nice to hear from you. You haven't posted much lately. How is everthing going for you?
Luanne

[Phoebe]

Much to my relief, we have found a babysitter. My mom wasn't able to find anyone, but one of my generous friends is driving 45 minutes to her parents house on her son's birthday to watch Avery. I didn't want to take her up on this offer, but she insisted. Her kids and Avery will play and we can enjoy the wedding reception. I am very lucky to have such good friends!

Jennifer

[SueC]

Sounds like a good plan! Have a great time!

[Meenah]

Have a great time!!
Luanne

[mommax3]

What a nice friend! Have a great time and enjoy your "adults-only" time!

Sally