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Just thought I'd share this very funny announcement from my brother and SIL-
Jenn
***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
MARTINS BREEDING; SHOE-SHOPPING, PLASTIC SURGERY PLANS TEMPORARILY HALTED
Names under consideration include Jack, Jill, Bobby-Jerry, Jerry-Bobby and Manolo
BETHESDA, MD -- Barbara and John Martin, married for eight years today,
have announced that they will be passing on their neuroses and vices to a
whole new generation. The Martins are pregnant, and have a due date of May 10, 2004.
After the discovery was made about eight weeks ago, and following two days of complete shock-induced silence, Mr. Martin was seen running in circles, arms flailing, screaming, "I SHOT!!! I SCORED!!GOOOOOOAAAAL!!!"
for approximately three days. When his wife began to appear with bags of new clothing accompanied by the line, "Nothing fits me anymore," however, his celebration was replaced with grave fear of the shopping still in store.
"I can't believe the cute maternity clothes available!" said Mrs. Martin,
arms loaded while strolling the Galleria at Tysons' Corner, also known as
her adopted homeland. "Plus I'll have to get new makeup as, well, I
deserve it, plus with new outfits come new shoes..." she said as she ducked to the nearest bench to put her head between her knees while eating a Saltine.
Current symptoms of Mrs. Martin's include consistent nausea, fatigue and
constant wearing of cranky pants. Three months ago, she also suddenly and inexplicably became obsessed with cooking and became a great parallel parker, both previously cited as a weaknesses of hers.
"It's amazing--it's like suddenly, I've supposedly turned into the Bruce
Willis character from Unbreakable"said Mr. Martin from his McLean office.
"Now, whenever I have an ailment, the sniffles, anything at all, and happen to mention it, my wife immediately retorts, 'Oh really? You poor thing. Did I happen to mention that I'm pregnant?' at which point I've learned that all complaining on my part must instantaneously cease. As far as she's concerned, I have a problem-free existence. I'm so happy to be a part of this," he concluded through gritted teeth.
John will be available in his basement with his saving grace, the DirecTV
NFL Football package, for the remainder of the fall and winter. Depending
on his wife's mood come spring and the state of the Pittsburgh Penguins and Pirates, this may remain his place of residence through late April.
Jenn
***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
MARTINS BREEDING; SHOE-SHOPPING, PLASTIC SURGERY PLANS TEMPORARILY HALTED
Names under consideration include Jack, Jill, Bobby-Jerry, Jerry-Bobby and Manolo
BETHESDA, MD -- Barbara and John Martin, married for eight years today,
have announced that they will be passing on their neuroses and vices to a
whole new generation. The Martins are pregnant, and have a due date of May 10, 2004.
After the discovery was made about eight weeks ago, and following two days of complete shock-induced silence, Mr. Martin was seen running in circles, arms flailing, screaming, "I SHOT!!! I SCORED!!GOOOOOOAAAAL!!!"
for approximately three days. When his wife began to appear with bags of new clothing accompanied by the line, "Nothing fits me anymore," however, his celebration was replaced with grave fear of the shopping still in store.
"I can't believe the cute maternity clothes available!" said Mrs. Martin,
arms loaded while strolling the Galleria at Tysons' Corner, also known as
her adopted homeland. "Plus I'll have to get new makeup as, well, I
deserve it, plus with new outfits come new shoes..." she said as she ducked to the nearest bench to put her head between her knees while eating a Saltine.
Current symptoms of Mrs. Martin's include consistent nausea, fatigue and
constant wearing of cranky pants. Three months ago, she also suddenly and inexplicably became obsessed with cooking and became a great parallel parker, both previously cited as a weaknesses of hers.
"It's amazing--it's like suddenly, I've supposedly turned into the Bruce
Willis character from Unbreakable"said Mr. Martin from his McLean office.
"Now, whenever I have an ailment, the sniffles, anything at all, and happen to mention it, my wife immediately retorts, 'Oh really? You poor thing. Did I happen to mention that I'm pregnant?' at which point I've learned that all complaining on my part must instantaneously cease. As far as she's concerned, I have a problem-free existence. I'm so happy to be a part of this," he concluded through gritted teeth.
John will be available in his basement with his saving grace, the DirecTV
NFL Football package, for the remainder of the fall and winter. Depending
on his wife's mood come spring and the state of the Pittsburgh Penguins and Pirates, this may remain his place of residence through late April.
I love the "vices and neuroses" part, and the "constant wearing of cranky pants."
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