Who is this child?

[Phoebe]

Ok, except for my child looking a lot like me, I have to wonder if this is the same baby I brought home three months ago. This post may turn out to be a vent, or a plea for advice or sympathy. I just don't know what to do, except keep myself from running away. For several weeks now our 3 month old has changed from a baby who slept tons (nursed once a night), didn't fuss much and fairly content to sleeping about 9 hours a night in between getting up 3 to 4 times and barely napping during the day unless she is moving (swing, car or stroller). She used to fall asleep on her own and now won't fall asleep unless she nurses. Even then, she will wake up when I take her off my breast try to put her in bed. She also used to take a bottle with breastmilk or formula fine and now refuses it.

I don't want to fall into the habit of nursing her to sleep or allowing her to sleep in motion. It takes about two hours a night to get her to sleep by rocking, using a pacifier and sometimes resorting to nursing. Last night I was up with her nursing and trying everything to get her to stop crying and fall asleep until 6am. I finally put her in the swing so I could get some sleep.

It is hard to pinpoint what changed her. She has always had some reflux, so we started treating it which has helped her sleep better. I can't get anything done and I have turned into a human pacifier. My DH is about to pull his hair out because he can't stand the crying and I can't stand him getting upset because the baby cries so we are all stressed!

I have been trying to transition her to her crib from the bassinet. She doesn't sleep as well in her crib, but she is too big for the bassinet. I have started putting her back in the bassinet because she stays asleep longer which gives me more chance to rest.

It seems like my baby should be moving toward sleeping through the night and being able to fall asleep on her own instead of regressing to this newborn behavior. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

Jennifer

[mommax3]

Jennifer,

I am so sorry that she seems to be "regressing". I had some pretty demanding babies, so I feel your pain. Perhaps as she is getting older, she is getting more skilled at letting you know what she wants???? Not much comfort, but maybe if you look at it like she is gaining a skill instead of regressing......okay, just trying to be encouraging!

For starters, I would leave her in the bassinet if she is sleeping better there. Babies like snug quarters, even if we don't think it looks comfortable. About nursing to sleep......I did this with all three of mine. It was the only way they would go to sleep, especially my oldest. The other two would eventually (~ 8 months I think) detatch themselves before falling completely asleep. I actually found it to be a sweet time where I could just concentrate on the baby. Those cuddly moments end too soon! I know there are different schools of thought on this one, but that is what I did and there were no repercussions that I can think of.

I did whatever worked, no matter how unorthodox, because I CANNOT handle sleep deprivation and my husband was pretty much not home, which I am sure you understand. Keeping myself somewhat sane (which equalled rested for me) and patient enough to take care of the kids I had at that point was paramount. So don't beat yourself up if you end up doing something you swore you would never do just to make it through. Take care of yourself and taking care of the baby will follow.....she will let you know what she needs. Even sleeping in the swing is not the end of the world as long as you keep an eye on her.

Just remember, this too shall pass, only to be replaced by another annoying stage.....just kidding! Vent here anytime and I hope things improve for all of you soon.

Sally

Jennifer, oh how I can feel your pain. Welcome to my world for the last 8+mths! (Ok, we also had some bonus things thrown in for excitement, but I can relate.) Our baby was also sleeping through the night only to go through this same phase. It is a phase, and there are many ways to handle it. You will have to stick to your plan when you find one that works best for you, babies also thrive on consistency. Our baby is just now getting back to sleeping most of the night 8p-5a. I know that it is difficult when you are at wits end and your spouse is evertired (ok, not a real word...but it should be!). You can make it through, and may seem to last forever but it will pass.

We would have to just comfort him and use the pacifier, he hated the swing. If worse came to worse he would be nursed, and it was only Momma because he wasn't taking a bottle very well. It is hard, but you can make it!!

My daughter is only four months old, but she went through a similar thing about a month ago. She had been sleeping through the night since she was about five weeks, then all of a sudden at three months she started waking up every three hours again and wouldn't go back to sleep unless she was nursed. I asked the Dr. about it and was told that babies have a big growth spurt around three months (and again at six) and they often need to feed more frequently. If nothing else, knowing that made getting up with her easier because it was a legitimate need. And as for nursing her to sleep, I do it all the time. I agree that it is one of the sweetest times of the day. I also agree that if it works and results in a rested mommy, its worth it. Its only a bedtime event though, she rarely nurses to sleep during the day and if she does its because she's so tired I can't keep her awake. My daughter will fall asleep on her own sometimes, but she can also require a bit of help. Sometimes I feel as if she is crying because she wants to be in her swing! And if she falls asleep there I turn the swing off once she's dozed off. Anyway, for us she was through the 'growth spurt' in about two weeks and now we are back to our normal night-time schedule. I'm sure things will get better sooner or later, though sooner is better!

[SueC]

I feel for you Jennifer--I agree about keeping her in the bassinet. If she sleeps longer in there than she must not be terribly uncomfortable. Another thing I did at night was to lay on my side nursing so I could sleep while nursing. Some people are against having the baby in the bed, but when you've got a toddler to keep up with during the day you have to grab any extra Z's you can. I even used to do it during the day and then kind of gently pull her off and back away. I'd make sure she was in the middle of the bed and make sure there were barriers around her so she wouldn't roll off the bed, though that only works until they get to the roly poly stage. I probably was kind of a human pacifier now that I think about it, but I don't remember it posing any problems as she got a little older and more able to get herself to sleep without nursing. When they are 5 months or so, I let my babies cry it out--another controversial thing, but my girls were both excellent sleepers so it worked for us. Hang in there Jennifer, she's got to start sleeping for you soon! Having a needy infant is so hard!

[Phoebe]

Thanks for comisserating with me! I hope this stage passes soon. I think part of the problem may be that I am not making enough milk. I don't have a problem nursing Ella to sleep if she would stay asleep or if she were actually getting something to eat. Most of the time she is just hanging out with me as her pacifier and if I pull her off she wakes up a few minutes later and cries. That is why I am worried about it becoming a bad habit besides the fact that she is now refusing a bottle. Sue, I often do what you mentioned about having her lay next to me during the night or naps and back away. She usually wakes up twice during a nap and several times a night and grazing when she used to be on a regular feeding schedule. I dread nighttime.

Jennifer

I think that someone else mentioned it....but when are the usual growth spurts? I think 3 weeks, 6 weeks, and 12 weeks??? Maybe she is needing extra feeding right now. I remember when my daughter did that she really nursed a lot for a few weeks (or so). I always put sleep as a higher priority to concerns about forming bad habits...mostly for my own sanity....so I would say go with what works for now.
I also remember that just about the time we would get used to a new schedule habit, find a solution to a problem....things would change and she would have a new schedule/habit/problem for us to adjust to. Like we were always one step behind!

Good luck! And I hope you all get some sleep!

Hey ya'll! It's Claudia (yeah, still can't post to the other boards and/or login!). Jennifer - my daughter is 7 months and still grazes all night long. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I'm definitely making enough milk and I'm sure you are, too - it's purely a comfort thing and that's OK. For whatever reason, she is not into sleeping at night and needs to be close to Mommy. We cosleep for most of the night because I was just too exhausted with her waking up every 1-2 hours in her crib (or sometimes 20 minutes later!!)

I'm curious, Sally - how did you get your boys to eventually sleep? We really want to transition her to the crib but I have no idea how to do this! We rock/nurse her to sleep and the minute we put her down into the crib: 8O Ha ha.

[mommax3]

I will tell you if you promise not to do as I did. But you will have to read through the fourth paragraph to find out my deep, dark, secret.

First of all, I didn't really ever co-sleep (although I longed to try!) because my husband was so sleep deprived that I couldn't bear to interrupt his sleep when he WAS able to get some.....he is a much lighter sleeper than I. So I can't help you there.

My oldest nursed to sleep, but slept through the night pretty early (~8 weeks) and pretty much slept through from then on, although he got up pretty early, like around 5. Once I was sure he was asleep, I would detatch him and hold my breath (and all of the other silly stuff we have all done, like tiptoe, etc.) until I got him into his crib.

My second and third babies would take themselves off when they were serious about going to sleep. My second was up twice a night until age 9 months, and slept through the night for the first time when he was 15 months......but he was a very peaceful, easy baby otherwise, and when he woke up, he wanted to eat and then he went back to sleep. My third was very restless and woke several times through the night......I was at my wit's end. When he was about 9 months old, my husband slept on a hide-a-bed that we have away from the rest of the bedrooms and put Nathan in a port-a-crib where he could hear him, but I couldn't. He has never told me how much Nathan cried that night, but I think he just mostly fussed. From then on, he was better. I was just so paranoid about him waking the other kids that I was getting him the first time he squeaked instead of waiting and letting him work it out on his own.


BUT....the thing that made the biggest difference for my 1st and 3rd kids is that I put them to sleep on their tummies. When my first was born, they weren't pushing the "back to sleep" thing so hard, although I had read it, but he was extremely active even as an infant and would startle himself awake as soon as I would put him down. So I put him on his tummy to help keep his pacifier in reach and so that if he startled, his arms wouldn't fly up and wake him. With my 3rd, I waited until he was rolling both from front to back and back to front before I put him on his tummy. He was a thumb sucker, which I encouraged (and he gave up on his own before he turned two) and he also uses (still) a blankie. So that's my secret.....controversial and definitely NOT recommended by pediatricians, for good reason. But I did it.

As far as transitioning her to her crib, I would try to start with naps and let her fuss a little before you pick her back up. (I don't mean out and out sobbing.....I could never stand that.) Is she taking a longish nap in the morning and another one in the afternoon, or is she doing lots of little cat naps? Another idea would be to put her in a bouncy seat or swing, or on a blanket on the floor under a play gym or something when you notice she is slowing down her nursing. She may fall asleep on her own, but be entertained while she dozes off......at least it might get her accustomed to falling asleep without being in close proximity to you. It's a ########, Claudia. I always was so tired that I just resigned myself to the baby being in charge......but that gets old after a while! I wish you the best. Some other ideas.....keep her room as dark as you can, (esp. during the day....get good blinds or whatever) invest in a cd/tape player and some lullaby cds or tapes to play when you put her down for the night, or one of those mobiles that plays songs, encourage the use of a blanket or teddy bear or whatever to help her transition, and work on starting a bedtime routine because that in itself is comforting to little ones. All of my kids have had some kind of routine, but each one has been different.

AND if what you are doing is working for you and you aren't unhappy or resentful, keep doing it and don't worry about what the books or other moms say.

Sally

[SueC]

I'd try to get her into the crib before she is pulling to stand. I have several friends who waited until after that point to try to transition them to the crib and the baby would stand in the crib and cry. If you do it before then, they will eventually fall asleep since there is nothing better to do. Those are my only words of wisdom. Sally, I have two good friends that ended up putting their babies on their tummy to sleep as well. It goes against what they're recommending now, but if you use good judgment then the baby is probably fine. In their cases, it was the only way the baby was getting a good rest--I guess some babies just aren't happy on their backs.

[Phoebe]

This has just been exhausting getting up every couple of hours. I went home this weekend and my mom let me sleep one night while she took care of the baby. I can't remember the last time I got a full night's rest. We got the baby sleeping a little longer the past few nights and it is by having her sleep on her stomach. I am not fully comfortable with her sleeping this way and I pray every time I put her down that she wakes up again. Otherwise she is waking up every couple of hours even if I nurse/rock her completely to sleep. I hope this is a phase because her transition to not sleeping is a 180 for our baby. I read somewhere the other day that 3 month olds nap 5 hours a day. I laughed at that because ours sleeps two if she is lucky and about 7 hours combined during the night. Our 2 year old gets 13 hours including her nap. I don't get it.

Jennifer

All four of my "babies" as they are so old now, LOL, were tummy sleepers, and there is a 13 year diference between oldest and youngest. I am not sure whether it matters but my boys were always so easy to keep asleep. They were bottle feeders. The girls were nursed every 4 hours until I weaned them cold turkey, one at 15 months and the other at 17 months. They then slept through the night with no problem. I wonder if the cereal in the bottle had anything to do with the boys or the need to be with Mommy for the girls had anything to do with it. That said, if I ever had to do it again which I never will, (Thank God!!!) I think I would do the bottle feeding and sav all of us some sleep.

[mommax3]

Jennifer,

I have been where you are and I definitely remember how it was. I have been thinking of you. I am glad your mom was able to help a little. I was ambivalent about the tummy sleeping thing, too, (still am, to be honest) but I felt like my sanity was at stake......

Just take it a day (and night ) at a time and remind yourself that this too shall pass....it really will. I know it is miserable while it is going on, though. Maybe when she gets a little more active, she will wear herself out more and sleep better.

Take care of yourself and vent here anytime!

Sally

[HeartRN]

Jennifer--I can certainly relate. I have a 3 month old who naps very little during the day, is basically exclusively breastfed. We sleep share, which seems to work great for us. I have found it's the only way to get rest. I was feeling guilty about this, until somebody I work with provided me with literature on the subject. It really encourages parents to listen to their instincts and listen to their babies. If a baby is crying and is less than 6 months old, he/she generally has a specific need, even if that is to be close to you. I don't know about everybody else, but I figure I would rather fall asleep next to a warm body and a breast than in isolation with a rubbery pacifier. And just because baby sleeps with you does NOT mean he/she will never leave your bed! The day will come....the way I see it is she is only going to be this little once. I also read somewhere that babies who don't sleep much during the day (just cat naps) are awake to try to breastfeed more so they sleep more soundly at night. Just a few thoughts....just remember to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!

[Phoebe]

I am happy to report the last couple of days have given us some relief. Ella has been sleeping more during the day and longer stretchs at night between feedings, but does wake up in between needing her pacifier. She also has been able to sleep on her back which ways a little lighter on my conscience. A friend of mine recommended the book, "Healthy Sleep, Happy Baby". I am not far enough into it to know if it is going to be helpful, but I am optimistic that we can all get some more sleep especially with Ella turning 4 months soon. It has been helpful to hear others stories and know this too shall pass.

Jennifer