Sibling Rivalry

[Sheherezade]

Thanks. I'm not really sad for myself, though. I've always had a great deal of confidence in my own parenting decisions.

The sadness is for other parents in offering it up as an example that worked. Intervening and playing "judge" is much more labor intensive on mom than letting the kids work it out on their own. I wish that had worked for me, because it seemed a lot easier. It never did here, though.


Angie

[Pollyanna]

Thanks. I'm not really sad for myself, though. I've always had a great deal of confidence in my own parenting decisions.

The sadness is for other parents in offering it up as an example that worked. Intervening and playing "judge" is much more labor intensive on mom than letting the kids work it out on their own. I wish that had worked for me, because it seemed a lot easier. It never did here, though.


Angie

I think it would only be easier if it didn't lead to long term relationship struggles. It's the smart parent that gets involved when they see their intervention may be best for the short AND long term. I just don't think most kids have the tools to "work it out" without some intervention.

This parenting gig is exhausting!

[mommax3]

I can't imagine not intervening. My boys were physical immediately but also learned to say extremely hurtful things to each other. I was not okay with either. The age and size differential between the boys made the physical stuff potentially very dangerous, especially once the oldest reached puberty (and as we know, their brains do not match the maturity of their bodies for a looooong time). Thankfully, most of the bickering had ended by then. I was always more tolerant of a younger sibling striking out at an older one (usually when their "buttons" had been pushed beyond endurance) but I was militant about not allowing older siblings to purposefully hurt younger ones. Too much at stake. My boys did (and do) wrestle each other, but to me that is a separate thing and really only occurs when they are getting along well to start with.


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[MrsK]

Just a point of clarification, I don't let things escalate beyond wrestling for the boys. If there is hitting, biting or anything like that, I put a stop to it. DrK was a wrestler and K2 is sort of "wired" that way. The boys weigh the same and are evenly matched (though k2 usually wins). K1 is really good at stopping the wrestling and negotiating a solution early on because he knows he's not going to win otherwise. There no rivalry at all with the boys. It's just with Lambie, she can't wrestle or negotiate so I feel like I'm separating her from K2 all the time.

[ladymoreta]

Oh I absolutely intervene, and I'm sure I will need to even more as they get physically bigger. My point was that the book I recommended uses separation as the intervention, rather than choosing who is in the right or wrong and punishing that one each time.

[MrsK]

Oh I absolutely intervene, and I'm sure I will need to even more as they get physically bigger. My point was that the book I recommended uses separation as the intervention, rather than choosing who is in the right or wrong and punishing that one each time.

Yeah, I usually do that too but oftentimes there is a clear instigator.