Potty Training Advice

[Phoebe]

My Avery is a month away from being 3 yrs old. She doesn't want to potty train. She wants to wear big girl underwear and get the rewards (stickers chart and candy) of going potty, but doesn't want to sit on the toilet. Sometimes she is too busy to do it and other times she just doesn't want too. She has no problem using the toilet, but chooses against it. She pretty much changes her own diaper and tells us when she goes then refuses when I try to get her on the seat. If she does sit on the toilet she avoids going and wants to get off immediately.

We have let her wear underwear around the house, but it becomes a hassle and she has accidents because she doesn't have the mind/body connection. I was trying to have her go every hour and if she refused she would pee on the floor minutes later so I know she had to go. We have reverted back to diapers because she seems to be happy with them, but I would like to her use the toilet because I know she can. We let her know about all of her friends using the pottty and I even offered to bribe her with a toy of her choice once she fills up her sticker chart. She still is not motivated.

I don't know if I should pressure her to use the toilet or just let her stay in diapers. I am reading a book about 3 year old by Louis Bates Ames who wrote that most 3 year olds, especially girls should be able to stay dry and therefore be potty-trained. A neighbor of ours who is a psychologist said she punished her children when they wouldn't use the potty by giving them a time out for being disrespectful of the parent and not following directions. The focus of the punishment was not on using the toilet, but not following directions. It worked for my neighbor. I feel kind of uncomfortable with that.

Do any vetran parents have suggestions? Should I wait a little longer and let Avery take the lead or should I try to pressure her into potty training? I am sick of her in diapers.

[SueC]

We just got through with this very same issue Jennifer! Sydney wanted to wear the panties but she didn't want to do the work. Also, even though she had a bladder of steel she didn't seem to have the ability to predict when she was going to go and she didn't know how to "turn it on" when setting on the toilet. I ended up telling her that until she could pee in the potty she wasn't able to wear her big girl panties since I was tired of cleaning up pee off the floor (another side effect of the huge bladder is that when she finally did go it was like Niagara Falls). I know a lot of people say once you start potty training you shouldn't go back to diapers, but with a baby in the house I just couldn't deal with it and I didn't want to turn it into a huge power struggle. Within a few weeks she was requesting to use the potty and actually going in it. I made a huge deal about it but still didn't pressure her. Once she started wearing panties again, I had to insist she sit on the potty even though she would swear she didn't need to go. We did this on a schedule (about every 1.5 to 2 hours) and after a few weeks of that she didn't really need reminders anymore and only has occasional accidents. Good luck! It's wonderful when you finally get another kid out of diapers but it can be such a huge source of stress when you've got a kid who isn't motivated or when you get into a power struggle.

I guess you could give the time out thing a try -- time out if she won't sit on the potty every hour. I can understand your reluctance but it might be worth a try. I know it's a pain, but if she wets herself enough, she will eventually figure it out. If you can catch her peeing on herself, tell her that's how her body feels when it needs to pee.
Are you having her sit on a potty sit or the toilet? She might prefer one over the other. Some kids are afraid of toilets. Maybe have her sit on the toilet for the length of a song like "twinkle, twinkle" (or tinkle, tinkle, you and me, sitting on the potty going pee ).
Is there a potty-related reward she would like? Maybe her favorite cartoon character undies or something. Or let her pick them out at the store after a few successful days.
Ugh! Good luck!
Are you like the book by Ames? I just started on the 4yo version.