how long did it take?

I'm curious as to how long it takes one to get pregnant? I know that everyone is different but is there some sort of "average"? I am very naive in this area! One of my girlfriends told me before Christmas that she and her husband were going to start working on their second child and I just thought yippee, I'll start buying books for her, thinking that she would just magically be pregnant as soon as she decided it was time!
We're still not ready for that big step but we've agreed that we'd like to have a little arrival maybe during our last year here.

OOOOPS! Sorry for not posting this in the "pregnancy board" - Kris, can you move it? SORRY!!!!!

[Amiens]

For us, it took 2 months after being on bcp for almost 3 yrs. Then I miscarried, but got pregnant 2 weeks after the miscarriage. I know it is different for everyone.

There is a great book out there that has been recommended by several people on another board I post on (The Preparing for Pregnancy Message Board on About.com)- Taking Control of Your Fertility. It explains the female reproductive system, best time to get pregnant, etc. I am thinking about reading up on it before we start trying for #2.

Crystal

[DCJenn]

Claudia-

We haven't used any birth control since October and there's nothing happening. but, as my husband seems to be on-call or asleep during the critical times- I'm not surprised in the least! We're not too worked up about it- if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't- I get to be the crazy lady with all the cats.

But, FYI- I am 35 and I have been on birth control since I was 15. (started young!). Statistically, it should take us at the minimum, 6 month and more likely a year.

Jenn

It takes me about how long to get pregnant? Hmmm, let me just say "once" is enough for me! I think that I'm normal, but maybe I'm not and I'm just hyper-fertile? Seriously, though, with my first I was on birth control pills and was told to give myself a while after stopping them before I might get preggers. Woops! A week later I was pregnant with my first child!!! Same goes for the other pregnancies - all planned but I conceived surprisingly fast.

Jennifer

Each pregnancy really is different. I was on bcp for six months and then got pregnant 2 months after I went off the pills. That was with the first child. The next time around it took us a full year of trying. In fact, I went to my apointment with my OB/GYN to figure out what we should do next and found out that I was pregnant! The third took four months and the fourth was an absolute SURPRISE! So.... I have been told to expect six months to a year as normal. Anything can happen!

Robin

It took me about eight months. And I was taking my temperatures and was hyper aware of my fertile days. Even so, all the trying in the world didn't help me achieive pregnancy too quickly. If I had not been so attentive, maybe it would have taken weeks. I have many friends who got pregnant the first month with their first child, only to have great difficulties getting pregnant with their second. It is impossible to say how long it will take for you two.

Uh-oh, my fears are confirmed: I AM abnormally hyper-fertile!!! You'd think that someone with my condition might have "easier" pregnancies!!! Maybe I should have Jon "snipped" when we decide to definitely stop having kids?

Jennifer

[houseelf]

Claudia,

I'm so glad that you brought this topic up. I have been thinking about family planning A LOT lately. As I have admitted before, Cade was our most wonderful, blessed surprise. My parent's firstborn and my inlaw's firstborn were also surprises. Their next children took them years to conceive. I don't know if this will happen to us as well, but I have to consider that conceiving may not be so... ummm....easy... for us next time.

If we were to get preggers today, there would be a three year span. But honestly, I really don't think that I can handle anymore than I have right now. My son is in that toddler stage where he both adorable and a lot of work. Honestly, I feel like our life is going relatively smoothly right now. If we wait awhile longer, my dh will be in the lab, we'll have more money, hopefully my little guy will be potty trained....plus a million other rationales that I could offer. On the other hand, if we wait until then, there will probably be at least a five year age span between siblings. (Assuming arguendo, that we get pregnant.) A five year or more age span between siblings is tantamount to raising to quasi-only children. There are five years between my brother and me and we are not all that close. We never went through any stages together. My dh's family has a widespread between children and the they are not particularly close.

And if this post hasn't convinced you that I overanalyze everything in life, I haven't even begun to talk about the whole biological clock issue! I'm a month short of 29 (gasp!) and we want at least 3 children with a decent amount of space between them. And then there are finances, my working outside the home, a fellowship.......UGH! I could bore you for HOURS!

I guess what I really need is a crystal ball to tell me what to do. The more I think about this decision, the less sure I am.

Kelly
Edited by: kmbsjbcgb at: 3/25/02 1:29:58 pm

[DCJenn]

Kelly-

You think too much!

Relax... whatever is supposed to happen will happen and there's no amount of planning, anyway!!

Jenn

Kelly:
You are talking to the right person. I am the one who sits there and draws up imaginary scenarios - like OK, if we have a kid in October then blah blah blah. . . if it's not until January then blah blah! My hubby just laughs and says you know, we don't have to decide this tonight! But you do have to plan to a certain extent in the sense that you stop taking BC! Age is probably my biggest concern at this point - I'm "OK" for now but we want 3-4 little tots and you just don't do that in 4 years! I also think about how old my parents are right now and I don't want them to be so aged as grandparents that they can't have fun with the kids! And I think about us and I don't want US to be so old when they are grown up either! My other fear is that we have so little "alone" time together right now as it is that if we added a tot to the mix, our time together would be non-existent. I'm hoping my current wave of baby fever is just a passing wave - I tell myself on an almost daily basis "I will not mention kids at all anymore" You know how long that one lasts!

[houseelf]

Yes, I'm as mercurial about this topic as they come. I guess that we'll quit bp when we have more "let's have another baby" days than not.

The truth of the matter is, there is no definitive answer to this question. No financial planner ever told a client, "Gee, it would benefit you financially to have a child". Maybe I'm trying to be too logical about a decision that has to come from the heart.

Maybe we're all fooling ourselves by thinking that we can completely "plan" our families. At one point this fall I had FOUR different friends on Chlomid (sp?) in order to facilitate conception. Apparently, those doctors aren't stupid when they say that conceiving does get harder with age. The problem is that they can't predict individual outcomes.

Here I go again, overanalyzing everything....I just need to let go and let God work it out. Claudia, Jenn, anyone else, let me know when you figure it out.

Kelly

I had to jump in because I have been where you two are. Here is our history:

We had our first at the end of DH's second year of med school. He was planned and it took us a year to get pregnant after getting off of the pill. I was 26 when he was born, DH was 24. At that time, we lived close to family. We had our second 3 years (plus about 6 weeks) later, at the end of intern year, after four months of trying. My husband had a week off for paternity leave and then did a month of Trauma Surgery, so you can guess how much I saw him. We lived far from family and didn't know too many people yet in San Antonio. We had our third 3 years and 3 months later, (which was this past fall) right after my husband finished residency. We tried for six months with this one. We had only been in our new city for about six weeks and we were still far from family, but my husband has much better hours.

Every experience has been wonderful and difficult in its own way -- but I have learned a few things. I really worried about having a second child because my oldest was such a handful -- it was the best thing I could have done. He is a great big brother and I think it was good for him that I had to stop obsessing about him and it gave him a chance to be responsible and help me. Also, he grew up A LOT during the course of my pregnancy, which is something you just can't predict. By far the hardest thing has been not having a "community" -- family or friends nearby during pregnancy/post-partum. So if you have that, I would say you should go for it if you think you are ready otherwise. Finances will work themselves out, I promise, if you are determined to limit your lifestyle after residency while you pay off debt. My husband and I always figured we would be poor and tied down while he was a resident anyway, so we might as well have kids then so that when the money was better we would be able to do things and go places. I have loved the three year age difference because each child has been fairly verbal before they got a younger sibling and I think that helped the adjustment process. Of course I have moments when I would like to tear my hair out, but I think that is part of being a mom.

Good luck with whatever you decide and sorry for this LONG post!

Sally

[houseelf]

Sally,

Thanks for the insight! I guess I harbor the illusion that everyone else has the perfect answer and plan.

If I'm honest with you, we'll wait another year before trying so that my dh will be in the lab. I have to work until he can moonlight. Maybe the space will make us feel even more excited about the next one.

However, I just saw a newborn at lunch, and the smell and feel of his skin was downright intoxicating. I DON'T KNOW!!!!

Kelly

[Phoebe]

I am enjoying this thread of posts. I love hearing about other people's ideas and families because everyone is so different. My longing for a child overtook being logical about planning for a baby. Our original plan was to wait a year after our marriage, then I planned around my husband's rotation schedule so he would be more available when the baby was born, and finally onto not renewing my BCP perscription which ended in November to see what would happen. As a shock to me, I got pregnant in December, one month after discontinuation of birth control and six months after getting married.

I knew I was ready for a baby because I started picturing a little one in our life and day dreaming what it would be like to take care of our child. Not to mention, being 31 at the time of her birth kicked in my biological clock. Now our daughter, Avery is 6 months old and bringing us so much joy. My husband is so crazy in love with her that he has been hitting me up for another baby since Avery was 3 months old. Yes, he is nuts. I want Avery to grow and develop before planning another pregnancy. I am also enjoying having my body to myself again. I think the second time around we will wait until we are a little more financially stable and maybe will have some family around as support.

Seeing newborns does tug at your heartstrings though!

Jennifer