Life with two

[Cumberland]

Since I am coming down the homestretch of this pregnancy, I am thinking alot about how much things are going to change with a second baby. I am worried about being housebound for months, or that my 2yr old will not get the attention from me she needs and wondering how I am going to go about and about with two little ones. Was the transition hard?

I was really concerned about all those things you mentioned. I felt like we were in such a good groove and wondered about that being shaken up. For the most part, everything was fine. I wasn't housebound for months -- my second L&D went so much better and I wasn't nearly as tired. I also had things a little more figured out. Despite years of babysitting, it's not the same with your own kids!

Bryn was a little older -- 3 1/2 -- and that might have helped her adjustment. She was excited about being a big sister and we didn't have much in the way of sibling rivalry until Anna could infringe on her territory. I tried to do extra cuddles with her, talk about what a big kid she was and the things she could do that they baby could not, DH or I would go on short outings to the playground or for treats.

One of the best pieces of advice I got from Luanne -- get your older child used to waiting *before* the baby arrives. So instead of getting something or helping right away, say "in a minute" or "after I...".

[fluffhead]

It depends on the baby. We were really thrown for a loop with our second, because he was not a good sleeper, and was pretty demanding. At the same time, our 2 year old had some weird screaming reactions when he would cry.
Everything has settled down though, that is if you consider our residency life "settled."

[Sheherezade]

I hesitate to mention my coping strategies here because it will reveal my true pyschosis.

I used to set up 2-3 "activites" like art, a computer game or little action figures ready to go each night before I went to bed. That way, during the day I could easily direct my older child (2.5) to a new activity without needing to stop nursing or put the baby down in the middle of something. Kid-traps. I also found that using a Pack-n-Play for my older child a great idea. We would set it up near the couch so he could climb in and out. Then, we'd put our unsafe baby toys in it for him to use. I think he felt like it was his private space. It was much better than using it for the baby! I think it's good to decide on a few "routine" elements that will remain sacred. Bedtime story, breakfast time....whatever. I think that gives consistency to the first child and they don't feel so left behind.


In general, I thought the transition went well. We didn't have any sibling rivalry issues until they were much older. I also wasn't trapped. In fact, I think with the second you get out of the house much faster. We were out and about by day 3-4 home I think. You are all set up and the younger one needs activity. It's much better that way for everyone. Don't fret. It will be fine. Until they are 3 and 5.

[PrincessFiona]

I didn't find the transition from 1 to 2 to be really difficult until my second child was crawling/walking. For us...that's when the FUN began. :>

My older child was 16 months old when my second child was born and I worried a lot that he would feel left out or that he didn't get enough individual mommy time before becoming a big brother. He enjoyed bringing me diapers though, finding the pacifier, etc...and I even let him sometimes feed her a pumped bottled just to include him....I did a lot of worrying about ... nothing, really...because things ended up going pretty smoothly.

They were the best of friends until....this year. :> Now that they are in 5th grade and 4th grade all they do is fight.

kris

[Flynn]

One to two was a big transition for me as well.

The thing was, my daughter turned two four days after DS was born, so we were in a really good place and I had some "me" time prior to the birth. A new baby changes everything so with their staggered naps through out the day in the beginning, there is no "mommy alone time" unless it's before 5 a.m. or after 8p.m. Otherwise I had at least one child to "be with."

What worked for me was ALWAYS doing a morning activity with both kids. DS (baby) would do his morning nap on the fly (ususally in my cool double stroller) and then hopefully the afternoon nap would be somewhat at the same time. For me, if I didn't get up before the kids in the first year, there was no shower time for Mommy. Since I have curly hair I really can't shower the night before and sleep on it (major bummer now that I'm a mom).

Countless art activities for toddler is a great idea. Sticker books, "tools" for playdoh, stuff like that.

Most people who wanted to help me out only wanted to take one child (totally understandable) and while that was helpful I was really dragging until we got baby to sleep through the night. He was MUCH more challenging about sleeping through the night than my daughter so it didn't happen until he was 5 months old despite me doing everything under the sun. Add on that my kids never took bottles despite multiple torture (kidding) from Dad, Mom, Grandma etc. They would each scream their heads off, refuse a feeding and cry for hours. Even the nurses were baffled. I gave up after a while.

I think the first 4 months with #2 is serious survival mode, after 6 months you regain some of your previous life, after a year (and since most people wean then) it gets WAY better I think. With that being said I am NOT a baby person. I MUCH prefer the toddler phase where we can play and "do stuff."

If my husband was around more hopefully I'd have had a different experience but that's the short version.

As it stands now, having kids who are 3 and a half and 18 months is FUN! They play together and are little hams. We're having fun.

[Rapunzel]

I was going to answer this and then I realized I can't:

I went from one to three in one fell swoop!

I truly haven't a clue as to how it feels to go from one to two!

Sorry, just thought it was funny....

[Meenah]

I couldn't believe how much laundry one extra 7 pound baby can produce!!!!
Luanne

[Rapunzel]

I couldn't believe how much laundry one extra 7 pound baby can produce!!!!
Luanne

I continue to be an advocate for nudity just for that reason! Think how much time we would have if there wasn't so much darn laundry

Ahhh, my children would love you. They think they are entirely too overdressed in undies and a tshirt.

[twinsmom]

Like Rapunzel, I don't quite know the transition from 1 to 2, we went from 0 to 2 on our first introduction to parenthood. For me, baby #3 was like a mini vacation - I just had to get up and feed ONE baby through the night. That, and the older kids had each other to entertain/be entertained, so they really didn't get into the jealousy factor - the main fights were over who would be the 'super helping hero' to bring things for the baby. Now that the baby is mobile and interested in their things... well... WHOLE different ball game with the rivalry issue...

Good luck with #2 - how exciting!!

Jen B.

I'm pg with baby #5, so here's my take...

I think the transition from 1 to 2 is a lot easier than 2 to 3, 3 to 4, and, in my case, I'm sure, 4 to 5. My oldest DD had no problems transitioning to having a baby sister. As a matter of fact, none of my kids had major issues when the new baby came. What makes it a lot more difficult with 2+ kids is that it becomes a lot busier. With 2 kids, it's still manageable to take them around, and be attentive to both kids. With 3+ kids, it's a lot more difficult to have 1-on-1 time with each kid. Also, I'm busy driving the 2 oldest to their extra-curricular activities and having to drag the 2 youngest with me everywhere. Everything we do is a production. Ahh, the days of only having 2 kids.

Back to the issue at hand...

You'll be amazed at how quickly you adapt to having another child. The idea of caring for 2 seems daunting at first, but is almost instinctual once the baby comes. My only advice is to stick to a daily routine. It will make your life so much easier.

[Rapunzel]

I'm pg with baby #5, so here's my take...

Woohoo! Kris, another person to join our little Mommy to More Than Four club!!!

There's a club for having a zoo? I thought we were the only crazy people having a lot of kids!

Glad to know we are in good company!

-Melanie

As it stands now, having kids who are 3 and a half and 18 months is FUN! They play together and are little hams. We're having fun.

That is something to look forward to.

My 5 yo can make my 2yo laugh and giggle in ways no one else can.

[houseelf]

I'll be honest, because I think that is what you're really seeking.

For me, one to two was pretty hard. It took me six months to find my groove. I have to add the caveat that I have almost 5 years between kids and we felt like we were going backwards into diapers, midnight feedings, and an assortment of baby gear again. I'm kind of a type A planner who likes things to go as planned. Having a baby, any baby, throws a loop into almost every plan. Also, I'm VERY active with the kids, pretty much always on the go for our collective ADHD.

However, I love having the two kids I have. They're totally worth the chaos. I tell every new mom and new-again mom to remember that it is just the first few months that are crazy chaotic. It won't always be crazy.

I wish you the best of luck.

Kelly