Favorite pregnancy/parenting zingers

[diggitydot]

Bwaaahaaaahaaaaa! Best answer ever.

I'm totally floored that people say crap like this, though. Seriously, injecting politics into it? Ew.

[TigerLily]

I really didn't like the belly touching strangers, or the fact that it becomes okay for COMPLETE strangers to talk about or ask about ANYTHING. Someone talking to you about your cervix when you're pregnant is like talking about the weather.
And "you look like you're about to pop" and "Wow you're carrying really low."
and I also agree with labor horror stories. yuck worst ever.

[Thirteen]

I am actually dodging a co-worker right now, who always wants to touch my belly. Creepy! I don't even have a bump, so I've been telling her that there's "really nothing to touch," which seems to appease her. I don't know what I'll do in 2-3 weeks when the bump pops - maybe just say "Uh, no?"

Also, I forgot this one (a gem, from a fellow peer in my Physio class): "When you're in labor, don't scream! It makes your hole close!"
...
Uhhhhh, why is this even necessary? Hey, by the way, don't close your holes, ladies. *facepalm*

Add to that the lady who, in the middle of a store, asked when I was due, and then informed me about her precipitous labor and 4th degree tear. Oh.My.God. WHY!!???
(I know this stuff happens, but I didn't ask, and I don't know you, and OMG).

[scrub-jay]

Grocery stores were the worst for me. By far, the worst for weirdos and their stories, advice, touching... etc. Whenever a stranger/coworker started to touch my belly, I touched theirs. It usually got the point across.

I have had my fair share of are you having twins... You look like you are about to pop.... Are you sure they got your due date right. But by far I am most blown away at adults reactions when they see me in a wheel chair in public. It's our loop hole of getting me out of the house. Two days ago I lost it with a woman in publix. She was atleast in her 50s (old enough to know staring is inappropriate). I finally said ( loudly because it's how I roll). YEs I am in a wheel chair and I am pregnant. You can keep staring but it's not going to change a thing... She lowered her head And quickly walked away. Ugh people.

[Chrisada]

The worst by far for me was when my mother's friends told me I could not sit in her chair because it was old and I might break it. She was absolutely dead serious.

The worst by far for me was when my mother's friends told me I could not sit in her chair because it was old and I might break it. She was absolutely dead serious.

Wow. Antique chair = conversation piece gone bad.

[Chrisada]

Wow. Antique chair = conversation piece gone bad.

The witch also didn't recognize me from my wedding the previous year because I was so fat. Good times.

[GrayMatterWife]

The witch also didn't recognize me from my wedding the previous year because I was so fat. Good times.

What a b*tch. Really!

[MrsK]

This was in Miss Manners today:

Dear Miss Manners,
I am a young mother with a 2-year-old son and a 7-month-old daughter. When I take the kids places, I hear from MANY people, "Wow, you sure do have your hands full!"

It never fails, I hear it sometimes five times a day! I never know what to say back. At first I thought it was funny and very true, but now I hear it way too much and it is somewhat annoying.

What can I say back to the person that looks at me, laughs/smiles and says, "Wow, oh boy, you sure do have your hands full"?

Gentle Reader,
Sadly, most of what people say in passing is the first thing that pops into their heads, whether or not it is obvious, silly or even true.

All Miss Manners believes that you need is a simple response that derails the notion that your children are a burden. She suggests smiling and saying, "I know. I'm really lucky."

[Michele]

I get the "hands full" comments all the time too and never knew how to respond. Usually I just smile and say nothing. I like Miss Manners' response!

[Thirteen]

Belly touching. Oh man...
A professor I work with (that I don't like AT ALL) touched my belly while I was talking to a student, got eye level with my little bump, and YELLED "HI BABY!" to my son.
...
Argh! I was so taken aback, I didn't pull away or say anything. Epic fail.

[alison]

What's wrong with the hands full comment? I have one kid and when she decides to have a meltdown and throws things out of her stroller, I feel like it's a relief when someone acknowledges that I've got my hands full.

Someone telling you that you have your hands full is offensive?

[Chrisada]

My good friend who has six kids, has been asked if they are running a daycare. I also don't really get offended by the you have your hands full. I have two very active boys, my hands are always full.

[JC76]

I think I've shared this one before... From my oh so tactful FIL, said to me around 8 months... "You were much prettier before you were pregnant." And another one I think I've shared before from post-pregnancy... said to me by a lady sitting at the table next to us in a restaurant while she was fawning over my mixed race daughter - "How long have you had her?" My response was something like "since conception." Cue awkward silence.