An un-PC question...

[PrincessFiona]

Do children call you by your first name or by Mr. or Mrs. X?

I know I've had a couple of personal rants on this topic before, but..it's really annoying me again lately.

It's not that I'm being called by my first name by these kids...I'm even being called by my nickname....as if we're buddies....

The result, in my opinion is a lowering of a behavioral threshold. Today, the neighbor daughter called me 5 times from her cell phone "Is your refrigerator running, go catch it" kind of stuff. She's 11. I walked outside and she had this "hey dude" attitude with me...as if I am in her 6th grade class with her or something and we're buddies . Literally, I cringe when 8 year olds call me "kris".

I want to be liked, but I also want to be respected as a grown-up. Hey...the wrinkles need to be good for something.


kris

[Stella]

Obviously, kids call me by my first name as I'm not married nor do I have children of my own. However, growing up, we always called our elders by their first names. SO, on the other hand, was shocked when I told him that. I'm from the country south and he's from a Dawkter family. So... that might have something to do with it??

[mommax3]

I agree with you, Kris, although there is one family we are close to (our best friends) where the kids call the adults by first names......but there is definitely no problem with respect.

There have been times when other parents have told my kids it is okay to use their first names, and I have kindly interjected and said that I prefer that they not do that......I think it helps kids know how to act in a society where the lines are increasingly blurred......just my opinion, though.

Sally

I'm of the other school. It may just be b/c I hate being called Mrs. Patel (that is STILL my MIL). I just don't like it. My kids call other adults by their first name (although I do make sure it's okay w/the adults before it happens). If I hear another adult refer to me as Miss Jenn, or Mrs. Patel, then of course, I respect that and have their kids refer to me that way / have my kids refer to them in kind.

[mommax3]

I think that because I started teaching at age 21, I got used to being called Mrs. R. really quickly, and it became "my name". So it didn't sound weird to me once my kids were old enough to have friends and it became an issue. It would have been different if my first experience being addressed that way was by my kids' friends.....it would have felt much more strange.

Sally

[Momo]

I am so old school on this one. I always introduce my kids to adults w/ their respective titles i.e. Dr./MS/ Miss/ Mrs/ Mr. etc. I was raised this way & see it as a form of respect & good manners .

They just call me "The Man"...and most of them are terrified of me....












ha!

[Phoebe]

I agree with Jesher. I hate being called Mrs. P. I like to be called Jennifer, but leave it up to the parents to decide. It ranges from Mrs. P to Miss Jenn to Jennifer. Kids who know me better usually call me by my first name. Unless I know otherwise, I introduce people to my kids as Mrs/Mr./Dr. So and So. My oldest daughter forgets names easily and normally calls people So and So's mom.

Jennifer

[DCJenn]

Close friends- automatically become Auntie's and Uncles in my family. (we have a LOT of Aunties and Uncles)

I haven't had to deal with the Mrs. H stuff yet- because at Nikolai's daycare I'm "Nikolai's mama" to the kids. (which is OK because as far as the Army is concerned, I'm my husband's social security number)

Jenn

I usually defer to what a parent prefers their child call me. If it is ok with the parent, it is ok to call me by my first name. That is what we do with most of our close friends. If it is someone we don't know as well or someone older, I introduce them as Mr/Mrs/Dr and let them correct me if they would like something different.

btw, this is in a the perfect setting response. Sometimes I find this situation awkward.

[Gwendolyn]

Here's the breakdown:

When I'm teaching:
K-5- Miss Caitlein or Caitlein
Middle School-High School- Dr. Ryan (unless I am in a setting where first names are acceptable)
College- Caitlein or Dr. Ryan (I ask that they call me Caitlein, but some are more comfortable with the formal and...whatever...I feel badly watching a student struggle with calling me Caitlein just because I feel more comfortable with my first name...I will give in to social norms )

In social situations I like to be called Caitlein. I don't believe that being an adult automatically gives me power. There are plenty of adults that don't deserve crap. Having more experience that I use responsibly means that I should receive respect, but that has little to do with what name I am called. Working with kids from inner cities or low income areas has taught me a lot about finding a comfort zone in myself and a confidence in my own ability and genuine right to be respected regardless of title, degree, or age. I have been stripped of the extra crap quickly and ruthlessly a coupe of times. I can’t exactly defend an expectation if I don’t really buy into it. I have had to decide what I expect and learn how to ask for it. It has been difficult for me to ask to be called Dr., but there are some situations where that is the appropriate name.

For James, I introduce friends as Aunt or Uncle or by Ms. Mr. or Dr. their first name...John likes to be Dr. but that is because he is a pompous ass.

I guess I have a chip that rubs the opposite direction Kris....

For James, I introduce friends as Aunt or Uncle or by Ms. Mr. or Dr. their first name...John likes to be Dr. but that is because he is a pompous ass.

And that is part of the problem for me, too. DH (and I) aren't big on identifying him as 'Dr.', but for some reason it really bothers me when people call him Mr. I'd prefer they use his first name, but if they're going to go the distance of referring to him as Mr., then I kind of feel like it should be Dr. and I don't feel like all of the little kids in the neighborhood should be calling him Dr.

[Gwendolyn]

For James, I introduce friends as Aunt or Uncle or by Ms. Mr. or Dr. their first name...John likes to be Dr. but that is because he is a pompous ass.

And that is part of the problem for me, too. DH (and I) aren't big on identifying him as 'Dr.', but for some reason it really bothers me when people call him Mr. I'd prefer they use his first name, but if they're going to go the distance of referring to him as Mr., then I kind of feel like it should be Dr. and I don't feel like all of the little kids in the neighborhood should be calling him Dr.

This was my struggle with being called Dr. I would prefer my first name always, but there are some times when the formality is appropriate like a school that uses Mr. or Ms.Mrs.Miss...Then it feels like I am upping the formality by then correcting someone by saying "well actually its Dr." because we are not any of the above really...so...I often will correct and say really its Dr. Ryan, but I prefer Caitlein...Or John will say its Dr. and I will interject, but he prefers John... ...even though he would probably prefer Dr.

I don't know...I guess I feel it puts space between kids and adults in an unuseful way.

I know it seems silly, but I have done some true soul searching about how I feel about this very small simple subject.

[PrincessFiona]

This is so interesting....

I am certainly not trying to make this a power thing....but...I'd be one of the students that would insist on calling you Dr. Ryan, Caitlein For me it is a simple issue of respect to you...That being said, I'm also comfortable with the idea of the german use of the 'formal' "Sie" to address elders and people (other adults) that you are just meeting for the first time. When my mil came to visit last October, she brought her best friend and I had to refer to her in the formal for most of the visit until I was given permission to use the informal...and I was given permission because I simply kept forgetting (because I don't use that particular case often here in the US...it just kept slipping out and then I was correcting myself and falling all over myself)

OK...one step farther...when I call my children's teachers, I refer to them as Mr. Sprague or Mrs. Anderson etc...and not by their first names....that is simply out of my respect for them...I don't flinch when they call me Mrs. Math.

My daughter's 1st grade teacher tutored her for years and we eventually became friends...and after a couple of years it went from Mrs to a first-name basis.....




kris

[rainbabies]

John likes to be Dr. but that is because he is a pompous ass.

my pompous dh MADE me put MD on our new checks. i fought with him about it and then hit him with the "you're not even a real doctor, you're only a resident." low, yes.....but the credit card companies dont give two shits what his title is, as long as i pay the monthly bill.

okay back on subject....i refer to people as ms. or mr. (first name) for my kids. unless they are way older, like grandparent age.