Schools and my bitter self....

[PrincessFiona]

I have 3 children in school right now...2 in middle school and 1 in elementary school. I really adore certain teachers and our principal is great...but all in all, I feel this awful angst that I just can't let go of.

The schools are highly ranked here, but there is a lot of teaching to the test. There is very little flexibility when it comes to dealing with children on the high end of the academic spectrum. Andrew's 6th grade experience is that there are no math groups....It would be sad and unfair to say that one child has a greater aptitude for math, so they're all lumped in there together right now doing a repeat of what they did at the beginning of last school year. He's bored, angry and frustrated and has decided that "math just isn't my thing anymore. I hate it". Our pediatrician's son is in the exact same predicament and she feels as helpless as we do.

Alex was doing multiplication and division last year and now in second grade is back to doing addition.....There is no flexibility in the curriculum at ALL when it comes to meeting children's needs when they are above the curve.

Amanda has always struggled with math and has needed extra attention. The school is all over that this year too, making sure she's able to keep up. That's great...but what about Andrew? Alex excels at math but his interest in reading continues to lag behind....partly because reading material choices are just crap around here for boys. He doesn't want to read about purple parrots and Madeline's lovely garden. He wants to read about bugs, snakes and spiders. So, he categorically refuses to read his reading book...he literally seals his lips together, closes his eyes and refuses...but give him a magic treehouse book or a book about shark attacks and...he's all over that.

Last week, Andrew saw a movie in Social studies about mummification. Keep in mind, this is the kid who comes home every day to watch muppets and sesame street on video with Aidan...who watches an episode of the muppet show each night before bed.....

The show involved a man who died and donated his body to science. The entire mummification process was shown in full detail including breaking the nose off and removing the brain with hooks, opening up the body cavity by making a large hole and then removing the organs....etc...etc...At the end of it all, the mummified man had some toes fall off when his body became too brittle. Andrew was so horrified that he could barely eat for 2 days. He said "mom, it was worse than a horror movie because it was real".

This movie is considered standard curriculum for 6th grade social studies here.

I can guarantee you though that if I let him watch a slasher film or something that the school social worker would be giving me a ring.....

I'm still so upset that he saw this and that the school felt it was appropriate that I can't see straight. I spoke with the asst. principal who was very understanding....but...oh well, right?

Alex gets 20 minutes for lunch ... including the time that he has to walk there and back. He usually only has time to eat 1/2 of what I send him and comes home through the door starving. The kids are not supposed to talk at all to each other because talking takes up eating time. Hello socialization?????

Gym class is 2 times one week and 3 times the next in elementary school. In middle school it rotates as well but then is only in 17 day blocks....so you have 17 days where you have gym 3 days a week....and then 17 days with no gym. The cafeteria is stocked with an ala carte menu that includes pizza, french fries, brownies, cupcakes, strawberrry milk, ice cream etc and we have had to simply stop putting money in the kid's account because at 10 and 11 they just don't get the concept of healthy eating/money when they see those chocolate fudge brownies staring at them.....

If a child has 3 tardees for any reason during a semester, they get in-house detention during lunchtime. Last year this happened to Andrew towards Spring because I simply couldn't get going anymore with the pregnancy etc....he was late a couple of times and it wasn't his fault. He ended up with several detentions despite me practically begging for mercy. I finally opted to not send him to school if we were going to be late because I preferred having him be absent over another detention.

So...I know I sound like a cranky bitch when it comes to the schools...and I am. I wish I weren't, but the frustrations that I have been feeling about certain issues really have overtaken my thinking when it comes to conversations about the school systems.

Kris

[PrincessFiona]

All children have different aptitudes, abilities and talents. I understand that it is difficult/challenging to try and meet the needs of different ability levels in the classroom....for teachers trying to keep track of 30 kids all with different needs it is impossible. But the whole self-esteem thing? Amanda knows she is terrible at math. She knows that she doesn't "get it". She also knows she's an excellent writer...she has weaknesses and strengths .... we should be able to be honest with her about that.

Andrew's talents lie with math/science....he is weak in other areas....that's OK.

We can't all be great at everything....

I'm just really frustrated about school issues lately and I think that my frustration is spilling out sideways..........

kris

[ellie]

Sadly, there are a lot more resources on the lower end of the spectrum than the higher. If Andrew had some sort of learning disability, the school would probably be all over it. So often these gifted kids fall through the cracks and are all too often neglected. I'm sorry this is what's happening with Andrew, Kris. How frustrating for you. The black and white view of school of school administrations is screwed up, to say the least.

[PrincessFiona]

Ellie,

Amanda falls into the special needs category for math and I have to say that the program to help her really is fantastic.

[ellie]

Everything you just mentioned is courtesy of No Child Left Behind. Or as my mom calls it, No Child Left Challenged....

And No Child Led Ahead...

[Stella]

I remember when I was in second grade, the four "gifted" kids had a separate table at the front of the class. I mean, seriously, we sat right next to the teacher and often were working on our own projects during class time. We read completely different books and everything. I can't imagine what kind of riot would break loose if that happened now. For science, they actually took us out of the room and we disected frogs and stuff with our guidance counselor. I mean, they used all the resources, that's for sure.

I can't believe how much the school system has changed.

[houseelf]

No Child Left Behind.

I think that the best satorical take on this is that this program's subtitle should be "Piss on the Little Bastards".

Kris, I'd be hell-fired up too. What you are relating is both unacceptable and borderline crazy. This is not about you being a cranky beyatch.

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

In a way it is. Because I can't find any real solutions I have become a bit paralyzed by my anger/feelings of helplessness on this particular issue. I have found myself feeling angry at some of the teachers when I know that they aren't to blame for curriculum problems/budget shortfalls/poor administrative decisions.

Another thing that really gets my goat this year are the school shooting/intruder drills.

We had to have a parent meeting about this too. There will be 4 drills this year to similate an intruder/school shooting. All classroom doors will be locked and if kids are in the bathroom, etc they will be locked out of their classrooms (though the kids will all be told what to do in the circumstance that this happens).


Ummm...I'm just so not ok with this and yet I realize that this is a concern that schools do have to face now. How CAN schools take care of our children's academic needs when they are focusing on these kinds of issues?

:thud:

The world sucks!! Innocence is...gone. I guess I would want my child to know what to do in an emergency, but I think they'd have anxiety/panic attacks at school with drills for getting...shot. I don't know how I feel about that.

Our school has it as well, but clearly they don't call it the "madman enters the school with a gun" drill. It's called something related to 'hide & seek' or something like that. Very sad and scary, but I'm grateful that they are prepared.

[planet]

I just had a conversation along these lines with a woman I know whose kids are in the school where her own mother teaches. Her inner struggles touch on many of the issues you raise Kris, including the decisions over what is and is not appropriate for kids. Her mother, the teacher, suggested she pull the kids and look into a Montessori homeschool approach (hence our conversation as that is our approach). I realize that this area is homeschool heavy. I do wonder when there will be a tipping point as more parents find themselves not in agreement with how things are run and yet not empowered to make successful changes. A specific issue she brought up that I also wonder about is the length of the school day. The kids are in school from before 8 to 4 pm. How much is active play? Is it good for a 6 or 8 year old to do a full work day? I don't know since I haven't had personal experience yet. I do know that there are so many coops and alternatives (here) that at some point the communities are going to have to start adjusting. I feel for the teachers who have so many students and are restricted in options and budgets. This is our future. I do hope you take this one on Kelly. The education system needs passionate advocates.

[Sheherezade]

I feel for you Kris. We have the same issues here with being "a little bit gifted" in some areas. Our school district has a great gifted program, but in order to be part of it, you have to test in the 99% of the subject area and get over a certain IQ line. In other words, it's for truly extraordinary kids...not just kids that are good at math or reading. My kids also have their areas of expertise, but they only recieve extra work about mid year when the new teacher finally identifies the need. There seems to be no communication between year, just a new assessment in the new classroom. (And of course, they don't listen to the parents. I suppose we all think are kids are gifted. :> )

I'm tired of watching my kids do the same work year after year. My 5th grader is reviewing multiplication before starting division. He's done multiplication for 3 years now but must test out before proceeeding to division. My daughter complained heartily at the beginning of the year because all the books they gave her were "baby books" for reading time. She actually stopped reading and opted to draw instead. After a few days of that, I sent in her own chapter book with a terse note to the teacher to "Call if she will not be allowed to read this at reading time" :> I think I actually scared the teacher, but she did up DDs reading level by the end of the day. I think sometimes you have to be a beyatch. That's my take. The moms I know that are pushy and obnoxious really are getting better classrooms for their kids. I don't want to be *that mom* but I'm starting to think that's how this game is played. Mrs. Nice Mom sure doesn't work.

[houseelf]

Angie said:

The moms I know that are pushy and obnoxious really are getting better classrooms for their kids. I don't want to be *that mom* but I'm starting to think that's how this game is played. Mrs. Nice Mom sure doesn't work.

This has been one of the MOST surprising aspects of motherhood to me: you have to advocate hard on behalf of your child. Even at an early age. It is sad but true.

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

I just wonder how it is that we got to this point and what the solution is. Surely, this is a frustrating situation for teachers. I often also hear them complaining about pushy parents (which has made me really back off). I've also heard the "oh, every parent thinks their child is gifted" thing about parents. Who is saying that their child is gifted? Kids just excel in different areas at different paces and should be encouraged to explore that.

Andrew actually does score in the 96th-99th percentile in math on the IOWA tests every time he takes them(throw tomatoes now please!) and despite this fact still doesn't get much in terms of attention in this area. As a matter of fact, when we started doing the Stanford EPGY program with him at home, we had the principal tell us "oh, everyone's kid is gifted...there are more deserving kids than Andrew". Ummm, hey...butt out dude. I'm sure there are. Andrew was at a point that year where he started writing things like *Q*, *Who cares?* and *duh* on his timed math addition tests (that he was taking in 3rd grade). To his teacher, this was just proof that Andrew didn't "get it". Ummm, Ok...whatever.

Amanda scored once in the *gulp* 17th percentile for math. Yep....pretty bad. She has since had a lot of tutoring, extra help etc and scores in the 70th percentile consistently. Still, she will never be given 'average' status because of her one bad test and the fact that she has needed extra help to catch up to average. I'm glad that the extra help is there for her. She excels though in reading, writing and drawing and no one has ever noticed this or made an effort to encourage it until her teacher this year (who has made big deals out of her writing...)

I don't know where Alex is at in terms of testing, etc because he hasn't taken any standardized tests. I don't see him as having the same aptitude as Andrew but he's definitely not Amanda either....He probably falls into that normal kid category that sometimes is ahead and sometimes isn't... This year when he started school there was a sub for the first month because his teacher was on maternity leave. She pretty much had him in a math class of his own...now that the teacher is back, well...he's doing 2 +2 again.

I have to sign his planner every night saying that he's practiced his addition facts and I refuse to check that or say as much. This has irked the teacher, but I just have drawn a line. I'm sorry...NO....no, no, no, no, no. He mastered his addition facts and passed the timed addition facts by December of last year. Move the frick on.

kris

[Sheherezade]

Here's a scary little tale:

When I was doing my science enrichment bit in my daughter's second grade class, I asked the teacher about the curriculum because I plan on coming in a few more times. She told me that the NCLB and state mandated changes have really screwed them up--because what they used to do in 1st grade is now 3rd grade curriculum and so on. So, their solution was to just skip science for a year or two to let the new standards catch up to the kid's ages. SO.....that explains why my daughter didn't do much in the class last year. The previous kindergarten curriculum makes them good to go till 2nd grade.

Here's what I've heard about getting a more challenging environment. Go to private school. Apparently, that's the new solution. Too bad it's only available to people with loads of cash, huh? I've heard that the private schools cater to the accelerated program (so look out if you are "slow" - they'll try to boot you) and the public schools excel at special ed. *sigh* I suppose they really do want every kid to fit one mold of education, huh? There's no more individualization in teaching allowed.

Kris,

I have read your posts and all I can think is, "THIS is one of the best school districts in Minnesota." I am sorry but that cannot be true. There is probably something about your area that draws a better educated parent - - perhaps a university in the district? My husband went to a mediocre school that was the "top" in the state. Why? Probably 70-80% of the student body were the kids of professors so they of course tested highly - - that says nothing about the education, those kids would have tested highly if they were educated in a cave by a neanderthal.

My sister taught at the "top" school district in her state. It sounds nothing like yours. First, there was not only "levels" - - the teacher was required to set up an individualized learning program where each kid moved through the material (or was given more advanced material) at her own pace. Then assessment was keyed to individual progress. There were tons of enrichment programs; "active" learning; and no one would have ever shown a graphic movie to kids! Now, on an another note, my sister did leave this school because it was super-human effort to try to create 20 different individualized learning programs without a teacher's aide . . . but she would send her own kids to this school in a minute.

Regarding complaining to the teacher. Here is my insider's view of this: This can be counterproductive in some school districts. In my sister's current school district parent complaints have led the school to adopt a "clone classroom" policy. Of course, no one would ever breathe a word about this to the parents. What is this policy? The teachers aren't allowed to introduce innovative new sections or materials; the classroom computer even prevents them from loading educational CDS. The reason? If one teacher is excellent, then parents complain about the other teachers and lobby the principal to get their kid placed or moved to the excellent teacher. Much easier to have everyone do things at the same just OK level.

I am now backtracking on my post in public/private schools being leery about private schools, at least for your situation . . . .