Available at 
Tweet
Re: Tantrum/Anger Management help!
So, after typing this whole thing I almost erased it. It wouldn’t be the first time I have written a novel about little ones and daycare and then erased it as if it never happened. I know I am in a weird position as a parent and a daycare teacher. An unpopular position. This post is one of support for you Michele.
It sounds like you have a good handle on it Michele. He is at a tricky age...he is feeling some pretty intense emotions, but doesn't have a vocabulary to express them. He also doesn't have the ability to prioritize feelings and situations. His long-term memory isn't super yet and so transferring info/experiences from one situation to the next is impossible/difficult at this age. In the next year or so this ability will blossom and it will "fix" most tantrum behavior.
He is doing things that absolutely fall in the normal range. While he is in the throws, helping him by giving him words for how he might be feeling might help. You can highlight that he is hurting himself (in the adrenaline rush, he might not identify his behavior as painful). "I do not like it when you bite yourself. I see that it hurts you. Ouch, that must hurt." Maybe create a calming down place that is a safe space for him to freak. Also setting boundaries with the behavior..."o.k. it is time to put your yells away. I need you to use your words to tell me why you are angry." And then you can give him the words to repeat. It might be as simple as, "I'm angry." "I don't like that." etc. You will probably have to repeat several times before he starts participating, but I truly believe helping kids use language takes care of a majority of the fits.
Obviously tantrums will happen with words and it sounds like you are doing just fine. Remember, we all have tantrums sometimes. What skills have we picked up to help mediate those feelings and how have we practiced those skills so we don't rip the head off of the idiot who gets our to go order wrong...oops, my issue
As a side note about the daycare, I think that poor communication and poor care happens in home and in a traditional daycare center. I was lucky enough to have the credentials to solve the daycare issue by working at one. In doing so I have learned the honest communication solves a great deal of friction between parents and teachers. I do not believe that you would be out of line telling the teachers that you feel like you only receive negative reports and while you need them to be honest, you would like to also hear about the positive parts of Daegan’s day. You know all day is not bad. You have him at home too. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the teachers, the center director can address the issue for you. James melted down multiple times a day the whole time he was in the three-year-old room. Every day through out the day (because I worked there) I would hear about what he wouldn’t do, or how he made this difficult, or when he messed that up. I finally talked to one of the teachers and told her that I feel like James is ruining the class because all I hear is how terrible he is. I also said that I know he is a challenge, but he is also a sweet, funny kid who just needs some lovin’. The response was tremendous. What I found was the reports, although true, were not an accurate portrayal of his over all day. The teachers were simply passing on the eventful (bad) highlights. The teachers might not even know you are only getting the bad, but it is their job to tell you how the whole day is. It is hard to leave your little guy anywhere, but you shouldn’t be made to feel like you have to leave him with people who are fighting your parenting.
I always hesitate to post about daycare issues because I know everyone has a vaguely like/hate relationship with their daycare. Usually those feelings come from an internal tension about having to leave a child with someone other than family. I am sure that Daegan is getting enough attention. I doubt he is being neglected. No need to add that to the mommy guilt trip. He is probably engaging in attention seeking behavior, but you could give a child attention every waking moment and that child might freak the five minutes you turn away. It is part of being a little person just trying to figure it out.
It sounds like you are coping with Daegan’s tantrums well. I hope that the daycare situation improves. It is a sickening feeling to have a negative relationship with your childcare provider. I am sorry you are not having a good experience.
So, after typing this whole thing I almost erased it. It wouldn’t be the first time I have written a novel about little ones and daycare and then erased it as if it never happened. I know I am in a weird position as a parent and a daycare teacher. An unpopular position. This post is one of support for you Michele.
It sounds like you have a good handle on it Michele. He is at a tricky age...he is feeling some pretty intense emotions, but doesn't have a vocabulary to express them. He also doesn't have the ability to prioritize feelings and situations. His long-term memory isn't super yet and so transferring info/experiences from one situation to the next is impossible/difficult at this age. In the next year or so this ability will blossom and it will "fix" most tantrum behavior.
He is doing things that absolutely fall in the normal range. While he is in the throws, helping him by giving him words for how he might be feeling might help. You can highlight that he is hurting himself (in the adrenaline rush, he might not identify his behavior as painful). "I do not like it when you bite yourself. I see that it hurts you. Ouch, that must hurt." Maybe create a calming down place that is a safe space for him to freak. Also setting boundaries with the behavior..."o.k. it is time to put your yells away. I need you to use your words to tell me why you are angry." And then you can give him the words to repeat. It might be as simple as, "I'm angry." "I don't like that." etc. You will probably have to repeat several times before he starts participating, but I truly believe helping kids use language takes care of a majority of the fits.
Obviously tantrums will happen with words and it sounds like you are doing just fine. Remember, we all have tantrums sometimes. What skills have we picked up to help mediate those feelings and how have we practiced those skills so we don't rip the head off of the idiot who gets our to go order wrong...oops, my issue
As a side note about the daycare, I think that poor communication and poor care happens in home and in a traditional daycare center. I was lucky enough to have the credentials to solve the daycare issue by working at one. In doing so I have learned the honest communication solves a great deal of friction between parents and teachers. I do not believe that you would be out of line telling the teachers that you feel like you only receive negative reports and while you need them to be honest, you would like to also hear about the positive parts of Daegan’s day. You know all day is not bad. You have him at home too. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the teachers, the center director can address the issue for you. James melted down multiple times a day the whole time he was in the three-year-old room. Every day through out the day (because I worked there) I would hear about what he wouldn’t do, or how he made this difficult, or when he messed that up. I finally talked to one of the teachers and told her that I feel like James is ruining the class because all I hear is how terrible he is. I also said that I know he is a challenge, but he is also a sweet, funny kid who just needs some lovin’. The response was tremendous. What I found was the reports, although true, were not an accurate portrayal of his over all day. The teachers were simply passing on the eventful (bad) highlights. The teachers might not even know you are only getting the bad, but it is their job to tell you how the whole day is. It is hard to leave your little guy anywhere, but you shouldn’t be made to feel like you have to leave him with people who are fighting your parenting.
I always hesitate to post about daycare issues because I know everyone has a vaguely like/hate relationship with their daycare. Usually those feelings come from an internal tension about having to leave a child with someone other than family. I am sure that Daegan is getting enough attention. I doubt he is being neglected. No need to add that to the mommy guilt trip. He is probably engaging in attention seeking behavior, but you could give a child attention every waking moment and that child might freak the five minutes you turn away. It is part of being a little person just trying to figure it out.
It sounds like you are coping with Daegan’s tantrums well. I hope that the daycare situation improves. It is a sickening feeling to have a negative relationship with your childcare provider. I am sorry you are not having a good experience.
Comment