Preparing the older sibling

[Phoebe]

DD#2

DD#3 got a new swing

[Deebs]

DD was 24 months when DS was born. She had all of the same gear for her babies as I had for DS (courtesy of a great family member). i put all of her doll versions next to the real thing, and she brought her baby around to do with it whatever i did with DS. It actually worked really well.

[Ladybug]

In my experience it takes about 4 months for youngest (older) sibling to adjust to the baby. Each child has acted about differently (DD1 was clingy, getting up all night, and DD2 ignored/rejected me), but after about 4 months they can't find anyone more interesting or exciting than their new baby sister/brother. I have to peel DD2 off of the baby now. Literally. Just keep reminding yourself that A will adjust with time. It's a big change.

[Deebs]

We also really made an effort to have special mommy and me time with DD and I, at least once a week. Some weeks it was really tough with DH's schedule, but I kind of figure that kids have no concept of time, so 30 minutes at the park is still time alone with Mommy.

[Flynn]

The first six months is a big transition for the grown ups in the family. You won't have "Mommy" time unless it's the wee hours of the morning or after both kids are sleeping. My days were 12 hours with no break -- or maybe 30 minutes when they were both asleep on weird nap days. It was tough.

We transistioned DD to a big girl bed when she was 22 months old so we didn't have to buy another crib. It worked for us -- DD was super eash to transfer, but looking back I can see how it would not work for everyone. DD thought getting a big girl bed was the cats meow and felt bad for baby -- so it was all good. They also exchanged gifts.

There was no jealousy at all from DD that I could tell. I had taught her to wait from a young age so she knew if I said "just a minute" it would be a short time and then her needs were met. She was mostly okay with that. The transition was no big deal for her at all but I think I might be in the minority here.

There was no jealousy at all from DD that I could tell. I had taught her to wait from a young age so she knew if I said "just a minute" it would be a short time and then her needs were met. She was mostly okay with that. The transition was no big deal for her at all but I think I might be in the minority here.

Yes, that is what I totally garbled earlier on. I tried to increase the "just a minute" stuff before new sibs arrived. I don't have a point of comparison but i think it helps.

[SuzySunshine]

Thanks guys this all helps - our plan is to transition her to a toddler bed September 21st, she'll be 22 months, she's always been a good sleeper so we'll see how that goes. I will have to start with the "just a minutes" she is very impatient when she has to wait.

Getting her a set of baby doll stroller, swing, etc. is already on her Christmas list. We bought her a real baby doll a few weeks ago and have been big on the "gentle" and things like that when she's playing with her.

Luckily DH doesn't go back on service until late June so other then some random call nights he'll have a basic 8-5 schedule for the first 6+ months. Also, since he isn't coming so close to the holidays like his sister did we have more family willing to commit time to visit in the first month and we'll be making trips home to each side of the family, one for Thanksgiving and one for Christmas were she'll get lots of attention.

Keep the stories, ideas and suggestions coming

[Flynn]

Luckily DH doesn't go back on service until late June so other then some random call nights he'll have a basic 8-5 schedule for the first 6+ months.

THAT's FANTASTIC!!!!!! Huge.
The first six months is when I wanted the MOST help, and got the least.

[houseelf]

I have a couple of unrelated thoughts.

First, does the hospital offer a sibling class? These have been very good for the kids to go see where mom will be, talk about the baby, and generally just get them excited.

Second, both times my older child has indeed experienced some sibling jealousy. (Although apparently this issue becomes null and void when they have a huge age span...my nine year old has been nothing but smooth sailing with the new baby FWIW).

When I had my second, I was so worried about the new baby affecting my older baby's psyche that I went out of my way to dote on the first born. Now that I am a third time mom, I'm kind of over this. I have made sure that I cherish the new baby's infancy because they are only this size for a minute and the older one will have their issues regardless. Besides, baby is here to stay, they'll work through it eventually. I don't say this cold-heartedly, just as a matter of knowing what I know now.

Believe me, I have huge guilt issues over my kids and live for them, but I'm not going to miss this time for anything. Kids have a laser accurate perception of mommy guilt and can play on this, IMHO.

Best of luck and congrats again. It is cool to watch the sibling relationship develop. It is the longest lasting relationship in life. That's what I keep telling my kids when they're fighting anyway.

Kelly

The hardest part, for us, was my lack of mommy time (as someone mentioned earlier). Some things that helped DD#1's transition:
1) "I'm a Big Sister" by Joanna Cole
2) Constantly talking saying to her "you're so LUCKY to have a baby sister in mommy's tummy, and you're going to be an AWESOME big sister, and you guys will be BEST friends", as enthusiastically as I could. This is the "self-fulfilling prophecy approach" . So far it's working, except when DD#2 steals DD#1's toys. It will take a good 6 months before this happens though, so no worries about the beginning!
3) Always talking about the birth in terms of "when the baby comes out of mommy's tummy, then mommy and daddy will go to the hospital for a few days, but GRANDMA will be here with you (YAY!!!) and she will take such good care of you, and then mommy and daddy will come home with the baby and you guys will be BEST FRIENDS!!" etc...that way, she wasn't freaked out when it actually happened. She'd been hearing about it for months.

fwiw, moving across the country was a lot harder for DD#1 (and for us) than adjusting to baby #2. Though both were an adjustment for sure.

[SuzySunshine]

First, does the hospital offer a sibling class? These have been very good for the kids to go see where mom will be, talk about the baby, and generally just get them excited.

They do but she's not old enough - they have to be 2 to take the class - boo!

So here's a question for those of you that lived away from family. What did you do with #1 when you went into labor with #2? We have no idea when I'll go (A was 5 days late, but nothing about this pregnancy has been the same as hers) and my parents (or at least my mom) plan to come but they are 8 hours away and don't want to come before because then they burn vacation they can't use after the baby comes. MIL has offered to come stay with me that last week in October when DH has to go to a conference (I'm due 11/6 and he'll be gone until at least 10/27) but she either comes and stays with A when I go into labor which means laboring alone or she goes to the hospital with me which means again what do we do with A? Needless to say I don't want MIL anywhere close to the delivery room.

Is there a friend who can be on-call for you? That is what we did for TenE. Maybe she could have some playdates with a friend and you could trade-off evening babysitting or something to get her used to it.

[Phoebe]

They do but she's not old enough - they have to be 2 to take the class - boo!

So here's a question for those of you that lived away from family. What did you do with #1 when you went into labor with #2? We have no idea when I'll go (A was 5 days late, but nothing about this pregnancy has been the same as hers) and my parents (or at least my mom) plan to come but they are 8 hours away and don't want to come before because then they burn vacation they can't use after the baby comes. MIL has offered to come stay with me that last week in October when DH has to go to a conference (I'm due 11/6 and he'll be gone until at least 10/27) but she either comes and stays with A when I go into labor which means laboring alone or she goes to the hospital with me which means again what do we do with A? Needless to say I don't want MIL anywhere close to the delivery room.

That was my biggest worry with DD#2. We had no family in town and we had just moved two months prior. A couple neighbors offered to watch DD, but I felt wierd calling them in the middle of the night. Luckily, DD was 5 days late and I was induced so my mom had come down. With DD#3 I went into the hospital at 8am so I called my mom to come down and a friend took my girls until she could get here. It all worked out, but it was nerve-wracking with my second child not to have a plan or family nearby.

We had a few friends and neighbors offer to watch DS. I just kept a list of who was available when and made sure that we had most of the days and nights covered. We kept a bag packed for DS just in case we had to drop him off at a friend's house in the middle of the night.

Figuring out what to do with DS was the most stressful part of my pregnancy, but I ended up being induced so all that worry was for nothing.

For the week that your MIL is in town, I vote to have her stay with A and ask a friend if they could go with you to the hospital.

Oh man, the "what to do w/ #1" question was a huge source of anxiety for me. I knew that either my mom or MIL would be there eventually, but they lived 1-2 hours away, and if I had to go in in the middle of the night they wouldn't be able to get there for a while most likely. At the last minute, a couple friends volunteered to be back-up babysitters, which was awesome. We didn't end up having to ask them, since I was "induced" at the last minute. Anyway, I'm sending you an email about this.

As for when your MIL is in town, have you considered hiring a doula? We had one for #2, and she was a lifesaver. The main reason she was needed is that I was attempting a VBAC (which was successful thanks to her!), but I'm so sold on doula's now that I'm probably going to have one for any future babies. IMHO, the doula was a better source of comfort during labor than DH...just b/c she understood and knew what do to do help a cranky laboring woman. Just my 2 cents