time for dh to come home...

[PrincessFiona]

Re: time for dh to come home...

It's not just a sound! She said hi! . Write it in your baby book!!!! I love it. What a sweetie!


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[Pollyanna]

It's not just a sound! She said hi! . Write it in your baby book!!!! I love it. What a sweetie!

Yes this!!!

[Phoebe]

The extra set of hands definitely makes a difference, especially when the rountine includes them. I dread the nights when DH is gone, especially during bedtime. That will be for a week starting on Friday. I am bracing myself.

[MrsK]

DrK just started working night float so I'm on my own with BabyK all day and night. I've been really anxious about doing the evenings on my own since BabyK puts up a big fight at bedtime. It's only been two days but so far, we are doing great. I hate to admit it, but nights are actually going better without DrK. DrK was handling the evening feeding -- apparently, not well.

A few nights ago I was waken by blood-curdling screams. I went into the nursery and found DrK standing over the crib, helplessly trying to give a pacifier to BabyK who was kicking, wailing, red-in-the-face, holding his breath, etc. I asked DrK what he was doing and he responded "According to J. . . torture." (Funny when he's sleep deprived.) Then he explained that BabyK refused to drink more than 1/2 an ounce out of the bottle and that he was now trying to put the baby back to bed. Um, I don't think that BabyK woke after 4 hours of sleep and was not hungry. I took the baby, fed him about 3 more ounces out of the bottle AND still had to nurse because the baby was still hungry. This is a pretty typical night when DrK helps. DrK is great at specifics like changing a diaper, emptying the dishwasher, giving the baby a bath but he is pretty clueless when it comes to comfort and feeding and usually manages to get the baby upset.

Last night, I fed and swaddled the baby. Put him to sleep in the carseat (he won't sleep in the crib lately). He slept for almost 5 hours before waking. I nursed for 30 minutes and he went back to sleep easily. Then he slept another 4 hours and I had to wake him in the morning. Amazing!

[Flynn]

The extra set of hands definitely makes a difference, especially when the rountine includes them.

Yes to the above!

During training DH was never home. N E V E R. Probably the most challenging year of my life was having a two year old, an infant, and a surgery resident as a husband. I was exhausted from head to toe.

I did everything myself and since we lived near family, when my first two kids skinned a knee or bumped their heads they ran to me OR one of my parents. That really hurt DH -- but it is what it is. He was a guest in our house during residency and fellowship. The kids loved him -- but didn't associate their needs with HIM.

Post training he is rarely working past dinner time. It's great to have an extra pair of hands and we usually do "zone defense" at night. One parent gets the toddler and the other gets the 7 and 5 year old.

[alison]

MrsK -- I can relate to something you wrote, because I spend the most time with dd and really know her (or at least I *thought* I did before all that crazy feeding stuff happened). Anyway, no matter how differently your husband does things, and no matter HOW much you see him struggling, LET DrK have a go at taking care of J. Don't criticize him too much; he's doing the best that he can.

I could find 1000 things every day that I would say to dh. He puts dd's diapers on too loosely, he dresses her in clothes that don't match, and on and on. But the worst thing I have ever done is criticize him. I don't know about your husband, but my husband's reaction is to step back and let me do it, when he feels that he's doing something wrong.

He'll never feel comfortable with her, if you're always over his shoulder pointing out how terribly he's doing something.

[scrub-jay]

MrsK -- I can relate to something you wrote, because I spend the most time with dd and really know her (or at least I *thought* I did before all that crazy feeding stuff happened). Anyway, no matter how differently your husband does things, and no matter HOW much you see him struggling, LET DrK have a go at taking care of J. Don't criticize him too much; he's doing the best that he can.

I could find 1000 things every day that I would say to dh. He puts dd's diapers on too loosely, he dresses her in clothes that don't match, and on and on. But the worst thing I have ever done is criticize him. I don't know about your husband, but my husband's reaction is to step back and let me do it, when he feels that he's doing something wrong.

He'll never feel comfortable with her, if you're always over his shoulder pointing out how terribly he's doing something.

Thanks for this perspective Alison. I could see myself doing this...and your point is very real and very valid.

[Finding Equanimity]

I've been MIA for a little while but I'm back and just wanted to say it's so comforting to hear other people going through the same things I am.

My daughter is now 7 months old and the bulk of the responsibility for her care falls on me. For a little while I could have sworn she had stranger anxiety with my DH because he was on night float and she didn't see him basically for 2 months straight.

I love being a mom but I do wish DH was around more often to share both joys and hardships of being a parent. Glad you ladies know what I'm talking about.

[MrsK]

MrsK -- I can relate to something you wrote, because I spend the most time with dd and really know her (or at least I *thought* I did before all that crazy feeding stuff happened). Anyway, no matter how differently your husband does things, and no matter HOW much you see him struggling, LET DrK have a go at taking care of J. Don't criticize him too much; he's doing the best that he can.

I could find 1000 things every day that I would say to dh. He puts dd's diapers on too loosely, he dresses her in clothes that don't match, and on and on. But the worst thing I have ever done is criticize him. I don't know about your husband, but my husband's reaction is to step back and let me do it, when he feels that he's doing something wrong.

He'll never feel comfortable with her, if you're always over his shoulder pointing out how terribly he's doing something.

I agree with this 100% -- even more than 100% if possible. DrK is hard on himself and he gives up too easily. If he is not successful in feeding, comforting, etc., he'll just leave J to cry. I think this stage is very difficult for daddies. The swaying and shushing doesn't come naturally for some men and if mom is nursing, there is not a lot they can do to comfort their babies. Since the babies can't talk, only their distress is communicated and there is not a lot of positive feedback. I have to keep reminding DrK that he is doing a good job and that just holding the crying baby close to him is important and will pay off when J is older.

[ides]

I do it all alone. It's been hard but does get a little bit easier as time goes on and O gets older. I can't wait until dh is done with training in another 2 1/2 years then maybe he can help out a bit. He's never bathed or put O to bed. I've asked him to when he happens to be home on the rare evening and he looks at me like I just asked him to cook a 7 course dinner and is like 'i don't know how'. ummmmmmm. . . yeah. Jelous of those of you with available husbands to help out. Dh is great with O he just isn't any help.

[alison]

Now that things are back to normal, dd has been sleeping from 7pm to 5am. She eats and then snoozes till 7:30-8am. It's luxurious, and I count my lucky stars every single morning.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Now that things are back to normal, dd has been sleeping from 7pm to 5am. She eats and then snoozes till 7:30-8am. It's luxurious, and I count my lucky stars every single morning.

I'm glad to hear it - I was thinking about you and M today

[alison]

I'm glad to hear it - I was thinking about you and M today

Thanks! That's so sweet of you to say!

M is definitely putting on weight. Her upper thighs are now chunky, and she's filling out a bit in the face. It's such a relief to have her eating again.

[moonlight]

Thanks! That's so sweet of you to say!

M is definitely putting on weight. Her upper thighs are now chunky, and she's filling out a bit in the face. It's such a relief to have her eating again.

Is she still on the Nutramigen (sp?)??

My husband just took on more hours to help us get out of debt and it varies when he'll be home, sometimes six or ten and last night 12:30, grr. Anyways, He is usually strict with our older children, but when it comes to our younger kids bed times routine, its all over the place. So, in some ways easier when I do it, but we have a newborn and luckily my twelve year old can give the baby a bottle while I put the two year old to bed.