Baby blues

[Vishenka69]

Is it possible to get baby blues 7 months after birth? I've been really down on myself lately but wonder if happy pills would be jumping the gun. I feel that being SAHM is turning my brain into mush. Anything beyond changing/feeding/napping requires too much effort and concentration. On the other hand I don't want to do "something" just because it doesn't involve diapers and bottles. So now I feel like a complete failure because I have no interest in either having a career or being a SAHM.

[Pollyanna]

It sounds completely normal to me. It is so hard to find the right balance of YOU vs the mommy you. Give it some time, it always takes me a while to feel "normal" but at the same time talk to your doc if you feel like you need some estra help.

[Michele]

I think post partum depression can set in anytime in the first year. No advice as I'm feeling rather bluesy myself. I'm hoping I start feeling better in a few weeks as my hormones still seem to be all over the place.

I totally understand feeling like your brain is mush. Infants require SO much time. With the last baby, I couldn't believe how much better I felt when I was done nursing at 1 year. It's a season of life, intense in its own way.

I agree to talk to your doctor. Do you have any break, or any way of getting out for a while?

[MrsK]

Anything beyond changing/feeding/napping requires too much effort and concentration. On the other hand I don't want to do "something" just because it doesn't involve diapers and bottles. So now I feel like a complete failure because I have no interest in either having a career or being a SAHM.

Hmm, I'm a WAHM and I feel the same way. I really don't want to do anything that requires thinking too much.

[moonlight]

I wouldn't wait another day feeling down before calling the doctor or someone to talk to. Life is too darn short to be unhappy for months on end.

Is it possible to get baby blues 7 months after birth? I've been really down on myself lately but wonder if happy pills would be jumping the gun. I feel that being SAHM is turning my brain into mush. Anything beyond changing/feeding/napping requires too much effort and concentration. On the other hand I don't want to do "something" just because it doesn't involve diapers and bottles. So now I feel like a complete failure because I have no interest in either having a career or being a SAHM.

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I don't have kids, but I think I've felt similarly when I've had a big transition in my life. Change is hard to adapt to sometimes, and having a baby is a big change. Raising an infant is hard work, and you're probably exhausted and feeling worn out. Sometimes after a big transition a person just doesn't feel like doing anything. Maybe the way you're feeling is a signal that you need to focus on self-care for awhile, and take some time just for you. Maybe put some extra focus into rest and relaxation for awhile, before making any decisions about whether having a career or staying at home is the path you want to pursue? Maybe focus on getting back into your pre-baby routine a little--i.e. getting out more, doing the kinds of things you used to do, spending time with friends? I know that for me, after a big transition, I need to have a lot of quiet time just to process the transition--I'm sure with a new baby you haven't had the opportunity to have much of that. Maybe taking some walks alone, be in nature or another tranquil place alone for awhile, can help you have time to process the transition and reconnect with your pre-baby self and your goals and interests.

[Vanquisher]

I got post partum depression about 6 months after I had Ryan. I would talk to your doc.


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[Urowife]

I would definitely talk to your doctor if you are feeling blue. But, I will tell you that I was super exhausted and had little energy during most of DD's first year. She has very intense needs at bedtime and naptime, and it just zapped my energy. I also felt that it was difficult trying to interact with a baby who didn't really do much - brain mush thing. It turns out that I'm not much of a baby person, but I am loving toddlerhood. Now that DD is getting older and communicating more and doing more, I'm feeling much more energetic. It also helps that she is becoming less needy sleep-wise. So, for me, it has gotten better (although I don't think I was depressed, just truly tired).

[Vishenka69]

I have my annual check up appt on Tuesday, so I'll mention it to her then.

I do have a babysitter that comes 3-4 times a week but most of my time away from the baby is spent running errands and taking care of the house stuff. In order to have truly me time, I have to neglect a chore or errand. For example right now, I should really be putting away laundry and loading the dishwasher. I was hoping to love being a very involved SAHM but as much as love my kid and spending time with her, I need to have other interests.

[DCJenn]

Oh, Julie-

Some people love the SAHM gig, some people hate it and most of us fall somewhere in between. (I lean more to the 'dear god, how much longer do I have to do this...' side of the house)

There's no right or wrong- just what's right or wrong for YOU. You also had a fabulous life in NYC and now you're up to your ass in diapers. That's a pretty hard transition, even if you were in your house for a while before the Tsarina showed up. There's nothing mentally stimulating or particularly interesting about being home with a baby all day. It can be fulfilling but it can be blindingly, stupidly BORING, too.

I know you didn't love your job there at the end but you do have a unique skill set that maybe you could put to use somehow on a PT basis. You don't just get to where you were just because of dumb luck- you were obviously good at it. and until you figure that part out- there's NOTHING wrong with hiring the sitter and going to the local coffee shop and sitting and reading a book. or booking a massage. Or going to the museum by yourself.

and please, for the love of all- don't feel guilty because this isn't the end all be all of your world. It's so f-ing hard to be a parent, especially the SAHP. I lasted 17 months and then I quite literally couldn't take one more second.

Jenn

[Phoebe]

Oh, Julie-

Some people love the SAHM gig, some people hate it and most of us fall somewhere in between. (I lean more to the 'dear god, how much longer do I have to do this...' side of the house)

There's no right or wrong- just what's right or wrong for YOU. You also had a fabulous life in NYC and now you're up to your ass in diapers. That's a pretty hard transition, even if you were in your house for a while before the Tsarina showed up. There's nothing mentally stimulating or particularly interesting about being home with a baby all day. It can be fulfilling but it can be blindingly, stupidly BORING, too.

I know you didn't love your job there at the end but you do have a unique skill set that maybe you could put to use somehow on a PT basis. You don't just get to where you were just because of dumb luck- you were obviously good at it. and until you figure that part out- there's NOTHING wrong with hiring the sitter and going to the local coffee shop and sitting and reading a book. or booking a massage. Or going to the museum by yourself.

and please, for the love of all- don't feel guilty because this isn't the end all be all of your world. It's so f-ing hard to be a parent, especially the SAHP. I lasted 17 months and then I quite literally couldn't take one more second.

Jenn

I totally agree with this! You have to make time for your own interests or the requirements of being a mom and the upkeep of a home can suck the life out of you. I have struggled with this for years. It is easy to put yourself into a routine where you aren't a priority. Make one of your errands a standing appointment for yourself and something you like to do. Hope you feel better.

[PrincessFiona]

Julie,

I'm so sorry that you are feeling down. I was diagnosed with PPD when Amanda was 9 months old. The symptoms started becoming particularly obvious around 6 months, but I waited to get diagnosed and treated...I wish I hadn't. Many women go through what you are, so please talk to your doctor! This time will go by so fast and you never get it back. There is no reason to go through it feeling miserable!

As to the other issue. Sunnysideup, I am a sahm and I can tell you that the difference is that you never have a moment to yourself....even if you have the stomach flu with diarrhea and vomiting...your child will be right there at your side. Parenting is actually emotionally draining whether you are a sahm or not because you are constantly working on problem solving and thinking about your child's needs. My youngest is 4 now and she is thankfully in preschool. During the precious few hours she is gone, I try and clean up the house, get laundry started/folded/put away and plan for dinner. After I pick her up, she is constantly at my side talking, singing, dancing and playing. Her best friend comes over and then I have two 4 year olds following me from room to room needing drinks, snacks, fighting over toys and princess dresses. The mess that kids can make is unbelievable.

Last night, I cleaned the entire kitchen (yet again....third or fourth time in one day...easily). This morning, Zoe was downstairs for breakfast for perhaps 15 minutes before leaving for school and she left me a mess of puzzle pieces, pet shop toys .... a huge mess. I can't believe it. How the heck did she DO this. To top it off, she spilled syrup from her pancakes on the floor....and Andrew dropped his with butter on the floor. Gaaaah. Clean, clean clean. I'm a freakin' robot!

My husband helps me out a LOT. He helps out a lot more than many dads I know. He helps with bathtime, laundry and drives Zoe to preschool every morning. He also does all dentist appointments including orthodontics on his Wed. afternoons off. His work is demanding though and he is tired. He needs and deserves a break too. This means that he and I are both pretty much exhausted all of the time. We get very few opportunities to not be with the kiddos. Life is a constant blur of driving them here and there and cleaning up after them....

[Sheherezade]

Discussion about SAHM v. SAHW has been moved to a new thread within this forum. Titled SAHM v SAHW. Please stay on topic within this thread.

Vishenka!! I hope you feel more up soon. I know it is mind numbing. I was always lucky to have a constant group of fellow mommies in the neighborhood. We spent a lot of time together nearly every day. Somehow, shared motherhood is a lot less painful than motherhood in isolation. I think now (living in the burbs) I'd be in major trouble.

I also found that having an interest in teaching helped because there is a point where you can turn motherhood in to a classroom with a one to one ratio. Starting when my first was nearly two, we formed a co-op preschool that met 2-3 days a week and we had a structured "program" - with songs, activities, snacks, etc. We'd have two moms "work" and four moms off. That gave us free time and also you had to plan your day of activities with 6-10 kids. I also went out every day. Again, living in a city, I knew every museum, park and library by heart. I'm not sure if any of that will help - but that's what helped me stay sane in that baby -toddler phase.

If you can't get happy no matter what, you should make sure you consider the post partum element. Sometimes you need a hand to get out of the pit.

[Amiens]

Vishenka,

It's completely normal to experience baby blues at 7 months. Hindsight is 20/20. When I had #2, looking back, I had baby blues/PPD. I didn't clue in, until the end of my pregnancy with #3. I would talk to your doctor sooner rather than later. I think I would have enjoyed my son's first year of life more if I had gotten help. As soon as I weaned all of my children, the baby blues went away.

ITA, that letting a chore go once in a while to have a standing appointment with yourself is a good thing. I have 4 children, and I am constantly trying to find a balance. Even with 2 kids in elementary school and 2 in preschool, it hasn't made it easier.

(Big Hug) and thinking of you.