playground -- what would you have done

[PrincessFiona]

It's definitely a teachable moment. I would def have said "oh, she's so little, please don't touch her. You might knock her over. " with a nice smile. Clearly there are a lot of reasons u might not want her touched but I wouldnt take that up with a 5 yr old. Also, if I caught my child doing what this 5 yr old did I would recognize it for what it was. I would come up and apologize and then explain to Zoe that we don't do that, why and then ask her if she could introduce herself to M and think of a safe and careful game to play with M.

I'll be honest though ... I'm sort of past patience with people. If after that I had been told my child was rude or whatever I would give the other parent a piece of my mind. I have enough experience as a mom to know that today it I'd my daughter making a social error and tomorrow it is yours (not you specifically). Our kids are imperfect and so are we.


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[moonlight]

The structure is for 2-7 year olds, and that's just a huge range. Since dd isn't technically supposed to be on it, I'm all over her. There are steps that lead to nowhere, and have a 4' drop. That just seems crazy to me!

I just think touching another child in that way is really rude, and it should be a teaching opportunity for the parent. Many have said it's normal, but would you let your kid do this kind of thing or would you tell him/her to stop?

Are you sure we are not raising the same baby girl? DD is the same. Very sweet, slow to start walking, and not the 'bull in a china shop' type of toddler. I would have reacted the same as you did. These little kids can't do something like that to a child they don't know just for the fun of it. Kids are in no way perfect, they are still learning BUT the dad should have said he was sorry. Why is it so hard to just be a normal person and be apologetic when their child is misbehaving?

I'm on edge with this issue anyways due to what happen at the child care at the gym this week. There is a aggressive three year old in there with DD. She clearly doesn't want to be there and takes the opportunity to push and hit my child. Her mother has never once said she was sorry. I think she takes her home and spanks the holy hell out of her, but nothing is said or done at the time. Last Monday she repeatedly pulled DD hair for no reason (except that I think the little girl doesn't want to go straight from Day care to a the gym day care, and then stay until 7pm with no mom time). Gym owner gave that kid the boot and I don't feel bad about it at all. The lady did nothing about it at the time, just walked off and worked out!

[alison]

No, my child is perfect.

*cough*

[moonlight]

No, my child is perfect.

*cough*

Ditto! hahaha!

[alison]

So, the consensus is to keep an eye on your child (doesn't mean you have to hover), and make sure that they don't do anything that can be construed as dick-y behavior with other kids, especially if their over-protective parents ARE hovering.

[ides]

I think you over reacted a little, but not much. We spend a lot of time at playgrounds and man, people who don't watch their kids, no matter the age, really piss me off. The playgrounds here are pretty crowded and there are a lot of bullies. Especially kids with younger siblings/or bad nannies seem to be the worst. I would have said to the kid that what they did was rude/not nice and to be careful and not touch the child. She is small and you could hurt her. Kids pick up on good and bad behavior and will copy it almost instantly. If O gets shoved he then wants to shove other kids. It's not okay in my book. I don't let him be naughty and I won't let others do it to him either. I don't hover/get up on the equipment since he's big enough but I watch closely. I don't find playgrounds particularly relaxing.

[PrincessFiona]

My guess as to his failure to apologize was in his own papa bear reflex. His son came over distressed and he went over to see what happened (perhaps with his own feathers ruffled?) and then it sounds like he might have gotten a bit of a lecture. Maybe that's just a misunderstanding on my part based on the original post though. I would have been hard pressed to do anything but walk away.

It's totally understandable that we get worked up about our kids though. It's instinct.

Sometimes we all need to chill though too! Lol



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So, the consensus is to keep an eye on your child (doesn't mean you have to hover), and make sure that they don't do anything that can be construed as dick-y behavior with other kids, especially if their over-protective parents ARE hovering.

Yes, but also don't assume everyone is going to have the same level of "what's okay" that you do. If one of my kids knocked over (or, let's be honest, WHEN they have knocked over) another child, I would be/was MORTIFIED. My child had to apologize, I apologized, etc. -- but if "mean lady" lectured my kid, I'd be ticked. I have no problem with "Oooh. Let's be careful. Please don't touch other kids. That's not very nice." but, "You're rude, or you were mean" is .... well ... kind of rude and mean. The kid is 5. They don't have the same sensibility or filters that we do. If kid knocked her over then got in her face, or knocked her over then laughed, then that IS rude AND mean. But the other thing is just kind of what 5 year olds do. That doesn't mean they should be allowed to run rampant, and Dad should have corrected/apologized, but it's what you have to deal with when you go to a public park. Otherwise it's your own backyard playset from here on in.

[alison]

I agree. I just wanted to know if I had overreacted, because my hunch was that I did.

Dd is a tiny little thing that you can knock over with a feather, and I'm, well, bigger! And mean, and have no sense of what 5 year olds think. He was hanging out near us for a good 10 minutes before the hat thing happened. That is how I knew his age. Dd was letting him play with a ball we brought, and he kept telling us "gonna kick it in his (M's) face." And I said "how about we just kick it to each other--gentle, she's only 2." And he said "no, gonna kick at his face."

And then dd spotted the boy's toy cars, picked one up, and he grabbed her hand and said "no, stupid boy, my cars!"

The physical part was the last straw for me. I'd pick M up and remove her, but he'd follow us each time.

I just need to get a thicker skin..

Well, and with the back story, your reaction is more understandable. Still, Jenn was right when she said it's likely "rude and mean" don't register with him. You probably sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher to him. As far as the "play with the toy we brought" -- I've always told my kids that if they bring something to the park, they have to be prepared to share it. On the flip side, I also make them ask if they can play with and/or share toys other children have brought. When there is no one around to ask, it's fair game (I know this wasn't the case with you -- just completing the scenarios).

When you'd remove M, did you ever say to him "We're going to play over here by ourselves for awhile." Or, "I think we're going to take a break and find something else to do." ? If the kid is being obnoxious, or heading down the wrong path, I think it's far better to brush him off and risk ending up with a parent in your face asking why you won't share after he whines about it, then being in a situation where you end up lecturing him.

[PrincessFiona]

Well, Alison, that last bit lends a diff. context. In that case, I would have left the park or approached dad. Since I would have no way of guaging dad's response, I would have left. Sadly, as aggressive as this child's play was, I have seen similar behaviors in other 5 yr old boys that were pretty healthy/normal.

If gently redirecting another person's child/moving doesn't work, it sucks but I leave. I learned the hard way when I was nearly beaten up at a McDonalds in Arkansas (i kid you not) not to discipline other people's kids. Other parents can be unpredictable.


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[alison]

Agreed. Thanks for your sage advice!
I'm always in fight mode!

[Meenah]

All good advice here!!!! Parenting is a real bitch at times. You never know when the problem is going to be another child /another child's parents / or your child. It will change not only daily, but several times daily. I remember being at a park with the girls (they were around 3 & 4) and getting ticked at another kid picking on my little one, only to have my older one do the same thing to another child not an hour later. My friend (the one who labeled the F'ing Fours) thought it was the funniest thing ever.

[DCJenn]

Which is why I go to the playground that serves beer.

J.

[PrincessFiona]

Which is why I go to the playground that serves beer.

J.

And why I'm paying for Zoe and Aidan to go to KidStop 2-3 days a week so that I can clean up/get laundry done/relax without having to worry about supervising or not supervising the hoard of 5 year olds in my house. I rarely go to parks anymore. The bigger kids are often pretty rough and tumble and the little ones scare me (even when their parents are watching). I want to be able to let my children play, be there in case they need me, look up regularly from my own cell phone/magazine to insure their safety and good behavior and relax. I don't find most parks/play areas to be that way. The worst one I know of is a local indoor McDonalds where the parents do things like eat out in the adult area while letting their little ones run amok in the play place. Their kids scream, punch, push etc and you can't even find the parents. It irks me to no end. Beyond that is the issue that other parents think that they know how to parent my children. I always let Aidan eat and play. The reason is that if I enforce an "eat first/play later" policy, he does what he always does even at home ... he eats like a bird. Poor thing is barely on the growth curve right now because of his eating habits. Zoe, on the other hand, has to sit and finish her meal before she plays. Yup ... I have different rules for different kids. With Aidan I have to do a "take at least 4 bites" thing ... he will eat an entire burger or a big kids chicken nuggets if I do it this way because of how it distracts him. I'm ok with it. More than that, they are MY kids. If I want to let them eat while standing on their heads then it is my prerogative. I almost always get at least one mom who either comments loudly to the person next to her about how children should eat first and play later, or who actually swoop in and in FRONT of me, tell my son to finish his meal first and then play later.

So really ... I have no tolerance left for playgrounds/play areas ...

Man ... where's my wine! LOL

Kris