tantrums. oh dear

[TigerLily]

I think A just threw her first real tantrum. ugh. We were on our way to the grocery store and she just started SHRIEKING. I thought maybe her car seat was pinching her or something. But we got there and she just kept screaming. I put her in the cart thinking she would calm down but instead she just kept screaming and standing up in the seat saying that she was going to walk.
I didn't know what to do, so I just took her out of the store, brought her home and put her down for a nap. Then, on top of the fact that she's already screaming, she won't sleep unless I lay in her bed with her. Usually, the minute I put her in bed she just lays down until she falls asleep. She just cried "mommy please sleep with me," for 15 minutes before she finally fell asleep.
I'm freaking out now because I have no idea what I did wrong or how I'm going to fix it. I called my husband and he proceeded to give me tons of parenting advice, about how I need to be more stern and that I should have just grocery shopped with her screaming. which is my wost nightmare.
Anyway, I don't know what is worse, the fact that my daughter just threw a tantrum in the grocery store and I didn't know how to handle it, or that my husband, who spends about 1.5 hours with her per day thinks that he could do better.
ugh.
also, we just got home from Disney World last night. Maybe she really is just over tired and used to sleeping in the same room as us? please tell me I haven't totally screwed up my daughter. There is no way I can deal with this and an infant in a few weeks. I will need xanax

[diggitydot]

I'd be surprised if it wasn't the overtired/exhausted stuff from being at WDW. And your DH is being a dumbass. It has nothing to do with "being stern" enough or not enough. She's wiped out from the upheaval and fun of WDW and no amount of stern is going to change that.

[MrsK]

Funny, BabyK did that in a grocery store a couple weeks before K2 was born. He hasn't done it since. It's likey what dot said.

[TigerLily]

You might be onto something with the dumbass thing. I know he's trying to help. But his advice makes me feel like he thinks he could do better. Ugh, I mean, being a mom is my job. I put my entire life into it, and it is exhausting and I feel like I'm going to lose it. And he has a simple solution.
He isn't scolding me or anything. I think it is his natural response to my hysterical phone calls to try to offer solutions instead of support. But for some reason his solutions just make me want to punch him in the fac.e

[peggyfromwastate]

Just go with the flow. I'd be lying if I said you won't get more tantrums. Most likely you will. Learn to ignore the screaming kid and go about your business. When my toddler tantrums I ignore her until shecan tell me that she's done crying. I will carry her to a little tantrum spot away from me where she will kick and scream for anywhere from 5-20 min. If she comes back to me while throwing a fit I just carry her back to her spot. I don't talk to her.

We don't cosleep so the whole sleep with me issue I have no advice. It might be too late to break her if that with the sibling almost here though.



It will be ok.

[TigerLily]

well we don't cosleep either. That is part of the weirdness of the entire situation. We never have. She slept in a bassinet until she was 4 months old and then went to her crib in her own room and has been there ever since. In Disney she slept in the same room, but in another bed. That is why I was so confused about her asking me to sleep with her. I didn't do it, I sat next to her bed and every time I would get up to leave she would wake up and start crying again. I think just 5 days in the same room as us might have made her feel weird about sleeping in a room alone. I don't know....blah

[Thirteen]

Men don't know. Unless you are in the trenches you don't know - and he doesn't know. She totally sounds overtired: poor baby!
You did the best you could, don't beat yourself up. Kids throw you curve balls so much it always feels like your head is spinning.

[Michele]

Breathe! It's likely just the combo of being tired and returning from vacation. In my experience, being more stern does nothing but prolong the tantrum. Maybe my kids are just pigheaded mules. But once the tantrum/meltdown starts, I either have to walk away or comfort...if I try to motor through it escalates. If I try to snap them out of it, it escalates. They just need to release that energy/frustration.

Parenting "advice" from the (basically non-) parent usually sucks and is met with "gee, that's a great idea....for me to poop on" luster. . When I call you, you are supposed to say "you are right oh parenting goddess, the children are just being little shits, you shouldn't have to deal with that behavior, let me call a sitter and take you out to dinner."

[Pollyanna]

Yes, to what everyone else has said. You might want to mention to your hubby that when you call you simply expect at, "holy cow honey, I am so sorry, you are an awesome mommy and our children are so lucky to have you". Beyond that he should keep his offerings of "help" to himself. She is tired, you just got back from a fun and tiring trip. It will take her a few days to readjust but she will. Avoid playgroups, errands, etc for a few days. Just let her have a lot of down time. And yes, you will have more tantrums. We do what Peggy does, tantruming child must go in the other room until she is done. The rest of us go about our day. Hang in there, you are doing fine :hug;

[TigerLily]

Parenting "advice" from the (basically non-) parent usually sucks and is met with "gee, that's a great idea....for me to poop on" luster. . When I call you, you are supposed to say "you are right oh parenting goddess, the children are just being little shits, you shouldn't have to deal with that behavior, let me call a sitter and take you out to dinner."

please call my husband.

[TigerLily]

And for you guys who make the child go away, what do you do in public? In the grocery store, would you just ignore and keep shopping? or leave? or what? because at home I would have no problem with just removing and ignoring her. But in the store I'm not sure what to do. Just keep shopping?

[ides]

I can't shop with a tantruming kid. I take the kido outside. Tell him we will leave if he doesn't calm. Mostly he wants to stay & behaves. If not we leave & try again another time or day. I agree that your little girl is worn out & it will take a few days to readjust.

[Michele]

I either say they can go to the front of the store to sit and have their tantrum or I walk away. Kai is scared of being left alone and Daegan is scared of the public humiliation. So I do what works for the kid.

[v-girl]

. In my experience, being more stern does nothing but prolong the tantrum. Maybe my kids are just pigheaded mules. But once the tantrum/meltdown starts, I either have to walk away or comfort...if I try to motor through it escalates. If I try to snap them out of it, it escalates. They just need to release that energy/frustration.

Same here. I gave birth to three pigheaded mules. And when they are tired, they will be grumpy snot heads! Yes, even the 13 year old!

[peggyfromwastate]

I have a 1-outing rule. I only try to do the outing if the kids are behaving reasonably well. I'm not comfortable to go shopping with my kid throwing a tantrum (she is loud) and so I will leave and have dh go to the store to get the essentials later on. If we leave bc of a tantrum, she's not going home to watch tv tho. She's going home to have a nap, and she knows that.

I usually try distraction first though. Including snacks I carry in my purse.