Need advice-- nanny issues

[samssugarmomma]

I would also say that it probably would be better for your DH to do his work, like papers, apps, etc. at another location. Like a coffee shop or is there a library as part of his hospital. As long as he isn't doing something that HAS to be done at home, like repair work, he should just plan to stay out of the house 8-5. I know it sucks but its probably the only way he'll get stuff done.

Agreee - if he wants to get some "paperwork" type stuff done - he may just need to find another location. Even the public library would work.

[ladymoreta]

I'm a SAHM, so I don't have experience with a nanny, but I can also picture being in her shoes. Some of the hardest weeks I've had since DS was born have been DH's night float weeks. Even when DH is back in our bedroom asleep, DS (18 months) knows! He just wants to be with his daddy, and he's used to getting his attention when he's home. Not excusing the nanny for taking advantage of your husband if that's how it happened, but just pointing out that it's not going to be an easy week.

I would have the nanny and your husband arrange a schedule of alternating out of the house activities so the kids aren't so tempted by daddy's presence.

[Pollyanna]

I still say talk to your DH and get the details on how it went down if you didn't witness it directly before crucifying the nanny. Especially if you are the one normally doing the kids/nanny handoff.

Sometimes the dads don't always know how things usually go down and him feeling "guilted" may have just been HIS reaction to the nanny handling a normal reaction to a parent leaving that he doesn't see often.

Again, no excuses if it really went down like you said it did initially, but it is DAMN HARD to watch other people's children without any misunderstandings taking place, especially when a routine is broken.

I agree with this.

[poky]

I consulted in a general sense with a nanny friend of mine about this. She said the important things are: 1) you and your husband are on the same page with regard to expectations, and 2) those expectations are communicated *clearly* to the nanny. Some of the worst problems she's had has been caused by a lack of clear expectations, or different expectations from mom and dad, or lack of respect (dad says he'll be home at 5, and doesn't show up till 6:30 and doesn't call). She concurs that trying to take care of kids when a parents is home is *hard*, and she would lean toward planning lots of out-of-the-house stuff for the kids, herself, if possible in this situation...but she's also dealing with older kids right now, and has use of a car with carseats in it, so it's easy for her to cart the kids around wherever (getting them to school and playdates and such is part of her job).

Basically, if it was DD who was guilting him, he needs to be prepared to deal with that; if it was actually the nanny, definitely sit her down and provide her clear expectations (and make sure you and your husband are on the same page, too).

Good luck!

[Thirteen]

Did you find out whether or not your DH was firm with her? Was it a misunderstanding, or laziness on her part?