Private School

[JC76]

MrsK - I'm astounded at what you get for the money that you pay. That's awesome. As for us, our toddler is in a private pre-school 3 days a week, for 6 hours each day. That's the minimum that they'll allow you to attend. We live in the downtown of one of the largest Northeast cities and pay $615/month for her to attend those days. Have to say that I'm in love with the place. There is a shortage of really high quality pre-school spaces in our city and by dumb luck Zoe got a spot through the admissions lottery they have every year in this school. I'm not sending her there because I have strong feelings either way about pre-school vs. in home child care. Rather, for us, a nanny was outside of our price range, and I'm working, so we had to send her somewhere. We have really capable grandparents watching her the other 2 days of the week. I feel like she gets the best of both worlds, and I LOVE the quality of the education and social interaction that she gets at her school. It has a really creative, art-based curriculum and honestly, given her introverted nature, I think immersing her with other children a few days a week was the best thing we could have done for her. I also saw a huge leap in her learning curve when she started there this September. Frankly, I think they're doing more for those 6 hours a day/ 3 days a week than I would be doing for her during that same time. Can't make a comparison between public vs. private pre-school as we didn't even have a public option available to us (at least not one that I was aware of).

[SuzySunshine]

COL definitely comes into play in any educational option.

The "best" private kindergarten in Palo Alto was $14K a year and that was 8 years ago, who knows what it is now.

DH and I have decided we're not going to look at the pricey school I started this about, his comment was "that is probably not the crowd we want to be involved with" and he's probably right.

[alison]

I'm pretty sure PA is higher now if it's 20k for private kindergartens here.

[diggitydot]

How come people are so opposed to day care?

I'm not opposed to daycare, at all. However, I think some preschools can be a over the top.

It depends on the kiddo. Some kids need preschool, some don't. We start kids in school really early and they'll be mandatory students for a looooong time. If a kiddo doesn't really need preschool, I err on the side of letting them just be a kid until they hit kindergarten.

[Gwendolyn]

Cheri I think getting on the ground, talking to other parents and actually seeing schools will help you tremendously. I'm a big believer in public school and assumed we would always be in public school DS1 is hearing impaired and public is how we would get services. Our first year out we hand-picked our neighborhood for the specific school. I worked with a for we superintendent of the district at a university in another state just before we moved and he gave me great insight and contacts to be able to do this. We had missed enrollment for all day K (people camp out and everything) so we opted for private k to get all day. $700/mo 12 kids in the class and we loved it, but they only do preschool and K so DS1 went to our hand-picked highly-rated public school. We had the most miserable year of our lives last year. That is it's own 10-page story, but the system was so poorly designed for a kiddo with an invisible disability I spent most of last spring searching for a private school and researching homeschooling co-ops. We are now in a pricy private school 12k a year for elementary (and we pay for private speech therapy)...DD is 350/mo for two half days...that is committed to the appropriate growth and development of our children, regardless of what deal they might struggle with. For us, this private school has changed the kind of person my oldest will become. Frankly, we'd bankrupt ourselves if we had to.

I'm not a great example because of the very specific circumstances we've had, but I think you are involved with your kiddos and smart and you will be able to evaluate your options effectively once you get there. Hurray for options! We wouldn't even have had a choice before the champagne and Bon Bons showed up at our door

[Ladybug]

DH and I have decided we're not going to look at the pricey school I started this about, his comment was "that is probably not the crowd we want to be involved with" and he's probably right.

Ouch. Maybe you both need to examine your subtle prejudices against the 1% you're about to join. I've picked up a lot of strong sterotypes and language in both your remarks. They will to offend people, and they're hard to undo after you've gone there. Don't trip coming out the gates.

[GrayMatterWife]

FWIW: My son is in an expensive private school (at least, it's expensive by St Louis standards).

It sounds like the crux of the question is, "How to you justify this?"

If that means, how do you justify it to other people?, honestly, I don't feel like I need to justify it to anyone else. It's our money. We earned it and it is our choice on how to spend it. I don't ask people to justify their Lexus cars or European vacations or second homes. Everyone has what they prefer to spend their disposable income on. But, I also never get asked the question, "Good grief! How on earth can you justify that expenditure?" because I live in the county of St Louis City. It is pretty much beyond debate that the public schools here SUCK. Many offer preK, but even the charters and magnets can't touch the private schools. The only question I really ever get it, "How do you swing that on a resident-and-government lawyer's combined income?" And I don't mind that question, because it is usually posed by people in similar situations, trying to figure out how to do the same.

How do I justify it to myself? I never thought about it that way. DS's school is so amazing and has done such wonderful things for him that I honestly just thank my lucky stars that I can swing the tuition. It is the best money I spend every month, by far. I am NOT saying that I would feel that way about any private school, and--frankly--unless you do feel that way, you shouldn't spend the money. In my view, you are paying for the absolutely fantastic and a GREAT fit for your child and your family. Otherwise, I am not sure it would be worth the price tag.

I would caution you this: I would definitely NOT pay for private preschool/elementary simply because the particular school is marketed as a "feeder" school to some "prestigious" high school. Not that you are this type of person AT ALL, Cheri, but I know a LOT of people who inflict their need for the appearance of status and affluence on their kid, and their kid ends up in the completely wrong schooling situation for that KID. Not only is the education not worth the money, but it is also not worth the costs of therapy.

I do not like the Reggio Amelia technique, personally, and that is why DS was not sent to the prek/elementary school at our Episcopal church (among other reasons). But I know a lot of people whose kids have really blossomed in that program.

[GrayMatterWife]

DH and I have decided we're not going to look at the pricey school I started this about, his comment was "that is probably not the crowd we want to be involved with" and he's probably right.

I'd be really careful about this assumption. Things are not always what they seem. I made the same assumption and just figured that I would not bother to try and get to know the other parents, since I am not "in their league" and didn't want to suffer through conversations about horseback riding and the south of France.

Turns out, DS's two best friends at school come from homes of very middle class single moms--women with the most amazing stories of how they got their education and what they do to make it all work. And when I got spinal menningitis last August, some incredibly affluent moms of kids in DS's class--women who I barely knew--turned their lives upside down to make sure that I got meal assistance and playdates during my recovery. They are some of the most down-to-earth, considerate people I've met.

Send your kid to the school that you can afford and feels right.

[PrincessFiona]

Private vs. Public .... It is so school and kid dependent I think.

The town that I live in is something that I consider Snooty...My former neighborhood was Snootyville for sure, and I was miserable. I don't do well with social climbers, backstabbers etc. I am who I am. The end. My neighborhood now has nice homes in it, but it is smaller than the nearby 'hoods with the community pool etc in them. We are very happy in this neighborhood. So ... I think picking an area that feels like home to live in is important.

As far as schools... Our public schools are highly ranked in the state. People move here from other districts to send their kids to these schools because even though there is open enrollment in MN, they are always totally full. We moved here to avoid paying private school tuition, btw. Actually, one of the reasons we moved to MN in general was extensive research on the public schools and the good quality overall in the state. Our job search involved an extensive spreadsheet with public school ranking as a part of it. Our local schools have great test scores (because they teach to the tests btw) and have the funds to offer programs that have been lost at other area schools. That being said, my experience is that people with a lot of money ... sometimes raise children who seem entitled and bratty. Our district caters to these types of parents and as a consequence there isn't a lot of discipline doled out at school. There also isn't a lot of support for children who fall above or below the curve when it comes to academics and social issues.

We send Andrew to a private school now that costs $15000/yr. We felt we had limited options for him because he is a straight A student who has social skills issues that our wunderbar district would not address with us. Alex goes to the same school now because we feel that we have to offer each of our children the same options and opportunities. He was doing perfectly fine in our public school but that's because he is a B student, musician, and all-around athlete. He has a warm personality and never had a single struggle in the district. He would have been fine to stay. Still ... he wanted to go to the same school as his big brother. That's $7000/yr. Amanda will be starting at a private catholic school on Tuesday. Annual tuition = $10,000. It took me a month of researching schools within a 2 hour drive one way to find this for her. Because of her learning issues, our district dropped the ball totally. We had trouble getting services for her and a friend of mine who is a teacher in the district recently told me that they are biased against people that they feel have .... money. Wacky. This new school is willing to accommodate her academics right now based on my recommendations. Jaw Drop. She is going into a special pre-algebra 2 class for high schoolers with math weaknesses. Her physical science teacher contacted me to let me know that he will assess her skills and possibly change assignments for her specifically if he feels she is struggling too much. The school counselor called me 3 times this week to discuss her scheduling and academic needs as well as her anxiety. He suggested that we speak twice a week for the first month to make sure we are on track. This would never ever ever have happened in the public school. We are paying for the service, but ... never.

Aidan is very happy in the public schools and he is doing well. He has the smart of Andrew and the social/athletic/musical of Alex. I could see him staying with the public schools and being successful but I know that just like with Alex, he believes that he will be going to the private school starting in the 6th grade. Zoe, on the other hand is still a very young 5. She has been in the sheltered environment of the Montessori ($350/mo for 3 hrs/day) and still likes to color, play with babies etc. She loves Angelina Ballerina and all soft, girly things. Her best friend from the Montessori is the same way. The girls in our neighborhood who are the same age attend the public school Kindergarten have already been introduced to mean girl garbage and are into ditching other girls, etc. Anytime they come over it ends in Zoe being in tears because they ditch her or tell her that if she won't play what they will then they will go home (and they do) etc. She is very easily hurt and I ... think she'll be eaten alive in first grade. Yes, I do lose sleep over this already. lol.

I guess my long-winded response is just meant to say what I did in one sentence ... it's all school and kid dependent. Check out the area schools ... walk through them ... go in and observe if you want.... Do the same with the private schools if you are considering them. Get a feel for the environments and use what you know about your family and your children to decide what is best for you.

Kris

[PrincessFiona]

I'd be really careful about this assumption. Things are not always what they seem. I made the same assumption and just figured that I would not bother to try and get to know the other parents, since I am not "in their league" and didn't want to suffer through conversations about horseback riding and the south of France.

Turns out, DS's two best friends at school come from homes of very middle class single moms--women with the most amazing stories of how they got their education and what they do to make it all work. And when I got spinal menningitis last August, some incredibly affluent moms of kids in DS's class--women who I barely knew--turned their lives upside down to make sure that I got meal assistance and playdates during my recovery. They are some of the most down-to-earth, considerate people I've met.

Send your kid to the school that you can afford and feels right.

I have to agree with that ..it really depends on the school too. Frankly, you will be living in an expensive neighborhood which means that the kids going to the public school will be coming ... from money too. Private schools can be snooty and wrong crowdish ... but so can the public schools that draw from affluent areas.

Andrew and Alex's school is spendy by Central MN standards and many of their peers are the children of colleagues of dh's. That being said, the school sees itself as an extension of the family. It is a community and all of the parents are really warm and kind. I give the secretary a mother's day gift each year even in thanks for her keeping a fire lit under my feet and helping me stay on top of things (and taking such good care of my kids)....

Kris

[SuzySunshine]

I know that I don't have to justify my spending to anyone and no one has to justify their spending to me.

I know that we are going to now be in the 1% but we are still the same people today that we will be in 3 months. I would hope that those of you that know me would know that.

I know we are moving to possibly the most expensive area in the most expensive county in the state and hope that my kids are able to continued being brought up with the values that are important to us regardless of that.

Well obviously I have put my foot in it so I'm going to bow out of my own thread.

[PrincessFiona]

What? I hope it isn't something that I said. Did I miss something? I don't think anyone thinks that you are going to be any different in 3 months, Cheri ... no one. I can only speak for myself, but I was just responding to your concern about living in snootyville and public vs private schools. I was trying to give you my experience as someone who lives in an expensive area. Actually .... many people call Sartell ... Doctell. It turns my stomach when I hear that. I'm a pretty low key, down-to-earth person and I don't like to be judged by where I live. Our district caters to a lot of people who have money and want to be perceived as such and my personal experience has been better with some of the private schools than our public schools when it has come to my children with unique needs. That's all.

I'm sorry you feel like you have to walk away from your thread.

Kris

[Phoebe]

... It's all school and kid dependent. Check out the area schools ... Walk through them ... Go in and observe if you want.... Do the same with the private schools if you are considering them. Get a feel for the environments and use what you know about your family and your children to decide what is best for you.

Kris

ita.

[GrayMatterWife]

What? I hope it isn't something that I said. Did I miss something? I don't think anyone thinks that you are going to be any different in 3 months, Cheri ... no one. I can only speak for myself, but I was just responding to your concern about living in snootyville and public vs private schools.

Me, too--I was trying to respond to the "you pay WHAT??" issue. I deal with it a lot: my parents and ILs constantly give me all sorts of crap for what we pay for DS's school (although no one who actually lives in STL does...). And it's kind of gotten worse, with DH's job hunting. I am just so OVER having to explain my choices re: my kids.

[JC76]

I see that the thread is getting a little scattered at this point, but just wanted to add one last thing about DH's and my thought process just in case people reading the thread are really looking to get information on other people's approaches to making this whole decision. In my first post, I just mentioned what we were doing now, I didn't really say anything about our future plans for Kindergarten on...

Basically, DH and I are both pretty committed to public school for our kids long term, thus we plan to purposely choose our next place to live based on the quality of the school system. Period. Luckily, we like in a high population density area, so there are a number of different school districts to choose from which will all be within commuting distance of DH's health system. There's a wide range of quality, ranging from shitty to very, very highly ranked. Across the board, the highly ranked school systems are located in towns where the property taxes are sky high and we will have to settle for living in a much smaller house than what we would have in one of the lower ranked school systems. But the way we look at it, paying $17,000/year in property taxes for a great public school is still less than paying $50,000/year to send our kids to private school while we live in a cheaper town and bigger house. This is OUR thinking. We're both products of public school and want our kids to have the same experiences. That being said, my older brother has 3 daughters, two of whom are in an extremely prestigious Philly suburb all girls private school which is amazing and his oldest daughter attends Exeter. The educations they are getting are incredible and in some ways can't be compared to what my kids will get in even the best local public school. Still, I feel pretty secure in my belief that our kids are gonna turn out just fine and will have every opportunity they could possibly need in life. I don't think there's one perfect path.