Please help me overthink my childcare options

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Keeping in mind my child isn't even 1 yet, I can only compare newborn to now and now is infinitely easier. She HATED the bucket car seat which meant I had to carry her everywhere (babywearing was my sanity) but it was hard to run errands with such a tiny baby and be in and out of the bucket seat all the time. I envy moms who could just pop the bucket seat in their cart but I definitely couldn't. I like running errands with DD now (mostly, sometimes it's hard if she's tired) and have since she could sit up in a cart at 6-7 months.

I think it's very kid and mama dependent. For me, I work 5 days/week and though it resonates with me that it would be nice to have a day to "get things done", I would feel guilty if I took her to daycare when I was off and I know I would even if I was working 3-4 days/week. Not that I SHOULD feel guilty, I just have an incredible capacity for making myself feel badly if I'm not spending time with DD all the time I'm free. For the mama's that are at home all the time with one or multiple little ones, I know that would be a huge luxury and so very helpful but as a working mama, I don't feel like I can. Hell, I feel guilty that I bring her along on my run on Saturday mornings instead of playing with her more.

[oceanchild]

I agree with you, T&S. The whole point of not working every day is to spend time with the baby. I see the other side too, though, and I can think of times where even just using a few hours on a day off would be helpful. Plus GMW is right about my backup plans not being the most solid things in the world.

My work is experimenting with some part-time contract people during this legislative session (including one with kids at home), so I'm keeping a close eye on how much they actually end up working.

[houseelf]

My visceral response was "AAAAA!" but that is colored by my own working-while-training experience. If B can pick up that makes a huge difference.

FWIW, if there is one area that money should not be the dictating factor, it is childcare. Go with the one you like best and skimp somewhere else.

I'm very pro montessori (3 separate schools ranging from toddler to upper elementary). My middle child attended a montessori toddler program. In truth, I absolutely loved it. With that being said, IMHO the biggest impact of montessori education occurs in that 3-6 age group. Also, you need to make a decision that works for the family overall. You have plenty of time to switch the baby to a montessori preschool later on.

By the way, I'm so excited that YOU ARE HAVING A BABY!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!

[MarissaNicole]

Just another point... I work full time and also struggle with the guilt of not spending my non-work time with DD but am trying to find a balance. I felt horrible leaving her in childcare at the gym so that I could work out 45 minutes yesterday, but I need to do it for my mental health. As far as errands I absolutely can take DD shopping with me after work, but she is kind of a stinker and wants my attention, so grocery shopping on a week night takes at least twice as long with her along. As a result, I've just been leaving her at the sitter for an extra half hour every few weeks and I get the shopping done in HALF the time so that I can have more QUALITY time with her.

Just pointing this out because you might find leaving baby in daycare for a few hours on a day off allows you to get A LOT done, so that you can devote your attention to the baby rather than trying to cook, clean, run errands and spend time with the baby.

[Vanquisher]

I would choose A. No question. You can't count on B being able to help, not really anyway. There will be times you will be thankful for the flexibility.

[peggyfromwastate]

It's a very good point about how efficiently you can plow through errands when you are kid free. I have always followed the 1 outing rule for kids age 3 and younger. 1 outing-- they can usually handle. 2 errands in a row? Meltdowns.

I wasn't one who liked schlepping baby and baby car seat everywhere. YMMV on that. But it's hard to say. It is a good rule if thumb that errands with a child takes twice as long.

For infant care, staying clean (sanitizing toys), and providing nap time would be big considerations. Check out the sick kid policies and see how strict they are. If they aren't very strict (if you see lots of runny noses that are thick and nasty) then that's a big consideration for years 0-2 especially. Your baby will be sick a lot-- they mostly all are. But a "cleaner" nursery might be a big help there. Ask what they do with toys that are put in mouths? Do they remove them right away? Some places put the toys by the sink to wash later. But them another worker might see the toy and give it back to another kid. So ask what the policy is. If they say "we disinfect every night" then that might not be enough. If they take toys away and put them in a disinfect bin right away-- that's good.

What about toys coming from home? Lovies and binkies?

What about outdoor time? In nice weather do they go outside? On schedule or just whenever?

Props to you for bring so organized!!

Both options sound like they will work, but I agree with Kelly that Montessori might not be fully beneficial until later on-- there's only so much that infants do!!

[DCJenn]

Get on both lists for purely practical reasons.

Given the two choices, I'd go with A. Why? One or two years of Montessori-ish experiences as a newborn and toddler is going to have neglible impact.

I had my kiddo in day care before I'd even found a job when we moved here. Child-free errands are something that just cannot be emphasized enough. or going to the gym without having to find one with day care. or going to the doctor without having to bring junior. Honestly, the flexible hours thing is so, so important.

I've worked no more than 5 miles from the dude's day care since Day One and there have been a LOT of days when I've cut it mightly close to that 6pm deadline. I've only had to pay once but it's been touch and go often. You just can't always predict that you will always get out on time.

and I've never felt guilty about leaving him in day care when I needed to get stuff done. Running errands with kids sucks. I'd rather have him occupied while I do the boring stuff and then when we're ready to play, we can play.

J.

[MrsK]

Also, on the issue of sending the baby to day care when you run errands/take personal time, I feel a lot better about it when I know my children are in an enriching environment that they enjoy.

[GrayMatterWife]

and I've never felt guilty about leaving him in day care when I needed to get stuff done.
J.

Never, ever. Not once. Errands are part of my "job." I would rather get them done efficiently and without having to feed, change, and comfort little ones. I have to take the kids with me enough on the weekends. They get all the Target, dry cleaner, and grocery store they need.