Toddler Sleep: I'm done

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Tonight is the night. After 6 months of lying on DD's floor for 45-60 minutes/night trying to make her feel secure about going to sleep, Mama is done. With DH leaving in Sept/Oct, I simply cannot do it anymore and it's killing my pregnant back - I literally hobble out of her room every night. I need to get out of her room at night and do chores/finish up hours of work that I've left since 5:30. My plan is to gently leave her with "Mama loves you, it's time to go to sleep" and go in at 5 minute intervals with this consistent message (spending no more than one minute in her room again) as long as she's crying. She's got a nightlight and can read/play on her floor bed but Mama is done. I thought the time would get shorter and she'd eventually learn to go to sleep on her own but it's stretching past an hour now and I can barely walk afterward. Pray for me...I'm going to need it!!!!

[HouseofWool]

You can do it. She will learn to fall asleep on her own. Stay strong and call a friend to talk you through it if you need to.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

You can do it. She will learn to fall asleep on her own. Stay strong and call a friend to talk you through it if you need to.

Seriously!! Txt me if you need to

[OrionGrad]

I'll be sending positive thoughts your way tonight. Getting DS to go to sleep is by far the most challenging part of my day, so I sympathize with the suckiness. Good luck!

[GrayMatterWife]

Tonight is the night. After 6 months of lying on DD's floor for 45-60 minutes/night trying to make her feel secure about going to sleep, Mama is done.

Why on earth would you have done that in the first place? Good grief. Tell her to go the heck to sleep. She's too old for that. Let her cry. Children don't die from crying. Cut the cord, go back to your bedroom and make her learn to self-soothe. Throw in a nightlight and she'll survive. As long as you play this game, she'll expect it.

And get a good night's sleep!!! You're a pregnant mama! You owe it to yourself and New Baby!!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Why on earth would you have done that in the first place? Good grief. Tell her to go the heck to sleep. She's too old for that. Let her cry. Children don't die from crying. Cut the cord, go back to your bedroom and make her learn to self-soothe. Throw in a nightlight and she'll survive. As long as you play this game, she'll expect it.

And get a good night's sleep!!! You're a pregnant mama! You owe it to yourself and New Baby!!

I'm sleeping fine, my evenings just suck. I did it because all the other "attachment" things I did (cosleeping, weaning, etc) eventually resulted in what I wanted: a non-nursing baby sleeping through the night. The rest of it worked out how I wanted it. But clearly the going to sleep thing isn't coming easily to her. DH doesn't fall asleep easily either so I think it's just a personality/genetics thing. I know she won't die from crying but we really haven't let her cry too much and it's worked for us -- now that it's not working in this instance, I'm ready to change it! Honestly, I'm totally happy with the choices we've made up until now but now it's time for Dr. Sears Attachment principle about doing what works for you comes in...it's not working so we're making a change.

I'm thinking it'll be 8-10 nights of hell and then hopefully it'll be better.

Has anyone done this with a toddler or am I the only one who's still coaxing an 18 month old to sleep?

[SuzySunshine]

R was like that and still is to some extent - we never slept in his room or laid down with him but there are still rough nights when we have to go in his room a few times before he finally settles. It will be rough for a few nights but she will get it and I agree, do it now so that she doesn't associate it with the new baby.

BIG hugs, it will work out!

[ladymoreta]

Hugs from me, and feel free to call/text me too if it gets rough!

They understand so much more than you think. Explain it to her simply like you said, and she will get it. She won't like it, and I'm sure she will cry, but she'll know it's not because you don't love her or anything like that. And you put it exactly the way I was going to - it was fine while it was pleasant and working for you, but it's not working now, so no guilt about changing it!

[spotty_dog]

Has anyone done this with a toddler or am I the only one who's still coaxing an 18 month old to sleep?

You are absolutely NOT the only mother who has gone to great lengths to parent her child to sleep! I have never night weaned, and I have never cried it out. My children have come to sleep on different timelines and along their own paths. Every family does what's right for them.

I was about <s>3-4 months pregnant</s> newly pregnant when DS was 18 months. It was actually around this time that I established a bedtime routine for pretty much the first time, in order to get him sleeping consistently for *some* stretch in his crib so that I could rest my own pregnant bones without a co-sleeping nursling to kick me. Bedtime was a very elaborate affair. I will not deny sometimes climbing IN to the crib with him to help cuddle him down. Then when he was about 22 months we weaned and I was left without that final "drowsy-time" signal. We got even more elaborate with bedtime; then we took the side of his crib off. I definitely laid in his room on the floor at some stage. Once the baby was here, I would nurse her to keep her quiet while sitting on the floor in his room shushing him to sleep. It was definitely labor-intensive and exhausting...but it didn't last forever, and it worked for me.

You do what works for you. And when it doesn't work any more, you re-evaluate. You've reached the point where your motivation to make a change has exceeded your motivation to let the status quo ride, and that's okay! That's how it works a lot of the time. You're much more likely to stick with the change if you are motivated.

But as much as she is looking like your big toddler now, especially with the new baby on the way, she is still your baby who has barely been outside the womb twice as long as she was in it. She is still a baby and the world is still new to her. She is in a difficult place as her understanding of the world is clashing with her language abilities and her newly budding desire for independence is clashing with her instinct to follow and to be protected. It is OKAY to nurture her through these changes, it is OKAY to meet her needs just like you met them when she was a new baby! It's just that one of her needs now is for you to help guide her to appropriate behaviors that help your WHOLE family work together.

This stage is tough but it will be behind you.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

But as much as she is looking like your big toddler now, especially with the new baby on the way, she is still your baby who has barely been outside the womb twice as long as she was in it. She is still a baby and the world is still new to her. She is in a difficult place as her understanding of the world is clashing with her language abilities and her newly budding desire for independence is clashing with her instinct to follow and to be protected. It is OKAY to nurture her through these changes, it is OKAY to meet her needs just like you met them when she was a new baby! It's just that one of her needs now is for you to help guide her to appropriate behaviors that help your WHOLE family work together.

I agree. This totally resonates with me. She's a toddler but she's still very young. You can tell because 80% of the time she wants to sprint away and the other 20% of the time, she so clearly needs me. I just feel ready for this change and I want to do it before the new baby arrives because I don't want her to feel that everything changes when the new baby arrives. This gives me a couple of months to ease her into a new routine before new baby arrives.

I'll keep you guys posted! I'm hopeful that this will eventually be a positive change for all of us!

[MarissaNicole]

Good luck - its tough - I didn't want to do CIO but as you said when your ideal practices don't work (and every child is different) you have to try something new. With CIO we had a week or two of hell, but now she goes to bed easily. (Our trouble with her was not that she wanted to be put to sleep, but that she just didn't want to go to bed, no matter what routines we did, if we laid with her rocked her, etc, she just didn't want to go to sleep!) Now we are going through another transition because we've taken away all the bottles. I used to allow her to drink from a bottle if she woke with a nightmare - the last few nights she is stealing my sleep because she is pissed I won't give her the bottle. I just keep reminding myself that she is frustrated and trying to communicate and doesn't understand. Hopefully in a week or two she will have adjusted. Hang in there, transitions are TOUGH! Just when you get into a good routine something changes and you have to adjust again!

You need your rest - I hope you and DD both get it!

[SoonerTexan]

Has anyone done this with a toddler or am I the only one who's still coaxing an 18 month old to sleep?

Good luck!

We made huge strides at 12-14 months. We would read a story, rock a little, and then put her in her crib and leave. Then teething started and she regressed big time. We were laying down on the floor with her for months 14-16 for 20-45 minutes every night--similar to you. It sucked.

It eventually became evident that she wasn't going to go back in the crib without us forcing her to, so about two months ago, we started the old routine again: read a book, rock a little, in the crib. She was PISSED. She kept taking the cushion we used to lay on and putting in on the floor. We'd let her cry a little and then go back in and offer to rub her face, but she had to stay in the crib. Sometimes she had to cry 15 minutes to "get" she wasn't getting out, but mommy or daddy being in the room was a better option that crying alone. It got better pretty quickly--she's started to associate the crib as a safe place she likes. She makes sure certain stuffed animals and blankets are in there (I'm comfortable with them at this point), but now after we rock, she asks to go in the crib on her own. Sometimes she doesn't even want to rock. Then we just sit in the room for usually 5-10 minutes while she falls asleep. Some might say that is ridiculous, but it obviously provides a lot of comfort to her, so it doesn't bother us. We just bring the iphone in and play on the phone while we wait. Occasionally she still cries and I rock her for a few minutes and then she tells me she is ready to go back in.

Sometimes she sleeps through the night (9:30 pm to 7:30-8:30 am), other times she wakes up. Whether or not I bring her in our bed usually depends on how out of it we are when we go in to her. Lately, it's been popping the binky back in. Last night she peed through her diaper... :/

Naptime is harder--there is more crying then, but I've learned that it is more stubbornness for naps. Bedtime crying is occasionally stubbornness, but most of the time we've realized there is really something going on and going in and talking to her tends to resolve the issue quickest. She will just cry and cry and cry if something is wrong.

May D be nice to you! I don't regret not doing CIO until she was 10-11 months either. By that point she could start to communicate and I felt better being able to tell her what was going on and having a good idea of whether or not something was true distress or the kid just being a jerk.

Now we really have to work on getting rid of the binky...I'm afraid of what that will bring. And then I get to do it all over again!

[Thirteen]

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[Phoebe]

We laid with all our girls when they moved to a regular bed. Bad choice. I still have to lay with DD1 ( which I actually enjoy because she spills her guts during that time). It gets very time consuming when you have multiple children and you are the only parent home. I agree that your child won't die from crying. I think kids need to learn to self-soothe but it can be balanced with extra reassurance from mom and dad.

[Pollyanna]

All of our kiddos had different sleep personalities and needs and our 6th seems to require absolutely no sleep at all, lol (Proving what works for one child wont work for them all). We are big cuddlers at night once our kiddos hit toddlerhood and we love on them until they go to sleep. Both she and you will work this out and be no worse for wear.