Help!

[MrsK]

Do you ever use music to help move them along? I have songs on my phone for all types of situations:
Can you get in your seat before the song ends?
Can you get dressed before the song ends?
Can you get your shoes on before the song ends?
etc.
Then, there's a HUGE party when they "beat" the song (even if it's just a little car dance).
We also have "invisible" stars ( they do this in kindergarten here). DS just did something nice for his sister? 10 gold stars!!!!!
Every time you post, I both totally identify, but also think of other little tools I have in my tool box.

We've done some songs. I used to sing my ABCs before they understood numbers. They had a better understanding of the path to Z than the path to 10. Singing works more for K2 than K1. K1 will just hang out listening to the song and forget what he is supposed to be doing. He responds better to a countdown or a timer or, if DrK is there, helping us compete to see who can get their teammate (kid) in the carseat first. K2 responds to made up songs like "Shoes off, shoes off, Everybody's shoes off. Put your shoes awayyyyyy" to remember what he's supposed to be doing. He sings the shoes off song every time we come in the house even though he doesn't know how to take off his shoes. He also likes songs as rewards for behaving, as in "we'll sing 'Twinkle Twinkle' after you get in your car seat." Other times, it's just more fun to run around the car pushing buttons than it is to just get in the seat.

[Deebs]

Everything you write about K1 sounds so much like my son. I can't tell you how many times a day I say, "focus, can you hear me?" and so on. DH was off for a string of about a week this summer and couldn't fathom how I deal with it and stay positive. We went to church Sunday, and I started crying watching him try to behave and just not be able to. It's really frustrating to me, but I'm also frustrated for him - he really can't help it. I hope your K3 is like my oldest - an easy, easy baby.

[Vishenka69]

How does K2 know that he's wearing hand-me-downs? Does K1 say, "hey, that's my shirt"? I don't know how you label their clothes for daycare but different color stickers might do the trick.

DD was 2.5 when DS was born and even now a year later can't decide if she likes her role as the big sister or would rather regress to get more attention.

A word of caution on the marbles, I wouldn't do it with a baby in the house.

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[MrsK]

They are so close in size that when K1 outgrows something, it goes directly into K2's drawer. He is wearing clothing that K1 wore just 5 months ago in the spring so they recognize the clothes and he says, "That's K1's. I won't were it." Or K1 recognizes it and says it was once his.

I usually only label outerwear with our last name. The other parents suggestions getting some new labels with K2's name on a picture he'd like so I can put in the closing to show him that the closing are just his. It's worth a try since I don't have to save the closing for baby sister.

It's unbelievable. He figured out that he's the only one wearing hand me downs.

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[MrsK]

Oh and I'd put the marbles on a high shelf. I wouldn't give marbles to the boys. I'd just put them in the jar and then reward them with a prize when the jar was filled.

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[diggitydot]

Help!

I love the idea of working cooperatively towards a reward. Is there some place you can keep a jar to fill with something out of reach, but still viewable? Instead of marbles, maybe ping-pong balls that are less likely to break or be swallowed? Or maybe brightly colored golf balls?

FWIW, the toddler years are HARD. You and DrK are REALLY conscientious, caring, and attentive parents. Things will eventually "click" with the KBoys. They are smart cookies who are entirely more clever than should be allowed. While infuriating right now, those are traits that will serve them well as men.

[PrincessFiona]

Don't use marbles. My kids broke into their marble jars because it was irresistible to them!

[MrsK]

I love the idea of working cooperatively towards a reward. Is there some place you can keep a jar to fill with something out of reach, but still viewable? Instead of marbles, maybe ping-pong balls that are less likely to break or be swallowed? Or maybe brightly colored golf balls?

FWIW, the toddler years are HARD. You and DrK are REALLY conscientious, caring, and attentive parents. Things will eventually "click" with the KBoys. They are smart cookies who are entirely more clever than should be allowed. While infuriating right now, those are traits that will serve them well as men.

Thank you. This is comforting. You are always comforting when it comes to matters of my children, dd. During residency, the P.A.T. educator who had seen my children weekly for two years, told me that they were the most active and inquisitive boys that she'd ever met. Hard to parent now (and probably through their teens) but really good for them in the long run. I keep telling myself that it's a good thing that they are co-conspirators, that they are active, inquisitive, and defiant. At the end of the day, I know that K1's defiance and his desire to set himself apart from the group will shield him from peer pressure and help him to be a leader. While K2's new-found independence has surprised me, it's a natural developmental progression and I'd be concerned if he spent his whole life intimidated and compliant. I think it's especially surprising to me because both the elder of my brothers and I were very compliant and eager to please. There was no question that my mother was in control and we wouldn't have dreamed of attempting the K Bros shenanigans.

Don't use marbles. My kids broke into their marble jars because it was irresistible to them!

Last night, K1 started asking me for "superhero paint" on his toes. K2 asked also though he doesn't know what it is but it sounds cool. DrK has asked me to reserve pedicures as a special treat so I was inspired to suggest that they earn the superhero paint. I set up two plastic glasses on a ledge in our kitchen. The ledge is in the pass thru over the sink so it cannot be reached from the kitchen or living room but can be seen from both room. I filled a translucent green glass with river rocks and left a clear glass empty. I told them that I'd transfer rocks from the green glass to the clear one for every good deed and they could have the superhero paint on their toes once the clear glass is full. I dug out a bottle of blue polish and put it on the ledge too. They spent a lot of time that evening trying to figure out ways to earn more rocks -- suggesting that they pick up messes, reminding each other to be quiet -- and told DrK about it as soon as he got home. I was very liberal with the rocks yesterday so they are about 1/3 of the way to their goal this morning. We'll see how it goes. It's way easier than the charts.

[HouseofWool]

I wonder what other big incentives they can work toward.

Here there is a movie theater that has free showings of kids movies once a week. Would something like that interest them?

[diggitydot]

The KBoys are setting themselves up for having amazing shared memories and stories of their childhood. I guarantee they will someday look back and marvel at your patience in the face of their over-the-top little boy antics, but not before causing you to question your own sanity on an hourly basis while they're pulling those little boy antics.

It gets better.

[Phoebe]

The KBoys are setting themselves up for having amazing shared memories and stories of their childhood. I guarantee they will someday look back and marvel at your patience in the face of their over-the-top little boy antics, but not before causing you to question your own sanity on an hourly basis while they're pulling those little boy antics.

It gets better.

This. DH is the middle-child of three boys. My girls beg DH to share stories of the brothers' antics growing up. My favorite is the story where DH was sitting in the middle of the stairs in the house going to the second floor. His younger brother, at the top of the stairs asked him if he jumped there. DH said yes. His brother backs up, takes a running start and jumps down the entire flight of stairs just to try and beat him. DH never jumped. Luckily, his brother fell but wasn't injured. Idiots.

I have a defiant one and two that constantly antagonize each other. They share a room. It is a nightmare. For our defiant kid, we have found keeping it positive gets us much farther than reprimands.

[MrsK]

Well, they are already becoming bored of the rocks. We are *this close* to our goal and K2 is already saying things like, "I don't care. I don't want a rock." IDK if he understands about delayed gratification/working toward a bigger reward. He may still be in the immediate gratification stage. K1, on the other hand, decided that he should earn a rock for telling me that my hair looks beautiful. I've been trying to encourage K1 to persuade his brother to work with him since they will reach their goal quicker if they are both earning rocks. K1 likes instructing/helping his brother so maybe. . . If they can stay on the program just one more day, I think, if I'm liberal with the rocks, I could get them to their goal by Friday. Then maybe it will click for K2.

[MrsK]

This. DH is the middle-child of three boys. My girls beg DH to share stories of the brothers' antics growing up. My favorite is the story where DH was sitting in the middle of the stairs in the house going to the second floor. His younger brother, at the top of the stairs asked him if he jumped there. DH said yes. His brother backs up, takes a running start and jumps down the entire flight of stairs just to try and beat him. DH never jumped. Luckily, his brother fell but wasn't injured. Idiots.

So far, their all time best is when they vandalized both of our bathrooms in a single morning last winter. It took me days to clean up the mess. Most of my friends think that story should start with the phrase, "I killed my children because. . . " I shared a much abbreviated version of the story with the social worker yesterday. She seemed a little judgmental telling me that thought I should have made K1 clean up the mess (he'd just turned 3). Frankly, I don't think she understood the magnitude of the mess, my rage, or his lack of attention span at the time. I would have surely killed him if I had to supervise the cleaning of that mess and he would dragged out the cleaning as much as possible to soak up every minute of extra attention. Instead, the boys pretty much were in time out for the whole day while mom attended to the mess. No, we cannot go to playgroup because I have to clean the mess you made. No, we cannot have a friend over because you made a mess. No, mom cannot turn on a movie because she's cleaning up your mess. No, we cannot go to the park until the mess you made is cleaned up; you'll have to make better choices next time. Their basic needs were met that day; they were fed and napped but they got nothing else out of mom.

[diggitydot]

DH and his entire family have been banned from sharing any of his childhood stories with our kids.

[Phoebe]

So far, their all time best is when they vandalized both of our bathrooms in a single morning last winter. It took me days to clean up the mess. Most of my friends think that story should start with the phrase, "I killed my children because. . . " I shared a much abbreviated version of the story with the social worker yesterday. She seemed a little judgmental telling me that thought I should have made K1 clean up the mess (he'd just turned 3). Frankly, I don't think she understood the magnitude of the mess, my rage, or his lack of attention span at the time. I would have surely killed him if I had to supervise the cleaning of that mess and he would dragged out the cleaning as much as possible to soak up every minute of extra attention. Instead, the boys pretty much were in time out for the whole day while mom attended to the mess. No, we cannot go to playgroup because I have to clean the mess you made. No, we cannot have a friend over because you made a mess. No, mom cannot turn on a movie because she's cleaning up your mess. No, we cannot go to the park until the mess you made is cleaned up; you'll have to make better choices next time. Their basic needs were met that day; they were fed and napped but they got nothing else out of mom.

I'm a big believer in natural consequences. My 20 month old likes to throw food she doesn't like on the floor. You better believe she helps me clean it up. You can't expect a 3 year old to clean up a mess you described. He could help a little but his attention span wouldn't sustain the task. It is a lose-lose situation. I think your statements about not being able to go anywhere/do anything since you were cleaning up etc is spot on.