Saying no without saying "no"

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I tried really hard yesterday Really really hard. There was a lot of "A! (long pause as I figured out how to not be negative) Can you please come here?" When in doubt, redirect...right???


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

[spotty_dog]

I tried really hard yesterday Really really hard. There was a lot of "A! (long pause as I figured out how to not be negative) Can you please come here?" When in doubt, redirect...right???

Right! But...I don't think being more positive means that you have to open everything up to be a request.

[spotty_dog]

nm

[ladymoreta]

I do a lot of "Yes, when ____" So for TV, "Yes, you can watch in the morning." For yelling at the table "You may not make loud noises now, but we can all yell when we go outside later." Then, if they pester or try to negotiate, I go into "The answer is yes. If you continue to pester, the answer will change to no." It's very firm, and I can usually get by with saying "The answer is yes" after my first explanation of when X can happen. It took a lot of learning through experience for them, though, so only bring out the threat if you're willing/able to follow through.

I also highly advise cultivating "the look". It saves me a lot of noes.

[MarissaNicole]

What about telling them not to touch?

All I've got for that is. "Look. Don't touch please" or "please leave that alone" or "please put that back"

Wife to PGY4

[diggitydot]

We used, "Look with your eyes, not your hands," when our three stooges were *really* little. They occasionally needed that reminder that "looking" and "playing" are two totally different activities.

[MrsK]

We used, "Look with your eyes, not your hands," when our three stooges were *really* little. They occasionally needed that reminder that "looking" and "playing" are two totally different activities.

I do this too. It usually works with K2. Not so much with K1.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

We've used it a lot lately with the Christmas tree


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

[BonBon]

We used, "Look with your eyes, not your hands," when our three stooges were *really* little. They occasionally needed that reminder that "looking" and "playing" are two totally different activities.

My youngest are seven (all of you who were here during that time...can you believe it?!) and I STILL say that. Every freaking time we step foot into a store. We're going to a glass museum next weekend. Hold me.

[spotty_dog]

What about telling them not to touch?

If it's urgent, I used to borrow a tip from sign language syntax, and put the verb first. "TOUCH No!" If it's less urgent, I might do a casual "Not for babies...THIS is for babies!" with a cheery exchange and redirection.

Before entering a store or someone else's home, I would use "Hands to ourselves," and someone once taught DS to put his hands in his pockets to avoid temptation so to this day this is his response to my pre-art-gallery lecture ("I need you to walk slowly and keep your hands to yourselves"), immediate pocketing of hands.

[diggitydot]

I still tell the kids to put their hands in their pockets and that we'll leave if they start touching shit that they know they shouldn't.

Really, they just get bigger. Some issues never seem to go away.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Hands in the pockets is great - unless a certain child likes to pull her pants down via her pockets Getting her from her nap yesterday "Look Mommy, I taked I's diaper off because it's all clean!" :thud:


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

[diggitydot]

Hands in the pockets is great - unless a certain child likes to pull her pants down via her pockets Getting her from her nap yesterday "Look Mommy, I taked I's diaper off because it's all clean!" :thud:


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

Lol! Yeah, that could be problematic.

[MAPPLEBUM]

Some of my reactions to bad behavior:

"You are lying to me. Do you know what I do for a living? I decide whether people are lying. Don't try me. I'll bury you."
.

Love this.

[Ladybug]