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**Urowife** · 12-21-2013, 06:28 AM

We're not sleeping...

Ugh, I feel for you. It's so, so hard. Things that worked for us at that age: white noise, pacifier, woombie (although he was transitioning out at that age), and most importantly cosleeping. At that age, I'd literally latch him on one side and whenever he woke, I'd switch sides & relatch (or substitute the paci if I could). It was tiring, but it got better slowly. But, I know that cosleeping isn't for everyone. I just had to do it in order to function. What about a swing - does she like that?

**Deebs** · 12-21-2013, 06:37 AM

I'm so sorry. My DS was a horrible sleeper (he slept in his swing until we were afraid the swing would crash to the floor under his weight - it was the only way we could survive). When I really hit a wall, I would find a day DH was off and sleep somewhere else. Though your DH needs sleep, so do you. Is it possible you could each take one night in another room to try to catch up? Sometimes one night of sleep can really help a person recharge!

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**Pollyanna** · 12-21-2013, 06:43 AM

Dd1 is very much like this. I can't remember when we started the meds but somewhere between 6-8 months (I was still nursing every 2-3 hours round the clock) We started with Zantac and it provided some relief but not enough so the doc prescribed Prevacid and that was a huge change. Still not sleep through the night but the wakings changed to once per night typically. It's hard to let them fuss when you are concerned that they are in pain.

First thing I would do is go back to the pediatrician and tell him where things are and ask about a different med or dosage. Have you considered trying a different formula? What about solids? Dd1 is also a horrible eater, she pretty much only nursed until she was a year old with the occasional Yobaby yogurt.

It's so hard because the usual sleep remedies don't help when your child doesn't feel well and you're so exhausted that life seems impossible. Once you are sure of the med an dosage and there is improvement in sleep I would try letting her fuss at nap time. Once she is good at that try during the night. Is there any other room in the house you could use as a bedroom? I don't think moving her in with your good sleeper is going to work for a while. When we had our second dh and I basically had to move our bed to the family room. It wasn't ideal but it was fine and everyone slept better. Think out if the box on sleeping arrangements.

I'm so sorry for your exhaustion. I've btdt and it's like torture. Don't worry about your house. Focus on getting rest whenever you can. This is time for survival mode. Don't worry about the house or quality of meals. Things will get better eventually. I can't promise 12 hours a night but at least a 6-8 hour stretch.

Sending you lots of hugs

**GreyhoundsRUs** · 12-21-2013, 08:08 AM

Sadly, there really is no other place for anyone to go unless the dog dies, but that really won't help because the walls are so thin that A would wake all the time if H was like she is now and next door (as opposed to down the hall). We have 1 couch, but neither DH nor I would get restful sleep on it. Our house is also drafty, and sleeping in a room with the door closed is the only way to get any warmth (we have to turn the heat up to 75 at night!)...

She eats about 3, 3.5 oz containers of baby food a day, and the last one usually gets cereal mixed in. She likes food

She's also gaining enough weight - she weighed 18# at her last appointment (10 days ago)...

I don't know if the reflux is still the issue or not...the vomiting has stopped and the arching has lessened. The last time we attempted to switch formula, the puking got worse. She's currently on Similac for "fussiness and gas". When I was nursing, dream-feedings were a disaster as she would puke the entire thing up. Co-sleeping just doesn't work for our family. I'm not trying to shoot down all the suggestions, I'm just at such a loss and feel like I've tried so many things or are stuck because of space. I needed to win the lotto

Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

**GreyhoundsRUs** · 12-21-2013, 08:10 AM

I should add - she is/has been sleeping in her "rock n play" sleeper - so she is at an angle. She is also swaddled, and we have a white noise machine on in the room. Without the reflux medicine, I was washing all of her "bedding" every morning because it was soaked. And she smelled like mold all the time. Those two things have gotten better.

Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

**GreyhoundsRUs** · 12-21-2013, 08:15 AM

I will try to let her figure things out during nap time - A just "rests" in her crib anyway. The issue has been that I need a bit of time without any noise (good Lord, 2yos talk all the time). Maybe I'll just do earplugs and let her figure things out. It was around this time that we stopped swaddling A, as well. We went cold turkey - not swaddle, no paci, in her crib. Night 1 was 75 minutes of crying, by night 3, we sometimes have maybe a couple minutes. H is also nearly outgrown her SwaddleMe. She needs to learn to self-soothe - and a paci doesn't work because when she's upset, she spits it out or yanks it out!

Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

**Thirteen** · 12-21-2013, 08:27 AM

Jen, I have flashbacks just reading this, and I am so sorry.

I wish I had a good solution or suggestion, but I don't.
I love you!

Remind me how old she is again?

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**GreyhoundsRUs** · 12-21-2013, 08:34 AM

5.5 months (she'll be 6 months on 1/9). I keep telling myself that maybe she doesn't sleep because she's getting ready to do big things. Like end world hunger. Or cure cancer.

Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

**Pollyanna** · 12-21-2013, 08:36 AM

When dh and I moved into our family room we really moved into it. Bed and all. I know it sounds crazy and it doesn't make for House Beautiful but you do what you gotta do.

I really would see the doc again and ask about different meds or dosage and really impress upon him that you need help. She clearly had improvement once you started on the meds, it just might not be the perfect fit. Dd didn't have issues gaining weight issues until she reached 15 months (she is the same weight as she was at 10 months). I would really just stay on the reflux until that avenue has been exhausted (no pun intended

). Once that has been settled you will feel more comfortable with her fussing. And really, until that has been sussed out the fussing will likely make the reflux worse. Also, I know your dh needs sleep but so do you. Don't be a hero, it is not helpful to anyone. It sounds like you need a night or two off. Take them, your hubby will be fine, I promise. Seriously please do it. I know where you are, I do. DD1 is exactly the same way and there are times when I should not have been driving last year. People would ask if I had made friends and I'd just laugh and say, "I can hardly remember my own name let alone carry on conversation with new people". Dh was a brand new hire in a high stress job and we had 5 kids in new schools. It's hard and exhausting. Plan nights when you sleep, even if it's in your dd's room. I know you've tried everything and I know this seems insurmountable but she will sleep and you will feel like a brand new woman. You are a good mama, you are not doing anything wrong. This too shall pass...

**Vanquisher** · 12-21-2013, 08:37 AM

We're not sleeping...

I know this may sound weird, but what if you switched where A and H sleep? Since A is a good sleeper, put her in your room, and put your little velociraptor down the hall? Or could A sleep on the couch? Hell, put a crib in the living room or a closet. Who cares where things are supposed to go?

Other than that? Get help where you can. If someone can relieve you, take it.

Also, I know residency is a shit time for Chris, but if he could just take over one or two wakings so you could get 5 hours, it would help.

**GreyhoundsRUs** · 12-21-2013, 08:49 AM

Originally posted by Vanquisher View Post

I know this may sound weird, but what if you switched where A and H sleep? Since A is a good sleeper, put her in your room, and put your little velociraptor down the hall? Or could A sleep on the couch? Hell, put a crib in the living room or a closet. Who cares where things are supposed to go?

Other than that? Get help where you can. If someone can relieve you, take it.

Also, I know residency is a shit time for Chris, but if he could just take over one or two wakings so you could get 5 hours, it would help.

Hmmm. That's an idea... They would both have to be in a bedroom because of the heating issues (the family room doesn't close off and has vaulted ceiling - it's cold!). Maybe we'll try A in the PnP in our room. She is too much into having fun to not be contained at night

I wish I had an idea if this was mostly reflux or mostly habitual. Our regular ped only sees pts on Tuesday, and is booked up as far out as the schedule goes :/ The only people who have openings are the PGY1 male, childless peds residents who don't really inspire confidence

Plus, it's Christmas!

As far as DH helping, it would take me just as long to wake him as I would be awake for H, plus I'd be angry

He doesn't ever remember hearing her, but he will say something like "I just didn't sleep well" without me saying that she was up all night.

There was one funny incident - H was fussing, I let her fuss for a while, it didn't get better. I went to the kitchen to make a bottle, and when I came back, DH was walking over to her. He didn't see me come in and was half asleep, so I must have startled him and he fell backwards. Like a tree. Flat on his back. Got up, remembered nothing in the morning and didn't know why his back hurt...

Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

**GreyhoundsRUs** · 12-21-2013, 08:54 AM

Oh, and starting on Jan 3, DH will be gone 3-4 days per week until mid-March. And we are supposed to go to NOLA in March without the kids. I can't leave H with the ILs like this.

Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

**ladymoreta** · 12-21-2013, 09:49 AM

Originally posted by Thirteen View Post

Jen, I have flashbacks just reading this, and I am so sorry.

Me too. It was pure misery and, I confess, part of the reason we decided against having a #3 (even though DD was a little better than DS). I remember standing over his crib yelling at him in the middle of the night and balled up in the floor ugly crying on multiple occasions.

I thought the same thing about leaving DS with grandparents, but do it! Honestly, do it earlier if they'll agree to it. They'll be fine losing a little sleep, and she will sleep differently for them. DS was up every 45 min to 2 hours for me, and I think he only woke up once or twice for my mom at 9 months. (Grumble, grumble...)

**Pollyanna** · 12-21-2013, 10:03 AM

Just call the ped then to ask about the meds. The pgy1 might actually really be up on the new therapies. The wrong med is almost worse than no med at all.

Is your hubby able to wake better when he knows it's his night and you're not available. I don't even hear dd1 when dh is in charge and her room shares a wall with ours.

We've also put cribs in bathrooms, lol. The only downside is the echo from the hard surfaces. But you do what you gotta do.

And yes, go on your trip. You need the break.

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