Caring for 2 kids

[GreyhoundsRUs]

First - you will find your groove - I promise!

Bath: I would put H in the infant tub in the bathtub and let A "help" wash her. When H was done, I'd dry her and dress her while A's bath was filling and then feed her while A bathed. Now, they take a bath together - easy peasy

I put a magnet on H's side of the car, and would put H in first while A had to stand with her hand on the magnet, then I would start the car (H was a July baby), and then put A in. Currently, I open my door and A clambers into the back while I put H in the car (H is behind me, so A and I are on the same side of the car). To get out of the car, always H first, then A since A could run/wander.

And 13 - no shame about the leash. Safety is #1

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Yeah, I thought the same thing. But DH was gone from weeks 5-12 postpartum so I figured it out. Order of operations is different for each activity (and is likely child dependent too) so you really do have to think through each thing.

Cars/parking lots: mobile child (older one) out second so there's no chance of running away. My older one stays pretty well but still don't want to risk it. Older child directly into containment (stroller, cart, etc) or holding my hand if nothing else. ALL other things (keys, wallet, phone) contained before older child freed from car seat. Younger child in sling. My DD1 likes to climb into our van by herself so I let her climb in on DD2's side, then move around to the other side and open the door to strap her in. Sometimes this involves climbing in the car and hauling her ass out of the third row when she's being naughty but that's not every time.

Bedtime: same routine/bedtime for the older child, often have to read while nursing younger child (ALWAYS holding DD2 - she hates being put down). If I can put DD2 down, I will put her in the swing for the 5 minutes of teeth brushing, etc. A few times, I had to read to DD1 on our bed while I swayed beside it with DD2 when she was really fussy. This is one major reason though that I LOVE our floor bed. I don't think I could handle dealing with different bed/crib heights while trying to hold both kids and get DD1 to sleep. We just all sat on the floor/floor bed and I could put DD2 on the floor or sometimes in the bed with DD1 as she got older (she loves her sister and is pretty gentle with her).

Baths: Hold/wear DD2 for 3 or so months or have her play on her back on a towel next to me (sitting next to the bath). Once she was old enough and DD1 wouldn't splash, I would put her in a bathseat (little reclining one) so they could bathe together. The little bathseat has a seat molded with a piece between her legs so DD2 can't slip out. This has gotten really fun because they can bathe together. DD1 likes to gently pour water on DD2's belly. Just lately DD2 has graduated to a seat (sitting up). Younger child out of the bath first, then older child (never leaving the room) since the safety issue is more for the younger than the older one.

Other issues include navigating stairs (maybe not an issue for you with a 4 yo but definitely with a 2 yo, it's a problem) while holding a newborn and you need two hands plus having a hand for the toddler. Showering for me, I put DD2 on my bathroom floor on a towel and DD1 gets 15 minutes of "monkey game" on my phone - I set the timer first and when it goes off, she has to turn the game off. It's the first time she's ever gotten regular screen time but she loves it and it works well to motivate her to finish her breakfast so mama can shower.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Oh and we've trained DD1 to hold the side of the stroller (using a gold ribbon) when we're walking somewhere crowded with only the single stroller. Our "go to" approach is single stroller with a carrier. When DD1 walks, we use it for DD2 and then can switch DD2 to a sling if DD1 wants to ride. We don't enforce that she always MUST hold the gold ribbon but somewhere crowded, we do.

This approach took a lot of practice around our neighborhood/grocery store before I'd use it somewhere crowded. As something I read said, the mall/crowded place is VARSITY level parenting. Do not attempt unless you're reasonably sure that the child will listen in a much lower pressure situation.

She complies or mama goes nuclear on her ass and we leave. We leave like 40% of the time so far but it's getting better...

[GreyhoundsRUs]

What about bedtime? How do you handle that with 2 on nights when your DH isn't home?

Kids are so crazy different, that I almost hesitate saying anything re: this, because it probably won't apply to you

At first, I would put the older to bed first, then H, but after a few weeks, we realized that poor H was so flipping tired and I was getting pissed at A for stalling at bedtime when she heard H screaming (H also had reflux, so 9/10 she'd puke a whole feeding on herself while I was in the other room with A). We switched to put H down first, and that was A's special time for the iPad. That worked great until H was out of our room. Now, they go to bed together and wake up together. (Same room, different cribs).

[alison]

Do we need a van? The fact that it's self-contained and the kids can't get hit by other cars while getting buckled in is very appealing. Dd4 already knows how to unbuckle herself.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

We have an SUV. The car seats are not next to each other, so they can't reach yet. DD can do her chest snap, but not the buckle. The nice thing about a van is that you can squeeze places easier than having to swing a door open. I won't ever have a van (nothing against them, just don't want one).

[alison]

We have an SUV. The car seats are not next to each other, so they can't reach yet. DD can do her chest snap, but not the buckle. The nice thing about a van is that you can squeeze places easier than having to swing a door open. I won't ever have a van (nothing against them, just don't want one).

You want one. Look at the interior photos for a Honda Odyssey. It has a built-in vacuum cleaner! Split-screen tv, so the kids can watch 2 different things simultaneously. And I'm pretty sure you can place a stroller in the trunk without even having to collapse it. We are not van people, but whoa boy, this would make a road trip so much easier than the way we travel right now.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We got a used Sienna when DD2 arrived. It is literally my precious.

DD1 can climb in by herself, there is TONS of space and you don't have to lift the stroller high at all to get it into the car.

We don't have a fully loaded one (no DVDs or auto lift gates) but we didn't want the DVD anyway and the next higher package was relatively pricy to get a lot of features we didn't need.

[diggitydot]

Caring for 2 kids

DD1 was 4 when DD2 came along. Her personality lent itself well to being a helper. She relished helping me with pretty much any and every task.

As for cars, she always just climbed in herself and got into her seat. After securing DD2, I'd then buckle in DD1.

Although, at that time, I was a single parent, so I was doing it all solo. We had to figure out our own system early on.

[OrionGrad]

Kids are so crazy different, that I almost hesitate saying anything re: this, because it probably won't apply to you

At first, I would put the older to bed first, then H, but after a few weeks, we realized that poor H was so flipping tired and I was getting pissed at A for stalling at bedtime when she heard H screaming (H also had reflux, so 9/10 she'd puke a whole feeding on herself while I was in the other room with A). We switched to put H down first, and that was A's special time for the iPad. That worked great until H was out of our room. Now, they go to bed together and wake up together. (Same room, different cribs).

Yeah, I've got a few different ideas in my head, but I'm trying to stay open since there's obviously no way to know how DS#2 will be.
We've tried to simplify DS's bedtime routine over the past couple weeks to streamline things once the baby arrives.
I just think it's interesting to hear how different families manage things in totally different ways. Before having a baby, I always thought there was one "right" way to handle things. I was so wrong!

[GrayMatterWife]

I'm embarrassed to post this, but need your best advice for how to take care of my newborn and 4 yo. My dh has been home ever since dd2 was born (over 2 weeks now---luxurious!), and he goes back to work this Saturday.

How do you do bath? How do you get 2 in and out of the car? Baby first, then big kiddo? Dd4 is a good listener and never wanders off, but does have a tantrum button.

Give me your tips! TIA!

Bathe: tell the 4 year old to play in her room, or look at books, or watch a DVD or something for a few minutes while you shower. Give her a little snack and tell her that it is her "Big Sister Privilege" to get to do this herself. Put the baby in the crib. Nothing bad will happen to her. Worst that happens: she cries. She'll live. If you're lucky, she'll cry herself to sleep. Bathing while the kids were babies was never my issue. Bathing NOW can be a headache--too much to do!

How to you get 2 kids out of the car? The same way you put on pants--one leg at a time. Get the four-year-old out, tell her to stand right next to you, with ONE HAND ON THE CAR. (Her hand might get dirty--meh…). Lift the baby out. Carry the baby in one arm and hold the other's hand. Try to shop at places where they have shopping carts in the parking lot. You can grab one BEFORE you get the kids out and pop everyone into a cart straight from the car.

[moonlight]

There is this one mom at preschool with three kids. A baby, a big toddler, and a 4 year old I think. Every single morning she looks like she going into battle just to get those three kids in the door. Sometimes she uses her Snap n go. Sometimes she just carries the baby in her arms. I swear nearly every single morning one of the kids tries to run or falls down on the way in. This morning the older kid wasn't looking while walking and he walked right into the door frame of the school. She's freaking me out!!

[MrsK]

When exiting the car, I load and unload everyone from the same side of the car. When I load, I'll have the boys get in the car, then put Lambie in, then buckle the boys. That way, I don't have to worry about anyone running into the street while I'm buckling her in. When I unload, I'll unbuckle the boys, then tell them to wait in the car and come out "on Lambie's side when I tell them to". Then I load the baby and carseat into the snap-n-go and have the boys come out of the car, each holding a side of the snap-n-go. They each have their own spot to hold which they call their handle.

For bathing, it's one at a time. The baby doesn't need to be bathed as frequently as the boys so she is bathed while the boys are in school.

FWIW, it was almost a year before I felt like I could balance both of the boys on my own. They were 18mo apart though. Balancing them with Lambie has been a lot easier than I expected.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Oh, and as far as me showering, since A was probably 4 months old, I do it before they're awake in the morning. Otherwise, it won't get done. I need my shower to feel human.

[MrsK]

What about bedtime? How do you handle that with 2 on nights when your DH isn't home?

Bedtime is tricky. Sometimes someone has to be unhappy with me, sometimes bedtime is delayed. I try to read to everyone together and then separate the boys into their rooms to sleep while I nurse Lambie.