Caring for 2 kids

[MrsK]

I'm thinking no one gets a bath. .

We do that sometimes too.

But what will you do with DS#2 while you're putting DS down for bed? Carrier?

Lambie usually hangs out in the baby swing or watches the mobile in her crib while I bathe the boys/brush teeth/etc.

Do we need a van? The fact that it's self-contained and the kids can't get hit by other cars while getting buckled in is very appealing. Dd4 already knows how to unbuckle herself.

We didn't get one until we were on to the third baby. We were "self-contained" even in a sedan.

Try to shop at places where they have shopping carts in the parking lot. You can grab one BEFORE you get the kids out and pop everyone into a cart straight from the car.

This.

There is this one mom at preschool with three kids. A baby, a big toddler, and a 4 year old I think. Every single morning she looks like she going into battle just to get those three kids in the door. Sometimes she uses her Snap n go. Sometimes she just carries the baby in her arms. I swear nearly every single morning one of the kids tries to run or falls down on the way in. This morning the older kid wasn't looking while walking and he walked right into the door frame of the school. She's freaking me out!!

This is probably what I look like too. I am chattering/redirecting the K Bros through it constantly but it's less stressful/chaotic than it looks. I've (usually) got it out of control.

[Vishenka69]

All kids are different, so you need to figure out what works for yours. I can trust DD not to bolt in a parking lot but didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone with a newborn while showering. She's a much better helper now at 4 than she was at 2.5 when DS was born.

Can you get a sitter, at least at first, for 1-2 days a week when DH is on call or working late? It would help you transition to handling them completely on your own.

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[BonBon]

Bathe: tell the 4 year old to play in her room, or look at books, or watch a DVD or something for a few minutes while you shower. Give her a little snack and tell her that it is her "Big Sister Privilege" to get to do this herself. Put the baby in the crib. Nothing bad will happen to her. Worst that happens: she cries. She'll live. If you're lucky, she'll cry herself to sleep. Bathing while the kids were babies was never my issue. Bathing NOW can be a headache--too much to do!

How to you get 2 kids out of the car? The same way you put on pants--one leg at a time. Get the four-year-old out, tell her to stand right next to you, with ONE HAND ON THE CAR. (Her hand might get dirty--meh…). Lift the baby out. Carry the baby in one arm and hold the other's hand. Try to shop at places where they have shopping carts in the parking lot. You can grab one BEFORE you get the kids out and pop everyone into a cart straight from the car.

This was pretty much my method too, include putting a hand on the car. For my own showers I put each kid in their own room and they had to tough it out while I got my own personal time. I remember feeling so frazzled and frustrated at first. You'll find your groove! It really makes having only one kid look like a walk in the park!

[metroguy]

personally i think it's a lot easier when one baby and the other is toddler.
1) car-- baby goes out first into a stroller.. toddler goes after that. reverse order going in--toddler goes in first. baby last.
2) sleeping--everyone goes to sleep in the same room. this way, they all learn to live with some noise.
3) bath-- baby first- (toddler - tv/ipad time). after, baby in car seat (yes in the bathroom) while you give the toddler a bath.

--when the baby gets older--you might have to reverse order depending how well became the older is.
i found night time to be the worse--when the baby cries in the middle of the night. only way to fix that was one parent sleeps one kid--and the other sleeps with the baby.

[alison]

Last night, both kids woke up at the same time--midnight. I was feeding the baby, and dd4 woke up with some ear pain. She came out crying, and luckily dh heard her and helped her back to bed. What do you do then???

Dh and I have been taking shifts with the baby, and the one who's "off duty" sleeps in the basement. Heavenly... I always jump up when my shift is over and race to the basement to sleep. .

We won't be able to do this when dh goes back to work, although he says as long as he can get a 5-6 hour stretch of sleep at night we should try!

[Vanquisher]

You're going to have to realize that you have to let one child wait a minute or two upset.

I had a six-year-gap (highly recommended if you can pull it off), so I didn't have many of these issues, but you just can't be everything all the time. You do your best. You make a system. You find what works for you at the time. You can do this.

Take each hurdle as it comes and do your best! You can't plan for each and every situation. You just can't. So, put your neuroses down, and just keep swimming.

[Deebs]

Alison - you will learn to improvise. You've gotten some great advice here. When you're feeding the baby and dd4 wakes up, tell her to lie down next to you. When you're done, get her back to bed. Much of parenting more than one child is trial and error. I actually don't realize how trained my kids are until DH is home and doing things a different way. It gets easier.


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[Sheherezade]

I never realized how lucky I was to be living "car free" when we had little ones. We only had to deal with the stroller and backpack, double stroller, whatever and hit the sidewalk. Of course, I complained endlessly about having to haul groceries on foot and walk everywhere. Thanks for giving me some perspective. All this in-and-out procedure with two babies and busy parking lots sounds stressful!!!


Angie

[ladymoreta]

I was going to wait until I got to a computer, but it seems like most of my best tricks have already been posted. It will seem chaotic for awhile, but whenever you stumble on something that works, you feel like a rockstar.

As far as the van, I love my Odyssey. It's the best! With two kids, it's definitely a luxury and not a necessity. You can do two kids in a regular car just fine, but if you're considering getting a new vehicle anyway, I'd pick a minivan.

Going places, I usually kept DD in the carseat. I carried her and held DS's hand. That gave me a way to set her down wherever we were. My Ergo and Moby were great in grocery stores, but that's about the only place I could consistently wear her. She didn't like being in it for long trips like the zoo, and I never figured out housework while wearing her - she'd fuss with all the bending down, standing up, and moving my arms around her sides. We had a double stroller that her car seat snapped onto, so she was riding facing me while DS faced outwards. She loved that better than being worn.

Bath time and bedtime alone were tricky. I'd usually put DS in front of a TV show while I bathed DD in the kitchen sink (bathtub fit in it) and got her in her pajamas. Then I'd take DD and DS to his bath. I'd put her in her bouncy chair in the room with us. Sometimes she played happily, and sometimes she screamed the whole time. Second children just have to wait sometimes. After his bath, I'd get him in his pajamas and put him to bed, with DD still in the chair, happy or not (with a quick snuggle if she wasn't happy). I'd get DS to bed, then take DD to her room, nurse, and hold her until she fell asleep. If DS needed something, I could usually tell him to wait in his room until DD went to sleep, and I'd go tend to him after I got her down. Often he'd just fall asleep waiting.

Overnight, I also had DS lay beside me while I nursed/got DD back to sleep. If he wasn't being quiet, I would tell him to go back and wait in his room. DH was still able to get up some nights and help.

I think my worst time was trying to fix meals. They just know when you are at a point where you can't be interrupted, and interrupt you! I learned quickly that DS loved "taking care of the baby" (in the room with me) while I cooked. I'd put him in charge of putting her pacifier back in, and she was happy to oblige by continuing to spit it out. They loved it! Yours may not, but you'll find one little thing that's a huge success, and then you'll find another little thing, and another. Then someone will comment on how awesome you're doing, and it will feel amazing!

[alison]

. Love your post, Laurie!

I just need to feel in control! I think I'm kinda afraid of my kids, especially when I'm outnumbered! .

[Phoebe]

Caring for 2 kids

I think it does get tricky with two young kids. I don't remember exactly what I did. It changed quite often. I do remember one of the most useful things for me was the bouncy seat. I had one upstairs and one in the kitchen. I would put the baby in the bouncy seat while I was cooking or bathing the older children.

as far as bedtime I usually kept the baby with me when I was putting the other kids to bed when they were infants. Then I would feed the baby and hope that she would go to sleep I did that with all three younger kids. I also put the baby in the bouncy seat when I took a shower myself. besides my Bob stroller I would say the bouncy seat was my most used item. I would use the baby carrier when we were out in public more often. But with my last one I got smart and got a snap and go stroller. I used the car seat until it was too heavy to carry.

[sortacrunchy]

I actually found the car to be easy: Childlock the door opposite the baby's carseat to prevent older kid's escape. Carry baby to car while holding preschooler's hand. Load both through the same door, older child in first. (DS just ducked under DD's seat and then hung out in the car while I buckled DD.) Getting out of the car, same deal. Just open the door on the baby's side and unload baby while blocking older child's escape route. Then older kiddo gets out through that same door and immediately grabs your hand.

I NEVER would have trusted DS to stand near the car while I buckled the baby. That kid is a total runner.