Stubborness in preschoolers

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I don't want to serve dessert first. They won't eat anything. They get most of their protein and fiber at dinner.

I think I need to talk about this with her not at the table. She's usually reasonable, this is just ridiculous. I think if I explain to her "this is what we are going to do and these are the rules", it will help.

I'm also wondering if this isn't a daddy away thing.

[Pollyanna]

I know folks think dessert needs to be last but studies show that small portions of dessert served family style does NOT effect the nutritional intake of children. And actually it is a heather representation of food as there is no good or bad, it's all just food. Dessert served at the end teaches children to eat beyond full . Not that dessert shouldn't ever be served at the end of a meal but for the small treats its actually a healthy practice to serve all good family style.
Just a different approach

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

^^i know you're right. I've read that too. I just...can't. now we see where she gets the stubbornness...

[SoonerTexan]

Eh if I let the non eater have dessert with dinner he would most definitely eat dessert and that's it. N might be able to handle it


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[spaz]

Ok, I'm trying to figure this out so you have a 4yo and 3yo? The 4yo is the one who is throwing the fits right now. First of all, I LOVED the way you handled the first time.

You are frustrated that she is taking longer than an hour to eat. Is that correct? There are things that you need to get done? Do you feel like both kids need to get dessert at the same time? ( I also would not serve dessert first. NO WAY for this kid.) Do you feel like all three of you need to sit and eat the meal until everyone is finished??? I'm trying to figure out the frustration here..is it that you can't clean up like you want? I'm not being snarky. I'm just trying to figure out what part of it that you find frustrating because that is what you need to fix.

If it were me, I would sit and eat and when you and the younger one had finished, I would eat dessert and then we would go do what we needed to do. ( Play with each other, fold laundry, whatever.) I'm not sure what your rule is at your house. You could either say that she must stay there until she is finished ( which may be 5 minutes or an hour) but regardless when she gets up, you put her food in the trash and that is it until breakfast. Or you could just leave it out and let her graze until bedtime. If you do that, though, I might have a no dessert after 7pm or whatever you think is reasonable.

Regardless of what you choose, she will probably protest until she realizes it is normal. But if she is crying at the table because she hasn't finished and you are in another room, she has no audience. She will stop eventually. After several days when she knows you are serious and it is the same thing day after day, it will no longer be an issue.

I'm sure a lot of this is because Daddy is gone right now... HUGS!!! My oldest was really strong willed in some ways. Just my two cents.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

They are 2 and 4.

We've typically tried to have everyone sit until dinner is done and not move on to dessert until we are all ready (exceptions obviously made when we linger over dinner). We are trying to teach them courtesy for others that you don't wolf your food and run off. Plus, when she likes dinner, she will eat in 3 seconds and then has to wait for her sister so I like that it goes both ways and they're learning some small amount of patience and that the world isn't revolving around them being done, etc. (and I know you guys may tell me to lighten up and this isn't the place for that lesson but we don't get a lot of teaching opportunities when DH is home - not right now obviously - but I like that it's together time and studies show eating dinner together is important).

But I think I just need to cut out the countdown to dessert, etc. just give her fair time and warning and then whisk the food away from her.

[spaz]

Yes, I agree. If you feel it is important for everyone to sit down together, then that is what I would do. After 30 minutes ( or whatever), you eat dessert. She WILL throw a fit. She can go to her room to do so. You ignore her and go on with your day. Don't try to reason with her. Ignore her.

[HouseofWool]

I agree with Spaz, with the caveat that I would sit down and explain the new rules to her beforehand. Pick a time when neither of you are stressed and let her know. Then remind her of the new procedure before each meal for a few days.

(And make sure M knows the gig when her gets back!)

[spaz]

I agree with Spaz, with the caveat that I would sit down and explain the new rules to her beforehand. Pick a time when neither of you are stressed and let her know. Then remind her of the new procedure before each meal for a few days.

(And make sure M knows the gig when her gets back!)

YES!!!! Very good points.

[OrionGrad]

+1 on those ideas from [MENTION=4241]spaz[/MENTION] and [MENTION=1421]HouseofWool[/MENTION], especially the part about removing DD from the table if she's crying. The dinner table is a HAPPY zone in our house. I worked hard on dinner, and if you're not going to be pleasant then you can go to your room until your mood has changed. Then we just continue on with dinner. If DS gets a smile on his face and comes back before we're done, I welcome him and act like the previous tantrum never happened. If he chooses to stay in his room until dinner is over, he just misses dinner that night and he can eat in the morning. (It's only happened once &#128521

[ladymoreta]

Just catching up, but I agree that you are handling it great! It is terribly frustrating, and you feel like you're getting nowhere, but you are. Not only are they learning the rules of the house, but they're also seeing you be frustrated without getting angry, and that is huge! I'd say keep doing what you're doing, but don't let dinner go on for an hour if that's too long for your family. Cut her off at 30-40 minutes and move on. We also all stay seated until everyone is done, so I get it.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

You're right. I should cap it at 30-40 mins. I won't always be that calm once we get past 40 mins. The little one is going thru a devilish stage where she attempts to run away the entire time you're trying to do bedtime so facing that gauntlet starting with a fussy dinner isn't making the evenings very pleasant.

[spaz]

You're right. I should cap it at 30-40 mins. I won't always be that calm once we get past 40 mins. The little one is going thru a devilish stage where she attempts to run away the entire time you're trying to do bedtime so facing that gauntlet starting with a fussy dinner isn't making the evenings very pleasant.

Big hugs!!! I disliked preschoolers SO much more than teenagers!!! Hang in there. Believe it or not, they will grow out of this. ( Of course, then there are other challenges.) You are doing a great job.