Attitude and 4 year olds...

[MrsK]

It would depend on how the morning was going. If I had time for role playing I would stop her and say, "you are absolutely not going to be disrespectful to me, huffiness and eye rolling are not acceptable in our home. Lets practice what I expect you to do" Then I would play both parts (mom and kid and add some silliness in) and then I would ask her to try it. Usually my kiddos will go along. If they refuse I just put them in another room until they are ready to join in. If we are in a hurry or if I just don't have the energy to role play it would be a very swift down on her level, "we DO NOT behave that way in this home. There will be no eye rolling, no attitude. You may not feel like clearing your plate but I don't always either but it is what needs to be done and I know you are capable of helping out. Are we clear?" Then it would be the end of the story and I'd just move on with the day. You're never going to have time to role play all the time and it's okay to just lay down the law. Now I am very judicious about what things I are firm about. Disrespect, attitude, unkindness; those are met with swift justice. I simply won't have it and I promise being firm in those areas pays off greatly in the future. But I give lots of grace in areas of messy rooms, play areas, etc. Those things are not important to me in the grand scheme of things. If there are too many things that you are really strict with then its like ripping off a bandaid too many times, your words loose their "stickiness", kwim? You need to decide what areas are no goes for your family, ours are morality and safety (I like simplicity ).

On the eye rolling or similar, if its already established to be a no go area and there is a little slip its okay to just say, "Omgoodness, I know I didn't see my girl roll her eyes did I?" Just an easy reminder that I know whats going on but don't need to go through the whole lecture/role playing

She's going to be awesome!! She is in the "wild and wonderful" stage, most of it will be wonderful!

So much this.

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[spotty_dog]

Right, I take this as an opportunity to teach them. I teach what I don't want ("That tone of voice is NOT acceptable.") I teach what I do want. ("I need to hear you say, "Okay mom.") But just like any other learning opportunity, I expect to give them plenty of room to make mistakes. And then repeat the lesson, just as firmly, just as kindly the next time. And as many times as needed.

Do remember that she's four. She doesn't know or, frankly, care about the financial aspects of camp. It's just a place where she goes and has fun and presents her best self to those other adults who are not as familiar as her mom, and gets tired of presenting her best self so she relaxes with her "baby" immature self when she's back home again. If it's going to make you that stressed about whether she's enjoying it "enough" then maybe next time you can reconsider whether expensive camp is really necessary?

This is why [MENTION=790]Meenah[/MENTION] taught us all that it's not over with the terrible twos -- the fucking fours can stretch any parent to the utter edge.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

It's not whether she's enjoying it. It's whether she's being completely ungrateful and difficult. You have a GREAT day and then come home and act mean...well, I don't think that's worth it for me.

I'm just frankly exhausted. I'm not sleeping. Dh is never home (chief year starts tomorrow) and we've got an entire weekend of annoying events for his program.

I'm so irritated that she's acting so rude when she knows the rules. We are clear and kind. She knows the expectations. I'm thinking we need to truly enforce some stricter policies. For example, every time she doesn't say please (which is almost every time), we remind her. We've told her that if she continues, she will just not get what she wants. I think we may need to actually follow through 100% on it. It's not that we let her off the hook but we constantly constantly allow "do overs" and at some point, there is actually a consequence to your poor behavior.

[HouseofWool]

Attitude and 4 year olds...

Stop with the do overs. For my kids, when they sass, they get one reminder about tone and if it happens again they need to go to their room until they can be kind.

Our house rules are ridiculously simple. There are just two.

1. No food in the basement or bedrooms without permission.

2. Be respectful.

Being respectful covers everything else.

Don't mess with stuff that isn't yours without permission. Speak kindly. Be helpful. All of it is covered in that one rule.

[Meenah]

Terrible Twos
Trying Threes
Fucking Fours
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They can throw fits / tantrums / scream/ but you just cannot reason with them "yet".

[spotty_dog]

And in my house there will never be an end to do overs and second chances. And the rules are seldom fixed and rigid, they flex daily and hourly. But I *know* what is important to me and why. I feel like that can be where challenges in parenting come from, sometimes.

T&S, you have a preschooler, a toddler, and an infant. There is no way to overstate how hard this time is. Just...hang in there. Sending so much love to you.