DS2 Speech Therapy

[Thirteen]

He bit someone at school today. He didn't break the skin, but the undertone I got hearing the story at pick up was almost a scolding AT ME.
Look, I get it: no one wants a liability and a biter is a liability, but he's not deficient in cognition and his receptive language is fine. We certainly don't tolerate biting at home, so why the guilt trip about how I need to work on this? Why did he bite in the first place?

Called the ABA center to see if we could get him in sooner, and then they told me that the only window that works until summer is "not ideal for them" (okay, but it's doable, so again why am I the bad guy here?) and when I offered to bring him in first thing in the mornings after school gets out for the summer, it was how they "can't just hold an open slot for a whole month because they are a non-profit". I didn't ask you to hold it, I simply offered it because YOU said mornings were better with this age group and I am not bringing him during the school year that I paid for out of pocket.
Lose/lose today. I get the feeling that he's not a good fit at the Montessori school and they are trying to unload him (I get reminders about how we really need to focus on getting out one thing at a time at home, almost weekly). I feel discouraged.


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[houseelf]

Good for you for pushing back! I'm pissed they implied that it was your parenting that cause the biting. And the new school placement. Lord, I don't miss navigating childcare. Somewhere in the mix, it always ended up feeling like I was working for them instead of the other way around. Keep your chin up. This truly is a stage.

[ides]

I'm sorry. Hang in there. Biting happens. It sucks but unless he's doing it consistently it's not really a problem. Also it usually happens for a reason. I don't get schools who expect kids to be easy. If they can't handle it they need a new career. Now for being the kid that doesn't fit - if that's the case- it's better to move on as schools don't really support, work with or defend kids who stand out. They tend to be more of the mind that if they don't fit they deserve whatever shittyness happens to them. I've been there and it blows. Keep fighting.

[Thirteen]

Teacher called today, said assistant was out sick and would I mind keeping him home? I get the feeling she didn't call everyone else's parents, just me.
3 strikes, you're out.
Enrolling him in a new place for fall that costs $50 less per month and has him attending 9:15-2:15 M-F (more for the bang).

Don't eff with me.

As a comparison, a teacher at church told me he tried to bite another child who took his toy this Sunday. She was affirming, talked about typical developmental behavior, told me how they handled it. Where was this sort of talk last week with his school? Disappointed with the whole situation, but happy to have found an alternative.


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[MrsC]

Wow! That's awful! And especially shocking for a Montessori School. Good job Mama!

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[Phoebe]

Are they going to reimburse you for today? That is a crock.


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[Thirteen]

Are they going to reimburse you for today? That is a crock.


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I told her I would be bringing him to school because I had plans. The fact that your assistant called in sick and your back ups aren't answering is not my dilemma, as cruel as it sounds. Especially since I suspect you just feel like you can't handle my 2 year old.


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[OrionGrad]

Yeah that's seriously messed up. Happy you already found a better place for the fall.

[Phoebe]

I told her I would be bringing him to school because I had plans. The fact that your assistant called in sick and your back ups aren't answering is not my dilemma, as cruel as it sounds. Especially since I suspect you just feel like you can't handle my 2 year old.


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Good! Do your job, teacher!


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[ides]

Good job. I'm glad you have a new place for him!

[Thirteen]

Today it was how they are practicing "hands together" because he's been pushing lately. She also suggested I really needed to take him more places so he could socialize more and learn social skills. Ok, cool. Except that we have chemo going on in our house and most public places are kinda not a good idea, plus I think he's doing it at school more BECAUSE he smells their fear (like a dog). 😆


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[Thirteen]

DS2 Speech Therapy

A year into speech therapy, and I don't feel like much is happening. His vocabulary has grown, but spontaneous speech still lags so much.
We have added Gemini (like we did with DS1), and hope it will help.

For biting: I am making a sticker chart. I have purchased gummy candy lips, and will remind him each day to have a "kind mouth" at drop off, and ask the teacher in front of him if he had a "kind mouth" at pick up. If yes, he gets a gummy and a sticker on his chart at home (leading to what, I don't know yet). If not, public "we'll try again tomorrow" and placing the gummy back in the bag.
I'm desperate: it's been 8-9 months of biting behavior, and it just has to stop. He's super food motivated, so I anticipate maybe 3 weeks of this and the end (?) That's the optimism talking. 😆

Also: I grow weary of people insinuating that a whole language delay is clearly ASD.
You guys, this is my second kid like this, and it just hurts me because it's always said with such force (like I'm in denial or something). Thanks concerned humans, he's really not autistic. :/


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[scrub-jay]

Do you think the biting is related to the language difficulty?

[PrincessFiona]

That stinks about the autism comments. It's probably because language issues are often (but not always) related. It has to sting. You know him best. My advice is that he needs a behavior plan at school with stickers, etc more frequently. It might be better if the rewards are initially closer to the behaviors (or the punishment ... whichever way you're going with it). I think I would have the school give him a sticker hourly for no biting. Let him know no sticker when he has bitten. A certain number of stickers can earn him the lips. They also need to have an agreed upon consequence for biting that is immediate. Punishment at the end of the day won't help. If you're already doing this, pretend I didn't say anything.


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[niener]

The gummy lips are quite clever! I know we talked about it some earlier today but I'm sorry you're getting those kind of forceful comments :/ -- now I see why you said you were tired of talking about it lol. I really hope this works for mister uber food motivated!