Kid planning/ spacing

[MrsK]

Yeah, I agree on your point about 18 month spacing. From what I remember from that lecture, it sounded okay for the would-be 18 month old but I remember thinking that being pregnant again 9 months after delivery with a 9 month old sounded really rough.

Yes. It is rough. And if you had a c-section first time around you are more likely to have a second c-section (esp if you are an older mom). And once you have two c-sections, you will definitely have a third. After that, the OB may caution you not to have more babies. At least, that was my situation. I had my babies all within 4 years and was AMA for all 3 pregnancies.

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[rufflesanddots]

Yes. It is rough. And if you had a c-section first time around you are more likely to have a second c-section (esp if you are an older mom). And once you have two c-sections, you will definitely have a third. After that, the OB may caution you not to have more babies. At least, that was my situation. I had my babies all within 4 years and was AMA for all 3 pregnancies.

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Damn. I don't even know what to say! That's a really intense 4 years (not to mention, you know, all the parenting in addition to being pregnant and having the actual babies). Wow!

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[MrsC]

We were hoping for 2 to 2.5 years between 1 and 2 but it ended up being closer to 3 years. Their birthdays are 6 weeks apart. I love it because C is much more independent and helps out. They still play together a lot at almost 1 and 4.

I do think it's baby dependent too though. As soon as C turned 14 months, we we're ready to try for the second but I feel like we're much further away from that point this time around...if we even want a 3rd. I literally change my mind on the subject every day, several times a day 😁
It's a good thing I need 2 years between deliveries anyway..

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[MrsK]

Damn. I don't even know what to say! That's a really intense 4 years (not to mention, you know, all the parenting in addition to being pregnant and having the actual babies). Wow!

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Same variables as everyone else. Age, timing, how many kids we wanted. DrK was a non-traditional med student. I was 33 when we got married, just before med school graduation. We knew we wanted 2 or 3 kids and we knew we had to have them during residency because I would be 40 by the time training was done.

We had a commuter marriage the 1st year and became pregnant as soon as I stopped commuting for work. I was 35 when K1 was born, 36 with K2, and then Lambie arrived when I was 39. (Pregnant at 39 is not fun, BTW. I was so incredibly tired and irritable.) We moved twice during the first pregnancy, 6 weeks after K2 was born, and again just before Lambie was born. At my age, I didn't have the option to plan around our moves.

Having kids, when to have them, how many, whether to have them at all is such an emotional decision. It's purely irrational. If you think about it too much, you won't do it at all.

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[civilspouse]

We have a 3 year spacing between #1 and #2 and there are 3 yrs 8 mo between #2 and #3. I wasn't ready until DS was about 2. I feel like around 2 they start becoming more independent and less needy. I love the 3 year gap and wanted that for #3. After I finally convinced DH to go for #3 it took us almost a year to get pregnant. When we were thinking about #3 I was very worried about the gap because DH wanted to wait longer and I was afraid of.....who knows what because now that she's here the spacing doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Both kids have adjusted well when a new sibling has been thrown into the mix. I love the baby stage and think I handle it well. Older toddlers and school age kids have been a lot harder for me. I think I read in a parenting book where they were talking about birth order and spacing that the rules don't necessarily apply with a 4 year gap or more. When you have a gap that large the dynamic changes and you may end up with something more like two oldest or two only's or some combination of that. Not sure if that's true but it was interesting. The larger gap works really well for some people though.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

The crazy thing for us is that if we are done, we had all our kids in residency which we didn't have to do based on our ages. People mostly seem to think we are insane (it's more normal in this group) that we had 3 in residency. But I'm glad. I love our spacing and we will be able to travel more with them basically as soon as DH is finished fellowship (everyone has a different bar but I'm willing to travel with a 2 yo).


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[alotofyarn]

I am pretty glad that we had kids during residency too. We'll both be 34 when he finishes, and while that's definitely not too old for kids, I am glad that we had ours sort of on the younger side (I was 29 and 31). It was also reasonable timing for my job.

[Vanquisher]

Ours are 6 years apart. They are best friends even with the age difference. They've never really fought.

I know it's a big space for most, but it was perfect for us. They're 19 and 13 now.

[PrincessFiona]

I have kids 15 mo apart, 2 years apart and 5 years apart and 10 years apart. They all get along.


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[rainbabies]

We had the three kids in less than 2.5 years. Would I recommend that, no. Does it mostly work for us, yes. Is having three teenagers always fun. NEWP. 😂😂 most of my friends have their kids 18 months to 3 years apart. Sometimes I wish I could have enjoyed the baby phase a little longer. But no regrets.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We had the three kids in less than 2.5 years. Would I recommend that, no. Does it mostly work for us, yes. Is having three teenagers always fun. NEWP. 😂😂 most of my friends have their kids 18 months to 3 years apart. Sometimes I wish I could have enjoyed the baby phase a little longer. But no regrets.


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Woah, that is super tight spacing! Impressive!


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[SoonerTexan]

Damn girl

[JDAZ11]

[MENTION=3775]JDAZ11[/MENTION] thread is not making me excited for the 2-3 yo years. But so many people have kids 2 years apart in age (including all my siblings)! If the 2's and 3's are so terrible why do so many people choose to add in an infant to that equation? Discuss! DH and I are already curious about what to factor into our decision of trying for #2 (beyond what peer reviewed evidence suggests )

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Oh I would so not base anything on my opinion of parenting etc. I think I'm just particularly bad (or just not cut out for this toddler thing). The other little girl turned out to be so well behaved the rest of the trip. So it was no issue at all. Apparently restaurants Are just not her thing. Sharing shovels on the beach... my kids need help 😩


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[houseelf]

5 years apart for each of three kids (17, 13, and 8 currently). I *mostly* love it: One in childcare at a time, one in college at a time, one baby at a time, one in the throws of puberty at a time, one leaving the nest at time, etcetera, This is a stark contrast to an army of toddlers or teens in the house. This age spread is nice now because I have built in helpers who make sure the youngest gets off the bus, take out the trash (*mostly), mow the lawn (*with some pointers for revision for shoddy work), and even help occasionally with car pooling. For the most part, this age spread really has been ideal and I wouldn't change it. They aren't competitive with each other because they all are in different social groups and stages. On the other hands, they are still siblings and still squabble like it's their job. That has been surprising. Sometimes I stop and ask my oldest why the hell he needs to fight with someone ten years younger, but apparently some amount of sibling fighting is normal. The youngest enjoys a million older brother and sister types in our small town because of his older brother. (He may or may not have a bit more street sense than the average second grader should). The oldest has held on to his childhood a bit longer because he is still somewhat tapped into Chuck-E-Cheese and Superheroes and Legos because of the youngest. This has been a cool unforeseen advantage.

Times when this mostly fabulous age spread doesn't work: Taking a three month old to a lacrosse game in 30 degree weather, planning family vacations for all (Recently much, much better), family movie night. Really, however, these are mostly minor inconveniences that could be solved via sitters, earlier bed times for the youngest, and careful planning. I specifically send my kids to different weeks of sleep away camp to focus on the remaining child and do things that are developmentally appropriate.

All of this is somewhat academic however. We're not completely in control of this. If you want more kids, don't over think it. It's the least rational decision you'll ever make. The vast majority of people who think they *might* want another never, ever regret having another. You take what you get and you make it the right age spread, as people all over the world do every day.

[gcuthbe1]

Thank you everyone, this is amazing. You've given me a great idea of what I'm in for and what to consider. So much to weigh! Luckily we'll only be making the decision once, since we're settled on 2 kiddos!

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