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Ok, I've officially read too many parenting books and articles and my head is spinning from all the somewhat conflicting advice. I need to hear from real people.
We've had a hell of a summer full of extreme 2 1/2 year old behavior. It started with aggressive, explosive tantrums that were almost daily at their peak. Now that I've finally started developing the skills to deal with those, ("You're upset that _____! I'm not going to let you kick/hit me. I will hold you/take you to your room/etc. until you have calmed down." All while silently screaming inside my own head...) now the tantrums are finally dying down and now we're getting more of the 3-year old style of sass, not listening, and intentional acting out. She'll be 3 at the beginning of January.
The best recent example is dinner time. DH and I have recently stopped all food-related negotiation and cajoling, it was making us crazy. Before we would spend half our meal asking her to please take at least one bite of each thing on her plate, etc. We finally admitted that it was doing no good and we're trying to bite our tongues and let her eat what she's going to eat. Most days this week, she eats a couple things - usually just her vegetables, never the protein or carbs - and then she starts spitting or throwing things. She doesn't usually seem angry, I think it's attention seeking (maybe the food negotiation was a form of attention that she's not getting anymore?). I've been doing my best to calmly say "that's too bad. I don't allow spitting/throwing at the table. Your meal is over now." and I send her away from the table. I was previously saying "you may come back when you've controlled yourself" but she would just act sorry, come back and then do it all again, so I've cut off her second chances. But leaving the table is its own reward, and I also don't want her to go hungry. I don't like punitive time outs, I do prefer using natural consequences and leaving the table is the most natural consequence I can come up with for misbehaving at dinner.
It comes out of nowhere - she will be eating peacefully one moment and then she's throwing food to the floor and stomping on it. I'll admit that DH and I have both "rewarded" her behavior with frustration and anger on many occasions. She comes by her stubborn, feisty temperament honestly and it pushes our buttons!
She has always been especially stubborn and willful at home, and incredibly well behaved at daycare. She knows how she's supposed to behave and she usually has remarkable self control for her age, to the point that I think she's a bit of a pressure cooker. She comes home and lets it all out. This week she's starting to boil over at daycare too, and has pushed classmates and is sassing her teacher - at a normal age-appropriate level, but still not OK.
Help! I need more ideas for my parenting toolbox! I'm so effing tired.
We've had a hell of a summer full of extreme 2 1/2 year old behavior. It started with aggressive, explosive tantrums that were almost daily at their peak. Now that I've finally started developing the skills to deal with those, ("You're upset that _____! I'm not going to let you kick/hit me. I will hold you/take you to your room/etc. until you have calmed down." All while silently screaming inside my own head...) now the tantrums are finally dying down and now we're getting more of the 3-year old style of sass, not listening, and intentional acting out. She'll be 3 at the beginning of January.
The best recent example is dinner time. DH and I have recently stopped all food-related negotiation and cajoling, it was making us crazy. Before we would spend half our meal asking her to please take at least one bite of each thing on her plate, etc. We finally admitted that it was doing no good and we're trying to bite our tongues and let her eat what she's going to eat. Most days this week, she eats a couple things - usually just her vegetables, never the protein or carbs - and then she starts spitting or throwing things. She doesn't usually seem angry, I think it's attention seeking (maybe the food negotiation was a form of attention that she's not getting anymore?). I've been doing my best to calmly say "that's too bad. I don't allow spitting/throwing at the table. Your meal is over now." and I send her away from the table. I was previously saying "you may come back when you've controlled yourself" but she would just act sorry, come back and then do it all again, so I've cut off her second chances. But leaving the table is its own reward, and I also don't want her to go hungry. I don't like punitive time outs, I do prefer using natural consequences and leaving the table is the most natural consequence I can come up with for misbehaving at dinner.
It comes out of nowhere - she will be eating peacefully one moment and then she's throwing food to the floor and stomping on it. I'll admit that DH and I have both "rewarded" her behavior with frustration and anger on many occasions. She comes by her stubborn, feisty temperament honestly and it pushes our buttons!
She has always been especially stubborn and willful at home, and incredibly well behaved at daycare. She knows how she's supposed to behave and she usually has remarkable self control for her age, to the point that I think she's a bit of a pressure cooker. She comes home and lets it all out. This week she's starting to boil over at daycare too, and has pushed classmates and is sassing her teacher - at a normal age-appropriate level, but still not OK.
Help! I need more ideas for my parenting toolbox! I'm so effing tired.
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