Boys will be boys

Re: Boys will be boys

sounds like an overreaction, for sure. I agree that calling the other kids over was inappropriate (but totally expected for a 10 year old kid). But qualifying for a write up?? Please.

Along with what Davita said, I'm pretty much a stickler for following the teacher's instructions & reinforcing punishments at home though. Rather than "you're in HUGE trouble", I'd just talk about which part of it was wrong. Ryan is older and has a good history at school, so I wouldn't make too big a deal about it.

[Rapunzel]

Re: Boys will be boys

Well, I do have a ten year old boy - and he sounds like Heidi's son's doppleganger. Seriously - those two would probably get along reeeeaaaaalllly well. We're talking incredibly kind, smart, and basically one of those goody-two-shoes types that can make himself feel guilty over ANYTHING. Everyone else sees him as a model child - even a model person in general. But, this is totally something that he would or could do. And, honestly, who cares?

I do think this is absolutely ridiculous. If the teacher doesn't want them looking up and then sharing the dictionary's definition of a word then DO NOT HAVE THE DICTIONARY AVAILABLE. And, that is, in and of itself, just stupid (ie to ban the dictionary - heh).

If you don't want a child to see it or share it with others then do NOT make it available to the child. This is a situation that would land me in a lot of trouble as a parent if I had kids in public school because this is what I would tell the teacher - that, essentially, it's your own fault for having the information right there for any and all ten year olds to view for themselves. Don't want them to know about it or share it - then don't have it available - end of story.

And, I would NOT punish my child for this supposed "crime". Gah. Another good reason my kids aren't in the hamster-wheel that is public education....

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Boys will be boys

German picture dictionaries for children have the words penis and vagina in them.

Your school needs a good dose of "get over it".

kris

Re: Boys will be boys

Heidi - so what did Ryan tell you when he got home today? I'm curious to hear the rest of the story.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Boys will be boys

I do think this is absolutely ridiculous. If the teacher doesn't want them looking up and then sharing the dictionary's definition of a word then DO NOT HAVE THE DICTIONARY AVAILABLE. And, that is, in and of itself, just stupid (ie to ban the dictionary - heh).

If you don't want a child to see it or share it with others then do NOT make it available to the child.

Not trying to turn this into a debate or anything but whatever happened to holding people accountable for their actions and behavior? Ban the dictionary, don't ever show them alcohol. People have choices. Banning things and hiding things from children will not teach them responsibilty or help them with the ability to make smart decisions ( a skill that is imperative in life), especially later when they are faced with bigger life changing circumstances such as drugs, alcohol, smoking, and sex. Kids need to be armed with the ability to make smart decisions before they are faced with these issues and it starts as soon as they can understand and reason (as in well before they enter a classroom). 2 or 3 is not too early to teach a child cause and effect. So it might seem to most that the dictionary deal is trivial, but I see it as part of the bigger picture.

Sure the teacher was a little ridiculous, but she didn't write him up and I think we should all try to put our shoes in the parents on the receiving end. I am not naive enough to think that my kids will not see or hear things (that's why we talk about things and teach our kids how to make smart decisions) but it would not please me to know that my kid was "learning" these things from fellow students while they were in the classroom (the playground, that's another story). I definitely don't want my kid to be "that" kid. And we talk to Jasen all the time about not being "that" kid and what exactly "that" kid is. Apparently I am a hardass and I am sure all the parents out there are thanking their lucky stars that I was so turned off by teaching that I will never become one.

[Rapunzel]

Re: Boys will be boys

Actually, if you read what I wrote I said that the teacher would need to ban the dictionary in order to justify her reaction - and that would be rather silly.

In other words, I do NOT think the dictionary should be banned. However, I would most certainly point out to such a teacher that if they really want to be consistant then they WOULD ban the dictionary. In essence it is the TEACHER who would be arguing that the dictionary should be banned - because that horrid word was accessible to her students.

I'm not terribly sure how my words could have been so badly misinterpreted....

I also do not allow other adults to determine what is right or wrong for my children. That's my job as their parent. And, believe me, my children understand cause and effect and right and wrong. In that manner they are waaaay more "socialized" than pretty much any public school child we personally know. I just don't go along with what another adult says simply because it's another adult. Teachers are people - they make mistakes - and they are often wrong (we can all ask Kris about her experience with that particular subject ). Soooo, I'm not going to automatically side with some other adult and punish my child when I can use common sense and see that the teacher was being ridiculous.

[Rapunzel]

Re: Boys will be boys

German picture dictionaries for children have the words penis and vagina in them.

Your school needs a good dose of "get over it".

kris

Yeah, I just bought a dictionary with definitions for 330,000 words. I wouldn't buy it if I didn't expect my children to look things up.

Funny story - my kids only use the "proper" terminology for their body parts. "Ass" would probably get some twitters from them - but, otherwise, they do use the terms "penis", "vagina", "uterus" (as in the new baby is in Mommy's uterus), etc. Anyway, with my last pregnancy (before this one) the older kids were always correcting people who said the baby was in my "tummy". It was so funny to hear my little girls correct adults and say, "No, the baby is in Mommy's uterus." We had quite a discussion on how baby's come out, btw!

Their dad also has tons of great anatomy books lying around - elaborately illustrated.

[Rapunzel]

Re: Boys will be boys

Yeah, it seems that an inventive teacher could have thought up a way to make a lesson out of that, like "look how many interesting words you can find in the dictionary," instead of quashing any ounce of enthusiasm for learning that these kids have. But isn't that the job of the school system (quashing enthusiasm...)
OK don't get me started, I'll start singing "another brick in the wall" pretty soon.

I think that this sums up my sentiments pretty well.

LOL Pink Floyd....

[Vanquisher]

Re: Boys will be boys

So, this is what went down...

The teacher was out of the room when this occurred. Ryan was looking up the word "answer" to make sure of its' correct spelling. He came across the word "ass" and looked at the definitions which were:

1. A donkey.
2. A dumb person. A blockhead.

He thought the blockhead part was the funniest thing and showed it to his friend 'A'. A, in turn showed it to someone else, until there were 4 other boys that had looked up the forbidden word.

The teacher returned to the classroom, and Ryan was honest about his "starting it." He was then told what a horrific offense it was, and how he should be written up and sent to the principal. Ryan was remorseful, crying, and altogether horrified that he had done something so wrong.

Then, they called me.

Honestly, I just think it's a load of crap. It's not like any of these boys had never heard the word before. It's not like it was even a really offensive word. It's not like Ryan called anyone an ass, or even said the word out loud. He didn't hurt anyone, kick anyone, punch anyone. I just don't see that he really did anything wrong here. It's , if you ask me. He's 9. He's curious. I mean, really, how many of you have never looked up "bad" words in the dictionary. Urban dictionary? :anyolne: He showed his friends. Big freaking deal. And, I told him so. He was surprised I wasn't livid with him. Normally, I am kind of a hard ass mom, but he isn't 5. He's 9, and all these kids know what "ass" is.

I called MIL, who is a teacher, and she thought it was super lame. She said, that Ryan's teacher ought to see the words 6th graders look up. She also thought there was really no offense, and with a little redirection, it could have been either a nonissue altogether or a teaching moment. She said she certainly wouldn't have made calls home about it.

Anyway, so Ryan has already been punished enough, IMO, for something that was trivial and lame, and he gets no more punishment from me. I told him he is welcome to look up any words he wishes, but to be careful who he shares them with.

[rainbabies]

Re: Boys will be boys

good job mama!

Re: Boys will be boys

PS: We taught our older kids what all the major bad words ment when they were 9 and 7. They were curious, I guess I don't see the big deal. Again, that teacher is a blockhead, or more appropriately, ass.

:>

[alison]

Re: Boys will be boys

I hope Ryan feels better.

Is the teacher allowed to be away from the room? I'm not allowed to leave the classroom.

Re: Boys will be boys

The teacher was out of the room when this occurred.

End of story.

It is her job to be in the room. She gets breaks throughout the day...lunch, planning, class changes, so unless she had an emergency she should have been in the room. You should probably thank her for letting you see the stamp on her forehead this early in the school year. Now you know what you're dealing with.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Boys will be boys

I remember getting sent to the principal's office for flipping the bird in 2nd grade. I had just transfered from a private Christian place. I had no idea I was doing anything wrong.

Anyway, Heidi you did the right thing, of course, but I would be sorely tempted to tell the teacher off. Because humiliation and breaking the trust of Ryan, without her even getting the facts, and without her even supervising the kids , probably affects how he sees her as a teacher now. And it's so early in the year... Hopefully in her mind he won't be labeled as a "bad kid" or a "problemstarter" because once they get that label, it is so hard. Kate was labeled and it really damaged her.

[Stella]

Re: Boys will be boys

Okay, so she wasn't even in the room and he only shared it with one person (who in turn shared it with others)? Really? And she made him feel that badly about it?

Ass...