Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Just an update. This week they did get the Green Apple, despite a "pushing in line" scare. Anyway, they weren't the ones who originated the push, so they only got a yellow for... inertia? Wrong place wrong time? Did I mention this is 1st grade and NOT boot camp?

So they got to pick a wonderful treasure from the treasure box. Izzy got a pad of papers, and she gave away all the pages at the playground we went to after school. Steven got a little tiny container of Floam. It was all hard and no good anymore. When we got home, they wanted the M&Ms. They weren't very interested in the toys anymore- so now, the weaning off of M&M's and the "it's good to behave for the sake of behaving"....

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME



They "stole" again. Bonnie and Clyde just won't give it a rest. And this time, not from a treasure chest. Apparently their teacher put that out of reach (genius! ). But during "center time" the kids rotate between 3 different centers, and after they finish their activity, they have a chance to get into trouble until they move on to the next center. Apparently, there is a "treat table" set up between two centers with all sorts of things that the kids can't play with or touch. Including a jar of mini erasers and a jar of pencils. So, yesterday the teacher discovered 5 pencils and some mini erasers in Isabel's pencil box. Isabel and Steven admitted their parts in the scandal, but the other kids involved didn't. Apparently kids took stuff from these treat jars and gave them to Isabel, who put them in her pencil box because she is really, really bad as a thief. Someone tattled (the kids said that the tattle-talers get "green apples" for turning in the bad kids), and Izzy was caught red-handed. Steven admitted to having given her the pencils to put in her box, and she admitted to putting them into her box, but she says she didn't take anything. Another kid at the table took the erasers and gave them to her. The teacher sent me a letter saying:

"I am very concerned that Steven and Isabel have continued to steal things in our classroom. Isabel had 5 pencils and 4 animal erasers in her school box that were from our treat can... I want to nip this now before they get older and becomes much more serious."

Then she gave me her number, and I called but she wasn't home and didn't return the call. I wrote a snarky letter tellling her that the kids do not understand the incentive program, don't associate good behavior with the treats, and that they are learning a lot in school and can't they just focus on that? I also suggested that the treats, if they must be given, not be left out within easy reach of the kids... And that I didn't like giving barely 6 year olds labels of adult antisocial behaviours. They don't even know when they took the junk- but Isabel thinks it was in "August" and Steven isn't sure because he thinks that in August they were still in Kindergarten. I am so frustrated. I didn't send in the letter, but honestly... I asked the twins if anyone ever gets the treats from the treat cans- and they said... I think... Didn't Eric get something one day? The point is, there is no apparent mechanism for giving out treats, and the kids really don't seem to understand that these items are off limits, especially during center time. They do apparently think they are doing something wrong- hence giving the stash to Izzy to keep. She is really totally clueless and frustrated by the whole thing-

How can we go from Kindergarten (Have you read the Munsch book" In Kindergarten we Share... We share EVERYTHING!" to First grade where all of a sudden they are supposed to look but not touch, and then to associate that with good behavior somehow!?

:thud:

It is getting harder and harder for me to "support" their teacher. They don't even like her. Isabel is super-sensitive to noises, and her teacher yells a lot. THis is going to be a long year...

And it sucks because seriously, they are learning so much! And they are only recognized for "stealing"... Not for knowing all the site words, or how to subtract and do word problems, or how to read books... It's all about "stealing". Steven sighed yesterday and said, "I just don't know how to stop being a crook."

But as a positive, they took it upon their own to write apology letters to their teacher. We didn't suggest it because Mac was post call falling asleep in a chair while pretending to be engaged, and I was busy typing my snarky letter. Then I went to see what they were up to, and they were writing apology letters! "I am sorry that I stole from you last year." They have no concept of time...

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Peggy,

They did the apple thing when Andrew and Amanda were in Kindergarten too...and I had a similar reaction to you.

Does it make you feel better to know that I was consulted in a big meeting because Amanda made up a story about her teacher...She said that her teacher was a super hero and that the teacher had gone into the closet, stripped her clothes off and put on her super hero costume, had flown out the window and had rescued a car before there was an accident.

My interpretation? My daughter saw her teacher as a hero...someone with powers to rescue and help.

The teacher's interpretation? Amanda was making up stories that involved her taking her clothing off in the classroom and she didn't want to be accused of indecent behavior.

please.

As my children have navigated the school system I have also found it harder and harder to support certain programs/teachers. (Oviously, not all).

To accuse your children of some sort of thievery that might be associated with antisocial behavior and future delinquency is silly....

I would agree that the treats need to be set aside out of the reach of the children. Some kids really do struggle with that impulse control when it comes to something wonderful like a brand new eraser or shiny barbie pencil.

It happens....and...it can happen more than once. This won't be the last time, either I'm sad to tell you, Peggy.

BUT a lot hinges on how this is handled by the school. If the teacher begins labeling Izzy and Steven as "bad seads" and treats them differently, the behaviors might even get worse.

There are other ways to handle this.

I'm ticked off for you, Peggy.

Good for you about the letter!

Kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Thanks Kris... Now I'm not stressed about the twins, because kate's issues (homework) are taking up all my stamina...

Is it just me, or did it used to be so much simpler? Before the super competetive testing system? I mean, my parents never helped me with homework. Never.

Now I have to spend like 45 minutes on line trying to figure out what my kids' homework is. And, yes, the school says it is MY responsibility to do this. Not to mention that the teachers change their minds about assignments but don't update their online crap.

So frustrated right now... My hands are shaking!

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Peggy....I've got your back on this.

My mom is always up in arms when she comes here. "This is absolutely ridiculous" she says when the kids open their bags and out comes an explosion of homework/papers/books etc. It's nuts.

A lot of this does seem to be the test, test, test garbage....and the amount of time required for me to help them with their homework is mind boggling. Some of the assignments I truly believe are beyond them. The books that they are assigned to read are also a bit surprising to me.....I think that they are pushing the kids too hard sometimes and letting up on other things.

One of my big complaints right now is the busy work that I am assigned. I have to sign Alex's planner each day. Then, I also have to sign a separate reading minutes page. Forget that it would be just as easy to put the # of minutes in the planner beneath my siggy where it says "reading minutes"...they require a separate extra sheet. Whatever. I'm so over it. Then he has a math worksheet that comes home on Mondays and has to be turned in Fridays. Each day he is supposed to work on one problem and I have to sign it...so I have 5 signatures on that 1 page for a week. Do the teachers think that I actually sign it every day? Of course I sign it 5 times friday morning (if we can find it by then ) Then I have to sign for field trips etc even though we signed a universal field trip sheet at the beginning of the year. It's flippin' outrageous. Totally!

For Amanda, the daily planner signing thing is also huge. When do they get to be responsible for themselves. Like I said, I'm over the planner crap. I don't always remember to look at it (even though I'm helping her with her homework) and the teacher circles the signature area in a bright green fluorescent marker which makes me...well...just not want to sign it more. She's nearly 12. Time for her to step up to the planner plate, don't you think. GAWD. For her there are also field trip slips and all tests and quizzes have to be parent signed.

I feel like I always have a burden hanging over my head, Peggy....did the planner get signed, does Andrew have his ID card so that he can eat lunch, can I find Alex's math sheet It's crazy....and really, honestly stupid. It completely gets in the way of everything else and makes me feel negative.

OH...and regarding thieves.

Yesterday we went to Mills Fleet Farm. Aidan came out with his hands behind his back and then didn't want me to help him into the car. I pulled his hands out from behind his back and....he had STOLEN a candy bar. I had to walk him back into the store and I made him give it back. On the way out, I told him "Aidan, we don't steal. That candybar belonged to the store and we didn't pay for it."

"But mommy, I like stealing".



He doesn't like stealing...he likes chocolate and didn't understand that since I didn't buy it, he couldn't just take it.

ugh.

Kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Yes, stealing is great fun! Hilarious.

I emailed one of Kate's teachers about her assignments and my confusion about the on-line page, and she said that teachers are very busy, and that she doesn't update it all the time, and that Kate has the correct assignment in her planner (oh, yeah, I'm sure since she has never used the thing) and that I needed to check that. And by the way, she wasn't even assigned the thing on the on-line class page...

I swear, it is ridiculous. Totally insane. When I was a kid, I only had to get parent siggies for field trips. Nothing else. I have to sign for the twins every night for their reading, and I have to get them to do their nightly math homework, and Steven is in a different math class with added homework which he doesn't want to do, because he'd rather go play. His homework lately has been:

write 963 in expanded format...

(variations on this for 1/2 page)

Then, find the pattern and write the rule:

(like, they give you 10, 14, 18, and then he has to write the next 3 numbers and the rule: Increasing by 4. Except he doesn't actually know how to write increasing, so he writes: incring by 4)

Then lastly a page of filling in a chart with 10 greater, 10 less than
so blank 34 blank
and he has to fill in the blanks with 24 and 44.

He is barely 6. It's so stupid. Kate was doing some of this stuff in 5th grade math-- boring and lame.

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

What's really sad, Peggy, is that he might end up resenting the work and then not trying as hard/wanting it anymore. There is so much that they can do with 6 year olds that could be more advanced lateral learning/problem solving that could be fun.

:huh:

kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I agree. He's already resenting his homework. Mac and I just think it is so stupid. They kill these kids with busy work.

frustrating! It is all about the test here- that's why Kate knows almost no history, except what she has read from American girl and other historical fiction...

[Meenah]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I am just exhausted on behalf of you two after reading this. I am sooooo glad that I am done with this stage. By the time Caroline reached the end of 12th grade I made sure she always had several blank pages with my signature to fill in when she needed it. That probably makes some people cringe, but after 12 years of this kind of crap with two kids, that was my answer. I can remember getting calls from the school, while in the middle of procedures at the hospital, "did you sign (fill in the blank?)" and I just said yes.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

DH has a stamp with his signature for his "mounds of paperwork" . Maybe I should get her one of those to use!

Hilarious, Luanne!!

[Meenah]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I highly reccomend it, but wait until at least 11th grade, after you have started submitting college applications

[diggitydot]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Holy crap, Batman. This teacher is

I'm not trying to sound flip, but is she a relatively new teacher? As in, this is her first year or two of teaching? One strike and they're out? Are you kidding me? What an idiot. When she gets a rotten little fartknocker in there who won't care what he/she does after they lose that one strike, she'll finally realize how stupid it truly is.

I'm in no way an education professional, in the least. But this gal sounds like she has zero classroom management skills. Or interpersonal skills, either.

DS's teacher does the treasure box bribery thing, too. But she does it a little differently. It helps that she keeps it out of sight until it's time to actually use it. Every time she "catches" a kid doing something right, she gives them a freakishly giant plastic coin. On Fridays, if they've collected at least 5 coins, they are then able to trade them in for one item from her treasure box. This works really well for all the kids, even those with more severe behavior issues.

I'm sorry, but your kids' teacher sounds like she has unreasonable expectations of 6 y/o behavior and communication skills. And who the hell asks a kid that age if they stole "last year"? They're doing good if they remember what they did 2 minutes ago, much less 12 months ago. This woman sounds like she's either new, doesn't have her own kids, or is an utter moron.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I think it could work if it's "catching someone being good", but then you have to catch everyone, really. I just don't think the kids need a reward system- the school already has one based on the "catch you being good" theory, and they get to spend these little cards at the "store" to buy stuff. The whole staff gives out these things.

The teacher isn't new, and I heard nothing but good stuff about her. :huh:

Oh well. The stealing thing seems to have stopped now...

(Knock on wood)

[diggitydot]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I think it could work if it's "catching someone being good", but then you have to catch everyone, really. I just don't think the kids need a reward system- the school already has one based on the "catch you being good" theory, and they get to spend these little cards at the "store" to buy stuff. The whole staff gives out these things.

Oh, that's cool that the school does that! I wish ours did. That would be awesome for the kids. What grades are in your son's elementary school? My kids attend a K-8.

Yeah, I agree that she'd have one heck of a time catching all the kids, but she somehow does on a very regular basis. She always keeps a handful in her pocket throughout the day and hands them out (with a healthy dose of praise) whenever someone is caught being good. Granted, this isn't the only type of incentive/reward/bribery stuff going on, but it's definitely one of the more popular ones with the kids. (DS's teacher is big on kids learning that when you behave as expected, you earn privileges. When you don't do what is expected, you lose them.)

OK, I was hoping I could give the teacher the benefit of the doubt, that she might be REALLY new and that was the excuse for poor judgment or communications with your son. :huh: I really do think she's being unreasonable with her expectations, though. I wonder if she isn't used to 1st graders, maybe? (Hey, I'm trying to give her the benefit!)

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I know what you mean. I've been trying to rationalize the whole thing... But I guess she's been teaching 1st for a long time (like 15 + years) and she really gets rave reviews... We have conferences next Monday, so that will be *clarifying* I think...

She was pretty inconsistent with her rewards, too. Hopefully the whole reward thing has stopped- and won't return!

Anyway, our school is K-5. The "school store" has tatoos, journals, etc for the older kids. They seem into that. But it's nice that all the staff members can hand out these "berry cents". I think that's enough behavior incentive stuff...