My son has driven me over the edge

[diggitydot]

Re: My son has driven me over the edge

I think that your husband needs to make it crystal clear that disrespect to you is a no-go. Nothing gets DH madder than when the boys are snotty to me. He *will not* tolerate it, either hearing about it after the fact or being present when it takes place (usually not the case). I know (because I remember) that DH's Dad was the same way about DH and his brothers' behavior towards their mom. DH is a pretty easy-going guy, so when he gets mad, it really straightens the boys out in a hurry. Having him weigh in on this issue of respect is HUGE and makes a tremendous difference.

With your son being responsive and respectful to other adults, just not you, this isn't a situation that you can clear up on your own. It isn't your fault, nor is it solely on your shoulders to correct. Daddy absolutely needs to be the one stepping up and making it VERY clear that this behavior will NOT be tolerated, in the least. Maybe DS needs some dates with daddy, alone?

And counseling isn't a bad idea, at all. DS might be feeling anxiety, powerlessness, etc, and is taking it out on you because you're the safest outlet. It could likely have absolutely nothing to do with your relationship with him, but because he knows you'll always love him (you're mom so you HAVE to love him, in his mind) he feels safest letting out his jerky stuff on you. A good counselor can replace you as that outlet and take the brunt of whatever his feelings of the moment are. They might also teach your son appropriate ways of dealing with his feelings, or, at a minimum give your son a place to vent his spleen so he doesn't vent on you and his siblings.

Don't be afraid of a diagnosis if one is appropriate. It doesn't change who your son is. It simply makes it easier for him to be treated, if necessary, and for him to live a happier/easier life in the future. If there are issues, it's better to determine what they are and deal with them earlier instead of later.

No matter what, you're a great mom. And I think we all have fantasies of being sans kids every once in a while. It's totally natural so don't beat yourself up over it.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: My son has driven me over the edge

One thing that I used a lot to help get us out the door was telling Kate that we would be leaving for X in 1 hour, then 30 min, then 15, etc. She has "low adaptability", so when she's involved in one thing, if I come in abruptly and tell her it's time to go do something else, even if it was something she wanted to do, she felt the need to pitch a fit. But giving lots of warnings seemed to help, or at least spread the fits out over time.

I really do feel for you- have you guys worked anything out? Any Dad-Dates on the horizon?

For what it's worth, my DH isn't really the disciplinarian. He comes home and tries to be, but we have decided that it takes too much effort for me to tell him "the whole story" so I only bring him in on the major majors. Then he comes down really hard. But he can't effectively implement time-outs, nor can he implement grounding effectively.

I also think you are past the age of spanking's usefulness. I remember getting spankings later in life, and they were nothing but intense humiliations that made me resent both parents.