help me give a good answer to my DD

[Momo]

Re: help me give a good answer to my DD

It starts with you. She will watch you eat, shop, dress, give, take, and interact with peers, superiors, inferiors. Live your blueprint for her.

The way you love your daughter won't translate intact into the way she loves herself, but no one else carries more weight.

Yes Sandy, thanks for the link in your post!

[Phoebe]

Re: help me give a good answer to my DD

You have gotten some great advice. I wish I had something profound to say. I find myself one of the parents who consistently fails to put together the right words at the right time. My mom is very good at answering questions.

We have gotten a lot of those comments about my oldest daughter and it always bothered me that she would grow up more concerned about her looks. We have tried to emphasis other things, but it is hard when someone points it out.

[Flynn]

Re: help me give a good answer to my DD

Thanks guys.

I am doing some of the things suggested and will incorporate the rest. I do need to mix it up. You guys have great suggestions.

Part of my issue here is I feel like other Mom's/parents look at me to see how I handle the situation. That's MY issue.

DD watches me like a hawk. Absolutely. I need to remind myself of that and use "teachable moments" with her when I can. I always tell her to say "thank you" and just keep playing or doing what she's doing.

DD has asked me on more than one occasion why other grown ups never tell her friends they are beautiful -- only her. I try to tell her that some grown ups notice other people's hair or eyes -- but they don't notice how kind Sarah is or how funny Emilia is because they don't know them! Everyone has gifts -- things they are good at and everyone is special in different ways. I tell her a grown up might tell her she's beautiful -- but they don't know what a great big sister she is or how well she can draw a princess in a castle! Usually this turns into a "lets name all the things we like or think is neat about a certain friend."

You guys have helped me out here. Thank you. I certainly can improve here -- but I'm not as awful at dealing with this as I thought I was. I wish the comments were all directed at me but most adults seem to address my daughter. I know they are just trying to be nice -- but I do think it's odd.

[Flynn]

Re: help me give a good answer to my DD

PS -- Sandy what a great article. I kept saying "YES" in my head the entire time!!!!

In general and in all things, privilege is earned, period, by good behavior, period. Forge that connection,, and that will be her currency, not her looks.

This really hit me as exactly what I want to teach my daughter about her looks. Be gracious when you get a compliment but true value is what you've worked hard at and earned.