private school?

[Flynn]

As we consider relocating I'm seriously looking into private schools.



I am wondering if anyone would share WHY they chose this route and if they had a hard time selling this to their spouse?

Our situation is this: we can afford it, it's not an issue of "bad" public schools, and it would not be a "faith based" decision (but I totally respect people who choose private for this reason).

My husband (Mr. Literal) wants to know what data I have for leaning this way. (insert eye roll here) As I formulate my thesis to "discuss" this with my husband I am curious how anyone here dealt with this situation.

My gut says I need to look into this for a myriad of reasons.

We're leaning toward private for jr high maybe and sr high more than maybe.

I'm in a crabby mood re: schools right now so I don't have anything constructive to say. I'll stick to the don't have anything nice to say/don't say it.

Part of my hesitation is the expense. Some of the schools are a lot of money. Is what we get really worth that? Of the two high schools we would consider, one is twice the cost of the other. So, I guess that is one of my sticking points right now -- is it money well spent and allocated.

Now that there are increased funding concerns for the local public schools, I'm wondering if other families will bail and make the admissions process more difficult. But I hijack...

I think part of the fit is your kid and how they learn and the school and how they teach. Of the private schools in our area, there are only a few I would look into for that reason.

[houseelf]

When I get the time I will PM you.

Kelly

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I went to private school for the religious reason (I didn't have a choice). I don't know how much data you will find about private schools being "better" (whatever better means to you)...

One thing that you will find data about...single sex vs. coed. After teaching in an all-girls school, I would be more inclined to send my (theoretical) girls to a single-sex school.

As far as for littler ones...eh...DH and I (both products of Catholic schools) have agreed that if everything else were a non-issue, we'd send our (theoretical) children to the "best" school. So - if the public schools in the area are good, great, or at least better than the private ones, they'd go there!

Also, something to think about: for better or worse, private schools are not held to the same rules as public schools. Example: Teachers may not be certified to teach (or even have experience in a subject) but may be there because they also fill another role (like coach).

If I were currently investigating schools, I would take public vs. private off of my radar, and focus on what school could best meet the needs of my child.

Being a teacher and having taught in a public middle school, a middle/upper-class private school, and a low-income private school, I've become really picky (But I have found schools that have AMAZED me!)

One thing you might want to do is contact some teachers in your area (or even talk to the kids current teachers) and ask them where they would send their children and why...

[GrayMatterWife]

DS in is private Pre-K and will be attending private elementary.

We live in the City of St. Louis, in the Saint Louis Public School System. That may be enough said, right there. But, to make a long story short, it is one of the worst public school systems in the country. It's like Detroit-bad. Cleveland-bad. Baltimore-bad. Really bad. Sad, bad, and getting worse. It's had its state accreditation stripped.

DS got into a SLPS magnet school, but even there--the performance expectations and scholastic goals were simply not what we were looking for. As a result of the many problems within the school district population, the classes really must be structured to accommodate the lowest-level achievers. There's nothing really available to challenge more advanced students. I was afraid my son, who in some ways appears quite bright, might get forgotten and end up bored and discouraged.

DS currently is in a private, secular school. We are very happy with the curriculum, but will be moving him to a parochial Catholic school for K. The Catholic school population is more economically diverse--a bit more our speed and personality. Plus, I have always dreamed of having a religious component to DS's education--and the school has both a very strong academic program and a good religious education complement. When I was touring the school, we went into the Music classroom and the kids were learning about Epiphany and the meaning to the words of "We Three Kings." Then, in the English class, the kids were diagramming and reading traditional, challenging works of Western Civ literature. And the kids could spell (you can't imagine the number of kids at DS's current school who CANNOT SPELL AT ALL, because it is not stressed). And the principal has been with the school for 30 years and is stellar. I was sold.

[Phoebe]

Our kids attend a highly rated public school system at this time. A couple reasons why I would consider private schools are because the school system caters to independent, "top of the class" learners, which is not my child. We have had great teachers so far and have kept on top of the learning environment. It hasn't been a problem as my daughter could fall through the cracks otherwise given her particular issues. Another reason, particular to our area is that there is a lot of growth in the community leading to transition in the school boundaries which has led our neighorhood to be redistricted once already. Not fun! The third reason is that our high school is enormous! If we still live here when my kids reach high school, we may consider private schools. They say each student finds their niche in the large high school, but I don't know. Having great athletics isn't my first priority in a school.

At this time, my husband is adamant about public schools because his father was an educator and administrator. He feels you make your education worthwhile no matter where you are. However, I think he would feel differently if we lived within the city limits and not in suburbia.

Good luck with your decision.

[DCJenn]

I've explored our options and obsessed about it to the point that it became ridiculous.

Dude is currently at Crunchy School which does continue to educate kids until high school- but in a bizarre "home-school" in a real school building way and there are no standards, no levels, no grades and no way to really assess how ready you kid is to go on. That said, the kids are all super smart and seem to have a unique sense of who they are. But, with the military thing, I decided that I needed to move him to a kindergarten/elementary school with more traditional grades.

Once that decision was made I then went to the private vs. public school thing. There are a few secular schools (I immediately discounted religious based schools on the principal of why teach my kid to be a hypocrite in kindergarten) that I looked at. I asked friends who grew up here about them. The have fantastic reputations but lots of people mentioned stress- like it's expected that everyone will do a 'thing' or more than one 'thing' (everyone must play a sport, an instrument, etc.) and I'm WAY to obstinate to deal with 'musts' for my kid. That and $12k-$15 for kindergarten sort of threw me for a loop. (and tuition goes up as grade levels go up)

Luckily, the public school system is really proactively dealing w/ the issues they have.
He's going to start there. We'll see what happens as each year progresses.

Jenn

[Flynn]

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses so far. Really. It helps me think through the root of why I'm kind of torn here.

IF we do private school it would be one of the two options where (at least one of the schools) has 15 teachers on staff with Phds AND have been certified to teach. Basially what I'm saying is that the private school would have to beat the alternatives in education/training.

The private schools in our current location are as good as the public with smaller class sizes and of course there is the faith based aspect. That's about it and that's why DS is in a public school now. I would be paying for the same curriculum with two less kids in class and have religion training. That wasn't what we were looking for.

The schools I'm looking at have a ceiling of 15 in a classroom. I'm not sure about the "environment" (is it elitist?) and the biggest issue is honestly the cost $$$(big big cost). What do you get for your THOUSANDS of dollars? Yet education is an excellent investment.

This is going to sound silly but education shapes a kids' life SO MUCH I just want to slam dunk this (as much as you can) for my kids.


Thanks again and keep them coming....

The public schools here in JoCo generally have 17 to 18 kids /class. Their official limit is 21, but I've yet to see one that big (in my loooooooong tenure *joke*). Our choice is to utilize the public schools that we pay taxes for - and that are very, very good schools. If I lived on the MO side, my kids would be in a private school in a heartbeat. The private schools nearest to me are all religious, and that is unappealing to me to say the least.

ETA: Knowing that we're in a good school district, we've chosen to take advantage of the schools that we're paying for. That doesn't mean that I'm opposed to private schools, or that I wouldn't look into a private school in the future if my child's needs seemed to call for it. It's never a one-size-fits all option.

[mommax3]

DS #1 started in public school....kindergarten in one city, and then 1st grade in another due to DH finishing residency. We switched him to private school after 1st grade because a) his first grade teacher was mean and ill-equipped to deal with the fact that Luke was energetic/active and *extremely* bright and b) the school put him in her class even though I went in ahead of time and told them his strengths and weaknesses. He spent most of his time in 1st grade in a study carrel. It still makes me mad when I think about it because he is a kid who LOVES to learn. Anyway, he attended a private Episcopal school for the next three years, and it was a much better fit. Smaller class sizes = a teacher who had a little more energy to deal with Luke, who (especially when he was younger) demanded a lot of it. Most of the teachers there had taught in public school and were either retired or didn't need the higher salary of a public school teacher, so they were experienced. My second son started school there and was there for Kindergarten and 1st grade.

When we moved here, I toured one local faith-based elementary school and got a bad vibe. They spent a lot of time telling me how all of their kids were "ahead" and frankly, I didn't give a rip. They seemed more married to that ideal than to the idea of educating each individual child. I attempted to tour the local elementary (and had called the central office ahead of time to see if that was possible....was told yes) but was told by a secretary that they only gave tours on May 31st. There was no way I was going to enroll my kid in a school that I hadn't been in, so I left. I found our current school while driving around and was impressed by the kindness of the people I met there. We have been there for the past four years and while it has been a great fit for my oldest and youngest (who is just finishing 1st grade), my middle child has suffered some. He is not the student his brothers are, and he had a really hard time making the transition when he started there (in 2nd grade). He had a first year teacher, which didn't help, but things got better as the year went along. However, his 3rd and 4th grade teachers were just plain lazy (esp. 3rd) and I am still very disappointed about the years he had with them. His teacher this year is great. I have loved the family feeling I have found at this school. I have made great friends there. There have been disappointments, but all in all, it was the best alternative for us at the time.

When I was able to go back to teaching, I determined to find out all I could about the schools in that community to see if that was a place that our kids could transition back into public school. Our current school ends at 8th grade, so at the very least, I needed to find a good high school. After spending three years teaching there, I am satisfied enough with what I see and hear that I am transitioning all of my kids there for next year. There are opportunities for gifted kids AND for kids who have learning difficulties. There are all kinds of clubs and extra-curricular activities. There are school busses! The class sizes are average, but this school system is not so big that kids get lost, unlike the public schools where we lived before. There are only about 200 kids per grade.

I have always felt that private school early on gives kids a good start, especially if the private school is small enough that the kids have small class sizes. However, I do want my kids to experience the real world before they go off to college, and I feel like transitioning them now is a good time to start that. I want them to see that there are families with different values than ours and be able to talk to them about that and why DH and I have made the choices we have for our family. (Of course, we have already run into that some even at our current school, but in microcosm.)

We have always ended up at faith-based schools, and that isn't a problem for me because DH and I have a strong faith ourselves.....but the schools the kids have attended have never been from denominations we have attended. If I had unlimited funds and time, I would have driven my oldest and youngest to a private school for gifted children in Indianapolis every day, and would have enrolled my middle guy in a private school for "normal" kids just down the street from it. However, I don't know if that would have been the best choice. What does it tell kids when you devote your life to paying for their education and driving them around? These are the things that I have struggled with. DH and I have decided that our marriage and our life as a *family* are the priorities, and neither of those was being well-served by all the driving around I was having to do the past four years....I can't imagine how it would have been if my "best case scenario" above would have been possible. I don't feel at all that I have given up on my boys' education, but I do feel that "good enough" schools are the best option for us right now. It is up to my kids to make goals and reach them....if they want something bad enough, I will help them get it. I do want to see a little gumption on their parts, though.

It is a constant train of thought for me. When you have more than one child, it just gets more difficult to find the best fit.

[houseelf]

Two truths spoken here but rarely voiced out loud are:

Sally:

When you have more than one child, it just gets more difficult to find the best fit.

Schools tend to have a strength which one kid may benefit from and another child might not. It is hard to find the best fit for all.

La Hussey:

We'll see what happens as each year progresses.

I've said this before and I'll say this again. The biggest surprise to me about the education of my children, a topic very near and dear to my heart, is that I don't have some grand master plan for them. I just feel like I'm taking each step as it comes determining it year by year, child by child. This is such a contrast from the symbol of the sure and steady bus stop that DH and I waited at every day for 13 years of our life.

Anyhoo...great conversation.

Kelly

[v-girl]

Our local school district is pretty great for public schools. But we were turned off by the school one block away because of our experience when our oldest had speech therapy there. First, they ended her therapy right before she turned 5 because we informed them we wanted her to do a transition year at preschool (the preschool had a 5s class that counted as kindergarten but could be used as a transition year instead). They also told us that if we were to put her in the public school that she would go to special ed class due to her speech therapy. Umm...she just needed help with some sounds. She's totally fine.

Also, a lot of the teachers just teach to the stupid TAKS test -- my friend's daughter went 3 months with no science class because it wasn't on her test that year. The security at our public schools is not enough to make me feel my children would be safe and secure. And our city's decided to only have one high school. It. is. massive. They can't even fit the freshmen in -- they have their own campus.

There is a chance that our girls would have to go to public school in the fall but they would be put right back in their Catholic school in 2010 when hubby is doing fellowship and moonlighting (he'd make enough then for tuition). Our Catholic school is a good school -- not elitist, quite a few teachers and the principal have been there for 10-20 years. Lots of parental involvement -- we all pitch in for the kiddos (both SAHMs and working parents). And hubby and I are devout Catholics so we always leaned toward Catholic school anyway (they went to Catholic preschool).

What do you get for your THOUSANDS of dollars? Yet education is an excellent investment.

Exactly.

FWIW, GreyhoundsRUs, my babysitter would completely agree! She went to the all-girl Catholic high school that we could consider for our kids for HS. It is awesome. She wishes, knowing what they know now, that her parents had not done the parochial school for k-8 and put the money towards the HS and college.

More kids does make it more complicated. For the more expensive school, it would be easier to have all kids at the same place but that really adds up. Also, the younger two are, IMO, too young to determine right now what the best fit is for them for the next 12 years.

[DCJenn]

Hey for those of you dealing w/ this for MORE than 1? Hats off because I'm WAY over-thinking things. I only 'get' to do it right 'once' :

"Nikolai D. Hussey came in 25th out of 25 for the spelling bee!!!

or Nikolai Daniel Hussey will be joining us again for his THIRD 3rd grade??!!!

seriously- between drugs, ice cream or wine- I'm going with the wine.

J

[Ladybug]

It was a no brainer for us since we decided to move out of the burbs and back to the city. We were looking at extremes of the continuum. I will add another plug for single gender education if it's an option. DD is in a class of about 13 girls and it has been such a positive experience. I was half expecting lots of girl issues, but it's been quite the opposite. It's been such smooth sailing. I've heard that the younger boys have really benefitted from having boy class rooms that teaches in constant motion. Studies have shown that girls are more likely to speak up in science and math in all girl classrooms. They do integrate boys and girls for gender neutral subjects (geography, language, etc) in HS and for the AP courses.

My kids are still so young that I tend to think only in terms of academics, but other moms have shared their reasons for leaving public schools regarding social issues. Especially junior high. They feel it's been worth every last dime to remove them from some of these toxic social environments at "exceptional" public schools. The teachers don't have the time to deal with them. It comes back to that whole peer group issue.

I also like how small our school is. I know all the parents (both moms and dads) of DDs classroom and most of the grade above her too. The older kids know all the younger kids and help them a lot at school. It creates a respectful and caring environment which I've never experienced at a public school.

DD is at the oldest all girls academy in the US. I was worried about encountering a lot of elitist, but it's been quite the opposite. Everyone has been very down to earth and great parents.

But three academy tuitions is not chump change. Next year we're enrolling DD2 into the preschool program at a Catholic school and seeing how that goes. A strong catholic identity is a huge selling point for us so I'm hoping that we fall in love with the school. Plus, it's also only a third of the cost of the academy. They would still have to attend a prep school for HS since it only goes through 8th grade. I think prep school is a must for HS.