private school?

[DCJenn]

Yes, but it's not about boys. Girls aren't competing with boys, but with other girls.

I mean think about it- if I get dressed up and go out to some shin-dig, I'm looking at the other women, not the men. If some woman makes a catty remark about something I'm wearing it bothers me a lot more than if some man does. Even I 'really' don't give a shit what she thinks it still sticks in your head a bit.

I can say that 'if' I had a girl, I would seriously consider an all-girls school. I may even think about it for high school for the dude. As much as I 'liked' being around boys in school, they were a HUGE distraction for me. I never fell for the 'act dumb to get the boys' thing but lots of girls do.

In some ways I think we're trapped by the fact that we have choices that not everyone has. I mean my clients certainly don't have much of a choice in where they send their kids. Maybe they can get them into a magnet or charter school but for the most part- those kids just walk out the door to the local public school and the matter is decided.

I'm struggling with making the 'right' choices. But IS there a right choice? and if there is, how do you know it's the right one except in hindsight? (same with wrong ones!)

Heck- I walked to the end of the street with all of the other kids in the neighborhood (except for the few who went to private school and we honestly didn't hang out with them, not even in the summers) and we all caught the bus and that was that.

Jenn

I'm struggling with making the 'right' choices. But IS there a right choice? and if there is, how do you know it's the right one except in hindsight? (same with wrong ones!)

Heck- I walked to the end of the street with all of the other kids in the neighborhood (except for the few who went to private school and we honestly didn't hang out with them, not even in the summers) and we all caught the bus and that was that.

Jenn

I totally agree. I feel like we've done the groundwork, and ensured that we're in a very good school system. If my kids encounter difficulties in the future, I'll re-evaluate (and am grateful to have the means to do so), but I can't make myself crazy trying to find the "perfect" place. Kids flounder when in "perfect places" sometimes, and thrive in less-than-desireable places other times. Beating myself up and over-thinking everything (until faced with an actual issue) is just not me.

[Ladybug]

Eating issues are usually about control. Either self-inflicted to exert control over one's body/life, one's parents (a very effective means of taking your parent's attention hostage) and/or peers (controlling another girl's behavior at the most basic needs level via peer pressure). It's difficult to unravel, especially the further it progresses.

Hijack over.

[Sheherezade]

Agreed on the "everything has a pro/con". Mostly....but I do wonder if things haven't changed significantly since we were all kids. I'm not sure about the impact of National Education Standards on public schools. Department of Education is a relatively new adventure and national standards and testing is also. Local control of schools has become less the rule and more the exception. This change can have a significant impact on what we define as a "good" school district as well. Good now often means good test scores only. I'm still not clear if that is the only indicator I'd like.

Also-- hot button topic-- special ed has been mainstreamed since my childhood. This has a significant impact on our school district's budget. Since the school is required by law to provide appropriate care for all special ed kids, the "regular" program gets cut to pay for full time aides assigned in classrooms. We currently have a 20% budget going to special ed costs. I'm not sure that 20% of the student population is Special Ed. (We are the autism center for our region.)

These are just two examples of how just going to the local school may be different now than when I was in elementary school in the 70's.

agreed on the "everything has a pro/con". Mostly....but i do wonder if things haven't changed significantly since we were all kids. I'm not sure about the impact of national education standards on public schools. Department of education is a relatively new adventure and national standards and testing is also. Local control of schools has become less the rule and more the exception. This change can have a significant impact on what we define as a "good" school district as well. Good now often means good test scores only. I'm still not clear if that is the only indicator i'd like.

Also-- hot button topic-- special ed has been mainstreamed since my childhood. This has a significant impact on our school district's budget. Since the school is required by law to provide appropriate care for all special ed kids, the "regular" program gets cut to pay for full time aides assigned in classrooms. We currently have a 20% budget going to special ed costs. I'm not sure that 20% of the student population is special ed. (we are the autism center for our region.)

these are just two examples of how just going to the local school may be different now than when i was in elementary school in the 70's.

ita.

[ladymoreta]

I almost never ate lunch in middle school/early high school. It just wasn't the thing to do... But I'd usually eat something when I got home from school. It's really hard to get over the social pressure of being the only one who eats at school. If you send something like granola bars or trail mix with her, that she could grab a bite of in between classes at her locker, do you think she'd go for that?

Back on topic... I don't have kids, so I don't know anything really useful about making that decision. I went to a rural public school until my junior year of high school, when I went to a government-funded magnet school in OKC. There were benefits to both. I think I learned to respect a wider range of people at the public school, but the magnet school did a much better job of preparing me for college and helping me get merit-based scholarships. I would say that if you live in a good neighborhood and your child is good at self-motivation, public school is fine through at least middle school. If your child is ready for a bigger challenge by high school, that's when I'd start looking at private schools. But if your child is happy at the public schools and is taking advantage of extra-curricular activities, they're probably getting all that they need. We all want our children to grow up to be Nobel prize winners, but the sad truth is, most of them just need to learn to be happy peons like me...

[alison]

I can't believe what I just read -- you're not supposed to eat?!

I went to inner city public schools, and the focus was on academics and sports. We'd have lunch at Ezell's Fried Chicken (Oprah's favorite), and top it off with the rejects at the Dilletante factory.

Life was easy back then...

[HouseofWool]

I cannot believe the pressure on girls now - FROM OTHER GIRLS!

Gawd, we went out to lunch for burgers and fries almost daily in high school.

In middle school? I can't even imagine. Hmmmm, the hypersexualization of children strikes again.

[PrincessFiona]

Groan...just lost my post.

The eating stuff is totally girl on girl. Amanda eats two bowls of oatmeal before school, but won't snack in front of the girls. She limits what she eats at school to a small meal. She is a vegetarian, so at night she eats beans and rice and vegetables or some type of variation on the evening meal. She eats, but has cut out all snacking completely. There is a huge obesity push in the schools that has focused on snacking being unhealthy and it is just not "in" to eat chocolate, etc.

We have had a lot of talks about this where she expressed the extreme pressure she feels under in school to dress and look a certain way.

I'm exhausted by it, frankly. There is a lot of pressure on the girls.

I am researching other options for her now as well. She did so well last year at the private school even though she didn't necessarily want to be there. Here we are back at the public school with just new issues.

I have grown to really dislike and distrust our public schools, which is too bad. I feel as a parent that I am treated like part of the problem and the schools feel like they always have the best solutions....ummm....even if there is no problem. Signing planners, reading minutes, a gazillion volunteer things, parent-led homework...on and on. What? I don't have 5 kids and a busy household to run and my children's physical and emotional needs to think about? ugh.

In short, our experiences with the private schools have been like day and night. They have smaller classroom sizes and really seem to listen to the parent feedback. Andrew's school really strives to see us as an extended family working together which is so much nicer than what we have experienced in our public school system.

Kris

[Sheherezade]

I agree that there is a growing confrontational relationship between parents and public school systems. I'm not sure why but it is not at all helpful. Since you have to pay property taxes anyway, you can't vote with your feet at a public school. There isn't a lot of competition to make the schools try to "satisfy the customer" either. Here, the school board serves only as an advisory board - and they do the hiring and firing of staff members when contracts are up. It is hard to time voting for a school board member with getting rid of a superintendent because of policy X, etc. Basically, it is very hard to put pressure on the system beyond individual teacher/administrator nagging attacks. I suppose they don't like that - but it is all they have left us with!!!

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses to this thread. Where we live - I equate the public vs. private dilemma to the SAHM vs. working mom battle. Seriously, it is very contentious here. I would describe our neighborhood as middle-class to upper middle class and about 50% of the kids go to private schools. We moved so that we could go to the "best" school in the district - i.e. does the best on the standardized tests. Having been there for 2 1/2 years now, I am not that impressed. Like Kris, I am overwhelmed by all the busy work, reading logs, journals, homework checks, emphasis on testing, pressure to conform that my kids have experienced (and we are just finishing 2nd and 3rd grades).

Prior to moving we were in a mediocre school district in another state, but the boys (K and 1st grade at the time) were in a "Public Academy" setting. They were exposed to so much more both in content and teaching style. I think my second son would be excelling if he were in the same environment now. As it is he is skimming by and I have him in expensive tutoring so that someone will teach him without just shoving worksheets in his face.

Paying for private school would require a huge lifestyle change for us and frankly would probably be impossible for the next few years. I cannot homeschool (seriously, I have zero patience). I feel like my hands are tied. We will stick with public school, continue to augment their education and hope that we can handle things as peer pressure heats up in the next couple of years.