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I am desperate! DS (8) and DD (5) are horrible, horrible about interrupting me when I am talking to other adults. And because DH is almost never around, I frequently have the kids out by myself - football games, practices, school events, etc, etc. It is really embarassing. I have sat them both down and explained multiple times that they are not allowed to interrupt me unless they are bleeding; that they must quietly stand there until I acknowledge them and can see what they want. It never fails, they still constantly interrupt. But it is hard to impose an immediate consequence when we are out in public. I am at my wits end with this, seriously - it is really bad! Any thoughts?
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Same here, Laura, with my 5 yo. She sometimes interrupts herself.
I need a different approach for explaining this to her, I guess. What I've been saying isn't working. Well, I take that back -- she has made a little progress when I am on the phone and will say "excuse me".
Last edited by cupcake; 08-15-2009, 05:06 PM. -
Had the same problem with DS. And it was SO annoying and rude. I implemented a rule: if you want to interrupt, then you must ask, "May I please interrupt?" Then you must wait for my answer. If my answer is in the affirmative, you may ask your question. If it is not, then you must wait quietly. If he interrupts without asking, I stop my conversation, look down at him, and sharply ask, "Pardon me?!" If he asks for permission to interrupt, is granted permission, and then says something that is not of a consequence to warrant interruption, then I cut him off, saying, "That is not urgent. We are not talking about that right now. Please [go back and play or whatever] and we can discuss that later. Thank you." He usually leaves right away after that.
But, my style does not win me "sweetest mother of the year" awards. I did that once when speaking with a stranger in the park, and the stranger asked afterward, "So, are you a lawyer?"
Hmmmfffff. I don't think it's all that lawyerly. I think it's just that I really hate interrupting and ill-manners from children.
Actually, I hate interrupting from anyone. If DH would stop doing it, it might really help be an example for DS. I feel a little undermined at times...Last edited by GrayMatterWife; 08-15-2009, 05:08 PM.Comment
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Well, I can tell you that yelling, "I'm TALKING to DADDY would you stop!!!!!!!!!!" Doesn't work.
JennComment
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Nope, doesn't work for me either.Comment
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[quote=DCJenn;438313]Well, I can tell you that yelling, "I'm TALKING to DADDY would you stop!!!!!!!!!!" Doesn't work.
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I like this approach Abigail. And believe me, no one would ever vote for me for sweetest mother of the year either! And I am beyond caring. And as for the rude kid thing - totally get that - it is so annoying to first have them interrupt and then have it be for some whiny, unimportant reason. Grrrr! I have told them it makes people think they are rude and ill-mannered - doesn't register with them at all. Our oldest son never did this.Originally posted by GrayMatterWife View PostComment
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We were the "excuse me, Mom" kids and it worked to a certain extent. Again, we were not to even ask unless it was Incredibly serious, but I think that helped.
Other times, if we went against that rule, my mother would hold up one finger to her side which meant strike 1. You got to three, and there were consequences for your actions.
The consequences and punishment were explained and delivered at a later more convenient time. As a child, however, the silent finger counting was very serious and you knew not to push it.Wife to Family Medicine attending, Mom to DS1 and DS2
Professional Relocation Specialist &
"The Official IMSN Enabler"Comment
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Don'tcha just hate that! People really hate lawyers. Particuarly lady lawyers. Totally off topic but I recall an exchange that the snow plow operater/landscaper had with our Stupid Evil Landlord. She was giving him heck about triming a tree. He got of the phone with her and said to me, "Sheesh. What a B**ch. Is she a lawyer or something?"I did that once when speaking with a stranger in the park, and the stranger asked afterward, "So, are you a lawyer?"
Hmmmfffff.
Um, no. But I am. . .Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.Comment
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My kids still interrupt sometimes too. When they do, they usually get enough out that I can tell whether or not it is urgent. We have talked about interrupting many times and I simply say "you are interrupting", ignore and finish my sentence etc. When I am finished ( or the person talking to me is finished) I turn back to my child and let them ask their question. Usually thisveogks pretty well. Most people I know are very receptive to this approach and font consider ne to be rude. I have 1 friend that I no longer get together with because she is frankly horrified. She is firmly planted in the "kids first" camp. If we do anything she spends more time letting her 4 kids do the talking and i find it really annoying. Then again, my friends kids all call me Mrs. So what do I know. LOL
Kris~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
~A Rolling Stone Gathers No MossComment
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I tell DD1 (5) that's she's interrupting. I usually have to repeat it at least three times before she stops her verbal attack. I wait until she's completely quiet for a few seconds and then I say.
"First, you've interrupted and you need to apologize to so-and-so for interrupting." And I wait. Sometimes I have to wait and repeat this because it makes her uncomfortable, but it creates an immediate consequence that she doesn't like. Then I tell her "So-and-so has my attention right now, if you need my attention you need to say "Excuse me," and then quietly wait until it's your turn. I'll let you know when I'm ready to give you all of my attention." Then I try to make her a wait at least a minute, but sometimes I can tell she's about to explode at the seams to tell mesomething so important (like her sister stuck her tongue out at her) that I get to her more quickly.
The apology to another adult made her uncomfortable enough that lately I've been able to use Kris's approach. The one warning, "You're interrupting" and she'll stop and wait.
The three year old...well that's another hopeless story. She can't control herself that much yet and the apology method makes her cry so I just tell her she's interrupting but then usually have to deal with it then and there.-LadybugComment
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Originally posted by GrayMatterWife View Post
Only seems lawyerly in that it's such a beautifully well-reasoned way of communiticating!Comment
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Wow - that is unreal Kris! How annoying!Originally posted by PrincessFiona View Post
And Annie - I think you have got it!!! Both of my offenders are old enough to make them apologize to the adult I am speaking with and DS, especially, will be horrified enough that I think it may only take once to curb his behavior. I can't wait to use this tip - brilliant. Thanks.Comment
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I'm going to try that too -- keep it simple. I've been trying to give her minimal attention, good or bad, when it happens but have usually been too annoyed to think of something so straightforward.Comment
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I am there with you all...my "DS", at the ripe old age of 8 has made many attempts to show off his Pokemon score to me whilst I am in mid phone conversation. Usually an extended finger (as in wait just a minute) works, but he has his moments. Sometimes, I need to simply walk into another room and shut the door.
Remember that your response to your kiddo's behavior is being recorded in their databanks for use later. (i.e. yelling is OK, or cool, this reeeally bugs mom, talking to mom/dad is a bad idea.)
Battle a strong will with a stronger will...not a stronger voice, arm, or rod...
Hope it helps....
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